Disclaimer: Star Wars is a registered trademark of Twentieth Century Fox and Lucasfilm, Ltd. The Creepy Burger King is a registered trademark of… well, that should be obvious.

Chapter 1

O Master, Where Art Thou?

A lot of stories set in this particular universe often begin with "A long time ago, in a galaxy far, far away." This implies that the story takes place far off into the past, in a completely different galaxy from this one. Knowing this, one might assume that real world icons such as Starbucks and Burger King don't exist in this fictional galaxy. Well, in this particular story, some of those real world icons play an important role. The typical Star Wars purist may criticize the author for including corporations and inventions that shouldn't be in a galaxy far, far away, but think of this story as an elaborate way of saying the author couldn't care any less, and neither should the reader. Therefore, the author's advice in this case is to not worry about certain details in this story and just enjoy themselves.

Having that said, it's time to get on with our story. It starts a long time ago in a galaxy far, far away. If that's not specific enough, it starts in the Jedi Temple at Coruscant. There, Jedi Master Yoda is instructing a class of Force potentials into properly using a lightsaber.

"A lightsaber," said Master Yoda, "is the trademark weapon of the Jedi Knight. Careful you should be when you attempt to wield one. A razor blade, it is not. A flashlight, it is not. A glow-in-the-dark dildo, it is not."

"What's a dildo?" innocently asked one of the Younglings rising from his seat.

"You don't need to know," replied Yoda, as the young Force potential sat back down, with a confused look on his face.

:It was at this moment that one particular Youngling was growing impatient. He was always eager to use a lightsaber, but ever since his first day of training, all he ever learned was how not to end up a Darwin Award winner due to poor lightsaber skills. Each passing week, he'd get up from bed thinking that today would be the day he'd handle his first lightsaber, only to be disappointed when Master Yoda would instead give him another lecture, complete with improper grammar. So as fate would decide, today would be the day that this Jedi-in-training would have enough of it.

"Seriously, Master Yoda," complained the Youngling, "when are we going to be actually USING lightsabers? I'm tired of listening, already!"

This gave the Youngling the attention of Master Yoda and every other classmate. They all turned their heads toward the Force potential with an awkward stare in their faces.

"Kinbu Wamia, one must learn how to properly handle a Jedi weapon in order to make their lightsaber," said Master Yoda, motioning to the rest of the class as if cuing them in.

"A lot safer!" said the rest of the kids.

"That's right, Younglings. You see, Kinbu? Learn to properly care for your lightsaber, and end up as bantha fodder, you will not."

After hearing Yoda's lecture once again, young Kinbu stood down disappointedly. "I just wanted to use a damn lightsaber, is that so much to ask?" he mumbled under his breath.

After class was done, Kinbu stood in the hallway, next to two of his fellow classmates. One of them had a pale, round face with a yellow hat and creepy red smile, while the other was also pale and with a red afro. Both of them were having their daily argument over who had the best recipe for French fries.

"I keep telling you, Jack," said the Youngling with the afro, "that my fries will make my new restaurant chain the most popular joint in the galaxy! The sweet, hot taste is proof enough for that."

"Popular they may be, Ron," replied Jack, "but they will be nothing compared to my recipe. You see, my new natural cut fries leave in the skin, making way for more crisp flavor."

"Seriously," said Ron, "no one wants to taste the skin! One look at the skin and they'll think the fries are burnt. Who would ever eat a fry that looks burnt? That's why my fries will be-"

"The most popular in the galaxy, I know," retorted Jack in a dull tone. "I've heard that story a million times, and each time it gets even more overrated. Honestly, I've tasted your fries, and believe me, I've had mashed potatoes that were crispier than those."

Kinbu rolled his eyes at the arguing freak show. "Honestly, you speak as if your damn fries are the center of the universe," he yelled. "Can't you see that you two are training to become JEDI, not tying to advertise fast food chains that don't even exist?"

"Kinbu," said Ron, "YOU'RE the one that's acting like you're the center of the universe."

"Yeah, what is wrong with you?" asked Jack. "You've been more arrogant than ever these past few weeks."

"You haven't given in to the JACKASS side, have you?" teased Ron.

"Hey!" exclaimed Jack. "Quit making fun of my name. You KNOW I hate that word!"

"Both of you, stop," sighed Kinbu. "As for why I'm acting the way I am… well, you DO know my 13th birthday is coming up tomorrow, right?"

"Yes, that's right," said Ron, "and you still haven't been appointed to a Master yet. Well, you have until the end of the day, don't you?"

"Still," said Jack, "you're screwed. I've heard a lot of things about Younglings who aren't appointed Masters before they're 13. They get taken away to labor camp, where Force-sensitives are forced to work in plantations and factories, and never again see the light of day."

"Yeah, and they don't even let you use the bathroom," replied Ron, "and they make you eat your own extractions."

"And there's no escape," added Jack.

This got Kinbu extremely worried. He always assumed that by age 13, he'd just be expelled from the academy, but with the verbal torture of Jack and Ron, he felt worse than ever. He didn't want to be taken as a laborer and live the rest of his life miserable and bored. He sought adventure and excitement for his life, not slavery.

"Isn't there anything I can do?" he asked pessimistically.

"Well… you could always run away," answered Jack.

"Yes, run away!" replied Ron. "Let's face it, you're probably not going to be a Jedi anyway. You're not exactly a model student, you know."

"Tell me about it," said Jack. "You're arrogant, self-centered, easily swayed-"

"Not to mention a total jackass," smart-mouthed Ron, as Jack slapped him in the face.

"What did I tell you about using that word?" Jack screamed angrily.

"Okay, okay, I get the point," said Kinbu. "I'm not exactly Master Yoda material, I know, but are you really certain no one will take me as an apprentice?"

"Trust me," said Ron, "even I wouldn't let you go near a lightsaber, not after what you did with my pet fish."

"Oh yes," said Jack. "Just goes to show you, fish and Pop Rocks just don't mix."

"I swear, I only did it to see if the fish would blow up from the inside," explained Kinbu. "Still, I learned my lesson. I can still be a Jedi, right?"

"Kinbu," said Ron, "search your feelings. Do you REALLY think they'd let a sugar crazed lunatic know the ways of the Force?"

"Well..." started Kinbu, taking into consideration what Ron and Jack are telling him. On one hand, he was the one who set his hair on fire while running across the temple naked on a triple dog dare, which inevitably earned him the nickname "Roasted Nuts." On the other hand, there were worse behaved students before him, and they turned out to be on the Jedi Council. However, he knew Ron and Jack for a long time, and they were the only friends he ever had. He knew full well that they were the only ones he could trust.

"You're right," he said. "It's not worth it to stay here. I guess I'll just run off in the middle of the night and start to train myself in the Jedi arts. It can't be that hard, can it?"

"Yeah," said Jack, "a lot of people are doing that nowadays. I knew this Jedi named Wendy, and she never had anyone to train her. She even bought her lightsaber on Ebay-"

At that moment, Ron gasped. "Watch your language, Jack!" he said. "You're better than to be using the E-word in a temple!"

"Sorry," said Jack. "Anyway, she roamed the galaxy, answering to no one but herself. Of course, she died while accidentally stabbed through her chest when she had her lightsaber pointed the wrong way."

"Oh, I heard that story!" said Ron. "She was one of the most popular Darwin Award stories of our time."

"Yeah, it pays to learn about lightsaber safety," said Jack. "Well, since you actually learned about proper lightsaber use, I'm sure you'll be fine, Kinbu."

"Thanks, guys," said Kinbu. "When I make it big, I'll let you know."

Having that said, he turned his back on Ron and Jack and walked away to his quarters. When he was nowhere to be seen, Ron and Jack began to laugh the hardest they've ever laughed before.

"That," cracked Ron, still laughing, "was the best prank we pulled on him in a long time!"

"I almost feel sorry for him," said Jack. "But it goes to show you that arrogant pricks like Kinbu shouldn't be allowed to know the ways of the Force."

"Amen," replied Ron, as they both headed opposite Kinbu's direction.

As night fell in the Jedi temple, Kinbu was preparing for his big getaway. Of course, escaping from the clutches of the Jedi Council was not an easy task, as they could easily see where he would be about to go using the Force. Therefore, he would have to stay clear of any Jedi that may come to look for him while he would begin his life on the run, and with the knowledge of being able to hide his Force aura, he would be able to blend in easily. However, there was only one way Kinbu could escape from the temple unnoticed, and he was almost reluctant to try it out. Knowing he had no other choice, though, he grabbed a homing beacon, which Jack gave him as an early birthday present, and headed toward the window while his heart beat rapidly.

'I must be insane to even try this,' he thought, opening the large window.. 'I'm running because of two smart-mouthed brats who were trying to scare me into it. I'm sure they were lying like they always do, what other explanation is there? On the other hand... I've never been a good student, so what makes me deserve to have a master of my own, anyway? No, I'm much better off by myself. Well, here's to adventure...'

With no last thought, he took a few steps back, ran right through the window, and jumped off the balcony, as he fell from what seemed like a hundred stories. When he got far enough, he activated his homing beacon and prayed for a miracle.