Naivety Loss

By zeilfanaat

Category: Drama

Ratings: G / K

Warning: known character death. None of the Tracy brothers dies! Neither does Jeff, nor Grandma, nor anyone else we've seen in the TV-series (and since I haven't seen the Movie I don't think I'd be using people from there.)

Disclaimer: I do not own the Thunderbirds or anything associated with it. All credit goes to Gary Anderson and co. I only own any original characters, if there are any.

Summary: how the Tracy-brothers lost their naivety.

A/N: The date is 12th September, 2045. Scott is 6, John almost 5, Virgil just turned 4, Gordon is 2½ and Alan is 1½. Hence the reason why not everything coming from their mouth is grammatically correct. ;)

I'd also like to say that my knowledge of medicine, illnesses, diseases and hospitals is pretty much nonexistent. Please forgive me for any incorrectness, and let me know so I can change it. Thanks!

This story is briefly mentioned in Blowing Up, chapter 11. Here's the whole story.

Thanks to white rose01 for beta-reading!

White. Everything was white. The walls, the floors, the ceilings, the doors, the doctors' coats, the nurses' clothes. Even the faces of most people were white.

"Scott?" The blond 4-year-old tugged at his older brother's sleeve.

"What is it Johnny?" The dark-haired 6-year-old asked, looking sideward to his brother who was sitting next to him on a chair, his feet dangling in the air.

"Why is everything white?"

4-year-old Virgil, who was playing with some blocks on the floor, looked up. "Yes! There's no red, and there's no yellow, and there's no green, and there's no blue, and there's no oran-"

"Yes, Virgil, I know there's no colours. You don't have to name 'em all!" Scott interrupted him.

"But why?" John chimed in. Scott shrugged. "I don't know."

Virgil suddenly said in a high voice. "I know! It's for the people who're colour-blond."

"Colour-blind." Scott corrected.

"If they'd make everything a colour, like red, or yellow, or blue, or-"

"Yes, what if they'd make everything in a colour?" Scott again stopped the flow of colours coming from his middle brother's mouth.

"Then the people who are colour-blond, colour-blind, won't see anything!" Virgil looked up triumphantly. John frowned.

"Do those people see white then? Isn't that also a colour?"

"No." Virgil shook his small head adamantly. "White and black are not colours. Mummy told me. But they can't make everything black, 'cause then everyone gets depr- depress- sad, and scared, an' they don' wan' to make people scared, so they make it all white." A satisfied smile crossed the 4-year-old's face as he returned to play with his blocks, which seemed to be the only items that were colourful.

"But Mummy never looks white. Mummy's always pinky-red. But now she's white." John said thoughtfully. "Why?"

Scott rubbed his nose absently.

"Maybe Mummy's really ill!" Virgil said again. Scott looked at him. "Of course she's really ill, Dummy! That's why she's at the hospital. An' that's why we're here too."

Virgil frowned. "I'm not a dummy! Is she as ill as Gordy was at his borning?"

"Birth." Scott corrected automatically.

"No, 'cause Gordy looked a li'll' bit blue, and Mummy looks white!" John countered.

The nurse who was babysitting the five boys was only half listening as she rocked the bed in which the youngest two were asleep.

"Mrs. Nurse?" John asked. "Is Mummy really really ill?"

For a moment the nurse didn't know what to say. "I don't know, lad."

"Oh." The blond boy couldn't hide his disappointment, nor his worry. "Can you find out?" He asked hopefully. The nurse regarded the three boys who were looking at her expectantly, and sighed. "If you three boys be quiet and don't disturb your brothers' sleep, I'll see what I can find out, OK?"

The three brothers nodded solemnly and watched as the nurse left the room.

No one said anything until the nurse returned, a big smile on her face. What the young brothers didn't notice was that the smile didn't reach her eyes.

"Well lads, I've just talked to your mum's doctor, and he said your mother is going to be just fine."

"Really?" John asked uncertainly. Scott watched him for a moment. John, being the closest to their mother, had always had some kind of 'feeling' where their mother was concerned. Apparently the 'feeling' didn't agree with what they had just been told. Of course, the 'feeling' could just be worry.

"Yes." The nurse continued to smile as she sat down again. Virgil gazed at her, then at his brothers, shrugged, and continued to make a tower of the blocks. Just then Gordon woke up. He looked up and instead of seeing his mother's face, saw the face of a stranger. Immediately he became restless and opened his mouth to cry. The nurse picked him up and tried to calm him down. When it didn't work, Virgil, who had walked up to her the moment Gordon started crying, said: "Down! He knows me!"

At first doubtful, the nurse relented and put Gordon on the ground. Virgil sat down next to him and started to tickle him. Within moments Gordon had stopped crying and was giggling.

"Scott?" John asked again, seeing how Gordon was well taken care of.

"Yes Johnny?"

"It doesn't feel right." John looked sincerely upset. Scott frowned. Worry or not, he trusted his brother's 'feeling'. He walked up to the nurse and tapped at her leg, John right behind him.

"Can we see Mummy?"

The nurse looked away, trying to look as if she was just checking on Alan. "We'll have to wait for the doctor to come and fetch you, ok. Just go and play for a while. I'll tell you when you can see your mother."

"No." John stated. The nurse looked at him in surprise. "I want to see Mummy now."

The nurse crouched down and sat in front of the 4-year-old. "Look here, lad; your Mummy is a little bit ill, so she needs to rest. The doctor will come and get you when she's awake."

"But… Mummy loves us. She doesn't mind if we're there when she needs to sleep." John frowned, feeling like he was losing an argument which he shouldn't lose.

"Of course your mother loves you. She loves you all very much. But she can't sleep if you boys are there. Really, just go and play, and you'll see, your mother will be fine before you know it."

John still looked unsure. Scott decided to change tactics. "Can we see Daddy then?"

"Yes, I think that's possible. You know what? I'll let someone come and fetch the three of you, and then Alan and Gordon can stay here with me. How does that sound?"

Virgil looked up from where he was playing with a still sleepy red-head.

"Can Ally and Gordy not come?" he asked. The nurse smiled softly. "Alan is still asleep, and Gordon looks like he should be too. It's better if only you three go. Now, hold on, I'll get someone to get you."

However, before she could stand up, there was a knock on the door. A weary-looking man with a white coat came in. "Are these the Tracy-boys?" He asked. The nurse nodded. "OK, boys. If you're really quiet you can come and see your parents."

The three oldest nodded vehemently. "I'll stay here with the youngest two." The nurse said to the doctor, who nodded in agreement. Then he opened the door; Scott and John both took a hand from Virgil, and together they followed the doctor.

In the elevator John looked up at the short man. "Is Mummy going to be ok?"

The doctor pushed a button as he replied. "Your mother is ill now, but she'll be fine."

Finally John decided, that if the doctor also said his mother was going to be ok, she probably would be, so his 'feeling' was just wrong this time. Scott had similar thoughts. At the fifth floor they left the elevator, and they walked through a long, white corridor. Near the end of the hall, the doctor knocked on a door, and only moments later a haggard-looking Jeff Tracy came out. As soon as he saw his three oldest sons, he kneeled down and hugged them tightly. Desperately so.

"Daddy?" Virgil asked confused. Scott and John exchanged a look, and immediately they felt the uneasiness and worry return. Jeff pulled back slightly, still holding them in his embrace. Scott noticed his red eyes, like he had been crying. But big people didn't cry. Only small people did. Didn't they?

"Boys." Jeff tried to sound reassuring, but the hitch in his voice betrayed him. After a shuddering breath he started again. "Your mother is really ill. She… she wants to see you. Behave." Again Jeff pulled them against his chest. Then he stood up and held the door open, motioning for the three kids to go in.

Almost afraid to find out what had scared their Daddy so badly, the three shuffled into the room, still holding hands. Once they saw the bed which contained their unmoving mother, they stopped uncertainly, remembering the nurse's warning that their Mummy needed rest.

Lucille however had heard the movement and looked up wearily, her face lighting up once she saw who had entered her room. Jeff had moved into the room as well and had closed the door behind him.

"Scott, John, Virgil! Come here honeys!" Immediately the three boys walked to the bed, though the weakness in their mother's voice alarmed them somewhat. Scott could just see their mother from his position near the bed, but both John and Virgil were too short, so all they saw was white sheets and the underside of the bed. Jeff picked them up and gently placed them on the bed, where they huddled in their mother's embrace. Jeff picked Scott up, sat down on the edge of the bed, and placed Scott next to him.

Lucille hugged her two sons, kissing each of their heads. She looked at her husband who nodded at her, swallowed, took a deep breath and said: "Boys, I have to tell you something."

Virgil immediately spoke up: "Mummy! The doctor said you were going to be 'fine'!"

Again Lucille and Jeff exchanged a look; this time it was obvious neither of them had known what the doctor had said to their kids. Jeff cleared his throat, trying to hide his anger at the doctor's ignorance.

"The truth is, boys," Jeff continued, "your mother is so ill, she… won't recover."

All three boys looked at him, hoping there was better news, hoping they were understanding it incorrectly, hoping against hope that he 'merely' meant she wouldn't be able to function properly, but still live. Virgil was looking confused. Scott and John understood perfectly, and they wished they didn't. Both kept silent.

"Well, we'll take really good care of you Mummy. I won't be mean to Gordon or Alan, or Scott or John. I'll be really nice. It doesn't matter if you're not really healthy." Virgil said to his mother. Tears sprung into her eyes.

"Oh Virge, I wish it could be true. Honey, I…I'm going to die." Virgil looked her in the eyes, and, not satisfied with what he saw there, he looked at his father, hoping to find they were joking or something. But when he saw his father's face he knew the truth. "No!" He shook his small head in denial. He pushed his mother's arm away as she tried to pull him closer, only to throw himself against her as he started to comprehend, not sure what he felt or how he felt. Lucille held him close, kissing his hair, drawing comforting circles on his back.

John had not moved, nor said anything. Finally he said, in a tear-strained voice: "Why?"

Lucille closed her eyes and whispered. "I don't know Johnny, I don't know." She turned her head to look down on the young boy's face, who looked so much like herself. "I wish I knew, but I just don't."

John sniffed, tears starting to trickle down his face. Scott, by this time, had grabbed his father's shirt and leaned back against the strong chest, fighting the wet drops in his eyes.

For a long time the five people sat together in silence. Slowly they started to talk, and questions like how, what, when and where, were addressed. Lucille's condition had already visibly worsened, though she tried to act as normal as possible considering the circumstances. Not long after, the nurse who had watched over the boys, brought Gordon and Alan. John and Virgil made room for the two babies of the family. Alan, comfortably nestled against his mother's bosom, looked around him and encountered tearstained faces and sad eyes. Deciding his mother would probably look more cheerful, as she always did, he looked up and to his surprise he saw tears in her eyes too. Gordon tugged at her shirt.

"Mummy, why you cry?" Lucille smiled through her tears.

"I have to tell you two something."

"A furprife?" Alan asked.

"Not the kind you think Ally. You see, Mummy is going away for a very long time."

The two youngest looked up at her questioningly. "Where?" Gordon asked. "Can I come?"

"No, hun, you can't come. I… Mummy's going to heaven. Do you remember what that is?"

Gordon wrinkled his nose. "It's where your mummy and daddy are."

"That's right."

"But then I can't see you!" Gordon said suddenly.

"No, but mummy will see you, hun, don't worry, mummy will see you."

Gordon's lower lip trembled. "No! I don' wan' you to go there!"

"Honey, I don't want to leave you either. But I have to. Mummy's very ill."

"Fery fick?" Alan asked.

"Yes, Alan, I'm very sick. And I won't get better."

"Afpirin?" The young blond boy offered. Lucille chuckled.

"No dear, an aspirin doesn't work this time."

"No afpirin?"

"No."

"Not bette'?"

"No." Lucille was fighting to keep the tears at bay.

"Don' like that." Alan sniffed.

"I know hon, neither do I, and neither does Daddy, nor your brothers." She suddenly started to cough violently. Jeff immediately rose and held her. Five pairs of eyes looked at their mother, scared and afraid. When the coughing fit subsided, Lucille took a moment to catch her breath, but she had felt the pressure in her chest increasing for some time now, and she knew she didn't have much time left.

"Scott? Come here please." Jeff picked Alan and Gordon up. John held Alan as the younger of the two continued to sob softly. Scott clambered onto the bed and into her arms. She hugged him tightly. "Mum. I don't want you to go."

"Oh, Scotty, I don't want to go either. But remember, I love you, always. Will you take care of your brothers and your daddy? Can you promise me that?"

Scott wiped the wetness in his eyes away with his sleeve and hugged his mother in return. "I promise. Mummy?"

"Yes?"

"I love you too! Don't forget!"

"No hon, I won't forget." She kissed each cheek, his forehead and then the tip of his nose, like she always did before he went to bed. With tears in his eyes, Scott let himself slide from the bed and went to where his father was standing at the end of the bed.

"Johnny?" Immediately the 4-year-old carefully let Alan slide into Jeff's embrace, and went to his mother. She held his head between her two hands. John noticed they were trembling ever so slightly and pushed his much smaller ones against hers. One tear, so carefully kept away, finally managed to fight its way down her face. "Mummy, don't cry." He leaned into her face, and kissed the tear away, like his mother used to do when he was afraid. Lucille closed her eyes, then pulled him close to her chest. She kissed his forehead, over and over again.

"John, there's one thing that I want you to never ever forget."

John nodded solemnly. "I love you, and I'll always watch over you, so if you're ever feeling lonely, or sad, remember I'm there, remember I love you. Just look at the stars, and I'll see you from there, OK?" Lucille managed a small smile.

John nodded, but then said confused. "But I can't see the stars when it's day."

"Just because you can't see them, doesn't mean they're not there. Exactly the same goes for me. Just because you can't see me, I'll still be there."

John nodded. "OK."

"Now, can you do something else for me? Can you watch over Scott and your other brothers?"

Again John nodded.

"That's my stargazer." She said, as she ruffled his hair affectionately. John hugged her tightly, then climbed back to the back of the bed. Virgil didn't need an encouragement, he was already on his way.

"Hello there, my little music-maker."

"Mum! I'm not little an'more! I'm four already!" He held up one hand, looked at it, and pulled his pinkie away with his other hand. "See?"

Lucille smiled. "Yes, you're a big boy already. And I love you, forever."

"I love you too fore-, forev, always."

"Don't you ever forget, you hear me?"

"I won'." Virgil said.

"And you continue playing the piano for me? You can't let her get dusty." Lucille said to her son with a watery wink. Again the boy nodded, then shook his head, and got confused as to how he should give the correct answer. Lucille smiled. "Good boy." She embraced him, and kissed him on his forehead.

Next Gordon crawled over the bed into his mother's embrace. "Gordon, my little water rat. Don't go out to the water without one of the older people, you hear me?" She softly admonished him. Gordon looked at her sadly. "OK." He whispered.

"I love you, Gordy. I love you so much."

"I love you too mummy!"

"You'll look out for Alan?"

Gordon nodded. "Yes. I make shure he's not eatin' too much cookies."

Lucille chuckled. "OK, then it's fine."

A last embrace, then Jeff walked forward and placed Alan in her arms, while Gordon crawled back, right into Virgil's arms. Lucille gazed down at her youngest son lovingly.

"Oh Alan, I love you. Remember, I love you."

Alan looked up at her with tears in his eyes. "You not go!"

"All, I have to. But I'll always love you, no matter what."

The blond boy threw his small arms around her neck and hugged her, which she returned, fresh tears following the path previously made on her face as she kissed his small head. Finally she let go of him, and Jeff got all of the boys off the bed. Virgil and Gordon held each other's hands, John held Alan carefully, and Scott held both John at his shoulder, and Virgil's other hand. Lucille managed another weak smile and a small wave as she mouthed. "I love you all."

Then Jeff brought them outside the room, where the same nurse awaited. "You all be nice and wait for me with this nurse, OK boys?"

All of them nodded, still holding onto each other. Jeff embraced them all, then went back into Lucille's room.

The five Tracy-boys stood there, staring in front of them. Suddenly John turned his attention to the nurse, his eyes shooting daggers.

"You, you lied!" He said through clenched teeth. Then louder. "You lied! You're a liar! You said Mummy wouldn't die, you said she would be fine before we knew it, but you knew it all along! You liar!" He was shouting at her by the time she had brought them to the elevator, and other people in the corridor looked up. Suddenly John's energy was spent, and he let himself fall against the wall. Scott walked towards him, glaring at the nurse. Once he was next to John he hugged his younger brother.

"She lied to us, Scott. Mummy won't get better. She's going to die." Tears were now freely flowing over his face.

"I know, Johnny, I know. Now, let's sit on the chairs, and wait for Daddy, OK?"

John nodded, and the five of them walked determinately towards the chairs that were lined up against the wall. They ignored the nurse, who had no other choice but to follow them and sit as close to them as they would let her, or otherwise risk a tantrum multiplied by five.

In silence they waited for about half an hour. That's when Jeff came out of the room, eyes red from tears, a bag slung over his shoulder. When he saw his sons he walked up to them. All eyes looked at him, both apprehensive and expectantly. "Your mother's with her parents now." He said, looking blindly ahead of him. Suddenly he felt arms embrace his legs. As he looked down he found it to be Gordon, and soon the whole family, minus one, embraced. With a curt nod towards the nurse, the Tracy-family then left the hospital; one person short, and five young boys a lot less naïve.

The End

A/N: OK, I know it's quite sad, but I still hope you enjoyed reading it. See you around - zeilfanaat