Based on the story line of Forgiving Rollins . Some facts, you'll notice, have been changed for the sake of the story. This is a ROLIVIA fanfic, don't like, don't read. If you read, please leave a review and let me know what you think, so I'll know if I should post another chapter or not. C:
I do NOT own any of this characters they belong to Dick Wolf.
PS:My mother tongue is not english so please be kind.
a huge thank you to " " for being my beta
She sighted heavily as she placed the empty glass on the wooden counter and asked for one more. She'd lost count after the seventh drink. Maybe Olivia was right, maybe she should go to a therapist just like she did. But Olivia was a strong woman to her, an idol, her secret love. Amanda Rollins thought of herself as a weak person. She'd never go to a therapist and actually talk about this. She would just bury it once more like she did before.
That's what she wanted to do, but this time, she couldn't. She came to realize that there was indeed more than what she thought it was. She took one more sip in her mouth, not swallowing it for a while. Yes, Olivia was right. She had to do this right, but she wasn't sure it was even possible. She dropped some money on the counter, not bothered enough to wait for the change, and left the bar in a rush.
She took her phone out and dialed a number. She wasn't aware of the time. She lost sense of time the moment she entered that bar, shortly after the deputy chief was released.
"Yes?" A sleepy voice on the other side of the line answered.
"Mum, um.. h..hi it's me, Amanda." She managed to say, her voice trembling from all the alcohol in her system
"Sweet Jesus Amanda, do you know what time it is? Are you alright?"
"Y..yes um, I'm sorry I didn't really look at the time. Mum I just."
"Are you drunk Amanda? I've heard about the deputy chief, you know drinking is not the solution.." The woman who was Amanda's mother cut her off.
"No, I'm..I'm good mum I just, I wanna come down to Georgia, a visit. I wanna see.." She mouthed. She placed her hand on her forehead and gently squeezed it, trying to make that terrible headache go away. Again her mother cut her off.
"Amanda, I'm sorry but that's not a really good idea. It's been four months since you last came, and Celestine is doing better. You can't just drop by and play the sweet mother card and then just disappear."
Amanda let some tears ran down her cheeks. Her mother was right. After that night in that hotel room, Amanda got pregnant with her boss's child. She never told anyone but her mother had somehow talked her out of abortion. After she gave birth she wanted to give her daughter up for adoption, not strong enough to raise her on her own. She believed she'd be a bad mother, because of who the father of the child was. Her mother wouldn't let Amanda give her daughter up for adoption so she decided to raise her herself in case Amanda changed her mind later on. Over the past four years, she'd visit her four year old, just to check on her and give some money for her. She never really allowed herself to see how much she could love that child.
As her daughter grew older, it became harder for Amanda. The child was so attached to her, although she'd rarely see her. So every time Amanda would go for a visit her, the little girl would cry her eyes out, not wanting to let her mother go. Yes, Amanda did feel like a bad mother, if she could be considered a mother to this child. And right that moment she knew, Celestine was the first thing she had to make right.
She took a deep breath before answering. " I know mum, I wanna…. I wanna make things right. Please"
"I'm sorry Amanda. I've let my own daughters' destroy themselves. I'm not gonna let you destroy my granddaughter as well." With these words Amanda's mother hung up, leaving a crying Amanda feeling even more damaged.
She knew she wasn't the best mum possible. But at that moment she felt like she could make it right. Did she really want to do this for Celestine, or herself? She was too drunk and too tired to tell. She had taken a few days off, so she didn't have to go back to the precinct in the morning, and she didn't feel like going home at all. She couldn't even remember where she had parked her car, so she decided to walk. She just kept walking.
Olivia heard the familiar baby cry. She sighted before getting up and walking over to Noah's crib.
"What is it buddy, you need a change?" she whispered to him and took him in her arms. She got him undressed and decided to give him a bath to cool him down. After cleaning him up, changing his diaper and feeding him Olivia laid on the couch with baby Noah resting on her chest. She checked the time: 3:00 am. She had a few hours left before she had to go back to work, but she couldn't go back to sleep, and it wasn't Noah who had woke her up.
She couldn't stop thinking of her youngest detective, Amanda Rollins. Olivia knew how Amanda must have felt. She had it rough with William Lewis but he didn't get the chance to rape her. All those years Amanda denied that she was raped and blamed herself. It wasn't easy for her to deal with it and move on with her life. If only she could listen to her and visit her therapist. He could really help her, or at least that's what Olivia thought. But she knew that Amanda wouldn't go far without getting some help. She would eventually start gambling again or find some other illegal and dangerous way to survive. She really did care about that detective.
Thinking of how she could convince Amanda to get some help, she fell asleep on that cold couch with baby Noah. She was soon woken up by a knock on her door. She again checked her watch. 5:00am. This couldn't be good. She gently stood up, covering Noah with his small blanket while holding him tight in her arms. He was still fast asleep. Holding the baby's head carefully she moved and opened the door.
"Amanda, oh. Are you alright?" She asked seeing the female detective even paler than she normally was. Her eyes where puffy and red. She had either being crying, or she was drunk as hell. Maybe both.
"Yea, Sergeant I, I'm sorry to bother you.. I just need a favor.." she mumbled, one head against Olivia's door so as to support herself.
"Let me put Noah in his bed and we can talk alright? Come on in Amanda" Olivia calmly said. The younger woman was obviously in a great need of some help.
"No, you know what..I'm sorry to bother you it was so stupid of me I'll . I'll just go" The blonde said. Olivia grabbed her wrist, now holding Noah with her other hand.
"No Amanda come in, it'll just take a minute"
The brunette led Amanda inside and closed the door. She made her some tea before moving into Noah's room. She stayed there for less than twenty minutes, but by the time she returned to the living room Amanda was already sleeping on her couch. Olivia sighed and pulled out a sad face, staring at Amanda. She brought a blanket and covered the blonde detective, before returning to her bedroom.
"Okay Amanda now I need you to push alright?" The doctor guided her. Amanda nodded. She let out a loud scream as the contraction hit her. She pushed with all the power she had. "It's good, you are doing good Amanda just breathe now"
"It hurts." She cried. Amanda wasn't ready for this. She had barely entered the eighth month of her pregnancy.
"I know sweetie, I just need you to push when I tell you okay? Everything will be over soon. 1.2.3. push"
The blonde once again pushed, screaming at the top of her lungs. She breathed as the doctor coached her to, waiting for the next contraction.
"This will be the last one Amanda you are doing great. I can see the head. Do you know what your baby's gender is?" The doctor tried to relax Amanda. She shook her head no. "Alright lets see then, push Amanda, I need a good push now."
Repeating the same process Amanda pushed once more, the best she could. Shortly after a baby cry filled the room. Amanda finally breathed and let some tears fall. The doctor passed the baby to Amanda to let her hold it for the very first time. "It seems like you had a very pretty baby girl" she told her.
Amanda smiled at the sight of the little baby. The relief she had felt left her shortly after when the doctor spoke again. "She looks just like you, the father will surely be upset". The father, for a moment Amanda had left this part completely out of her mind. But just then she realized, that no matter how hard she'd try. This baby would always connect her with the father.
Right that moment, the flashback stopped being a memory. Deputy chief Patton suddenly appeared into the labor room. It was like no one could see him but her. "I'm here to take my daughter home Amanda" he told her with a smirk on his face.
"No, no you can't do that" She shouted at him.
He just laughed. "You should have known by now, I don't take no as an answer" and with that he removed the baby from her hands.
"No leave her alone" she shouted.
She woke up, all sweaty and heavy breathing. She noticed Olivia running into the living room, stopping a few steps away from her.
"Amanda, are you alright?" she asked worriedly.
Amanda swallowed, trying to catch her breath before answering. "Yeah, I'm sorry; it was just a bad dream." She realized she had fallen asleep in Olivia's apartment. "Olivia I'm so sorry, I came here uninvited, slept on your couch and woke you up. I hope I didn't wake up Noah as well"
Olivia smiled and walked to the couch, sitting on its edge. "Amanda you are always invited into my house. Especially when you are as drunk as you were when you arrived here. And you didn't wake me up, I need to get ready for work anyway. And no, Noah's still sleeping. So just take a breath and you can tell me about the favor you needed to ask me for."
"No it's alright I don't need a favor I'm okay" She jumped out of Olivia's couch ready to leave for her house.
"Amanda please, just tell me okay. There's nothing to be ashamed of."
Amanda sighed. "Okay Sergeant. I need some money. Cash. I hate to ask you but, I kinda lost my wallet somewhere last night, it wasn't really the best night of the year so.. I'll give it back to you, first thing Monday morning. If you can't, I get it.. you have Noah now and.."
"Shh, calm down Amanda I will give you as much as you need and you can give it back to me whenever you can." Olivia answered. She couldn't help but wonder what did the blonde need the money for. But she wasn't going to ask. Maybe she wanted to go to a therapist? She hoped so. She surely hoped it wasn't for any gambling debts...
After thanking Olivia more like a million times Amanda left her apartment and walked back to where she had left her car last night. She drove straight to the airport. The queue was so long, but she didn't mind. And now, it was finally her turn.
"I want a ticket for the next flight to Georgia please."
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