(A/N: Sadly, I do not believe this will ever match the quality of two of the greatest works of all time - Foodfight! and My Immortal. Not even by combining them may I reach their level of quality, though I can always dream...)

Hi, my name is Ebony Dark'ness Dementia Raven Way. I have long ebony black hair with red tips and purple streaks (that's how I got my name!). My eyes are icy blue, like limpid tears. I'm a witch and I went to Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry, though they were all preps and posers. So me and my fangtastic (Haha, because I'm goffik. Get it?) friends all left the school in order to lead our own, better magic school. Also, we're all vampires, but our teeth are straight and white. Today, I put on white foundation, black lipstick, red eyeshadow and eyeliner, and purple mascara as my makeup. I had on a black corset with matching lace, a black miniskirt with bloody roses on it, black studded combat boots, and hot pink fishnets on my legs. I carefully put the lid back on my goffik coffin, that was black with hot pink velvet on the inside. I left my room, and I saw B'loody Mary Granger leaving her room as well. (The girls rooms are on the opposite side from the boy's rooms, because EWW, THAT WOULD BE CREEPY IF THEY WERE TOGETHER! PERV!)

"Konnichiwa grl!" She said. "You look so kawaii, OMG!" She had on a black knee-length dress with red lace on the top and bottom, with calf-height red high-heeled boots, and dark purple fishnets under it. Her makeup was black mascara, purple eyeshadow, black eyeliner, and blood-red lipstick.

"U look fantastic too, OMFG!" I yelled.

"How r things with u and Draco?" She asked.

I blushed. "IT'S NOT LIKE I LIKE HIM OR ANYTHING, B-BAKA!" I screamed.

I decided I would go wake Draco up now. He's so sexy in the morning.

Not like I like him or anything.

But when I started walking down the hall, I saw a strange thing. It was a man, but he didn't look like he was entirely human. His form was barely visible in the shadows. Were it not for his bright azure eyes, like shining sapphires, I would have never seen him. Though, once I noticed him, due to my almost supernatural ability to go into excruciating detail about clothing, I knew at once what his clothes were.

He was wearing a brown fedora (Like a true gentleman). He had on a white shirt, with an unbuttoned brown coat over it. It had a lot of pockets. He was wearing light brown pants. He had on boring brown shoes, not even combat boots. Over his jacket, he had a belt with a big pocket on the side. In the big belt pocket, there was a shiny silver gun. If I was a normal vampire, I would be worried about that, but since I'm not I didn't care. Silver doesn't hurt the goffik vampires. Only the preps and posers.

"Ebony Dark'ness Dementia Raven Way," he said, "My name is Dex Dogtective." He looked like a fucking prep, so I put up my middle finger at him, not even bothering to question who he was, how he knew my name, or how he got into my house.

(A/N: I hope you enjoyed the first chapter! More to come.)