Taste Your Wine On My Lips
A/N: It's meeeee! :D I think that my readers deserve a little something to start the year out with, so I came up with this! Sorry if it's not as "in depth" as my other stories. I literally just decided to write this about an hour ago. I hope you guys had as great a New Years celebration as I did and that you'll enjoy the story regardless of the lack of planning. Story takes place after the Seddie breakup.
Disclaimer: I own nothing but the plot.
Stupid, New Year's party. Stupid Carly for suggesting we throw this stupid New Year's party. Stupid, stupid, stupid...
Sam wasn't at all in the party mood. In fact, she wasn't feeling like herself at all. She and Freddie had been broken up for weeks now and those weeks with him were the best times of her life. After years and years of quietly pining after Freddie, she had finally cracked that night at the lock-in and kissed him like she had wanted to for so long. Ever since, they had been together, up until recently.
Sam felt betrayed, even though it was herself who had suggested the break up aloud first. She had gone through an internal hell, going against the laws of Puckett nature, against all the years of building up the walls that kept Freddie out for so long. He had finally broken them down and she was just getting to open up to him, accept him as another part of her, and be free of her isolation when her world hit her hard.
Right back where they started.
Sam and Freddie, but not Sam-and-Freddie.
Her labors had been in vain. She had already revealed so much about herself to Freddie that it was pointless, and quite useless to pretend it all had never happened. She had to work twice, three times as fast to build up her walls again, but the enemy had already been inside and knew her heart. Even if she were able to put a stone face on over her vulnerability, her secrets would never be as safe as they once were before she completely opened herself to Freddie Benson.
As a result of this sudden, sharp breakup, awkwardness ensues upon the once beautiful couple.
That evening of December 31st 2011 was a time of celebration for all.
All but Sam Puckett, who was anything but celebratory right now.
Sam sat in Spencer's room on his bed. Carly's room and the iCarly studio had been completely taken over by wild teenagers, and by some miracle, Sam had made it to Spencer's room first and locked the door behind her as extra security.
She replayed tonight's events in her mind.
At the beginning of the party when everyone was arriving, Sam overheard Carly talking to Emma Brownstein, who was on the soccer team at school. The subject, of course was on "Who she would be kissing at midnight."
Sam felt immediate defeat and humiliation at the conversation. She would lose. She would be alone. She wouldn't be kissing anybody. If it had been a little earlier, just a few weeks earlier, it would have been no doubt Freddie who she was with at the moment the clock struck twelve and promised a year of fulness ahead of her.
Now she had nobody. And she wasn't going to stay out there and embarrass herself further by standing around whilst others around her locked lips in the festivities.
On an ordinary day, this would not have bothered Sam so heavily. But this was New Year's Eve. She and Freddie had barely been dating 2 months before the breakup.
Were we such a dysfunctional couple that I knew all along that we wouldn't last? She wondered to herself.
Were we always meant to be a failure?
She felt safe and comfortable in this room by herself, but also she felt cold and alone. Not exactly in a bad way, but it'd be nice for some friendly company. In here, there was nothing to do but be miserable. She wished Carly would come looking for her and stay with her until after the ball dropped and it was midnight and everybody got bored and went home.
Just then, her thoughts were disrupted by an obnoxious banging sound on the door, followed by the door nob wriggling.
"Hey you kids get out of my room!" Spencer yelled from the outside.
Sam got up slowly and grudgingly opened the door. Part of her was happy for human company, but the other part of her was all the more saddened that her alone time was cut short.
"Sam?" Spencer looked shocked when he saw her."What are you doing in here with the door locked? Is something wrong?"
Sam realized for the first time that she had been crying.
Hastily wiping the tears off her cheeks, she said, "No?" In the most unconvincing manner.
"Yeah, something's wrong." Spencer stepped into the room and closed the door behind him."Sit down."
Sam sat, feeling annoyed suddenly. "I don't have anything to tell you."
"Why are you crying? Did someone hurt you?"
Sam sighed, knowing that she'd have to give some kind of an explanation or Spencer would think something was seriously wrong with her.
So she swallowed her pride and said calmly "Nothing's wrong, Spencer. It's just...the breakup you know, with Freddie. I was just thinking about it, that's all. Stupid teenage girl stuff. I wasn't in the mood to party, so I came in here. You can have your room back-"
She was cut off by the feeling of his arms around her. She winced, finding herself in an uncomfortable hug.
"Spencer, what are you doing?" She felt appalled. No one had shown her any kind of comfort or affection since she and Freddie had ended their relationship. Since then, she had felt cold and empty. But now, here Spencer was, hugging her and she suddenly felt the feeling of caring return.
"Okay, you can get off me now."
"Look I know you're working hard." He said, finally pulling away.
"What are you talking about?"
"You're working hard to put your walls back up," He explained. "And I'm here to let you know that you don't have to do that. You don't have to be cold or defensive when someone wants to have something special with you."
Sam groaned. "That's not what this is about, okay? I just don't want anyone in my way anymore. I was stupid to trust Freddie with my heart and now this happened. If you're trying to make us get back together, it's not going to work."
What he said next caught her completely off guard.
"Freddie was looking for you at the party."
She blinked. "What?"
"He wants to talk to you."
"Oh, no way!" Sam's eyes turned wide. "Let me stay in here. Please."
Spencer shook his head. "Sam, he's worried about you. You looked so...not yourself today."
"So it's that obvious!" Sam threw her hands up. "What, I looked like a dark thunder cloud and nobody bothered to tell me? I'm not some little daisy who needs taking care of. I can take care of myself! And I especially don't need Fredward Benson's help! Not after he dumped me after I poured my heart out to him and kissed him like the idiot that I am!" She screamed.
Spencer stayed calm. "I don't know what he wants you for, but he wants to talk to you. Don't kill the messenger."
Sam stood up to go. "You're no help."
"I'm sorry you didn't like my advice."
"It's just that," Sam found herself walking back to the bed and flopping down on it against her will as she was still slightly upset with Spencer. "What if we get back together and break up AGAIN? Then what? This happens all over again and I end up alone and afraid for the rest of my life? This boy is driving me crazy. It was stupid and careless of me to reveal my feelings for him in the first place because obviously this happened-" Sam stopped, mid-rant as the door flew open and a boy came in, dragging a girl by the hand.
"Hey, get outta here!" Spencer yelled and the boy jumped with fright, dragging the girl with him and the door closed again.
Sam sighed. "What time is it?"
"11:20."
"Where's Freddie?" She said flatly.
Spencer began to smile. "When I talked to him he was in the kitchen with Carly. If he's not there still, he'll be around here somewhere. It should be easy to find him."
Sam nodded and rose to go.
I'll find him, see what he wants, and then I'll make sure I'm well away from him before midnight so I won't be tempted to kiss him again and he won't be tempted to kiss me. I'm never going to let what happened to us happen ever again.
When Sam left, Spencer felt like he had accomplished very little. He supposed that it was a miracle Sam was going to talk to Freddie in the first place and that in it's own right was well enough. She would learn more as time went on. She needs Freddie in her life.
Sam found Freddie in the kitchen talking to Gibby in the corner.
As she approached him, her hands grew sweaty and her heart began to race. She immediately hated herself.
Just like before I kissed him at the lock-in, she remembered. I was like this then, all ready to crack and spoil everything I've worked for because I was being weak and girly just like now. I better not make a fool of myself again.
Shyly, she tapped his shoulder.
He turned and his face showed relief.
"Sam!"
"What?" She said, irritated. "Spencer said you called me? Did you or didn't you, cause-" She pointed her thumb behind her, indicating herself leaving.
"Yeah! Uh...yes I called you I just..."
Didn't think I would come, she finished for him in her mind.
"Okay, whatever just get on with this."
She grabbed one of the shrimp kabobs off of Gibby's plate, annoying him into leaving and enabling her to steal his plate of food with a smirk.
"Are you okay?" He said once Gibby was out of earshot.
She raised her eyebrows and motioned to herself as if to say "Don't I look okay?" But she knew exactly what he meant.
"I'm fine. Now be a dear and fetch me a bottle of that red wine Carly bought."
"You know perfectly well Carly wouldn't buy wine. It's sparkling grape cider."
"Yeah yeah, just get on with it."
Freddie made his way over to the refreshment table and got her a cold bottle of the cider.
Sam opened the top easily and began to chug, ignoring him.
The red liquid stained her lips and Freddie found himself staring. He had the sudden urge to lick the juice off of her.
Sam felt him staring and began to drink again for the pure reason of keeping the bottle between her lips and Freddie's. There will be no surprise kisses tonight, she decided.
Finally, after several long seconds, Sam gave in and let her eyes meet Freddie's. She instantly regretted the terrible mistake.
His eyes were so full of the love and caring that Sam remembered from the first time they started dating. In an instant she forgot all of the resentment she held against him and wanted nothing more than to be happy with him again. All of those times she had called him a nerd or a nub didn't matter. What mattered was here and now and how she felt about him and-
Whoa.
No way, I'm not falling for those eyes again. Sam took a deep breath.
"Well?" She said, raising her eyebrows and Freddie snapped out of it.
"Sam, how are you?" He asked quietly.
Sam couldn't help but burst into laughter. How good it felt to laugh again!
"Are you going to babble the whole night, nub? I don't have time for small talk. Cut to the chase."
Freddie closed his eyes in frustration. "What I meant was...how are you...after this whole breakup thing."
Sam just stared at him, and feeling awkward, took another sip of her "wine".
"I'm sorry. That was rude. I-"
"I'm fine." Sam lied.
"Are you sure, because you seemed upset earlier and-"
"You know I hate parties. I was just annoyed that I had to come to this. Because Carly's my best friend and all. Stop worrying about nothing. I could care less about you."
Sam felt like she might have gone too far when Freddie didn't retaliate. Instead, to her surprise, he looked her in the eye and said, "You're lying."
Sam stared at him. "Excuse me?"
"I said you're lying." He repeated. "When you lie, your nose twitches. Not a lot, but a little. It's something I learned about you when we were-" He paused.
She stood to go and he grabbed her hand.
"No, wait! Please, I'm sorry."
"Did you call me just to torture me with vision's of the past?"
"Sam-"
"Where's Carly? This is her party! What a terrible hostess."
"Sam..."
She left him all the more worried as she escaped up the stairs. She found Carly in the studio talking to a group from her French class and Sam decided to let her alone.
I can always lock myself in the bathroom until it's the new year. Or I can ask Spencer if it's alright if I use his room again...
After walking around the upstairs five times, she decided to head back down and hope Freddie had moved to a different location. But her legs were tired, so she took the elevator instead. When the doors opened on the downstairs, she found Freddie standing in front of the doors, frowning.
"Go up with me?"
Sam began to shake her head frantically.
"No way."
If there was one thing Sam wanted least in the world it was to be alone in an elevator with Freddie Benson again. She tried to push past him put he gently laid a hand on her shoulder.
"Please?" He sounded so enticing to her that she just couldn't resist. She didn't know if he knew he was tempting her or if it was just something natural to him.
She stepped back into the elevator and Freddie smiled his victory.
He pushed the "up" button and after a moment, gently took her hand.
"I love you and I want to get back together." He said calmly and evenly.
Sam's eyes went wide.
"Let me off of this thing."
"Please talk to me first. I have no idea what you're thinking up there. Please tell me."
She was quiet for a minute, then finally said, "I'm thinking that I don't want to get back together. I'm sorry."
He stared at her hard. "You're lying again."
"Stop doing that." She said sharply.
"Look, we made a mistake. We were stupid. We weren't thinking..."
"Maybe you weren't. But I definitely am not stupid. I knew exactly what we were doing and I'm glad we did it."
"Stop lying to me and stop lying to yourself. You want this."
"No I don't! You've been toying with me since I bothered showing you how I feel about you! You've never been clear on how you feel about me and you're the relaxed one while I'm all tortured wondering what's going to happen next. The ONLY time in my life I felt secure was when I was with you and then we broke it off. I'll never trust you the way I did again."
He sighed, deciding that she wasn't lying and said,"Sam, I didn't break it off. We broke it off. It was a decision we both made because we had some growing up to do. If you don't mind my saying, I think I've done my share of growing up over the weeks and judging from your feelings now, so have you."
"What on earth-"
"We need each other."
"I don't need you!"
"Liar."
Sam stood rock still, having run out of things to say.
"I'm in love with you. Tell me you're not in love with me, and I'll go."
"I am in love with you, you know that." She said that with her eyes on her feet. Her face was so flushed she couldn't bare to look at him. But he had a finger on her chin, and examining her nose and not seeing one twitch, he smiled.
"Just checking."
Sam gasped when she felt his warm lips on her face.
"Oh no..." She felt herself being pulled under all over again.
It took all of her will of mind to push him away from her, as it felt so good. She didn't push hard, but with enough force to detach him from her.
"I can't do this again. It hurt enough the first time." She hated the begging tone in her voice, but how else would she get him to see?
"Sam I'll never hurt you like that again. Can't you trust me?"
Just then, the elevator doors opened again. Sam tried to make a run for it, but Freddie grabbed her arm.
"You know I trust you more than anyone. But that trust is a little shaky right now, that's all." She admitted grudgingly.
"I'm in love with you. Can't that be enough? Can't my promise be enough? The breakup was the worst decision we ever made. It was dumb to assume we'd be okay without each other when we were so in love. Please listen to me." He said urgently when it looked as if she was trying to leave again.
"I want you and I love you. I'll do anything for you to forget the mistake we made. Anything you want." And Sam was stunned to find his eyes beginning to fill.
That's when she broke.
"Don't take all the blame. It was mostly me."
"But I thought you wanted us?"
"I did. But I was also afraid. You were my first love after all, and I thought it would end horribly anyway, so why not cut it short while we were still young and able, you know?"
"Sam..."He looked disapproving.
"I know. It was silly of me."
"It was." She felt him move closer and knew he could feel her heartbeat about now.
He looked down at her rapidly moving chest and backed away a little.
"I didn't mean to startle you." He looked down at his shoes, feeling just as awkward as she did.
Sam sighed and pushed the down button on the elevator, and more out of curiosity than a way to break the silence, asked, "Hey what time is it?"
"11:58 and 20 seconds." He reported.
Sam felt herself panic. "Oh chiz, we're missing the party!"
When the elevator stopped on the first floor, Freddie closed the doors again.
"Can we wait in here?" He asked softly.
Sam felt herself become nervous again.
"Are we about to get back together?" She said fretfully.
"Only if you want to."
And knowing that he'd be able to tell if she were lying, took a deep breath and said, "I want to."
"And you know I won't hurt you, right? Ever again? It's 11:59, 46 seconds." He breathed, coming closer to her.
Her heart beat began to pick up again, but this time it was a comfortable rhythm. "Yeah, I know you won't."
Sam and Freddie listened to their friends outside of the elevator door counting down to the new year.
"Do you...uh mind if I..." Sam was the one who stood close now, carefully putting her arms around his neck.
His eyes glazed over in adoration of the girl before him. "Not at all."
Sam felt Freddie's hands slide around her waist and she stood on tip toe to kiss his chin, his cheek, his face.
How she missed being able to kiss her boyfriend.
Their wide open eyes closed at the same time, the 5 second mark.
4.
3.
2.
1.
"Happy New Year!" The crowd chorused and Sam broke apart the quick, warmly familiar kiss that was shared between the two loves.
Sam felt unbelievably happy and only slightly awkward at the memory of past similar kisses when she opened her eyes to find herself face to face with Freddie Benson. She smiled at him and he smiled at her.
Cautiously, he took her hand and squeezed.
"I love you." He reminded her. And don't you ever forget it, he may as well have added.
"Love you, too."
With a sudden urge of hunger, he had Sam pressed against the opposite wall and was kissing her with all of his might.
When he ran out of air, Sam laughed. "Where did that come from?"
"It's been weeks. My lips are starving!"
"So are mine." She winked and pulled him by the scarf down to her lips.
He smirked a knowing smirk and she pulled away.
"What?"
"You taste like wine."
Sam rolled her eyes. "Oh shut up. You said Carly didn't buy wine. 'It's sparkling cider.'" She imitated him, exaggerating the know-it-allness that often peeped through his tone when he was in his "lecture zone."
He just kissed her again, gratefully. "Whatever it is, I don't care. It's a darn good taste."
"Then why don't you taste it again?" And she kissed him.
"I missed you." He chuckled sadly.
"I missed you, too. Happy New Year, baby." She touched his face with a tenderness not everybody knew that Sam possessed.
He smiled at her old pet name for him.
"Happy New Year, Sam." And Freddie took another taste of that delicious, red wine...
Love always finds it's way back, even when it was never gone...
A/N: LOL I just realized that this is my first story without an "i" at the beginning of the title xD
The sequel to iHate Jeff, iKeep Running Away, will be updated frequently this year. It has many chapters, much more than it's companion in fact. So look for many updates from me in 2012 :)
Happy holidays and a Happy New Year! I think if we really hope, Seddie will get back together :)
Leave a review and let me know what you thought!