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Shaman King: it hurts to love you so…
2003-09-15
357 words
Yoh/Anna
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It is neither lie nor exaggeration to say that I love Yoh so much that it hurts.
I can hear the snide comments, how I hurt him more than he could possibly hurt me, but it's the truth.
Once upon a time, there was a girl who heard voices and felt everyone's hatred. She became brittle until she met a boy that showed her how to smile, how to care, how to be kind, and mostly, how to love. She felt her world right itself again, and from then on, she heard only the beating of her heart and his.
To this day, I didn't think Yoh understands, or even knows how much of myself I've tied up with him. Yes, I want an easy life and yes, I want to be the First Lady of the Shaman world, but most of all, I wanted to be Asakura Yoh's wife.
Every time I watch Yoh fight, every time I witness another one of his thoughtless acts of bravery, I feel a knife slice through my soul. He's careless, my Yoh. He doesn't stop to think of himself or anyone else; he only sees the best traits in the other person, the other spirit and tries his best to bring them out. He doesn't care that he may get hurt, or worse, die, nor does he realize the effect that it has on the people around him, especially me.
I don't think anyone realizes how much I depend on Yoh, how much of my own strength is tied up with his. That's why I train him, that's why I push him beyond endurance, because the stronger he grows, the stronger I am as well.
That's why I say it hurts to love him.
And when he glances at me with those soft eyes of his, and he smiles that gentle smile, I feel the same dull ache I've known almost all my life and I almost try to turn away. Almost.
But sometimes, just sometimes, I close my eyes and hold that smile close to my heart and believe that in the end, everything will work out.