Title: Reflecting
Author: Lady Nyneve
Rating: T
Disclaimer: All owned by the fabulous J.K. Rowling. I own only the plot. Please don't sue.
Warnings: Slight angst and implied slash … I don't know… Oh, and a bit of swearing…
Summary: "I hate you. Did you know that? You probably do. Did you know that I also watch you? I do. I don't know when it started and I don't remember why, but it did." One-shot! Please be gentle! H/D Slash! Don't like, don't read!
A/N: Takes place during seventh year, post-Voldy. HPB did happen, but story does not completely follow canon. Draco took up Dumbledor's offer before it was too late. That means Draco joined the Order and Dumbledor didn't die. Everything after the Astronomy tower scene didn't happen! Snape is a good guy! Not really mentioned in the story, just though you should know.
I hate you. Did you know that? You probably do. Did you know that I also watch you? I do. I don't know when it started and I don't remember why, but it did. It slowly became a habit and now I can't go five minutes without looking your way. I watch you during meals, during class, in the library… I've learned more about you in last three months since school started than I have in the six years we've known each other.
I've learned a lot about you. I've learned things: like the fact that sometimes you let your mask fall when you think no ones looking; like how you bite your lip when you're concentrating in class; how you frown when you're working on homework; and close your eyes when you're trying to remember something. You get annoyed by the mere sound of Pansy's voice. You don't really hang out around your bodyguards anymore. You're a lot more melancholy nowadays.
I don't know how I noticed these things. I guess it's becoming an obsession, if it isn't one already. How did I let it get this far?
You're not as arrogant as I remember. What happened during the summer that changed you? Was it the fall of the Dark Lord at my feet during the final battle? Was it your father being given the kiss for his crimes? Was it your mother being placed into St. Mungo's indefinitely to receive psychiatric help for what Voldemort did to her? Or…was it finally realizing that your father, the man you idolized for the first seventeen years of your life, was nothing but one of many who groveled to a madman?
I would say that I'm sorry, because now everything that you grew up knowing has been exposed as lies and an attempt at genocide… but I'm not. I'm not sorry for having taken down the self-proclaimed, hypocritical leader of all purebloods, when he himself was the son of a muggle and a squib. He was cruel and insane, no longer even human. How could anyone bow at his feet? But this isn't about Voldemort.
I am sorry, however, about you getting caught in the crossfire. I'm afraid to think about what would have happened to you if you hadn't switched sides before it was too late…
I lied…
I lied to you. I don't hate you. I don't know when that changed, but it has. Don't think I pity you, because I don't. I don't know how I feel about you. It's not dislike, but I don't like you either. It's a sort of accepting indifference for lack of a better term.
I think that's why I started watching you, because I couldn't figure out how I felt. And I think it started when I realized that I wouldn't be able to figure that out until I knew you. I mean really knew you. Yes, we've known each other for more than six years now, but we don't really know each other. I think I had this realization when you came to stay at headquarters during the summer. It became quite obvious that I didn't know the least bit about you. What was that, five months ago? I've been watching you for five months? Hmm…sounds kind stalker-ish now…
I didn't even realize…
Why am I all of the sudden so obsessed with you? To think, if anyone had told me five moths ago that I would slowly become obsessed with Draco Malfoy, I would have probably laughed in their face. So, what changed?
Was it that I realized that you were actually human? That you indeed happen to have feelings and aren't always and egotistical bastard?
I asked Hermione. Do you know what she said? She said I had a crush on you! Can you believe that? She actually said that! She said that that's why we always fight. She called it "Repressed Sexual Frustration." She told me that we've always had a thing for each other, even if it's subconscious. Is it true? Are we sexually frustrated? Is that why we always end up at each other's throats? It sounds crazy, but I think she might just be right.
I think that's why I can't stop watching you. Maybe I'm just hopelessly in love with you, but don't realize it. I don't feel it though… If I were in love with you, or even if it were only a physical attraction, I think I would be able to tell. She says it doesn't matter, that something subconscious wouldn't be that obvious. I don't know what to think anymore.
Ah, there you are! Always on time! Five o'clock on the dot! Did I tell you that I memorized your schedule? I know what classes you have and when you have them. I know that you leave the Slytherin common room at exactly 7:55 am every morning in order to be one of the first to breakfast and that you leave at 8:25 am to make sure you get a good seat in your first class. You always come into the library at 5:00 pm after your last class of the day to get a bit of homework done before dinner. I know you prefer bacon to sausage, and coffee to tea. You don't like tuna salad, but you love tuna filet with a bit of lime. You wouldn't touch fig pudding, but you love candied figs.
I wonder sometimes, do you watch me? Do you know little random facts about me, too? Do you know that I like to walk in the rain when I need to clear my head? That I hate mustard by itself, but love it when mixed in with ketchup? I love Shepherd's pie, it's my favorite. I'm always late for lunch when I have D.A.D.A. just before. I never do homework in the library because you distract me.
Oh crap! You caught me staring!
Oh damn! You're standing up! Why are you putting your stuff away? It's not dinner yet!
Oh shite! You're coming over!
What do I do?!
Ok, breathe! Calm down! Stay cool! Too late…
Why are you sitting at my table?
"Granger came up to me after Arithmancy today." What, so, I don't even get a 'hello?'
"Really? What did she want?" Why am I so nervous?
"She told me how you felt." WHAT?!?!?!?!?!
"What?" Oh yeah… smooth…
"She told me about the crush you have on me." Huh…
"Huh… sorry, I don't understand?" WHAT THE FREAK?!?!
"It's ok. I know it's embarrassing having Granger tell me, but it's ok. I feel the same way, too."
"Look, I don't know what she told… Wait, what did you just say?" Did I hear that right?
"Don't make me say it again." Jeez, you're cute when you blush. Wait where did that come from?
"I...uhh…." Yeah… real smooth…
"You don't have to say anything. I already know how you feel." And that would be…
"Look… Malfoy. I think there's been a missun-dmnf…" What the HELL?!?! Are you really kissing me!?!?!
"Sorry, couldn't help myself." Yeah, you are really cute when you're blushing…
"No, that's ok…" My head's still spinning.
"Well, good. Maybe there is hope for us after all." You should smile more often.
"Yeah." Why can't I stop smiling?
"We should go to dinner. They're serving Shepherd's pie today."
"It's my favorite." Still smiling.
"I know. I've been watching you." So you have, and I still can't stop smiling.
I guess I just figured out how I feel about you. Who would have known? Hermione was right after all.
Fini
A/N: Please review!!!!! It would be greatly appreciated!!! Thank you for reading!