Save The Dying
by Autumn Win-Dow
Each day was simply a repetitive routine for her, but it didn't mean that it didn't include traumatising experiences.
Every day, the make-shift hospital would flood with wounded soldiers in blood soaked uniforms and muddy faces. The loud thumping of footsteps, the hyperventilating of the dying men, the cries of the wounded – they were the sounds which she heard every day, and had eventually grown accustomed to.
It hadn't always been like that, however.
Anna had become a nurse when she was eighteen, and she had come without experience. Her ultimate goal was to 'save the dying', and she – as a naïve teenager – had ambitiously entered the hospital to pursue her intentions.
Unfortunately, she was not ready for the terrible sights she had witnessed as soon as she entered the small hospital building.
Anna had gasped when the first colour she had seen as soon as she opened the door, was red.
Faces, hands, legs, uniforms, floors – they were all splattered with a vibrant red, spreading the scent of metallic rust around the room.
It was traumatising for both her and her eyes, and she had considered going back to her safe, clean home with a smaller chance of blood loss and death, but in the end, the young, newly-appointed nurse was determined.
I will save the dying.
She struggled in the building full of stern older women and dying men, but eventually the glares and condescending stares she once received on a daily basis started to disappear, and she had started to learn the true horrors of 'saving the dying'.
Every day, someone would die in front of her. Their eyes would turn lifeless, their hands would become slack, and their chests would stop moving with each breath.
Those lost lives were the reason why she cried herself to bed, alone, every night. It was then when she understood the ultimate test for a war nurse – it was to continue living through days when people fought and died for your country, and to keep living as you saved the people who still had the chance of living. War nurses like her needed the strength to persist, despite the horrors they were forced to pay attention to every day, paired with lost lives.
I can get through this, and I will save the dying.
She felt equally sad for each man who died in the war. Anna had eventually created brief, but beautiful friendships throughout her years as a war nurse. Men would often talk to her in the evenings about their families, their lovers, their friends who were still fighting. She learnt about the dramatic stories of lovers, the beauty of a child's birth, and the sad tales of leaving loved ones. She had met many eccentric and strange characters over the years – ranging from a blunt speaking man with eyes as red as the blood on his uniform to a gentle half-French soldier with hair the colour of gold, a colour which she hadn't seen for a long time since she started working as a nurse.
The only similarity between the men she talked to was that in the end, they passed away, leaving her alone in the building once again.
Her nightly sobs didn't cease.
However, her sadness for these soldiers' deaths were not as disastrous as the distress she felt for the loss of a certain man's life.
He was a war pilot whose plane had crashed and erupted in flames. The man was immediately escorted into the hospital with burns and bruises all over his body, but those injuries were minor in comparison to the pieces of glass plunged into his stomach, killing him slowly.
Anna highly doubted that he would live, but as she approached him in order to clean the blood off his body after the older nurses took care of the glass, she had a sudden feeling that she needed this man to survive.
He wasn't the most attractive soldier to be carried into the hospital, but his sleeping face gave off a certain charm which she had never seen before. Anna felt as if she had already met him, even though his face wasn't one she had seen before in her life. His limbs belonged to a hardworking man in the battlefield. He gave off the vibe that even though he probably wasn't the absolute best at everything, he was the type of person who strived his hardest in the tasks he was given.
Anna was mesmerised for a moment before the sound of a faraway bomb snapped her out of her reverie, and she moved forward to clean the crusted blood off of his pale skin.
It turned out that Anna's presumptions were quite correct, for once.
He finally woke up three days later, when Anna was dabbing a moist towel on his forehead. When their eyes met, she couldn't help but gasp slightly - although his eyes weren't of a spectacular colour such as red or cyan, she felt like she was being analysed. His eyes seemed so knowing, and she fidgeted underneath his curious gaze.
That was the main reason why she wasn't expecting his first words since he woke up.
"...What's for breakfast?"
Perhaps, I misjudged him, was what she immediately thought to herself as the man looked around the room with a curious expression, as he scratched his head.
A few minutes later, she found out that his name was Koko.
To her surprise, he was in fact a cheerful and relaxed man when off the battlefield, but he was very knowing of how other people were feeling. Anna had presumed once that he was secretly a mind reader, but he had assured her that he just 'knew people'.
Eventually, she started to bond with him like she did with the other soldiers. However, he didn't have a tragic backstory nor a dynamic love story to dictate to her. It was the first time that Anna was talking to a soldier not about backstories, but the smaller things - the food in different regions and islands of Japan, recent literature, and the simple unimportant moments of their lives which joined together to create a chronological compliation of someone's life.
Even though Anna had her suspicions, Koko simply stated that the novels about the glory of war were lies. All of them. As a soldier himself, he immediately admitted that if the Axis Powers won, the Japanese wouldn't be cheering for the victory - instead the soldiers would immediately trudge back to the vehicle which would take them home, back to their respective families.
"Do you miss your family?"
"...I have no family."
"Oh... me too."
I must save the dying. Because if they die, they're not the only ones losing something.
After a few months, he was finally able to walk again. Koko was expecting the Japanese government to call him back into duty soon, but he was sure that he would still need time to recover from his battle wounds.
In those few months, Anna started to develop feelings for Koko. Every day, she became more drawn to the brown haired male and how he could lighten up the darkest atmosphere. She would always feel the blood rushing to her face when he casually placed an arm over her thin shoulders, or patted her pink hair.
Anna was never the sort of woman to have bitter thoughts about anyone. However, she would grumble about how Koko - despite his personal claim that he 'knew people' - had no idea how she was really feeling.
A month later, Koko had explained to her that it was his time to leave the hospital. He had been called for duty for the second time, and even though they had both been expecting this, Anna was in despair. The images of Koko when he had first arrived in the hospital - glass in his body, blood on his uniform, dirt on his hands - were a painful reminder. The last thing she wanted was for Koko to end up like that again - or worse.
Her wholehearted goal was the save the dying, but she didn't know if she could save herself or her dying heart.
He had dropped by the hospital to give his goodbyes to Anna and the other nurses. The two stood near the entrance of the hospital, and he - in a reassuring gesture - placed a hand on her shoulder.
"Thanks for taking care of me these past few months, Anna."
"Remember to take care of yourself out there."
"Well, if I come back, I trust you in saving me."
"..."
"What is it?"
"...I wish I could come with you. So I'd be there if something happens..."
"But this is where you belong, Anna. You've saved so many other lives, and I know you can continue to 'save the dying', as you always say."
"Koko, I-"
"Anna, your task isn't to fight, and it isn't to die. It's to remember those who fight and die. Because if no one remembers, all the sacrifices were for pretty much nothing."
"...Okay."
He pulled her into a tight hug, and she did not hesitate in holding onto the man she loved for what could have been the final time. She held tightly the fabric of his uniform, and allowed a few tears to soak in.
She knew that she wouldn't have to make an effort in remembering Koko. She was sure that she would be thinking of him every morning, every afternoon and every night, before she fell asleep.
Because I'm in love with him.
Koko pulled away carefully, but Anna was unwilling to let go of him. Despite that, she begrudgingly let go of his uniform and pulled away.
"I'll miss you, Koko."
"Take care, Anna."
Those were their presumed last exchange of words before Koko turned away, bag slinged over his shoulder, and walked away from the hospital alone.
Anna felt empty. It was the first time she had dearly fallen in love with someone, and he had easily - and unintentionally - walked out of her life. She wanted to run forward and hold his uniform again, and keep him in her arms together. She hoped that he was actually aware of her feelings, even if he didn't reciprocate them.
She didn't care how selfish she was sounding. She didn't want him to go to war again.
She wanted him to stay, but she had to let him go.
Anna stared at his back as the distance increased between them, but was startled when he paused midstep. Koko remained in that position for a brief moment, before he did what she least expected him to do.
He turned on his heel and briskly walked back to her. She had absolutely no time to comprehend what was going on before he was right in front of her again, holding her face.
"One more thing."
He murmured a split second before he pressed his lips on hers in a brief, but passionate kiss.
"I can trust you to remember me, right?"
"...if you remember me."
"That won't be a problem, then. It won't be long before this damn war ends."
Anna no longer cried herself to sleep, starting from that day. In her heart, she trusted that Koko would return soon. That the next time she saw him, it would be the end of the war.
Anna, your task isn't to fight, and it isn't to die. It's to remember those who fight and die. Because if no one remembers, all the sacrifices were for pretty much nothing.
She was going to save the dying before the antidote to her loneliness would come to her. She would wait, and she would remember the man who ignited a flame in her heart.
I will remember.
Until he returns.
A/N: This is a really rushed piece, I know. So there's probably going to be a few typos here and there. But I hope you enjoyed it. :)