Disclaimer: I DarthSylar do not own the main characters of the story or any elements I have used. No one or property is being harmed by this story because all of it is the name of comedy. I own only my OC's and story ideas. Please be not offended as like I said its all in good fun!. Please enjoy and Review.

Daniel Grant Christian is not starring in

Superman Battles Physics

The word of the day is Wank, wave your right hand in the person to your left's face when ever you here the word of the day. This is an official test of the word of the function in 3, 2 1…Wank…thank you for complying with this test…

The Following Takes Place A Long Time Ago in an Alternate Universe

Part One: A quite average day for an unaverageing persons!

It was sun day when Super "Klark Cent" Man was wanking in the fields of Kansas, the town of which he was from and was wanking in.

"It is a beautiful day to take good long wank in the fields and how porous that all the aminals are here to join me. " It was a gay day and things were doing on in their gay way but I can't tell and you don't tink bout axing. It was truly an unremarkable day on Earth 52…..

When Suddenly a giant fist shaped liek a skull but not a human skull more liek a lizard or jellyfish skull but warped in red letter and full of fiery doom gloom came all over the planet of Kypton and exploded all over tings and made them sticky mad glad!

"Great Goobers, that evil man is ruining everyone's wanking (again don't ask, don't tell) on such a wankingly, wonderful wanking day…that wanker." Juts ten a tall man with rocks for skin and giant hands and wearing fabulous spandex with the number four writting one it lands on front top o supar klark man cent. Super Cent Klark Man stod up and wrung hands with wispy hair of grease gelly. "Spiderman!" Super Special Awesome Kent said.

"Super Man!" Spiderman shouted as he fired rocket webs which were made laser than can cut ribbons make shark teeth. " We must excape from him…he is true lee unstop able. He came out of the sk-" but then a round house kick from twelve miles away cracked spriderman in 3/4 And then Spiderman Wanked in towards Matt Damon, all part of deal he deal with the devil.

"Spider man" Super Cent Kark Man shooted, "Don't do dis bra we are wanking brothers." But it was far too lat foe no. The Spider Matt Day-man proceded to fight leik Jason Bourne but at Matrix Speed and began Kung Fu fight like motocycles and killed dudes and dudettes and punted kittins at Supe Mon that ejaculated leik nuclear explosion. Va-vooooooooooooooooooooooom!

Man Super Cent was sent frying into his house in the city the city of kansa and saw that the state was bleeding. There were bloods everywheres and in trees were Crips and wolves and aminals and Klanmen were running fors lives and deafs. But ten Superman KLAKCENT say sompin bad. He had landed on his parents and were skished and dead and blood was all back and face and shoes and this really pissed him of because he was going to out wanking with them and buy puppys but now he couldn't and that him mad.

Suddenly Spider Matt Day-man. They took to fighting but the Spider Matt Day-man was big and strong and used Jason Bourne moves which could wank steel like Superb Cent Man Cleric was made out of. But then Supar Man Fly Clark ripe of Spider Matt Day-man dick and drilled in his eye which gave lazy vision enough power to kill the Spider Matt Day and to greated KANADA!

"Spiderman who is responsible dis?" Clark Cent Man of Steel punched as was wanking what was left of spiderman's legs. The Spiderman's head exploded

"It was the greatest evil from nother dimension…SNOWFLAME!"

Part 2: A new call to actions and revenged!

SupKent CenMan flowed up too the Great Hall of the Justice League and met the Justice League, Wonder Woman, Batman, President Eisenhower, The Mighty Thor, Al Gore and Sam Swenson., whoe were stretching their wanking abilities in their rooms in preparation of the three legged wanking race war.

"People of the Justice , we must works together to defeat a more greaterer evil threat than Darkseid, Lex Luthor and Tiger Woods." Supesman shouted into their brains.

"But isn't LEX LUTHOR more eviler…because I mean he stole forty cake fron a Wanking party, four times ten cakes and that is terrible."

"Its SNOWFLAME…The SUPER Villain powered by COCAINE." Klark KlanSman imploded! At that point the Justice Leauge stooped wanking and new that shit had gotten more serious.

"WE should have known that only a force of evil such as he could ruin this the fortieth wanking day celebrations." The Team sat began to contemplate their op tiones

When Suddenly, The Evil Snowflame, the villain powered by cocaine, appeared on the space tv. "Today's wanking activities are officially canceled of celebration of the new god of this world, me. Like eternal furnace of starlight burns the joints that give power. Through the earths given resources I have strength beyond all measure…And soon the universe shall feel my wrath. As I the mighty snowflame ascend the mountain of god hood and smoke the ashes of the old in the bong of social reform. All shall kneel, twist and shout the name and praises of i…Snowflame. And do not even think of stopping me justice league. For my first act of my ten year a god shall be the abolishment of all laws and your destruction."

Juts ten an army of cocaine ninjas infiltrated the Great Hall of the Justice League. Every started fighting and many civilians died as the ninjas threw dem like thronging stars and the Justice League used dem as bullets because their ass holes. The Nijas were wanking and all hope looked bleak as the nijas aim dar lazer.

When Suddenly the man in a doctors lab coat and a cape flew in and killed all the nija with green energy blasts from his hands and stephescope. "who are you mr? Thanks for saving our wanking day."

"Call me doctor…Doctor Strange."

Par 4: The Only paragraph without the Wank in it.

Super Cent Clerk laided the body of doctor strange in the groud and burred in icy tundra the remaining Justice League members knew what to be done and went to the NASADA to get a space man rocket and fly into space but the army wouldn't let them show they shot lazer eyes and broke kex and stole the space rocet and flew to the evil snowflames space station on the Sun's moon while doing that Super Klark Man Kent had the sexing with Wonder Woman and caused them to crash on Jupiter they fought the Saucer Nazi, who were Krypton like superman with the help I.M.A.N.I and then used portals to get into henemy headquarters and fought their way too the control with every ones except Thor, Wonder Woman, Batman and Super Cent Man in the main control womb to fight Snowflame.

Part Five: Epic Battelings!

"Thor I need you go in slowly on the left to kill dis wanker." Supper man shooted. And Thor Flew up with his hammer and procced to strike Snowflame but Snowflame caught it and crushed it like an ant and then punched through Thor too rip him in half. While saying "You are weak god of Thunder for cocaine has given the strength of a thousand thunderbolts. You are the old order and I am the future of this and all worlds."

"Um What you say?" ejaculated Supper Kent.

"My power come from snorting not only cocaine but also all things that bare life." He said as he crushed thor's head whit a spatuala and snorted up the stuff that came out. "Soon I will snort this and all universes. And inside me all mankind will be at peace and one ness with justice and enlightenment."

"Not if I can stop you," yielded Wonder Woman as sramed towards riding on a grython while shoting fire ball from her golden tiara of death

But Snowflame did not care at all. He fired hand gangster style and then stabe her in the brain with a tooth pick and lit her on fire and then froze and then snorted her up to absorb her powers.

"Nooooo!" Yell Superman as he then puches a hole into the fabric of space causing tornadoes, space storms, dragons, Donna Troy getting a new origin story and allowing men to fold a paper in half more than ten times. Snowflame having realized that shit had just gotten serious flew off the complete his plan to crush our universe and snort to gain all of its powers and move on the whole multiverse.

"We must goes to his place avenge our friends and end this. Come with me nor batman so we can save the world."

"Sure ting Man Klark." Said Batman in a ominous of ominousocity.

Part 6: Are you prepared for Unforeseen Consequences.

Space was going crazy. The Saucer were hunting through the Universe seeking there chance to take over in the crazy ness. Lava was erupting on Uranus, Saturns rings were made being thrown around like frisbies and hell had officially frozen over and was opened a sweet ice hotel.

"As Snowflame crushes our universe the rules of physics are now being broken and there aren't enough police men to deal wit da crisis on soon to be limited earths."

"But how are you going to find Snowflame space is huge?"

Five Minutes Later: They den found Snowflame who had grown then times the size o dala sun and had litning in his eyes with a giant fist which he used to crush parts of our universe.

"You pitiful whelp. Compared to the god of all crack none and all can stand against me. I am like the flame of life and the cold heartedness of death. Alpha and Omega mixed into one being. I am the bringer of my better life and the deliverer of your end."

"No, you may be a god…but I am man! Punch!" And sup man punches Snowflame and punches and punches and juggles seven galaxies and throw them at Snowflame and explode into fluffy white sheep. Snowflame then weaves the sheep into a massive sword of massiveness. He swings hard with great strength and it cuts off Man super's left arm…but Supe Cent throws his arm into Snowflames mouth and explodes into five new suns that then die and go supernova killing thousands of inconcents in the Blind Orphan and puppy galaxies.

But that still didn't kill Snowflame he and Spur Amn grappled for mothers with death following in their wake. Thousnad upon billions are killed in the brawl, except batman who just stands there.

On for billionth day of battle Superman was weak and the un the ground…but Snowflame was near death and on the underground.

"Its over you monster. Your fire will now forevers go out." He says he is about to deliver the killing blow.

"Not so fast my Kent." Said Batman as used batarangs to knock Superman into space.

"Bruce you Maniac was are you doing?" He said as Batman flew up from the planet, while the evil Snowflame began to destabilize the multiverse. "What are you dense, retarded that monster is going to des tro the whole multiverse."

"First that is exactly what I want him too do. And secondly I am the goddamn K. Jizzle Roke!" He shouted as he ripped off the batman soot and capture Superman in a choke holds.

"What are you? Where do you come from? Why are doing this?" superman asked.

"I am the chosen one of darkness. I come from a universe where nothing makes sense. And I am doing this because I am evil!" He shouted and scissor kicked Superman into a rift in space time.

Epic Log

Juts ten the dark wizard Jenny Jordan teleportaled behind him as he stood alone in space watching Universe 52 be destroyed.

"So I guess that is it."

"Indeed"

"Now the Snowflame will begin his campaign of destroying the multiverse."

"Which will weaken the binds that hold our dark master."

"His ingenious plan is nearing completetion and soon noon will be able to stand against us."

Then together they entered the teleportal with dark ominous music in the background and shouted in unisex

"At last the plan that was long proceed…long live BNQDX!"

To Be Continued!