A/N: This is my third fanfic, my others stories are still in-progress, and I think their worth taking a look at...

Anyways this story is all about Jasper, I intend for it to be fully in his point of view. It starts out before he becomes a vampire, I think it brings different dimension to his character, when you see his kind of up-bringing. I also don't intent for this to be a one-shot... I just find myself wanting to write something more, something longer. I hope you like the story,

please review telling me your thoughts, thank you!

Disclaimer: I don't own twilight, Stephenie Meyer does.

Who am I? I have spent centuries trying to answer that question. My name is Jasper Whitlock but, that is no longer my true identity. I am a creature of the night, despite my shame at my doings, I have no control. Sometimes I question if I have any human left in me, besides my nightly meal... Most times I don't need to question it, mosttimes I give in to the monster that has slow leaked out. I once believed that when Marie changed me, the monster had fought with me to take over, only now reaching greater success. I have lost this belief along with all other hope for my being. I assume this monster has always lurked within me and in a shine of weakness on my part it got out.

Today had been a long and labourful day, I took on twice the responabilities this week than I had before. My eight year old sister Alesa had began a fever a few days ago, although mother remained as cold as she always was to us, her own flesh and blood, she insisted that I take on Alesa's chores as well as my own. I didn't enjoy the extra work, I had plenty as it is but, even the slightest concern my mother directed in either of her children's well-being left me delighted. I was happy to see any emotion come from her, even if it wasn't meant for me.

There had never been an accident or anything in the like, to set off the emotionless state my mother had always seemed to host. She had been that way for as long as I could remember, it was both comforting and unnerving when she showed any emotion towards us at all.

I started out the morning collecting bucket after bucket of water for mother, it hadn't been particularly tiring but, rather boring. I walked back and forth from the well out back to the house, it was an average distance to walk for water, but not at all physically or mentally challenging to accomplish... it just took time. My body and mind would be left without strain, though my body kept busy walking the empty then full buckets of water back and forth, my mind had been left to wander within its walls. I would bounce from thought to thought, but mostly I would think of my family and what little I was really able to do for them.

We had had just enough to get by, my father had died over a year before. I know what your thinking, and yes that would be a reasonable explanation for my mother's emotionless state but, she hadn't ever been too different. My father had been the lively one in our household, he had brought Alesa and I's mother what life she had ever had. Though her husband's death didn't cause her constant state, it had had a bad effect on her. Most of her troubles used to be showing happiness, my father had been able to make her laugh, and ease some of those troubles but, when he left (that's what mother liked to say he did), she no longer had happiness to hide, she was filled with sadness.

I had liked to tell myself she hid her sadness for Alesa and I but, deep down I knew she was used to hiding a part of herself and that was all there was left to hide.

My morning chores were nothing more than tedious, but as the day continued on the chores became what I was used to, hard work.

I got home at a late time, like I had much this week. When I walked inside I found my mother bent over my sister with a wet cloth, the fever must be picking up again. I went over and put my hand on my mother's shoulder. It had startled her for a moment before she looked up.

"I can take over for awhile, you should go get some rest, or something to drink, or anything." I suggested as I took the cloth gently from her hand.

She did nothing more than nod, and walk into the other room. I sat next to my sister, who had her eyes shut tightly. I pressed the cloth to her head.

"Jasper?" Her eyes opened a fraction.

"Yes."

"Good. Its you. Sorry, about all the extra chores, I hope your not too tired." She apologized.

I laughed. "I couldn't look as tired as you..."

She giggled. "How tired do I look?"

"Mrs.Chandler, down the street, first thing in the morning tired."

She exploded with silently laughter. I was impressed, for an eight year old she had enough control to realize her mother would have came running in if she laughed in full audibility.

Our mother returned to the room a couple minutes later, I was glad to see she had at least gotten a glass of water for herself. I could have stayed and insisted on my mother going to bed for rest but, I knew she would be up every hour to check on Alesa anyways, and I was exhausted. The one person my charismatic gift did not work on was my mother, so I saw the argument as a lost cause, I was better off getting rest now so I could take over when mother finally drifted to sleep sometime I estimated in the next day or so. So, instead I retired to my room.

I went over the last few details of my plan that I had realized over a fortnight ago. I lifted the loose floor board to the right of my bed, to reveal the army benefits brochure I had stored there a few days ago. If I joined the army I could make good money, my family could eat, Alesa would get the medicine she needed. If I joined the army I could do what my father did, I could provide and protect my family.

I would be turning seventeen in a month but, I looked older than my true age, plus the army always needed new soldiers, I was tall enough that if anyone called questions to those who recruited me, they'd have a more than reasonable excuse. I knew with my charisma, if I carried myself the right way, I'd be able to pull off twenty.

The next morning I had gotten up a half hour earlier than everyone else, I packed my duffel and hid it in the cellar, which had convenient access from outside. I hurried back to my room for a few minutes when I heard my mother begin to wake. I let her have a few minutes believing she was the only one awake, before I made my way into the kitchen. I grabbed an apple and rubbed it on my shirt before taking a big bite. My family would have all the apples they could ever want if the army accepted me into their ranks.

I worked for the beginning of the morning extra hard to complete all my chores first then, moved onto Alesa's which mostly consisted of around the house stuff. I did this so I could be around when Alesa woke, I wanted a chance to say goodbye, even though she wouldn't know what it was. Alison awoke around 9:30, she was as bright as the sun, she appeared so much healther today... I helped her with the rest of her chores though she said she felt all better.

While we were working out in the yard I made a point to say my final goodbyes, I had started with the intent to leave her with a good memory of me but, I didn't think I good lie to the girl, not now when I didn't have the accuse of her sickness.

"Alesa, I have to go away soon..." I started.

She nodded. "I know. You feel you have to do a lot of things that you don't."

"Your too smart to be a kid, you know that?" I changed the subject.

She laughed. "Of course, I know that. I'm the one who wrote the book on that."

I laughed. I shouldn't have changed the subject... She needed to know what was really going on, I could trust her enough to know she wouldn't tell our mother unless I had asked her too. "Okay, Alesa. I don't know how to start but, you have to know... I really am leaving soon."

"I just said, I know." She said a little annoyed.

"How could you know any details? You know I'm going because I said I was."

"No," She said. "I know because mother discovered your loose floor board the other day..."

My eyes widened in bewilderment and I had the sudden urge to look back at the house. When I did I saw my mother standing in the door frame with tears in her eyes. I got up and walked over to her, Alesa hovered next to me.

"Would you have said anything to me?" She asked. I knew what she meant: If she hadn't of figured it out herself and had been in the doorway, would I have told her the truth before I left. I thought about it for a second.

"Probably not." I followed her usual routine of not expression emotion as I spoke. I knew my shell would crumble soon.

My words seemed to sting her like ice on bare feet. "I didn't want to chance you trying to stop me... I need to do this for Alesa, for you, I need to do this for me. I know that last part sounds selfish but, I can't stay here and do nothing while we slowly run out of the money he saved up for us."

She took a deep breath. "I'm not going to try stopping you."

"You aren't?" Alesa asked, shocked I could tell.

She glanced down at her daughter for a second. "No. Go along inside now." When Alesa was out of earshot my mother turned back to me. "I know not stopping you sounds cold, but we do need the money, she needs medicine, professional care. She was good today but, everyday is a random..."

I fetched my duffel from the cellar quick and was pleased when I returned to see my mother still stood on the porch. I walked over and gave her a tight hug. "I love you, mom." I passed her the letter I had prepared this morning, I had planned on giving it to Alesa to pass on but, this seemed better than the first option. She nodded, I wasn't surprised affection was another rare situation for my mother, she had never told me she loved me. I considered the nod differently than most others would, it was the best she could do, and I was grateful for that much.

When I turned around to walk down the steps I promised myself I would not look back. I was halfway through the yard when I heard her whispered. "I love you, too."

Thanks a ton for reading, please review... And Check out my other stories: 'A vision of love' and 'Apocalypse: The Dying Sun'

Once again thanks for reading!