Rocket Collecting Dust
Story Details
Pairings : YukixShuichi, and a few other's I won't reveal.
Rating : xXx
Warnings : Rape, Drug Use, Physical and Mental Abuse, Course Language, Sex, and other Adult Themes.
Story Notes : I'm in this story for the long haul, although,
since I'm both in college and high school (the high school that I
attend requires college courses to graduate), I won't update every day.
However, I will do my best to keep it going. There will be some song
fic chapters, mostly because I derive my inspiration from music.
Notes added Nov. 20th 2006 - Sorry about the
misspellings of names. Ayaka's name was my fault, but my word processor
kept changing "Hiro" to "Hero" (Wordperfect likes to change everything
it can). Quite annoying. I'm going to switch word processors, and that
problem should be resolved.
Disclaimer : No, I do not own Gravitation, nor it's characters. 'Nough said.
Chapter Details
Pairings : YukixShuichi
Rating : 13+
Warnings : Nothing, really. Mentions of rape, and course language.
Chapter Style : Introspective
Chapter Notes : Eiri is a little OCC, but mainly because this
story is an introspective, and in my mind, and this story he really
cares for Shuichi, just has a hard time actually showing it.
Rocket Collecting Dust
Preface : Out
"What?"
It's not that I hadn't heard him, but Shuichi had never gone out, well, alone, since before Taki had rapped him. The abrupt decision seemed a little odd to me, but then again, I wasn't complaining. I mean, I hadn't been alone in my own home for more than 8 hours for nearly 2 years, and the silence was dually welcome. In fact, I was happy - I had two deadlines coming up fast, a task that was impossible with a pink haired ball of energy constantly scrambling for your affection.
"Eh." I shrugged, and tried not to let him see that I cared either way - I didn't want any whining. See - the way Shuichi works is that, if I seemed happy he'd complain that I "hate" him, and if I sound sad - well then he'd stay. And I needed to, for my sanity and for my career's sake, to have some good work time. Just a quiet night with me and my computer.
"I won't be home tonight."
Another shock. Shuichi may have come home late before - I stopped myself from growing. Before - well, him - but he'd never stayed out all night. I swear that this kid is trying to kill me.
Another apathetic shrug, and he nodded and left my study.
That's so goddamn unlike him. . . .
Rocket Collecting Dust
Chapter 1 : The Slip
I tried talking to him about it, but I'm not exactly blunt.
"Brat, where are you going tonight."
"Out."
"Once again, my skills of observation are accurate. Goddamn it brat, where?"
"Not really sure. I'm going to Hiro's house, and then we're going to decide were to go from there."
"Are you fucking Hiro?"
And the minute the sentence came out of my mouth, I regretted it. He turned on me with that sizzling hurt burning deep in his eyes, as if I'd just set the fires of hell aflame in his heart.
"NO! I don't ask you where you're going every time you leave! Why are you interrogating me like this?"
At first his was screaming at me, but about halfway through the sentence, his eyes dropped, and he started to mumble. I couldn't take that kind of un-assurance, and so I stomped to my study and slammed the door. I could've imagined his large purple eyes staring at the door, watering and then - but no. There was no obnoxious wailing, no "YUKI!". Just silence. Well, almost silence. I heard the door slam, and I slid down to the floor.
Why had he answered me so defensively? Was I too intimidating or . . .was he fucking Hiro? He seemed a bit off . . . and then my chest tightened as I realized what this could mean. If he was fucking Hiro - he'd leave me soon. I couldn't let that happen. My head started spinning, and I thought back through the past few months with him. After Taki he became more obnoxious - more craving, but then, as if overnight, it just stopped.
My heart twisted, and I could feel the pressure in my stomach starting to rise. He hadn't been going out then - but even the absence of his spunk sent my arms into shudders. It seemed unnatural for something that beautiful to be so sad. And he didn't really talk about it - and I hadn't thought about pushing it. In the world before all of this, he'd always told me what was on his mind - even when I pretended I didn't give a shit. So why, what was it, that had started this?
Hunching over, I put my hands over my eyes, and slid my fingers to my temples, trying to stop the inevitable headache that was creeping in via the tension in the back of my neck. Had I done something? Fuck, what was I kidding? I was cold, despondent, and hurtful. Even the nickname I'd given to him made him flinch. I had meant it all in love - in fact, over the past two years, I'd lost myself in him. I had become obsessed. And it pissed me off that he'd been so distant. Then again, was he just trying to make me see what he felt? Or does he know I care enough to feel that hurt?
And that's why I decided to find him. I grabbed my cigarettes, knowing full well that were I too find him, and not have any nicotine in my system, that I'd never be able to forgive myself for the actions that'd take place. And he'd never be able to forgive me either.
Which brings me here, waiting anxiously outside Hiro's house.
It's been nearly two hours since I parked my car on the curb. It's started raining four different times, and I've gone through 3 packs of cigarettes. My nicotine addiction is being fueled by my goddamn thoughts. I keep wondering what Hiro's doing to my lover right now. All the nastiest, most grotesque, and most beautiful things keep popping into my head, and I'm getting horribly antsy. My cell phone is going to break soon, because I keep flipping it open to call Shuichi, but as soon as I see the background picture, my throat get's dry and I snap it closed angrily. It's of Shuichi and me on our first date. He's so happy - his eyes are sparking, and he's hanging onto my arm. I am trying to shake him off.
There's so much emotion that comes from seeing that picture. He's himself, he's happy and bubbly. I had him - and I let him go, not even 24 hours after the picture was taken. I got him back, but how long could I keep him when I acted how I did towards him? I don't know if I could blame him for doing this, that is, if he is fucking Hiro. Maybe he's just talking to him - and having a good time.
I am so goddamn pathetic. I can't even think of him laughing with another person now - because I can't seem to form a smile on those lips. Granted, I've never tried - but I should have, and I wonder if I could've, had I tried. Was this good for him? Does he need to be with someone else?
Fuck I'm crying. The tears are running down my cheeks like the way they used to when Shuichi had those nightm - No. I can't be like this. I need to be strong. I am Shuichi's lover. I am the only one he cares about - and I need him. I love him. I just - I can't bring myself to tell him.
Fuck. I can't wait here all night. I need to see what is going on in that damned apartment, and I need to know now.