A/N: Just a random one-shot about how much Jake wishes he had Bella's love. Made me sad to write it, but I felt I had to put it out there. Sorry if it seems rushed, or nonsensical. Let me know if this is any good ! Enjoy, please review ! This is set during New Moon, the book. In the book I think Jake and Bella talk before he gets into his fight with Paul, so everything here should fit right. If I'm incorrect, let me know (:
Featured: Jacob, Bella, brief mention of Billy.
Type: Angsty, abstract-ish oneshot.
Rated: Pshh, hardly even higher than K.
Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight or any of its characters. Not even Jacob -sob-.
Worth the Wait?:
Waiting. Jacob was a good friend. He hadn't been Bella's choice, hated that he still felt for her, but even so found himself unable to do anything but. Inside his chest, not his heart, but very soul hurt, ached daily for the missing presence of the person he loved. Jake tried his best not to concentrate on this pain, but there was still no point denying; despite the twinges inside, Bella had his heart.
That was always the way things had been. It hadn't been so bad, at the start. She'd been with Edward, but there had still been hope. Once (if) she found out what he really was, getting the vampire out of the picture was sure to be no problem. These rays of ambition shone especially bright when Edward took this responsibility upon himself and left.
All the better for Jacob.
And it had been. Bella had been hurt—deeper than he'd originally thought, Jake later discovered—yeah, but that shouldn't be anything he wasn't able to handle. The two of them had known each other for a fair sized portion of each of their lives. That had to count for something. Anyway, whatever it took to have Bella return his feelings for him, the Quileute would make sure was done.
The affection, not to mention love, he felt for her felt as if it was completely overpowering. The intensity of these sentiments forever would stay alive, continue to remain constant well into the future the way they had to this very day. The care for and about her Jake felt toward Bella was so strong, soon he would no longer be able to stand keeping his need of her secret, that much Jake knew. Bella was his best friend, and a confession of the endless flow of love he harboured for her not having been announced was beginning to become unendurable. If Jacob was as important to her as he thought and prayed that he was, it shouldn't be too big of a deal for him to ask her to keep some of it, take a portion of what was really hers, off his hands.
Problem was, for Jacob events never really unrolled in the manner he anticipated. As he was soon to find out, Bella was not okay, though there would have been no way he'd have been able to know, since mostly she acted as if she was, around him. Hell, he'd thought he was helping her through the break up with Cullen. Right from the start, he'd been there. Hoping, wishing, loving, waiting. Especially waiting; always waiting.
Only to now find that at the moment, if not overall & entirely, these things weren't enough? Despite all the inside jokes and rights that came with the role of best friend, still didn't change the fact that the boy wasn't allowed to hold her hand. He could, if he felt like it, if he managed to look past the sudden rigidity and forced comfort suddenly in Bella's demeanor, sure. He could, but at the same time not really. "Of course you can," she contradicted his silent argument with the situation, attempting smiling reassuringly, though lack of enthusiasm was apparent. "I just...think it means something a little different to you."
That was most certainly right. Bella wasn't a genius, just another not so average teenager who helped and occasionally even asked for help from Jacob with homework. Then again though, Jake hadn't been being especially discreet with his feelings. Bella had a high IQ, but one wasn't needed to see that he was living off of her presence in his life like it was his air.
Adrenaline, though accompanied by a sick feeling of dread in his stomach, began pumping. This wasn't the way things were supposed to be! She liked him, didn't she? Thought he was sort of beautiful? He asked the questions and made a promise then, to never hurt her ever, that she would never by him be let down. Couldn't she see that he loved her so very much?
What else did the woman need?
Time, it turned out. This Jacob would learn in the future. To her, there was only Edward. And the mechanic wasn't Edward and never could be.
As the promise was made and Mike popped up again, it was at this moment that, though the realization came distantly, Jake began to understand that waiting for Bella was a lost cause. This didn't mean that he would stop waiting—no, such was impossible. Even as about this truth he was now the wiser, Jacob couldn't control the way his foolish self felt, the remaining hope that refused to be extinguished inside that one day suddenly Bella's view of him would change, anymore than he could change the feelings she didn't have for him. Nope, he'd still be present, available for her forever. The truth struck knowledge inside of him hard, a Bella-less future flashing before his eyes with him still waiting, and suddenly Jacob was feeling hot and shaky. Out of nowhere it was all of a sudden hard to breathe, but still persistent stubbornness that one day they would be together, having worked out the issue, held on.
Jake began feeling weird; outrageously angry, of all people, at Mike! And Bella was looking, despite as always very beautiful, alarmed and telling him he felt like he was getting a fever. He still loved her—this, Jake didn't think would ever change. But right now he was feeling angry and discouraged, overall not right, had to go. So Jacob did just that. He let her know where he was going, and beyond how much he hated walking away from her, turned from Bella and began to do just so.
The drive home was torture. Jacob couldn't understand why he had so suddenly started feeling so very unwell and mad. Once arrived, the next day, and even after Sam had explained everything, Billy repeatedly informed his son that Bella had made calls asking about him, but for the first time since they'd gotten to know each other better, Jake ignored this news. His turn at it had seemed almost never ending in lasting; now it was Bella's turn for a patience test.
Through the happiness at the closeness of his new pack, Jake felt bad. It would have been uncharacteristic of him not to. Simultaneously, however, he couldn't deny that he was proud of himself, however much he may be hurting Bella by keeping his distance. For once since he'd recognized his adoration and truly come to terms with being enamoured with her, he was in control. He was no longer the one being kept waiting.
Much as he missed her, Jacob couldn't honestly say he disliked this.
Until she returned, and all pretence of progress (imaginary as it was) disappeared, ruining everything. "Go away," he told her, attempting in vain to tell what due to his new pack leader he wasn't being permitted, having known all along but only really focused on now that when it came to Bella, he knew full well that he was never in control. It all only went downhill from there. It wasn't so unexpected when that night Jake found himself at her window, though, the little he could give her of explanation at his lips. Apology was quickly given, but even after he could tell that Bella was still hurt. Among confused, betrayed, shocked, and other things.
The next day he woke up to find his father hurrying him to the door. "Bella's outside. She came while you were sleeping."
So the shape shifter headed out, seeing her and feeling his (hers, it belonged to her) heart warming and also dropping into his stomach at the sight of her. Jacob approached slowly, like maybe Bella was going to run away if he stalked over to her too fast.
"Sorry I kept you waiting," he told her. It was obvious she had come here to talk, about the clue he'd given her last night, most likely. All the same, Jake really was. No matter that she did the same thing to him all the time, despite the fact that, somewhere inside, he knew that he would always be waiting.
He loved her. Time was nothing to a werewolf who for an amount of time had the ability to stay young, right? He hated it and would continue to hate it for the rest of his life, but as long as Bella existed, unintentional tease that she was, Jacob would be waiting. If it took forever for her to love him, even if she never did, Jake would wait.
A/N: Thanks for reading ! PLEASE REVIEW !
xox Sacha
