Bella looked up at herself in the mirror, taking a deep breath. She wasn't sure how she would be received at the Black household, but she knew she needed to speak to Jacob. The whole situation they were in – not speaking, not seeing each other – was killing her. They used to be best friends, and now they had nothing.
'Where did we go wrong?' she thought to herself. They had both mistakes on their parts, each contributing to this weird awkwardness that now held between them. Bella wanted to fix it, but she couldn't even get Jacob on the phone longer than to hang up on her. She wasn't completely at fault for this though, and she knew it. After all, Jacob had kissed her, had forced her to realize her feelings for him, whether she wanted to or not. Yet she knew she should have pushed him away long ago. She had watched him fall for her, while she was still mourning for Edward. She had used him and she knew it, yet he couldn't still be mad at him, could she?
Finally getting up the mental strength, she walked out the door, telling Charlie she was going out, not wanting him to question her further. The car ride did not last nearly as long as she hoped, the seconds shortened as the nervous feeling in the pit of her stomach grew.
Bella thought of anything but Jacob and the coming meeting if only to avoid it for a few short minutes more, finally resting on the curious reaction of Edward to her plan. She knew she would have to tell him about it and had accepted that, telling him that morning. If not, Alice would see her disappear and immediately put everyone on red alert over nothing. Yet she did not expect Edward's calm, collected reaction, completely and sincerely understanding. His final words as he walked out the door – "Good luck" – still hung with her as she pulled in front of the small house, hoping Jacob would be at home.
Walking up to the door, a thousand thoughts were running through Bella's head, most of them involving Jacob slamming the door in her face, or worse, the look of pain she was sure she'd see there. However, she continued, finally reaching the door and knocking in slow motion. Sooner than she had hoped, she heard the door being pulled open from the other side as she started to panic.
Billy stared at her from the other side of the door, clearly confused as to why she was here. Afraid Billy would send her away without giving her the chance to speak to Jacob, she started trying to explain exactly why she was there. "Billy, I really need to see Jacob. I've been trying to call, but he won't talk to me, and I just really need to talk to him, to tell him something – anything – to make him understand." She looked away, tears stinging her eyes as she remembered the last couple weeks and how hard they had been on her, and to be met with the possibility of being within speaking range with Jacob only to be pushed away again would be too much for her.
Billy looked up at her face, seeing the desperation there, and took pity on her enough to let her in. "He might not talk to you, you know. I can't make him," Jacob murmured softly, not wanting to push the inevitable tears into coming until she was at least out of the kitchen. Billy's comfort level with showing emotion was just about as developed as Charlie's.
"I know. I would completely understand," Bella replied, looking down, unable to look Billy directly in the eye knowing what she had done to his son. She quickly found her way to Jacob's room, only to see him sitting on the bed, where he had obviously been listening intently to the conversation that had occurred.
"Jake, we need to talk," Bella said before Jacob could open his mouth to give a greeting. "Let's go out to the garage or something," she suggested, looking around at the small space they were currently in. She quickly walked out the door, leading the way to the garage with Jacob, who had still not spoken a word, in her wake.
Bella turned as they walked into the garage, gaining confidence as her feelings bubbled to the surface. "Jake, I just don't know what to do anymore," she burst out, walking over and hugging him. He was obviously surprised as he was pulled out of his silence, murmuring "I know, Bells" into her strawberry-scented hair.
"Jake, please, I have some stuff to say before you say anything, and I just really need to get this all out first," she said as Jacob reluctantly released her. He looked into her eyes, nodding as she continued. "Jacob, I just…I can't let this stand the way it is. I mean, look at us! We never even talk anymore, and you won't return my calls. I know you're mad but I have just as much right to be mad after what happened that day! I know we kissed, and I know I love you but I'm in love with Edward, and I can't let him go again. I know, it sounds stupid and you think I'm just making excuses but I'm not."
She paused, looking to see his reaction, to make sure his emotions were under control at the mention of Edward. Seeing his blank, carefully controlled expression, she continued. "I feel like we're just going around in circles, never getting anywhere. And it's not like we just can't see each other, and you know it's true. I mean, you're my best friend and now you don't even look at me the same anymore. Most of the time you look at me like you don't know me, like I'm just a stranger. And then the other time-" she paused, trying to keep her voice from cracking and failing completely "-the rest of the time you just look at me like you wish you had never known me, like I'm just a part of your ugly past, a skeleton hiding in your closet. I can't handle that. I'm just trying to make you understand, to tell you all this, to tell you something so that you'll just talk to me again! I feel like you never understand, but I know you must. I mean, you miss me, right?"
She had grasped on to the last desperate thing she had, "Do you miss me?" If he didn't, then she would go on her way, heartbroken but accepting, understanding even. And if so, well, then they should be able to work this out, to be friends again without the unanswered questions in the air.
Jacob's face softened at her words, knowing that he often felt the same previously inexplicable feelings that she had just expressed. And he did miss her, despite what he had tried to tell himself. "Of course, Bells," he replied sincerely. "But I feel like you're so close, like when you're sitting here next to me, yet so far away – and I don't think we can get over this," he continued quietly, and not quite as sincerely. He knew Bella would never let go if she knew how he felt, how it was tearing him up inside to let her go. "Bella, I'm done trying. I can't even stand being around you without my heart feeling like it's been ripped out of my chest. And I can't keep feeling that. It hurts too much," he lied, clearly displaying the current agony he was going through, though for different reasons, in his voice.
Bella hearing the pain in his voice construed it as pain purely from having to see her at the moment, never thinking that Jacob's real pain was from having to lie to her face and see the hurt plainly in her eyes. "I guess this is the part where we say goodbye," she replied, tears threatening to brim over. "I can see how much this is hurting you, and I can't be the source of that."
She turned, heading past Jacob towards the opening of the garage, thinking that this could not have gone any worse. Before this visit they were purely fighting, where there was always the hope of reconciliation. Now, they were saying goodbye, possibly never to see each other again. A small cry escaped her lips as she walked out of the garage, her tears finally spilling over as she clutched the reopened hole torn into her chest, doubled over in pain just thinking about it. She continued for a couple more steps, the rain finally starting on this previously rainless day, before kneeling on the ground, crying into her hands while holding her chest.
"Bells?" Jacob's panicked voice came from behind her, running to her on the ground. "Bella, what's wrong?" he asked, looking at her face as comprehension dawned on his own.
"D-d-don't let me go!" she cried into his shoulder, losing all control whatsoever. "What will I do with you gone? You're my best friend! It feels too wrong without you, like a piece of me is missing, and I just can't say goodbye. I can't. What can I say, or do? What can I do to make you want to stay, to not let us just die like this?" Bella's tears overflowed, coming faster and faster as she begged him, clutching his shirt in desperation. "Don't leave me this way. Please, let's just stop all this – all these stupid games. Let's just be friends again. Please, it can't be the end. It can't."
She became silent again as the pent-up tears of the last few weeks continued to flow as she hugged herself to Jacob, just waiting for the moment when he pushed her away to never return again.
Jacob pushed up her face, forcing her to look at him while he said his own confession. "Bella, no matter what I'm doing, where I'm going, I'm thinking of you – always. It drives the pack crazy," he laughed before continuing, afraid the currently paused tears would start up again. "Something keeps me coming back to you, no matter what. I understand, Bella, that we can't be what I'd want us to, but if I don't have your friendship either – I don't know what I'd do. Bells, you know it's not so bad. Besides, I could never leave you like that. You know it's not the end."
Soon after leaving Jacob's, Bella pulled into her driveway, feeling better than she had in weeks. They had finally resolved all this, and she knew that nothing would get in the way of their friendship. 'Thank Carlisle for letting Edward be such an understanding boyfriend,' she thought, knowing that without Carlisle's convincing Edward would have sent the whole National Guard with her just to protect her.
Caught up in her thoughts, Bella unlocked the door and stepped into the kitchen, pulling off her now buddy jacket and boots. "So…." Alice yelled from the corner of the room, scaring Bella senseless.
"You sure do talk loud for someone who normally needs to speak no louder than a whisper to be heard!" Bella exclaimed, clutching her heart at the sudden scare.
Alice's twinkling laugh sounded. "I know, silly, but what's the fun in being quiet all the time?" she asked seriously. Before waiting for a response she continued. "So, what happened? Is everything okay? Are you friends again? Did he kiss you again? Did he yell? Did you cry? Did he cry? Are you guys over for good?"
"Alice, wait! Can you stop talking long enough to let me respond?" Bella laughed, watching her turn so still she could have been stone – or, more appropriately, marble. "We talked everything out. Yes, everything is fine. We are friends again. No, he did not kiss me, nor did he yell. I did cry. He, however, did not," she responded, ticking off the questions on her fingers. She paused before responding to the last question, a smile playing her lips. "You know, it's not the end."
This fic was inspired by the song "The End" by Simple Plan. I don't own the song neither do I own the Twilight Series books by Stephenie Meyer.