- 1 -
It had started for Darrin and Samantha Stephens when their new neighbor had woken them in the middle of the night, visibly distraught. Priscilla 'Pleasure' O'Riley had moved into a house on Morning Glory Circle less than twenty-four hours earlier. Now she had learned that her insanely jealous ex-boyfriend Thor 'Thunderbolt' Swenson, the Pennsylvania Manglers' offensive full back - "very offensive" according to Pleasure - had managed to get her new address from her moving man and was on his way to Morning Glory Circle. Since Pleasure's phone had not yet been connected, Darrin offered to call the police then told her to go home and lock all her doors and windows. Samantha had offered to stay with her while he did so, which is how the two women now found themselves together at Pleasure's house, waiting for either Thunderbolt or the police to turn up at her front door.
Samantha understood all too well how someone like Pleasure could have acquired a would-be suitor like Thunderbolt. Men were attracted to her like bees to honey, even Darrin, and it was easy to see why. With her spectacular curves and natural sexiness she was pure catnip to them. Yet there was an innocence to Pleasure that made it impossible for Samantha to hold this against her. Flirting with men came as naturally to her as breathing. It was something she seemed to barely even realise she was doing. The girl was completely without guile. Had she not been a redhead she would have been labelled a dumb blonde, a term that Samantha, as both a blonde and someone who was anything but dumb, had always found highly offensive.
They heard a car pull up outside. A sports car by the sound of it, which meant it wasn't the police but Thunderbolt Swenson. This was it. Within seconds he was hammering on the door. Samantha answered it, and there stood Thunderbolt. Great Merlin he was tall! And wide! And also kind of good looking.
"Yes?" she said, smiling sweetly.
"Sorry, lady," he said, looking puzzled. "Guess I got the wrong house."
"It appears you did. Goodnight."
She turned and made to close the door, but Thunderbolt blocked her.
"Well he...he said it was the first house on the right."
He pointed to Darrin and Samantha's house.
"Does a beautiful girl live next door?"
"You might say that," she said, smiling.
"The most beautiful girl in the whole world?"
Samantha batted her eyelashes at him, enjoying this.
"Well, I wouldn't go that far."
"Have you seen a man over there?"
"Yes, indeed. A very good-looking one!"
Thunderbolt had looked like he was about to explode since he got there. Now he did. He slammed his fist into the palm of his other hand.
"I'll kill him!" he snarled.
Only as the enraged man stormed over to their home did Samantha realise what she had done. Whatever had possessed her to act as she had? She chased after Thunderbolt, but he was already at their house, banging his fist angrily on the front door. He looked like he was ready to knock Darrin's block off, and Samantha liked her husband's block just where it was. Hastily, and blindly, she cast a spell on the man inside the house.
And nothing would ever be the same again.
- 2 -
Darrin had just got off the phone with the local police when someone started hammering on the front door. Now what, he wondered, as he went to answer it.
"Okay buddy...," said the giant he opened it to, "oh, excuse me, grandma."
"Grandma? Who do you think you're talking to?"
"Maybe I'm all mixed up but doesn't Miss Pleasure O'Riley live here?"
"Who wants to know?" demanded Darrin, still grumpy from having been woken from his sleep.
"Well, they said the first house on the right. You turn into the street and that's next door where I just been."
"Did it ever occur to you it might be the first house on the left as you come from the opposite direction?
"Yeah," said Thunderbolt, rubbing his chin, "I didn't think about that."
"Well the next time get your directions straight before you come waking people up in the middle of the night!"
"I'm sorry."
"You oughtta be, you big bully!"
Darrin slammed the door in Thunderbolt's face, turned, and smiled. He had stood up to the brute, and it felt good. Then he frowned.
"Grandma?"
What the heck had Thunderbolt meant by *that*? And why were his limbs aching so much? Also, was it his imagination or was he shorter? Suddenly suspicious, he crossed to the hallway mirror. Staring back at him from it was a bespectacled, grey-haired old woman in her seventies.
"Samantha!"
"I'm here, darling."
She had magically appeared behind him. As he turned and she got her first proper look at her husband she started laughing.
"Oh, my!" she said, putting her hand to her mouth.
"Is this your idea of a joke?"
"I'm sorry, darling," she cooed soothingly, "but you *do* look sweet - another Whistler's Mother."
"Never mind that, do something - NOW!"
"Alright, alright - don't get cranky."
Samantha did a mystical pass with her arms. Nothing happened. "Well?" said Darrin, impatiently.
Samantha frowned.
"That should've worked. Let me try something else."
She did another mystical pass, and this time Darrin was engulfed in smoke. When it cleared he was back to his old self.
"Samantha, what *am* I going to do with you?"
She grinned mischievously.
"Oh, I'm sorry darling, but I did it for your own good. Besides, you make an adorable grandma."
Her tone was light, but he could see Samantha was puzzled that it had taken her two attempts to change him back. All Darrin cared about was that she had. But this was something for her to fret over tomorrow, not now. He yawned.
"Time we were back in bed," he said.
The next morning, after showering, shaving, and dressing, Darrin went downstairs and found Samantha sitting at the kitchen table reading The Star Dispatch. 'PASSION'S PLAYTHING!' read the headline, 'Pro Fullback "Thunderbolt" Thor Swenson Arrested in Love Triangle'. Darrin grimaced. He had collected the paper from the lawn earlier and so had already read the story. It appeared that after he had sent Thunderbolt away the great big galoot had gone over to the Kravitz house and, following some sort of misunderstanding, had punched out Abner Kravitz just in time to be arrested by the police, who had finally arrived on the scene.
"Gladys Kravitz, passion's plaything!" said Samantha, chuckling at the front page photos of their nosey neighbor, Thor, and Abner. "How about that?"
Darrin let out a chuckle of his own.
"Morning Glory Circle will never be the same."
Someone knocked on their front door. It was Pleasure.
"Hi, Darrin!" she said brightly, sweeping past him.
"Hi?" he replied, dubiously.
"Oh, hi, Mrs Stephens! Gee, I hope I'm not disturbing you."
"No, not at all. We were beginning to wonder where you were."
Samantha's dry tone sailed right over her head. Pleasure was all smiles. She was clearly excited about something. Sighing, Samantha went over to a cupboard and took out another cup and saucer.
"I've been at that awful police court. Although the judge couldn't have been sweeter, I must admit I cried a little."
"Oh, that must've helped," said Darrin, pouring her a coffee.
"So did that outfit," said Samantha.
Pleasure was wearing a form-fitting little green dress with a matching 'pillbox' hat.
"Oh, do you like it?" she squealed. "I'm so glad, Mrs Stephens! Oh, and Darrin, hooray, hooray, our worries with Thunderbolt are all over! My lawyer just got a court order so now he's got to stay away from me."
"But don't you still have ten ex-boyfriends left?" asked Samantha.
Pleasure ignored her.
"Oh, and Darrin, my insurance company's gonna pay for poor Mr Kravitz's new bridge work. Oh, and Darrin, you wanna hear something wild?! So many newspaper photographers took pictures of me while I was on the stand that guess what?"
Darrin looked at Samantha, who shrugged.
"I give up," he said.
"The mayor called me personally to offer me a contract to be Miss Urban Renewal!"
Her delight at this development was so obvious it would have been cruel to laugh, so they didn't.
"Which reminds me, I've got to get measured for my new civic center bikini. Boy, I can't tell you two how much I appreciate last night. Darrin, how can I ever repay you?"
"You don't owe him a thing," said Samantha.
Someone hammered on front door.
"Who's that?" said Darrin, exasperated. He needed to head off to work and had not had any breakfast yet. The last thing they needed was another visitor.
"Thunderbolt, who else?" said Pleasure.
"He's back?!"
"He's gonna drive me to the mayor's office. He goes everywhere with me. Would you believe something - he's so unreasonable he doesn't even trust our mayor!"
"I know our mayor. There's nothing unreasonable about that," said Samantha, recalling how much effort it had taken by her and others recently to get a traffic light installed at a busy local intersection.
Darrin opened the door to Thunderbolt, who entered then gave him a surprised look.
"Boy, you sure look a lot like your grandma!"
"I don't think so," said Darrin.
Samantha put her hand to her mouth, suppressing a giggle.
"Ready, Pleasure?" said Thunderbolt.
"Ready. Well goodbye everyone. Thanks ever so, Darrin," she said. "You, too, Mrs Stephens," she added as an afterthought.
"I thought they'd never leave," said Darrin after they had. "They barely left me any time to eat breakfast."
"I'm sure Larry Tate won't mind if you're a little late, darling."
"No can do, Sam. I've got an important meeting with a new client that McMann & Tate has been trying to land and I can't be late for that. Still, I..."
He stopped mid-sentence, the color draining from his face.
"Darrin?"
"Sam, I...I feel really strange, I..."
There was a sudden, familiar flash of smoke. When it cleared Darrin was once again the old woman he had briefly been during the night, complete with glasses and nineteenth century garb.
"Sam, what's happening?" he cried in a quivering, old lady voice, clutching his shawl fearfully.
"I..I don't know. Let me put it right."
She made a mystical gesture.
Nothing happened.
She tried a different one.
Nothing happened.
She tried a third.
Still nothing happened.
"Darrin," she said slowly, "I think we need help."