Finchel one-shot based on what happened in 'Funeral' – thoughts of both Rachel and Finn during 'My Man' (how AMAZING is Lea Michele in case anybody didn't already know) [yes, I know Finn wasn't there during 'My Man'... that we could see ;) ], Finn's thoughts during the funeral and after it, and both Rachel and Finn's thoughts during the final scene with Jesse and Rachel in the auditorium (was so mad when that happened!). Anyway, enjoy.
PS – I do not own Glee or any of its characters otherwise I would being too busy crying out of happiness to write this FanFiction :P
RACHEL POV
'Rachel, in your head, are you singing to anyone in particular?'
I closed my eyes and looked slightly to the floor. Of course I was thinking of someone... the one, while I was singing this song. But I would never say it out loud.
'Not really,' I said in a very quiet voice.
'Oh,' said Jesse, looking a little hurt.
As a spotlight came up on me, making me feel warm and safe, and a harp played in the background, I closed my eyes, picturing the one thing that would have made this perfect; Finn. Tall, handsome gorgeous Finn.
Oh my man, I love him so. He'll never know.
I imagine him. Just in his football jacket, smiling his adorable 'Finn-grin' that he does when he smiles at me. It feels so real, but I know it's a fantasy.
All my life is just despair, but I don't care.
I know he's with Quinn now, and I know I can't be that girl I was last year; waiting, hoping he'd break up with her and realise how much he really cares about me. It's not gonna happen. But that doesn't stop me from wishing with every fibre of my being that it does.
When he takes me in his arms, the world is bright, alright.
I picture Finn with his arms around me, holding me, feeling and hearing his heart beat in his chest and I almost cry. Because I realise I'll probably never hear that sound again.
What's the difference if I say I'll go away? When I know I'll come back on my knees someday.
What difference will it make if I pretend to not feel this way? Or if I find someone else? Or even go out with Jesse again? It won't matter, because whatever I'll do, it'll always come back to Finn
For whatever my man is, I am his, forever more.
Whether or not he loves me back the same way I love him, unfortunately doesn't change the fact that I am his, forever. As the song begins to elevate and climax, I feel my emotions start to show more obviously, as I cry on the stage, thinking of Finn and all the pain and hurt of these last two years. I just imagine him the whole time, only causing me to get more and more emotional. As I sing the final note, I feel free and weightless. Until it ends. Then I'm back in reality, knowing my heart has and will always belong to Finn.
FINN POV
I heard her singing from the hall outside the auditorium. It sounded angelic and without even thinking, I walked towards it. Just because I wasn't auditioning, didn't mean I couldn't watch my fellow team members, right? Well, at least that's what I told myself.
And then I saw her. In the spotlight, where she belongs, in a simple black dress that made my heart secretly flutter. As she sung, it took all the strength I had not to cry. She was trying to stay strong, but I knew Rachel and I knew she was about to crumble. But she stayed strong enough to continue on, with streams of tears running down her face. She sang with such emotion, it broke my heart. With every word, I felt a strange mixture of the outmost pride with pain and heart ache. And the idea that she could be singing this about Jesse St. Jackass only made it hurt so much more. As she sung her final note, I left the auditorium as quietly as I had entered; trying desperately to leave behind every thought I ever had of Rachel Barbara Berry. But I didn't.
FINN POV
Sitting there, as Miss Sylvester broke down and Mr Schue went up to the podium and took her spoke for her, I felt Quinn slide her hand into mine. It felt... unusual. It didn't feel warm or comforting, in actual fact it could have been any person's hand and Finn probably would not even had felt the difference. Then when Mr Schue spoke of how when you really love someone, it's like you're attached by an invisible tether, the hand suddenly felt cold and wrong. It was lifeless. And that's when I realised, it because the only thing that attached Quinn and I at that very moment was the fact that her hand was in mine.
I knew I had to do it. I knew I was going to do it as I got in the car and just sat there, staring, waiting for Quinn to come back, wondering how I was gonna say this, what I was going to do. I started to cry as Quinn opened the door and slid into the truck. She began to talk about how great I'd done with the funeral and how proud she was of me, which only made it that much harder. When she saw that I was crying and asked why, I didn't know how to respond and knew that I had to be honest with her and couldn't keep going on pretending to feel something when I don't.
'Because I'm breaking up with you.'
Quinn automatically assumes it was because of Rachel. I try to explain how I just don't feel tethered to her or anything, but she doesn't believe it. The whole time I can't even look at her. She begins to go on about how she's doesn't care about my confusion with Rachel and that we'll stay together and be prom queen and king next year. And then I crack.
'Just stop it. K, I don't want that life. Don't you feel anything anymore? This is real, this is happening.'
Quinn then begins to cry, and I automatically feel terrible. I try to comfort her but she pushes me away and angrily slams the truck door. As I watch her walk away, wondering about everything she'd just said, I see Rachel walk out of the funeral home. And then I feel it. Right at that moment, I feel that tether that has and will always connect me and Rachel. From the moment we met, it's been there. I could never explain it or understand it, but I've known that tether has been there, and I know she knows too. And I feel it slowly breaking away from me, which scares me more than anything in the entire world.
RACHEL POV
As Jesse tucks my hair delicately behind my ear, I can sense what is coming and am unsure even at that moment what I am going to do. He confesses his love for me and he leans in to kiss me. I can't move. All I can think about is Finn, and at that moment, I hate myself a little for feeling that way. Finn is with Quinn now, and if I really want to move on, Jesse is my best shot. So I let him kiss me. As we break apart, I can't bear to look at him, because I know he'll see the disgust and disappointment in my eyes, as I feel nothing in that kiss. As Jesse takes my hand and we walk out of the auditorium, I feel sick to my stomach. I'm turning into Quinn; a person who only dates someone out of convenience rather than love. But then, what am I meant to do, when the one I love is with someone else? I try not to cry as I lean on Jesse shoulder, realising that maybe Quinn was right; maybe Finn and I were just a stupid fantasy. A fantasy I know I have to leave behind on that stage. But I can't.
FINN POV
I walk into the auditorium looking for Rachel, knowing the place Rachel goes when she is most nervous about something (the decision of the solo for Nationals). I open the door and see her, only to find Jesse St. Jackass is with her. I watch and listen as he touches her hair, causing my skin to boil with jealousy. Then he leans in and I know he's about to kiss her. I wait for her to stop him, pleading in my head for her to slap him or something, anything. But she doesn't. I can't move. It's like someone has sent me on a wild goose chase and then finally told where I'm meant to be, only to have it snatched away. I feel like someone has knocked the wind out of me and then just decided to kick me in the stomach a couple more times just to see how much it hurts. And it REALY hurts. As St. James walks off the stage, hand in hand with the girl I love, I drop the flower in my hand in shock and just stare at the now empty stage, letting the pain consume me a little. That pain, then turns quickly turns into anger, then sadness and then more anger until finally it stops and my mind is clear. I know what I have to do. I know what I want. I want her. And I'm going to get it, whatever it takes. I won't let that tether between us break. She's too important. Like I told her last year, I don't give up that easy.
The End. Hope you enjoyed. Can't wait for New York episode. I think I will probably laugh, yell, scream, smile and cry so many times I'll feel sick in the stomach. And if Finn and Rachel don't get back together I think I may have to stay home from school the next day to recover from the pain. Yes, I'm that obsessed.
Until next time,
xox