L.O.V.E vs. H.A.T.E #3

"Twilight in Neitherland"

I'd like to thank Demonwolfe for suggesting this plot and all the other ideas he's offered. I had to make some changes for the good of the story, or for humor purposes, but I think he'll see that I attempted to use as many of his suggestions as possible.

It was a regular day in the headquarters of the League to Oppose Villainous Endeavors, and Twilight Sparkle was using the opportunity to school Starlight on the ways of friendship.

"Starlight, you haven't had any friendship lessons since we left Equestria," she said.

"I know, but we've been busy…"

"Actually, being here has given us a large opportunity for you to learn about friendship," Twilight told her "we've met many new allies during our time here, and your lesson for today is to find one you have little in common with and have a conversation with them."

"What? But if we don't have much in common, what will we talk about?"

"Find out what their interests are and talk about them," Twilight told her "you'll find that if, even if two ponies are radically different, they can become friends; and I should know."

"Well, if you can do it, so can I," Starlight said, although her tone indicated that she wasn't quite sure herself.

"That's the spirit!" Twilight said "now, I have a few things to attend to, so come back to me when you've got a report ready."

"Yes Twilight."

So Starlight set out to find a new friend from the members of L.O.V.E and decided to focus her attentions on Wander first.

"Well, if it's friendship you're looking for, you came to the right person," Wander told her "I'm pretty much the friendliest person in the universe!"

"So I'm sure you know how to make friends with people who don't like the same things as you?" Starlight asked.

"Oh yes indeed," Wander said "I find the trick is to start with a smile and a good hug. Nobody can hate you if they're hugging you."

"Except Lord Hater," Sylvia chimed in.

"Well now, Hater's a special case," Wander added "he's still kind of a grumpy grump pants, but I'm working on him, and I think there's real improvement there."

"Jeez Wander, you're being naïve," Sylvia said "look kid, some people aren't gonna like you, it's a fact of life. And if they don't, great, you can always punch 'em in the nose."

"Now Sylvia, that's not good advice," Wander said "after all, you catch more flies with honey."

"What the heck does that even mean?" Sylvia asked "why would anyone want to catch flies? And since when do flies like honey?"

"I guess bees would make more sense," Wander replied "but bees make honey, so I guess they wouldn't need any, would they? Hmm, that's quite a confusing statement."

"Try not to spend too much time figuring it out," Sylvia told him.

"You know what, I'll just show myself out," Starlight said, as she left the room.

Meanwhile, in the small Connecticut town of Peaceful Pines, a van pulled up outside a rather large house. Out of the van emerged Verminous Snaptrap & Peepers, both wearing brown coveralls, with Larry, Ollie, & Francisco coming out soon later.

"I tell you, this is not going to work," Peepers told him.

"Just let me do all the talking, okay," Snaptrap replied as the villains made their way to the door. "Okay boys, you know what to do," Snaptrap ordered, as Francisco & Ollie moved to the side of the door, holding a large sack at the ready.

In the house, young Lydia Deetz was in her darkroom, unaware of the danger that would soon befall her.

"Deadly vu, these are probably my best pictures yet," Lydia Deetz said, as she poured over the new photographs she was developing "I can't wait to show them to Beetlejuice."

As the girl hung up another photo, she heard a knock at the door. "Coming," she called, but she wasn't sure if anyone could hear.

Once she finished, she walked over to the door and opened it, "um…can I help you?" Lydia asked, barely believing what she saw

"Yes, we're house painters," Snaptrap told her "your parents hired us to paint the place. Are they here?"

"No, mother & father are out right now."

"Well, maybe you could just let us in so we can get started."

"I'm sorry, but how stupid do you think I am?" Lydia asked.

"Come again?"

"Oh come on, you're not a housepainter, you're clearly a large rat in a coveralls & a fake mustache," Lydia pointed out "and he's some kind of, eyeball thing," she added, pointing at Peepers.

"Hey, now just a minute, missy, I resent such slanderous accusations," Snaptrap countered "I am too a housepainter," he added, before his mustache promptly fell off "must not be using enough wax."

"I don't know what this is all about, but if it's a joke, it's not funny!" Lydia said "now, you'd better explain yourselves before I call the police!"

"Now hold on little girl, I'm sure we can come to an… get her boys!" Snaptrap yelled, and, before Lydia even had a chance to react, Ollie & Francisco dropped the sack over her.

"Hey, what is this?! Let me out of here! Help! Help!" Lydia yelled.

"Keep it down in there, sacky," Snaptrap told her, before turning to Peepers "and you said this wouldn't work."

"She saw through our disguises," Peepers pointed out.

"Hey, we got her, didn't we?" Snaptrap reminded him "no thanks to Larry."

"What did I do?" Larry asked.

"Absolutely nothing; thanks for being useless Larry. At least Ollie & Francisco had the sack."

"Hey boss, we'd better get out of here before someone sees us," Ollie suggested.

"Good suggestion; see Larry, why couldn't you think of that?"

"But, I…"

"Never mind, back to headquarters," Snaptrap ordered, and the villains left the house, and made their way back to the van; Ollie & Francisco loaded the sack with Lydia, who was still squirming & screaming as much as her bag prison would allow, into the back and they took off.

An hour or so later, the villains arrived at one of the many headquarters of D.O.O.M. Snaptrap left his men to deal with Lydia while he changed back into his labcoat. After that was done, he headed to the meeting room, only to encounter someone he didn't expect to see waiting for him.

"Khyber? What are you doing in my base?"

"Chrysalis sent me here to ensure that everything goes smoothly; apparently, she figured you'd screw this up somehow."

"Thanks for coming, but I can assure you, there's nothing wrong," Snaptrap told him.

With that, he entered the room and saw what was happening; Lydia had been tied to a chair, but she was still fighting, and swung the chair anytime any of the D.O.O.M members, but mostly Larry, got too close to her.

"Oh, hi boss, we were just about to finish up with the girl here, ahh!" Larry said, as Lydia swung her chair at him.

"You creeps keep away from me!" she said.

"Dang it Larry, can't you do anything right?" Snaptrap asked "do you want me to replace you with Bad Dog? Don't think I won't!"

"I'm sorry boss, it's just that, she's not making this easy for us...oof!" Larry replied, as Lydia brained him again with the chair.

"Yes, I can see that you and your men have everything under control," Khyber replied sarcastically.

Eventually, the D.O.O.M members managed to grab Lydia enough to tie her ankles, making her unable to swing her chair bound body at them. Now helplessly bound, Lydia hoped to talk her way out of her captivity.

"I'm not sure what this is about, but I think you have the wrong girl," she explained "my parents aren't very rich; they can't afford to pay you much ransom."

"I can assure you Miss Deetz, money is the least of our concerns," Khyber told her.

"Hey, speak for yourself; running an organization of evil isn't cheap you know," Snaptrap told him.

"Obviously, you know who I am, but I've never seen any of you before," Lydia said "so why don't you tell me what this is all about."

"We simply need you as an incentive to convince a certain friend of yours to help us," Khyber explained.

"Friend? What friend?"

"You can cut the act; we know all about your friend Beetlejuice & the Neitherworld," Khyber told her "and you're going to tell us how we can bring him here."

"Listen, I have no idea what you're talking about," Lydia lied "'Neitherworld?' What is that? Sounds made up to me. Maybe you should just let me go, and…"

"So that's the way you want to play it?" Khyber asked "very well then; send him in."

"Hey, this is my base, I give the orders around here!" Snaptrap said angrily "send him in."

Lydia watched as someone she knew arrived in the room, someone she never expected to see.

"Mr. Monitor?" she asked, surprised "what are you doing here?"

"Long story; I encountered these guys and they related to me their problems with their enemies," the TV headed monster said "eventually, I brought up Beetlejuice, and they thought he sounded just like what they needed, so they cooked up a brilliant scheme to get him to work for them. And the best thing is, I get to film the whole deal; I mean, it has everything, heroes, villains, kidnapping, blackmail. It'll be a ratings smash."

"Well, now that I know what you want, I'll never help you!" Lydia said defiantly "and there's nothing you can do to make me, nothing!"

"We could torture you," Khyber pointed out.

"Yeah, I have a lot of tortures I've been wanting to use on someone who isn't Larry," Snaptrap added.

"Then again, 'never' is a pretty strong word," a nervous Lydia replied "maybe we can come to some kind of compromise?"

In the next chapter, Starlight's attempt to make another friend falls flat. And the "ghost with the most" learns the plight of his mortal friend, but will it be enough to persuade him to help H.A.T.E?