Forever Hold Your Peace

Chapter One: Bombshell.

Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight.

Note: I've seen so many stories where Nessie, either intentionally or not, destroys Jacob/Leah and stories where they can be together because Nessie's not interested. I thought it would be interesting to do one where she is interested but trying to do the right thing.

My name is Renesmee Carlie Cullen and I am in love with Jacob Black.

There, I said it. I sound like one of those humans at an AA meeting. I've never actually so much as gotten drunk before so I certainly don't know if I can even become an alcoholic but given that I'm physically perfect in every other way, I kind of doubt it. I'm not looking to test that theory, though, because for all I know I'll live forever and that's quite a long time to be battling an addiction.

By 'physically perfect', of course, I mean that I have never had any acne, never had any scars, no birthmarks, no awkward stages, no muffin-tops…nothing that would make me anything less than a super-model at every stage of my life. Most people would say that that sounds amazing and I'd agree if it weren't for the fact that I look eighteen at the ripe old age of seven.

Fortunately I'm not mentally seven or my life really would be a horror story because I can just imagine the kinds of trouble someone who looks like me and who is mentally seven would get into. In eleven years or so, I'll probably be grateful that I am what I am; now I look at the children born around the time I was and think of what should be. I should be learning how to write in cursive right now. I should be thinking that boys have cooties and reading the Baby-Sitter's Club and watching the Disney Channel.

The thing is that I really did like all of those things at one point…for a couple of weeks or months. Nowhere near as long as I should have and far earlier than most do. I guess that while the fact I kept changing so rapidly made raising me difficult, the fact that it was over far sooner than it should have been made up for that. I just sort of feel cheated, I guess. Seven years have come and gone and now I'm going to stay exactly like this for the rest of my life. I suppose that I should be thankful that at least I'm going to remember my childhood – such as it was – unlike certain family members I can mention. Maybe one day I will be.

The biggest reason that I wish that I could have aged normally is that Jacob Black and Leah Clearwater have just announced that they are getting married and if I were really seven I wouldn't care. If Quil was marrying Leah then Claire wouldn't care. She's only ten, after all, and is only starting to doubt that boys were icky. If I were normal then by the time that I was old enough to develop any romantic feelings for Jacob, his marriage would be a done deal and I'd just have to accept it.

It would make everything easier.

I guess this is life's way of making up for the fact that I don't have normal people problems.

"Well?" Jacob asked, anxiously. He's been avoiding me all week and now I know why. He wasn't quite sure how to break the news to me but I guess he's finally worked something out.

I glance over at Leah. She's nervous, too, but she's doing a better job of hiding it. It's not like she really cares if I approve or not, she just doesn't want me to say or do anything that would cause the man who imprinted on me to change his mind.

My first instinct is to tell Jacob that I absolutely don't approve and that he should be with me and not this other girl. I had honestly not seen this coming and I probably should have.

Leah and Jacob have been dating for the past three or four years and they…it feels weird saying that they asked my permission before dating but they really did. Jacob came to me and told me that he wanted to be with Leah and I told him to do what made him happy. I was physically about Claire's age then and it didn't bother me in the slightest.

I wonder if that's why they've held off this long on getting married. I mean, I'm hardly an expert on human courtship (and even though Jacob and Leah are both werewolves – kind of – the fact that it's not an imprint makes it very close to human courtship) but it seems kind of…convenient that they decided to get married after I've been physically mature for awhile. Were they waiting to see if I'd suddenly change my mind about Jacob and want him for my own once I hit maturity?

Well…those fears were well-founded, I guess. A little while after I hit maturity I did realize that I was in love with him.

It was fall of last year, I remember. I had just come back from South America because my parents firmly believed that it was important to spend time with others like me and Nahuel had been the one to save me those seven years ago. It was always a little awkward with Nahuel even though he liked me…no, pretty much because of that. Nahuel is extremely handsome but he is also over a hundred and fifty years old.

Age isn't supposed to matter to a vampire, or a half-vampire, and my own parents are decades apart. My father might be younger than this half-vampire that's interested in me but I know that if my mother had had her heart set on him she wouldn't let a millennia of age difference come between them.

Maybe in the future, I'll feel like that, too. Right now, though…I still feel so young. I'm only seven, after all, so I suppose that'll go away in time. Until then, though, the fact that Nahuel would have – had he lived in America – lived through the Civil War is a bit off-putting.

When we went – Mom and Dad and me – we offered to let Jacob come with us. We always offered since he didn't like to be separated from me. As always, Jacob declined. It wasn't that he didn't want to go, he just didn't want to leave the pack either. I always supported his decision to live up to his responsibilities and that helped, I think. He said that it's easier for me to go away for weeks at a time now than it used to be. I'm glad he seems to be building up some sort of tolerance to my leaving. My mother says that back when I was first born he was almost obnoxious in his desire to hold me at all times and I know I would have resented that cloying affection growing up and even now that I'm in love with him.

I'm not sure how Jacob knew that I had come back so quickly because we had run instead of flying. He was waiting for me right by our front porch and after I dropped my things off in my room I went for a walk with him. He was shirtless, of course, and I was wearing a light blue sundress.

We were walking through the leaves and he asked me about my trip so I told him how I was paradoxically fascinated with and repulsed by Nahuel. He was laughing at a particularly amusing story about my mother confronting him about his 'intentions' when I looked over at him and I just suddenly knew.

I wonder if this, regular plain falling-in-love, is anything like imprinting. I don't think that I fell in love all at once, of course, it must have been slowly growing as I remained blissfully unaware until the knowledge snuck up on me one day. Jacob said when he imprinted on me it was as if all that ties that bound him to the world fell off one by one but he wasn't left connectionless for long. I became the center of his everything.

It didn't last, of course, otherwise what would he be doing dating Leah?

I shouldn't think that way. I don't feel it's particularly healthy for someone's entire being to be focused on one thing. Sometimes I worry that my parents are a little too concerned for each other but it makes them happy and they're both far older than me so it's really up to them how to manage their relationship. Still, I heard something about being comatose for four months and that is really worrying.

Jacob imprinted on me and Leah has imprinted on nobody, which is more than fine with her. He chose to be with her and she chose to be with him right back even knowing that one day he might leave her for me. Even though Sam had already done the same for Emily. One thing I never had to worry about growing up is that he'd hurt me if I rejected him because I'm not like Emily. I'm not some frail and fragile human but a half-vampire that could hold her own if it ever came to that.

Not like it ever came to that because as it turns out he's the one who doesn't want me. Not that he's rejected me, of course. In fact, from what I understand of imprinting all it would take is one word from me before this whole wedding business would be off and he'd be at my beck and call.

The problem is, of course, that while I do want that I don't want it to be like that. He loves Leah because he wants to and because he chooses to be with her. If I forced him to end it then he'd hate himself. He'd never say a word about it to me but I'd know, just the same, because I know him. He'd be with me but it wouldn't be by choice; it would be because destiny told him to.

I love Jacob and I want him to want to be with me. I know how important choices are to Jacob. That's why he split off and formed his own pack, after all, and now that it's all merged into his that's how he runs the pack. He almost never uses the Alpha order. I want to say that he never does but I really don't know. I won't take his choice away from him. I love him too much for that.

And then, of course, there's the fear that it may not work. I may tell him to stop and he may go on and do it anyway. He's always been almost stupidly defiant, after all, and I can't help but think back to Sam and Emily. They're hardly the poster children for an imprint couple for all that they've been happy as long as I can remember. Emily turned Sam down and he couldn't take not being with her so much that he tore half of her face off. Jacob is so fine with not being with me that he went ahead and made other plans. I know that some say that it's just because I don't – didn't – want him that way but Emily didn't want Sam and yet he still wanted her.

I had my chance, I guess, somewhere in there. It's a little hard to tell where since I was too young to even be interested, let alone date when Jacob and Leah got together. But still, to let them be together and build a life for three years only to break them up at the altar? How could I do that? If I really loved Jacob, how could I do that to him?

And Leah! She may be less important to me than Jacob but I've always respected and admired her. She's like my Aunt Rosalie, in a way. They're both tough and independent-minded woman that I could look up to as a child. They may not be the nicest of people but they can take care of themselves and don't need someone else swooping in to save the day the way my mother always did back when she was human. I suppose that being saved wouldn't be too bad if you knew that someone would always be there but it seems a bit risky to leave up to someone else when you can just do it yourself.

I'd like to think that Leah doesn't totally hate me, even if she is worried I'm going to steal her fiancé away from her.

"Have you told anybody else about this?" I asked, my voice calm and measured.

Jacob was staring at me so intensely that he actually jerked when he heard my voice. "What? Oh, no. We wanted you to be the first to know in case…well, it just felt right."

'In case', huh? Well, I could translate that well enough. In case I ruined things. It hurt a little to think that he thought so little of me. Then again, my first impulse was to do exactly that so perhaps it was a wise precaution. I've never been a particularly impulsive person but it was better to be safe than sorry, better to wait and tell me first rather than letting everyone know and then having to cancel it because I couldn't face reality.

"So I'm the first to know?" I asked rhetorically. I smiled. I didn't mean it but I caught my reflection in the mirror behind them and it looked genuine. Good. "Congratulations."

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