Okay, so I was listening to this song, and thinking about Maximum Ride (surprise surprise), and I was like 'This is so perfect for them from the last book!' And this is what happened. xD The song is Over You by Chris Daughtry. Enjoy….review?
Over You
Now that it's all said and done,
I can't believe you were the one
To build me up and tear me down,
Like an old abandoned house.
The last person she ever expected to see leave was him. He was her right-hand man, her best friend, her brother, and the person she had lost her heart to, every piece of it. He'd put the broken bits back together and held onto it tightly, protecting it from everything that could ever break it again. But then he'd thrown it back to her, piece by broken piece, folded up inside the letter that was stained with her tears.
Nothing seemed important anymore. She felt abandoned and broken, left lying alone in a world that continued to move even while she was frozen in place. Simple things like eating and sleeping no longer came naturally; she was a corpse, lying curled up inside her coffin, tangled up in blankets and tears. The letter that held the last words he'd wanted her to hear lay crumpled on the table beside her bed, creased and folded and worn out, showing how many times she'd lain and read the same words over and over again.
He was supposed to be the one to hold her together, to show her what she was supposed to do next, to guide her in the right direction when she needed a helping hand. Instead, he'd sent her tumbling off on her own, where her own two legs and wings couldn't help get her off of the ground.
What you said when you left
Just left me cold and out of breath.
I fell too far, was in way too deep.
Guess I let you get the best of me.
The words from the letter were burned into her memory; they ran through her mind when she closed her eyes, when she sat in bed with distant and vacant eyes, ignoring the cries and pleas of the rest of her family who still remained. 'I don't know if I'll ever see any of you again.' 'The things is, Maximum, I love you.' 'I hope you'll forgive me someday for turning our worlds into shades of gray—at least for a while.' She convinced herself for so long that she hated him for what he'd done. He'd doused out the fire that had always burned so brightly inside of her, sending her up in smoke. Why couldn't he have had the guts to say this to her face? Maybe then she could have stopped him, could have talked some sense into that thick skull of his.
Angel told her that she'd get better; she told her that someday, this would all be better, that the color would flood back into her life and she'd be able to live again. She didn't believe her; how could she? Fang was right; the stupid boy was right. He'd turned her world into shades of gray. But she'd never forgive him.
The hole he'd dug for her when he left was too deep for her to pull herself out of, at least on her own. With wings or without, she was trapped, pulled down by the memories of the face that her broken heart still ached to see.
Well, I never saw it coming.
I should've started running
A long, long time ago.
Maybe, she thought, if she'd looked harder, she'd have seen this coming. She should have pulled her heart away from him before he had the chance to throw it back at her. Falling in love was never supposed to happen; he was supposed to be her friend, her helper, her brother. It wasn't supposed to be like this.
"Max."
A deep voice broke through her thoughts and she sat up quickly in bed, her knees pulled up to her chest tightly. She looked like a little kid, with tired, teary eyes and a red nose. She angrily wiped the back of her hand across her face and looked over at the door, where Dylan stood with his hands at his sides, standing awkwardly in the threshold between her room and the hallway.
"Max, it's been two weeks," He said. His voice was soft, but just seeing his face made an anger flare up inside of her that she didn't even know still burned. 'Dylan's a little bit right about how my being here might be putting the rest of you in danger.' The words made her eyes narrow at the member of the flock who she believed never really belonged. Her hands grasped fistfuls of the sheets around her as his voice broke through her barriers once more, infuriatingly comforting.
"You have to pull yourself out of this, Max," He was saying. He looked scared to come in anymore, as if he hadn't already ruined everything. "The flock needs you. You're the leader now. You may not see it now, but things will be better this way. They-"
"GET OUT!" She screamed, opening her eyes and throwing the nearest thing she could straight at him. The alarm clock hit his chest with a loud 'thud' and he flinched, stepping back and looking at her with an unfathomable sadness in his eyes that made her want to scream again. "You don't know anything about me!" She shouted, her voice sounding unnaturally loud in her own ears after the days of silence. "You don't belong here! You never did! This is your fault!" She screamed. Pinning the blame on someone was the only thing she could think of to do; she was sick of people looking at her like a broken toy that was left on the shelf, like a glass doll that would shatter with the slightest touch. "He left because of you!" She cried. The pained look on his face as she continued to yell only made her fire burn brighter. Having someone, anyone, to blame for her pain was the only thing that she could think of to do. The person who was truly responsible had left.
The door closed with a soft click, and she slowly crawled out of the bed, picking up the fallen clock and placing it back on the bedside table with trembling hands. She pressed her hands to her mouth to muffle the sobs that wracked her body, as fresh as the first day she'd found the note.
And I never thought I'd doubt you,
I'm better off without you
More than you, more than you know.
She wanted to tell Fang that she didn't need him anymore, that she was just fine without him. She wanted to pull herself to her feet and walk with her head held high, the way she'd always been. She wanted to take back all of the tears she'd wasted on his namesake, to take back every kiss she'd ever given him and throw every apology back in his face. She hated that he had the ability to break her down like this until she couldn't even find all of the pieces. She didn't want to rely on anyone but herself, but she'd messed up.
Putting her complete trust in someone else was a stupid mistake that she'd never make again.
That night she made her way downstairs and into the living room where the rest of the flock was sitting after dinner. She knew that she must have looked a mess; every head turned her way as soon as her foot hit the bottom step, even Iggy's. Four pairs of eyes bored into hers, and slowly Nudge stood up, taking a hesitant step forward.
"Max?" She asked quietly, and her voice squeaked. Nudge, her little motor-mouth, was speechless. Her throat felt cry and her tongue heavy; silence had overtaken the room, and every eye was turned in her direction. She bit her lip and looked down at the twelve year old in front of her, and slowly smiled.
It wasn't a real smile, and it made her feel strange to even use those muscles again, but it was enough for the small girl in front of her to throw her arms around her and squeeze tightly. The simple action was enough to knock the breath out of her and send her tumbling backwards, but even then the small girl didn't release her grip on her. She felt something wet on her t-shirt, and she slowly looked down at Nudge, and saw the tears sparking in her brown eyes. The image made her heart constrict tightly, and she threw her arms around her, pulling her tightly to herself.
"I missed you, Max," Nudge whispered. The only response Max gave her was a tighter hug.
I'm slowly getting closure.
I guess it's really over.
I'm finally getting better.
For those first two weeks she stayed in bed, hoping that maybe somehow, when she opened her eyes, he would be back. But every time she opened her eyes again, nothing met her eyes but the darkness he'd thrust her into when he'd left. He wasn't coming back; she had known that all along, but somehow, pretending that it wasn't true made the pain hurt less.
His face still burned brightly behind her eyes every time she closed them, but slowly the sharp pain was dulling to a steady throb, something that was always with her but that she was beginning to be able to live with. The rest of the flock still seemed afraid to be around her, as if she would break at any moment. Dylan refused to meet her eyes; she thought it would make her happy, but instead it brought a sinking sense of guilt that she didn't understand.
And now I'm picking up the pieces
From spending all of these years
Putting my heart back together
The days passed by slowly; she still felt hollow, but the hole that Fang had left in her when he disappeared was slowly beginning to heal. A smile from Angel, a long speech from Nudge, a stupid joke from the Gasman and Iggy that made her roll her eyes all helped fill that void that she had felt would suck her up for so long. Everyone still seemed to be treading carefully around her, but she didn't argue with it. She had wasted so much time locked up in her own world, leaving the rest of her family to suffer on their own. She was done with it; she wasn't going to hide anymore. That idiot didn't know what he left behind; the mention of his name still made her heart race, but it was in a different way now. It was a memory of love that burned her to the very core. It was ironic that this was all she needed to reignite the fire he'd doused out when he ran away.
'Cause the day I thought I'd never get through,
I got over you.
It was his choice to leave; it was his choice to run away from the danger that they'd always faced head-on, together. He'd given up because he thought it was best for them, but he was wrong; didn't he know how much it would hurt her to see him gone? And yet he told her he loved her, loved everything about her, shattering the pieces of her heart beyond repair. Or at least, that was what she had thought.
Her family was showing her differently. They were still tentative to get too close to her, but slowly, things seemed to be changing. Dylan still remained off to the side, occasionally exchanging a word or two with Iggy or the Gasman, or listening to one of Nudge's long rants, but staying away from Max herself. The thought irritated her as much as it relieved her; every time she looked at him, she was only reminded of the person whose presence still lingered like a ghost. Every conversation, every word that brought even a mention of him felt like a knife twisting in her already wounded heart. Every head would swivel in her direction, every eye full of concern, and she would just smile and shake her head.
She was still broken. She was still fragile.
But she was healing.
You took a hammer to these walls,
Dragged the memories down the hall,
Packed your bags and walked away.
There was nothing I could say.
The moon hung low in the sky, illuminating the tears on her pale cheeks that continued to fall, even after she had determined never to shed another for that idiot who stole her heart. But he refused to leave her mind; even after he'd left, he still had a hold on her that she couldn't break free of. She pulled her knees up to her chest and clutched a rock tightly in her hand, lifting her hand back and throwing it as hard and as far as she could. She heard the dull 'thud' as it hit the ground. She buried her face in her hands, biting her lip to keep from screaming.
The pain was worse at night. She had always slept secure in the knowledge that her entire flock was safe, that they would all be there in the morning to chase away her nightmares. But now her nightmares stayed with her until morning.
She heard a shuffle of feet behind her and tensed up immediately, wiping away her tears angrily with the back of her hand. A figure sat down next to her, looking as stupid and perfect as ever. She quickly turned her eyes away and moved to the side, refusing to even glance in his direction.
"Max."
"Stop saying my name," She mumbled, staring down at her bare feet. "I don't care what you have to say. Just go away." She turned her back on him, biting her lip to stop its quivering. His hand rested on her shoulder and she spun around, hitting him square in the jaw.
"Don't touch me!" She shouted, and though he flinched, he didn't move. Before she could even move he had his arms wrapped around her tightly, pulling her against his chest that felt so familiar and alien at the same time. She tensed up, ready to pull away and hit him again, when she felt his hand softly stroking her hair.
"It's okay, Max," He said softly. "It'll all be okay. You'll see."
His touch brought back a flood of memories, of all of the times that Fang had held her in much the same manner, whispering soothing words in her ear every time she broke down. She clutched tight fistfuls of Dylan's shirt and buried her face in her chest, her shoulders shaking as raw sobs wracked her entire body. He didn't say a word as she cried; when she finally pulled away, he smiled slightly, wiping away her tears away with his thumb.
"I know you need time, Max," He said softly. "I'm sorry this happened."
She didn't say a word to him as she slowly pushed herself to her feet, walking on numb legs back to the room that she now called her own, closing the door softly behind her and picking up the note that he'd left her. Her fists slowly closed around it, but the words would forever remain in her memory.
And when you slammed the front door shut,
A lot of others opened up,
So did my eyes so I could see
That you never were the best for me.
Was there a way she could have changed things? That was the questions she'd been asking herself for so long now, and she was no closer to an answer now than she was on the very first day she'd found the note. Did she mess up somewhere, like she always seemed to do? The idiot could have at least said goodbye, but instead he left her with nothing but ink and paper to remember him by. What kind of a farewell was that?
She knew that she wasn't the only one suffering from this; she saw it even in Angel's eyes, which didn't seem to shine quite as brightly as they always had before. She could see it in the way Iggy held himself, shrinking down smaller and smaller until he was barley more than a shadow on the wall. She needed to bring them out of this, but she still couldn't pull herself through it, either.
They still had things to do. They still had to save the world, but somehow, even that seemed unimportant without Fang's dark eyes watching her. They'd known each other better than anyone else; with just a single glance from her, he could tell exactly what she was thinking, what she needed or wanted him to do. She could read everything he was feeling in just the way he sat down in the morning, whether he was upset or angry or just tired. Even when they were still in the School, stuck in cages and poked with needles day in and day out, it was his face that she looked to whenever she wanted someone to talk to, someone to comfort her.
And he'd always been there.
Well, I never saw it coming.
I should've started running
A long, long time ago.
He'd thought that he was doing the right thing by leaving, but he was wrong. He was so wrong. She didn't understand how he could do this to them, to her. He said that he loved her, but then he turned his back on her.
"Max, do you think we'll see him again?"
Nudge's voice made her eyes open again, and she glanced over at the twelve year old sitting cross-legged on the porch next to her, twisting her thumbs together nervously in her lap.
The question caught her by surprise. She slowly turned to face the younger girl, who still refused to meet her eyes.
"No."
The answer came without even thinking, as if it were the most obvious thing in the world. Nudge turned her eyes towards her, filled to the brim with tears. Max bit her lip, then wrapped her arms around her.
"He's gone, Nudge," She whispered, and suddenly it was as if she were speaking to herself and not her. "He's not coming back. He left. But we still have each other," She said, struggling to keep her voice strong. She was supposed to be the leader, after all; even with Fang gone, she had to be strong for them. She realized that now, perhaps a little too late. "None of us are ever going to split up ever again," She said quietly, a shiver running down her spine as she felt the girl trembling in her arms. "We're going to stay together."
And I never thought I'd doubt you,
I'm better off without you
More than you, more than you know.
"Let's go, gang."
The words stirred up a low rumble that spread throughout the flock, sitting together on the couch in front of the old television. Max walked over to it and pulled out the plug, waving it around in her hands and gazing at the shocked faces of the flock.
"Where?" Iggy finally asked, the first word she'd heard him say since Fang's disappearance.
"Some fresh air," She said simply, and watched as Nudge's face lit up, as did Angel's. The small girl ran forward and threw her arms around her, sending her stumbling backwards. She laughed nervously and patted her on the back, but then swept her up in a hug.
"Well, come on!" She said, leading the way outside. She didn't wait to see if anyone else was coming with her before she jumped, spreading her wings out and feeling the wind catch in her feathers.
Flying felt the same. Even in a world where Fang no longer existed, certain things remained the same. The world kept spinning, even if she still felt like it would cease to exist at times. The wind pushed her hair back out of her eyes, and when she looked to her right, she saw not Fang, but Dylan, pushing to keep up with her. Her heart constricted tightly, but then she lowered herself, the tips of her wings brushing his.
"Slow-poke," she said simply, then turned away again, glancing back at the others who were following close behind. A smile slowly slid across her face as she pushed herself faster, then folded her wings in, letting herself fall. The adrenaline rush was the same; the feeling of going faster and faster and never stopping. When she finally snapped her wings out again and came to a running stop in a grassy clearing in the woods, she was still smiling, and for once, it was a real one.
I'm slowly getting closure.
I guess it's really over.
I'm finally getting better.
"I can take the first watch."
Max glanced over at Dylan, careful not to move for fear of waking the seven year old girl cradled in her arms. They'd taken a rest in the clearing and decided to stay for the night. Even though they all loved having a warm bed to sleep in, something about being outside just felt better, more right. She hesitated, then shook her head slowly.
"I'll be fine. You should get some rest," She said softly, turning her gaze back down to the sleeping girl in her arms. She heard the rustle of grass to her left as Dylan settled down a few feet away from the others, turned on his side, facing away from her. She gently brushed a strand of Angel's hair out of her eyes, though her mind was elsewhere.
So many times she'd been able to sleep next to everyone else, with the comfort of knowing that Fang was watching over them. The thought of him sent a pain through her heart, but it was nothing like it had been before. She still felt something missing, but it wasn't something that she needed to live. The thought made her eyes widen slightly, her hand falling away from Angel's pallid, sleeping face.
"You're right, Max," Angel said softly, making her jump. "You don't need him to live. You're strong, Max," She said, her eyes still closed. "You're stronger than any of us. You'll be okay. We all will." For a moment she thought it had begun to rain, but then she realized that more of those infuriating tears were falling from her eyes. She quickly closed them, trying not to wake Angel again. She knew that the small girl could hear everything that she was thinking, though; so she let the tears fall..
And now I'm picking up the pieces.
I'm spending all of these years
Putting my heart back together.
The pieces were slowly beginning to fit together again. Though the note still sat on her bedside table, worn and crumpled, she was beginning to forget all of the words that were on it. The hole in her heart was slowly beginning to mend itself once more, and she found herself able to sleep at night, waken only occasionally by the nightmares of his departure.
The flock was always there to comfort her. They still treaded carefully around the subject of the one who was missing, but whenever they saw her tears, saw the way her eyes glazed over and she pulled into herself, they were quick to change the subject, to talk about something else.
It'd been two months since he left. Every morning the sun still rose in shades of red and orange, and every night it still set once more. Things weren't changing; a piece of the puzzle was still missing, but it was one that she could never get back.
'Cause the day I thought I'd never get through,
I got over you.
It was his choice to leave. It was his mistake, his fault and his alone. She couldn't blame Dylan for the choices Fang had made, nor could she blame herself any longer. She was sick of the sense of guilt weighing her down every morning, crushing the pieces she had managed to fit together once more. She was sick of it all.
The sadness was replaced by a bitter resentment; she wanted him back just so she could spit in his face and tell him to get lost. He didn't understand just what he'd done when he left, what he'd taken with him. She hated him for it; but as soon as the thought passed through her mind she flinched. She could never hate him, no matter how much she waned to at times.
He would always hold part of her heart. But she was taking the rest back.
Well, I never saw it coming.
I should've started running
A long, long time ago.
"Twenty years is a long time."
It was Angel this time. She was looking at Max with wide, innocent eyes, projecting her voice into her head where she couldn't tell her to shut up. They were sitting on the front porch with the rest of the flock, though each seemed to be in their own little world. Dylan was talking tentatively to Iggy, who didn't seem to mind it. The Gasman and Nudge were sitting off to the side, talking excitedly about something.
Max turned her eyes down to Angel, biting her lip to keep from speaking. What was she supposed to say? Why was she bringing this up?
"Maybe you'll see him then, though," She continued, keeping her eyes on hers as she 'spoke'. "Wouldn't that be good?"
Max tore her gaze away from hers, biting down harder on her lip until the metallic taste of blood flooded her mouth. She turned her gaze upward, at the clouds passing by slowly in the midday sky. Her heart felt as though she'd just been pumped full of adrenaline, getting ready for another battle. Twenty years; she'd be thirty-five then. Who was to say what she'd be like then? If they wouldn't be 'expired'?
She didn't listen as Angel said something else, and instead took off running, pushing herself off the ground and snapping her wings out painfully, pushing herself higher and higher into the sky. She didn't want to hear it.
And I never thought I'd doubt you,
I'm better off without you
More than you, more than you know.
Why did anything about him make her hurt so badly? She'd though she was getting better, though she was moving on. She wasn't sure she ever could now.
She didn't know where she was going, only that she had to get away. She pushed herself faster, feeling the wind fly by at an unnatural speed by her face, blowing her hair in front of her eyes, making it impossible for her to see. Her breath came in short gasps as her feet finally hit the ground again, surrounded by trees on every side. She fell to her knees and buried her face in her hands, but even that couldn't muffle the scream that tore out of her throat.
Well, I never saw it coming.
I should've started running
A long, long time ago.
Her throat ached and burned, but still she continued to yell. Sobs tore through her body until she couldn't breathe anymore; she stared down at her trembling hands, her eyes heavy. Every time; every time she thought she was finally forgetting his face, finally putting herself back together, something made her think of him. Her entire life he'd been by her side; she could remember him when he was young, when she could only touch him through the bars in their cages. She could remember him as he fought, strong and dangerous, putting everything he had into what he was doing. She could remember him quiet and vulnerable, holding her in his arms or pressing his lips to hers. She could remember it all.
She couldn't forget.
And I never thought I'd doubt you,
I'm better off without you
More than you, more than you know.
But he wasn't coming back; he would never come back, would never say her name again. Twenty years; what a joke. He'd left her here alone without so much as a goodbye parting. She closed her eyes tightly, but still the tears spilled out, raking their way down her cheeks and stinging her split lip. She gripped handfuls of the dirt underneath her, her cries ringing out throughout the entire forest as she broke down into pieces.
She was supposed to have been able to trust him; she was supposed to have been able to look to him forever. He was supposed to be by her side her entire life, but now his face was a fading memory, dulling down everyday that she could no longer see him.
Another scream tore through her lips as she pulled herself together, struggling to keep herself from falling apart at the seams. She rocked herself back and forth slowly, feeling like a child again. But this time, no one was there to comfort her. The familiar head of dark hair didn't come to pick her up in his arms; she was left alone.
I'm slowly getting closure.
I guess it's really over.
I'm finally getting better.
Her cries slowly began to fade, and the only sound that came to her ears was the occasional shuddering gasp as she forced herself to keep breathing. It shouldn't have been like this; she was getting better. She knew that she had been. But one stray comment from a seven year old mind reader was able to send her plummeting over the edge, back into the dark pit that the person she'd loved had dug for her grave.
She didn't want to pull herself out; she didn't want to move again. She wanted to stay here forever, curled up in the middle of the woods, where no one would find her again. No one would bother her, tell her to heal, make her get up in the morning. She could slowly fade away into the colorless world that Fang had left her in, and no one would notice.
And now I'm picking up the pieces.
I'm spending all of these years
Putting my heart back together.
"MAX!"
The voice echoed in her mind as she slowly lifted her head from her bed of leaves, and saw the form that landed next to her, tawny wings spread out around her. Nudge. And behind her was the Gasman, Iggy, even Angel, followed at the back by a nervous-looking Dylan.
"Max," Nudge cried, wrapping her arms around her tightly, pulling her up to a sitting position. "Max, you scared us," She whispered. "We didn't know where you were. We couldn't find you. I thought that maybe a bear was out here or something, because I could have sworn I heard a noise back there, and I wasn't sure what it was. Iggy told me it was probably just a mountain lion, but that didn't' really make much of a difference, does it? Do they even live here? Anyways, Max, why are you here? What's going on? We thought-we were sure that you had-" She bit her lip, turning her face away from her.
"We thought you bailed on us, just like he did," Iggy said suddenly from his spot behind Nudge, his arms folded across his chest. Max flinched slightly; even without a mention of his name, she knew who they were talking about. Angel slowly took a step forward, reaching her hand out for the oldest member of the remaining flock.
"Max, I'm sorry," She said softly. "I didn't mean to make you cry. I'm sorry."
The words didn't even seem to process in her mind; she was silent, her eyes passing over every member of the flock slowly, resting on each one for a moment before moving onto the next one. Her world still felt dim and bleak, but there was color there in between the blacks and whites; they were standing in front of her now, each with concern in their eyes.
Her heart constricted with guilt as her eyes slowly made their way back to Nudge, still standing in front of her with tears in her eyes.
Well I'm putting my heart back together,
'Cause I got over you.
She was wrong. She wasn't alone; just because Fang had left didn't meant that no one else cared. Every set of eyes that were on her right then showed her otherwise. Someone would notice if she stayed here; someone would care. Five people would care.
The fire that she thought that she'd lost when Fang left was still there; Dylan had shown her that, with all of the times he'd made her angry. Nudge and Angel had shown her that with every smile and every speech, with every thought that entered her mind. Iggy had shown her that as she smiled at his jokes; even the Gasman had shown her that with all of his antics, that any other time would have sent her into a whirlwind of anger.
The hole that Fang had left in her heart would never truly heal; there would always be a spot in her that longed for his touch, his embrace, but that would never get it. She would always wonder where he was, what he was doing. She would still shed tears for him for years to come, but never like this again.
Well I got over you.
I got over you.
He would be a distant memory, something that she thought about when she was alone but never felt guilt over again. He would be on her mind at night when she was unable to fall asleep, during the day when she was alone. But now, she would smile, because he'd been there before. The memories he left no longer held a bitter tone, but a happy one. She still missed him, but she hardly noticed the hole in her heart that he had left, for it was slowly being filled by others.
She had her flock; she had her family. She had her memories.
She was finally healing.
'Cause the day I thought I'd never get through,
I got over you.
The note he had left her, the one that she had read over and over again for so long and shed so many tears over, rested in a drawer beside her bed, where it remained for years to come, untouched.