I leaned over the toilet bowl, still gagging slightly at the awful things I had eaten today. I took a deep breath and wiped my mouth with the back of my sleeve. I stood up straight and without even looking, I flushed the disgusting contents down the drain. I guess in all honesty, I could stop eating the stuff that makes me throw up on a nightly basis. It would make life easier, though my persona as the town dip-shit would disappear and I don't want that.
It may seem strange to someone on the outside looking in. Why do I torment myself so? Why do I hide my vast intellect behind a mask of stupidity when I could easily show off my genius and make something of myself? I could go anywhere, do anything. It's simple really. I don't want to go anywhere, I like where I am. I don't care what I do, as long as she is there. The "she" here, being the object of my affection. You could say that she the center of my universe. Where she goes, I go. What she does, I must also do. I admit, I am over-explaining myself. Let me make it simple.
My name is Billy. For many years, I have pretended to be the "village idiot," so to speak. My only reason for doing this is because I know it's what she wants.
She is Mandy. She is smart, powerful, deadly even and incredibly intelligent. She has gorgeous light blonde hair and big electric-blue eyes.
You might be thinking, 'if she's so smart, wouldn't she be more interested in someone more her speed?' You'd be wrong. She likes the fact that I am so simple-minded I would follow her anywhere and do her bidding.
Of course, when I first met her, my intention wasn't to act like a total buffoon. I rang and rang her doorbell, just to annoy the neighbor. It used to be a favorite pastime of mine. Then she opened the door. We were only three, but I knew I was smitten. Her little golden hair tied up in a bow, her big blue eyes looking straight through me. I couldn't help myself. I knew it was dumb, but I pointed out what I first noticed.
"You don't have a nose!"
She glared at me, "Are you some kind of idiot?"
I meant to offer her some ice cream as a sort of apology. Instead, I shoved it in her face out of sheer nervousness. Needless to say, she quickly slammed the door on my face.
Yet somehow, not long after that incident, she came to me and proclaimed that I was to be her best friend. That was probably the greatest day of my life. I realized quickly that she didn't want a traditional best friend. She was more interested in finding a lackey. I didn't care, I could easily play dumb.
Now after twelve years of playing the role of idiot, I am a pro. The job does have its downsides, however. Barfing in my toilet on a regular basis because as the idiot, I eat any and all inedible objects is a good example.
I know, I know you're all thinking 'Wouldn't it be easier to give it up? Move away and never look back. Forget this girl. She's obviously not worth it.' Unfortunately for me, she is.