Lethal Moonlight
by Kiley S. Jensen
I smiled at the new arrival to my family's bed and breakfast, The Golden Hollow, and did a double take when I actually got a good look at their face. My wide eyes took in the sight of Remus J. Lupin, and the books and star charts in my arms tumbled to floor with a loud clatter. I dropped to my knees and frantically gathered up my fallen possessions. "Allow me," a crisp, pleasing voice said, and sure hands helped me pick up the books and rolled up papers.
"Tha-Thanks," I replied breathlessly, and rose to my feet. I ran a nervous hand through my flax-coloured hair and smiled shyly up at him. "Welcome to The Golden Hollow, Remus," I murmured.
"How do you know my name?" he asked, with that legendary quirked brow.
"It's complicated," I replied, "But I happen to know quite a lot about you."
"What is your name? I am intrigued by your knowledge of my person."
"Oh- yes- my name is Julianna Andrews."
"Pleased to make your acquaintance, Miss Andrews," Remus said politely.
"Would you care to join me for a walk?" I asked suddenly.
"Pardon?"
"Well," I paused, momentarily losing the little confidence I had, but then continued, "I usually go for a walk about now, and I thought this would be a good opportunity to show you around the estate." I finished with another hesitant smiled; I placed my charts and books on the already perilously cluttered desk, all but sketchbook- that never left my hands.
"Actually, that sounds quite refreshing."
It took all of my control not to gape at him in my surprise. I clumsily motioned for him to follow me. We walked in silence, the tension was tantalisingly close to being tangible about is; we arrived unconsciously along the cliff side that looked out to the ocean and had the large pine that my grandfather planted when he and my grandmother built the Hollow. I stopped to a take a seat leaning against the trunk of the tree, but Remus continued a small ways past to the lip of the cliff. "My friend Kiley would be dying right now if she knew you were here," I mused while opening my sketchbook to a blank page.
"Why is that?" he asked softly, gazing out at the vanishing sun.
"She loves you, in a platonic sense, and that would give her hope her beloved, sneering Snape would somewhere out there-"
"-Would your friend be a freelance journalist and aspiring writer, whose last name happens to be Jensen?"
"Are you telling me that you know her?!" I asked incredulously.
"Know her? She is the brave soul that dared to get in Severus' face and shout at him to stop being a selfless arse! She has been in a relationship with for quite some time now, she actually is brilliant at brewing potions."
My mind was reeling- Kiley actually "tamed" Severus Snape?! "I don't believe it," I breathed, thinking aloud.
"I do not think Severus did for a time either," Remus chortled, smiling into the sunset.
The urge to scratch pencil across the page of my sketchbook hit me, and I blurted, "Hold still...please." Remus shot me a questioning look, but when I glared threateningly at him, he returned to his original pose. My thin charcoal pencil scratched and scribbled over the page and the image began to appear. The faint sunlight outlined the three scars across Remus' face with gold, and made the miniscule island offshore glow. "Almost done," I mumbled absentmindedly, and finished defining his jaw. "There," I said, latently victoriously. A shadow fell over my sketchbook, causing me to look up sharply; Remus was intently taking in every line and curve of the sketch, and his eyes suddenly jerked up to meet mine.
"Why are my scars...so gentle?" he asked, with forced nonchalance.
"Why wouldn't they be? They have been there for a while, and they are not hideous or appalling, Remus." When he looked at me with evident skepticism, I rolled up my shirt's sleeve on my right arm. Slowly, I revealed the scar that started at my elbow and curved up in a jagged line and curled intimately against the curve of my shoulder; even after years of healing, the skin was raised and scintillating milk white.
"What happened?" he murmured faintly.
"I was in a car crash with my mother five years ago," I explained patiently, and ran a ghosting finger over the portion of my shoulder, "Scars are nothing more than the stories we wish to forget...our own."
"Julianna, time for dinner!" my mother startled the both of us, add I snapped my sketchbook then righted my sleeve. A slightly calloused hand appeared in front of me, I gave Remus a shy, grateful smile and let him help me to my feet.
"Thanks," I mumbled, and then dashed off.
A Month Later...
"Easy there, Julianna, what is your hurry?" Remus called after me as I sprinted past him.
"Denise is back from her visit to see her grandchild!" I shouted over my shoulder and continued to race to my now inhabited, neighbor's house.
"'Anna!" Denise cried out and threw her arms wide open.
I came crashing into her arms, nearly knocking the both of us off our feet. "Denise, I missed you!" I exclaimed.
"Oh honey, I missed you more! And what is this I hear about you being inseparable from a new guest your mother told me about over the phone the other day, hmm?"
I blushed under her narrowed, expectant gaze and mumbled, "We are just friends."
"Ah yes, 'just friends' makes you blush like that," Denise chortled, making air quotation marks when she mimicked me. "From what I hear, he is quite handsome, and a well-made match for you," she added.
"Oh bother, you make is sound so archaic- like we are engaged to be married or something-" A knock on Denise's door silenced the beginning of my tangent. Even from the shadowy figure cast through the door windows, I knew it was Remus...I was hopeless, wasn't I?
"Well hello, you must be Remus Lupin," Denise greeted the man warmly as she answered the door.
"It is a pleasure to meet such a good friend of Julianna's." Remus took up Denise's motion for him to enter, and came to my side while I stared out at the surf from the front room's vast window. "I was wondering if you wanted to show me around town, and take me to the bookstore?" he asked me softly.
"I would love to, to the bookstore it is," I answered warmly, and reached out to take his hand. Our fingers intertwined, and I smiled up at him. "See you, Denise!" I called over my shoulder as I tugged Remus along. After the short walk, I realised that I was pulling Remus around as if he was my dutiful boyfriend. "The bookshop is this way," I mused, and motioned for him to follow. Remus smiled as soon as we passed through the doors and were welcomed by the scent of hundreds of books.
"Hello, Jules," Blake, the nephew of the owner- a year older than me- greeted me with that legendary smile of his that won him the hearts of all girls in town...that is, all but me.
I cringed at the wretched nickname he so persistently called me by, having said that I was like a precious jewel, and should be called such...I try not to vomit on him with all my might, honestly. "Hey- this is Remus, one of the guests staying up on the estate," I explained, and smiled once more up at Remus.
"Cool- well, shall I show you the new arrivals?" Blake asked.
"Sure."
Blake wrapped an arm around my shoulders, and led me away from Remus- who seemed to growl with a deep, albeit soft rumble from within his chest. I shrugged away from his grasp, and looked up at a book that seemed so strangely familiar. "Oh my gosh! That is Kiley's book!" I gasped softly, and smiled at the now known cover. Blake reached up for the book, making sure he pressed against me as he did so. I shoved him away, and rolled my eyes in irritation. Fingers laced between mine, I snapped my head to glare at the unknown person, but my features softened to a bright smile when I saw that it was Remus.
"Through Silence?" Remus mused with a quirked brow.
"This is Kiley's book that I begged and begged for her to let me read before she ever publish it- but she never let me. I have been waiting to find a copy ever since she told me she published it," I explained with a smile at the memory of the last time I had seen my friend.
"She is living her dream it seems with Severus-"
"-Do you mean that someone actually named their kid after that slimeball from Harry Potter?! Next thing you are gonna tell me that this guy's that wimpy-" Blake began.
"DON'T YOU DARE!" I shouted, pointing an accusing, jabbing finger into Blake's chest, "Both of them deserve your respect, as they are greater men than you can ever dream of being!" I hissed. My phone rang, thoroughly interrupting my rage-induced rant. I ducked out of the shop and connected the line, "Hello?"
"Julianna, how are you? You would not believe-" Kiley began in her usual enthused voice.
"-Let me guess, you found Severus, thanks for telling me," I teased knowingly.
"How did you find out?! But that's not the reason I am calling you- Julianna, I am getting married! Severus proposed! "
"I found him," I answered cryptically, knowing she would know whom I was talking about.
"Remus is there?! Oh my sweet Ophelia! Have you told him that you love him? Do you think he loves you in return? Oh, Julianna, this is so exciting!" Kiley hurtled question after question at me without the slightest hesitation.
I gazed over my shoulder to look at Remus, who was talking with latent frustration to Blake, and smiled sadly. "No," I murmured faintly into the phone, "No, I haven't. I am not like you, I am not the courageous one who chases after she wants with her whole being like you. I have to go, I miss you and wish you the best!" My eyes burned slightly, a tell-tale sign that foreshadowed tears, and so I blinked rapidly to keep them away.
"Julianna, is everything all right?" Remus asked as he exited the bookstore.
"Hm? Oh yes, I am fine," I lied half-heartedly and shoved my phone back into my pocket.
I turned to make my way back to the Hollow, but I was stopped by Remus' hand grabbing hold of my own. "Let me buy you a hot chocolate," he suggested. He gently pulled me along to the small coffee shop in town; I watched people walk by while Remus ordered our drinks. "Now Julianna, tell me what's troubling you." He laughed when I looked at him with surprise, "Please, have some faith in me, I know you well enough to know when something is wrong."
"Kiley is getting married," I mumbled.
"And that is a bad thing?" Remus asked with a quirked brow.
"No, no!" I exclaimed, "It's just that she found her Severus, and I am here- working at the Hollow and with either my nose buried in a book or with charcoal-stained fingers...then Miranda is in New York working alongside giants of the theater, Malia is saving lives while seven months pregnant, and Rita is abroad for her photojournalism. But me...I am here."
"Well I for one am glad that you are here. Although I do not know if being stuck with me helps at all," he chuckled faintly, but I knew he thought that his presence did not help me in anyway...how wrong he was.
"Remus, I am more than happy that you are here," I assured him, reaching across the bistro table to take his large, calloused hand in both of mine. "You make my being here much more enjoyable- plus, who else could I drag around to accompany me on my errands?" I added with a smile.
He laughed and mused wryly, "I am sure that Blake would not mind taking my place." At that, I snorted and rolled my eyes. "He is a handsome young man, Julianna, you cannot complain about the lack of a love life for lack of better word if you are so selective," he chided.
"Correction, Blake Shepherd is an egocentric, unintelligent, babbling, bumbling baboon- not to mention it is a tragedy such an illiterate human as he works in a bookstore," I mumbled darkly, and my brow furrowed in irritation.
"Tell me how you really feel about the young man," Remus teased.
"Remus, I need someone I can have a conversation with about the poetics of nature, literature, and travel the world with and not be driven insane along the way! I need a man, not some boy who wants to suck my face off like supercharged, testosterone jacked Dyson vacuum," I commented bluntly.
"Julianna, you are a wonderful girl, and you will have no problem finding your guy," Remus eyes' shimmered with honest sincerity, which caused me to blush.
"I think I may have found him," I muttered, more to myself than to Remus. I drank the remaining hot chocolate in my glass, and asked Remus, "Are you ready to go back to the Hollow?"
Remus nodded, rose from his chair, and to my surprise- held out his hand for me to take. I blushed brighter and smiled meekly at him as I took his hand. He pulled me to my feet with ease, and kept my hand protectively enveloped in his. We walked in amiable silence, and I could not resist peeking at Remus out of the corner of my eye. At the moment, he looked so at ease- a juxtaposition moment to his overall haggard appearance.
"Remus, are you feeling any better?" I asked with worry.
"A little, still very tired," he answered without looking at me, but he failed to hide tension that seemed to be settling upon him. "You are a great friend, Julianna, I don't know what being here would be like without you here," he added softly.
My heart beat frantically in my chest at the revelation, and so I summoned the tethers of my courage. I stopped him with e gentle tug of the hand and began, "Remus, I wasn't going to tell you this, but I-"
"Oh there you two are! You have been gone for hours!" my mother explained.
"My apologies, Mrs. Andrews, but the fault lies entirely with me. Don't be harsh on Julianna," Remus explained before I could. My hand felt cold suddenly, and I looked down to see that Remus has subtly let go of it. "Now if you will excuse me, ladies, but I am going to my room as I am suddenly not feeling well."
"Oh dear! We are all going out to eat in town tonight- hopefully you feel up to joining us!" my mother called after him. She turned to me and asked, "I walked in on a moment, didn't I?" Although her tone made it sound more like a statement, palpable with knowing.
"You could say that," I mumbled half-heartedly, "Don't count me in attendance, Mom, I am not feeling well." I trudged up to my loft and studio tucked safely away from the main building. I went to my paper-strewn desk and began to draw. With intimate, gentle strokes of my pencil, a face languidly vanishing beneath a multi-faceted river appeared. Soon, a body appeared, encased by a water-sod dress, which was slowly dragging the woman down. Her ebony tendrils were fanned out, like midnight skeletal fingers clinging to the last threads of life. Finally, my pencil fell over the featureless face, and a facial structure blossomed. I left the eyes blank, and went to the landscape; directly above the woman was a full moon, and I lightly shaded in the silhouette of a wolf on the moon's surface. I reached blindly around for the amber coloured pencil, and with practiced strokes, coloured the irises of the woman's eyes the same colour as the moon. I reached for the red pen and painted her lips an unnatural shade of red...akin to fresh blood. I pulled away from the drawing, transfixed upon the amber and the scintillating red.
"This one is different than the others, but I am fascinated by it," Denise's voice behind me startled me, and I spun in my chair to face her. "I heard you will not be going out to dinner with everyone, so I came by to let you know I will be home if you need me," she finished with a warm smile.
"Thank you," I murmured, "But I think I will be tucking in early."
Denise left without another word and smiled at me she did; I slid into bed and fell into a light, almost hesitant, sleep.
The sound of pained moan, followed by the sound of a slamming door awoke me. I lurched out of bed, eyes still blurry with sleep, and stumbled down the stairs. I looked out the window, and dimly made out Remus' retreating figure headed into the woods. All remnants of fatigue left me, and I scrambled out of my studio to catch up with him. "Remus!" I shouted out.
Another moan of pain and then I heard, "Stay away!" I saw Remus a metre or two ahead of me, hunched over and grunting heavily.
"Remus, what's wrong?!" I exclaimed as I raced to his side.
Remus turned to speak to me, but as he did, the first shaft of light from the full moon hit his face...and something within him changed. His pupils dilated, the veins in his eyes intensified, and his entire body went rigid. Animal-like grunts and groans fell from his slack lips, and his canines began to elongate. Realisation struck me harder than a wave crashing against the rocky cliff-side below; I remembered who he was...what he was. The last thing I saw before I sprinted faster than I ever thought capable, was the bones within Remus' body breaking and elongating, along with him jerking his head back to howl in agony.
I crashed through the thicket, with only one thought on my mind- survival. Branches whipped my face, and I felt my hot blood trickle down my cheek. In my blind haste, I tripped on a gnarled root and fell to the ground. My palms burned from the violent friction, and my lungs momentarily burned and ceased their instinctual operation from the force of my collision with the cold, hard ground. A keening howl split through the silent tension, seemingly only feet away. It was as I scrambled to my feet that I heard the panting, followed by a rumbling growl. I dared not look behind me, knowing that I would only slow down to look, and that when I saw whatever was chasing me- I would slow down. I did not realise I was screaming until my lungs burned for air and the screams ceased. I launched back into a crazed sprint, but not before the monster managed to slice through my arm easier than butter. I cried out, wildly clutching at my bleeding arm, and tried to run faster. I could too easily imagine it only a breath's distance behind me; I could too easily imagine its cold, amber eyes alight with flame.
I stumbled once more, thankfully only pitching myself forward, but once more the claws lashed out and tore apart the flesh on my shoulder. I screamed out into the starry night, and saw lights ahead- Denise's house. I staggered onto the property, my pursuer as my shadow. Just as I fell through the door, I felt the claw that so greedily cut me to ribbons comb through my hair. I threw myself against the door, trapping the beast's paw between the frame and the door. An uncharacteristic yelp fell from the monster, and it recoiled- giving me time to shut the door. Just as I placed the last deadbolt- which was a iron bar that locked across the entire width of the door, the beast threw itself against it.
"Julianna! Wh-how- w-who?!" Denise screamed, hysterical at the sight of me slumped and bleeding profusely against her door. A snarl from the other side of the door answered her incoherent questions, and she grabbed her late husband's rifle she had for emergencies.
"NO!" I screamed at her, holding up bloody hands, "Don't hurt him! He doesn't know what he's doing! He can't remember! Please, do-don't hurt hi-him," I finished in a slurred stammer. "Help me," I whispered faintly, drastically light headed all of the sudden. I clamped my hand over my pulsing arm, and tried to get a look at my shoulder, but to no avail.
Denise rushed into her bathroom, and I could hear her shove aside items to get to her first aid kit. "Turn away from me, dear," she urged. "This will burn," she warned after I did as she instructed, as she ripped off the remains of my shirt. "I am going to pour hydrogen peroxide on it now," she explained, then poured the disinfectant over my still bleeding shoulder and arm. I cried out as the liquid reacted against my skin, and then after a few moments of intense burning, Denise wiped away the excess liquid and blood. She pressed gauze to the wound on my shoulder while she sighed in relief, "Thank god, it's only a flesh wound and whatever got you didn't hit an artery." She wrapped a secure bandage around my arm then my shoulder, and then propped me up against the door. She proceeded to clean the cuts on my face. "That one above your eyebrow will scar, but the others on your face will heal quickly," she murmured.
The reality of how close I had come to dying swept through my entire psyche, and I collapsed into Denise's arms in a flood of tears and gasping, screaming sobs. My bloodstained hands smudged blood all over the back of Denise's dressing gown, and my fingers dug into her- afraid that I would be wrenched away by greedy, ravenous claw the moment I let go.
A half-hearted thump came from the other side of the door and a high pitched whine clawed at my ears. I looked over my shoulder at the door apprehensively; I pulled away from Denise and came up to the door. I pressed a trembling hand on the surprisingly warm wood, and looked through the peephole; the wolf's head snapped up, its amber eyes met mine. Somehow, it knew I was there, and crooked, gnarled grin broke out across its face. I fell to the ground and scrambled away from the door. To my astonishment, the beast did not try to break in anymore, but instead whined and pawed at the door. I crawled warily over to the door and asked, "Can you understand me?"
The wolf whined softly, and gently wrapped its paw against the door.
"Who is that out there?" Denise asked haltingly.
I shook my head, and my eyes pooled with tears- I violently threaded my fingers through my hair and my head bowed on its own volition. My tears trickled down my nose and splashed against the slightly bloody hardwood floor. This was Remus' secret to tell, not my own...this was not him- I knew this wasn't.
The feel of the rising sun awoke me- even though I did not recall falling asleep in the first place. I looked around, and saw that Denise was asleep in a rocking chair she had pulled over. With a muffled groan, I rose to my feet and went over to her; I placed a kiss on her brow, and whispered, "I am going home, thank you...don't tell Mum and Dad." She mumbled noncommittally and I departed. I opened the door, and froze at the sight of a bloodied, bruised, and naked Remus curled on the landing of the door. "Oh Remus!" I exclaimed in a terrified whisper, and helped him to his feet. Remus groaned, and tried his best not to rely totally upon me to walk, but it was not that much. Together, we staggered towards my studio, and I asked him softly, "Remus, are you all right?"
"...sorry- so sorry," he groaned.
I ignored him and laid him down on my bed. I went into the bathroom and filled a bowl with warm water; with a washcloth in hand, I knelt beside Remus. Dipping the cloth into the water, I brought the cloth up to Remus' face and began to wipe away the dried blood. I frowned at the appearance of more bruises as the blood washed away; I combed my fingers gently through his matted hair and shushed him when he tried to protest. "It's all right, it's over," I murmured soothingly.
Soon, the blood was washed away and the water was cold, but I continued to stroke his face and hum softly under my breath. Sometime during my ministrations, Remus had fallen asleep, and so I went to the massive, blank canvas that leaned against a wall. I grabbed my paintbrush and palette, and began to paint. Denise's cottage-esque house appeared, followed by a girl's silhouette racing towards it. Instead of a starry sky overhead, my paintbrush created the horrifying image of the malicious wolf grinning as it had done only hours ago.
"So you do remember," a hoarse voice mused.
I paused mid stroke, and turned to see Remus watching me from my bed. Silently, I placed my brush and palette down and walked back over to him; I sat on the edge of the bed, and looked down at my hands that were trembling in my lap. "Remus," I spoke, barely above a whisper, "Tell me everything."
His regaling of his tale took several hours, and first he was hesitant- but as he continued, he gained confidence. It was as if missing pieces of my memory fell into place; every explanation or discussion with Kiley about Remus came to the forefront of my mind as he spoke. When he finished, he said, "Julianna, I will leave as soon as-"
"-You're leaving? B-But you can't!" I interjected.
Remus looked away, and I saw him close his eyes to prevent the tears that threatened to fall. "Julianna, I cannot put you in danger," he murmured, his eyes still closed, "Look at you- and that was just from my claws. Do you not realise how easily I could have killed you- or worse? I could have made you a monster...just like me."
"Now you stop right there, Remus J. Lupin!" I growled, and cupped his face between my hands. "And you listen to me," I paused to swallow thickly and then continued, "What happened last night was beyond your control, and you are not a monster. You are a wonderful, kind man who fell into a situation as a child out of your control then too- the result, something you will never forgive yourself for. Remus, I would do anything to make you realise how there is nothing you can do to make me love you less." I caressed his bruised cheek and smiled tearfully at him.
"Julianna- you aren't thinking clearly. I'm too old, too poor, too dangerous..."
"Remus, when is anyone perfect? We both have our scars, and...I know that you would never willingly hurt me," I countered, trailing off faintly. "Last night, I have never been more afraid of anything in my life, but it wasn't about me- I was scared for you. I knew that you would hate yourself for what happened, but I know last night was a onetime thing, and that we can get you the potion to make sure it remains that way," I spoke softly. I slid further onto the bed and took hold of one of his hands with mine. "Remus, I love you, and I do not-" I was cut off by the sound of someone knocking on my door.
"Julianna, darling, are you in there?" my mother called through the door.
I cursed softly, and swiftly pulled a sweatshirt on to cover my bandages, and went to answer the door. "Yes, Mum?" I asked her.
"I was wondering if you had seen Mr. Lupin, but it appears that I have answered my own question," my mother explained with a knowing smirk as she took in my tousled hair and overall fatigued demeanor. "I will refrain from telling your father, but I will not be left in the dark dear. Ta ta!" she called over her shoulder, and hurried back to the Hollow.
"What was that about?" Remus asked when I came back to the bed.
"I will tell you later...now Remus, I love you and I do not care about your supposed condition. You remember our conversation at the café in town? What I was trying to say was I found the man I truly wish to be with- you. Nothing you say or do will ever make me second guess that decision- or my feelings for you."
"There are probably hundreds of reasons why we cannot be together, Julianna," Remus argued.
"But I only need one to know that we can be together, why we should be together...love, Remus...must you punish yourself forever and live without love?" I asked softly.
He remained silent for a time, but he finally answered, "No."
Giving him time to pull back, I threaded my fingers through his hair and leaned into him. My lips brushed tentatively against his, and I could not help but smile into the kiss. His bruised and cut fingers laced through my tangled tendrils, and when I drew back I said, "I love you, Remus."
"And I love you, Julianna."
Fin.