Chapter 1: Another Lonely Day

"What's up doc?"

"Are you ever going to tire of that?" Gil stopped being annoyed a long time ago by the statement or the student who would randomly stick her head in his office door. Now he just laughs whenever his TA walks into his office and ask him the question.

"Maybe. After the Monster wears off." She smiled knowing that the older man before her never really minded her weird ways. He was one of the few faculty she respected.

"How many today?" Gil finally looked up from his computer screen worried about the young woman before him. She reminded him of someone who his heart ached for everyday. An insomniac who was devoted to her craft, so much that everything could be forgotten as long as there was an answer to be found. But he was not going there today, not today.

"Just the one. " The smile faded from her face she expected a lecture soon.

"How many coffees?" Gil asked, he worried about the woman. He had easily slipped into a mentor position for her. It just happened, it was not planned. He studied bugs and stuff, as she called it, and she was a sociologist at heart.

"One as well. Jeez you are old enough to be my grandpa, doesn't mean you can act like it"

"You know most faculty would have already complained to the Chair of the department and had you fired for the way you talk to me." Gil said with a smile on his face. He enjoyed these moments in the day. It was always entertaining to see what Jade would do. It broke the monotony of writing manuscripts for publication or lectures or whatever mundane boring task that took him away from his research.

"But you never will because you respect me and know it's all meant in respect."

She had him there. When he interviewed for a tenure track postion at the unieristy Jade had been the student who was forced to take him on a tour of the campus and make sure he got where he needed to be during the interview process. Her first words to him were, "sorry they really should have gotten someone who was good with humans." He remembered it because it was so strange to hear someone that young make a statement like that.

"Do you have a reason to bother me? Or are you just wasting time?"

"Want to take a break and go grab coffee? I'm avoiding Voldermort he has another statistical question. It will turn into an all day thing and I'll never get any work done."

"Could you at least call him by his name and show some respect?" Voldermort was a professor in the department that had nearly ended Jade's graduate work because she had once refused to work with him on a project. Jade was a great statistician and sociologist. A talent rare among graduate students of her level. She knew more about statistics than most of the faculty in the office, there were a few who knew that and used her because they could. Voldermort, as Jade called him, complained to the Director of Graduate Study (Gil at the time) about her refusing to work with him on a project. Being Jade, she did not do it in a very politic way. Gil smiled at the memory of the email he had read, "I'll work with you when pigs fly out of my ass and colonize the moon".

"Nope. A wise man once told me 'Always treat people as ends in themselves, never as means to an end.' And I should never respect someone who treats people as a means to an end. For Voldermort I am just a means to an end."

He smiled, so she was listening to him when he lectured her on Kant and his work about the scientific process. It was hard to tell sometimes she just seemed to zone out while he talked. He once heard her joking with one of the other graduate students about Mr. Tree, the name of the tree that sat behind his head in his office. Mr. Tree was the fictional character graduate students talked to in their head when he would drone on about something they did not care about.

"Lets go get coffee and you can update me on your progress."

"On what?" She asked as if she would not go get coffee if she did not like the answer. He knew better she was a caffeine junkie.

"Dissertation, grading, teaching, your guess presentation? Pick one."

"How about none of the above"

"Cost for avoiding Dr. Brant is a progress report. The Chair has been asking me about your work and I can only lie so long"

"Fine. How about grading, if you are going to make me suffer than I can make you suffer with me. That exam you gave them will likely have a few of the undergrads in my office crying or trying to seduce me".

"That bad?" He asked. This year the undergraduates did not seem to care. It was hard to get them to think about forensic science instead of drinking and the party they went to the night before. There were a few good ones, but mostly they seemed to only show up because he took attendance and it counted as part of their final grade.

"Yeap." She answered. "I held extended office hours too that week. They never showed up."

Shaking his head he got up and grabbed the coat off the back of his chair, "How about you talk about your guest presentation at UNLV (University of Nevada Las Vegas) and your dissertation?"

"Fine. Let's go." She turned and walked out of his office.

They often went to grab coffee in the afternoons. He had long learned to relax around the eclectic graduate student. No one wanted to be his TA, he knew because he was the graduate director and every single graduate student put his class at dead last as part of their preference for being a teaching assistant. Jade had been quietly asked by the Chair, she was the best graduate student in the department she had the awards and CV to prove it. Grissom would agree with the statements, even if Jade told him he was full of shit. She showed him how to get through the departmental tape. She also could get away with almost anything as far as the secretaries were concerned. Jade spent time cultivating a relationship with each of the older ladies. She was one of the only graduate students who had got to know the secretaries.

She had saved him more than once too. He had a habit of leaving his keys in his office and the door was one that stayed lock. He lost count the number of times he walked down to the graduate offices and Jade was the only student there, music blaring at an ungodly level, much like Greg use to do, almost the same music taste. She had called building services for him each time and talked to him for the time it took to get them there and let him into his office. Then there was the one time on a stormy evening, he was supposed to be across town at a party for the President of the university. He was in his suit, umbrella in hand, and his car had a flat tire. There was no way in the muddy environment he could have changed the tire and not got mud all over his suit. Jade was walking back to the office, and she saw him. She happily helped him change the tire on his car. Almost yelling at him when he tried to help her.

The walk to the coffee shop across campus was quiet. It was a comfortable silence between the two. The other graduate students and some of the faculty were worried about the two and how close the professor and student were. The graduate students often joked, and he knew it bothered Jade, that she was Grissom Jr or Grissom was her long last father. He caught one graduate student making such a statement and he spent a good half hour lecturing the student about what they had said.

Halfway to the coffee shop Grissom decided to break the silence, "Which first your guest presentation or dissertation?"

"Dissertation is going well. I just finished writing the introduction. I am working on the grant proposal, but is so hard because it's boring. I have the surveys all cleaned, just missing data."

Grissom zoned out after that, she launched off into discussing the statistical analyses she was going to do. It always led to rants about data not being Gaussian or approximately Gaussian, and Greek letters he was not even sure what they meant anymore. He trusted her to do the correct statistical analyses and to know what she was doing.

"That's good. I can tell the Department Chair we had our update meeting and give him some information" Grissom said when she finished. He ordered their coffees, he always paid. "One Grande coffee, and one Grande Triple Shot Lattee".

While they waited for the coffee's Jade ask, "Do I really have to do the guest presentation? Aren't you supposed to be doing it?"

"I am giving one too. It is good practice for you."

"But I thought only faculty did that. Remember Jade still graduate student."

"You are on the job market next year, so yes you should do it and need to do it."

"Fine." She hated talking in front of a large group of people. Especially about her own research. She once told him that research was her life. She had asked her self multiple times what else could she do with her life, if the academic thing did not work out. Her answer had been the same, nothing.

"I will be there to step in if they get too rowdy." He knew she feared the talk also because she was taking on one of the faculty at UNLV's theories. "But I doubt they will."

"Whatever." She said drinking her coffee and rolling her eyes. "Were you able to get me that tour of the forensic lab? I have some questions about the Bureau of Justice Statistics survey. I figured I could bother whoever gave me the tour to get their opinion."

"Not yet. I will." Grissom did not want to have to go to his old place of work. It was likely at least one of his team would be around. His team, he wanted to laugh, not anymore, not since…not going there.

"come on old man. It was the only reason I agreed."

"Yeah but you don't care about that forensic stuff." He said mocking her, as she had said it more than once to him.

"I know but the survey sucks, and if I can do anything it is to make it die a quick painful death. What it'll help you! You complained about it. If I can get enough information on why it sucks Karen said she'd pass it onto the right folks at BJS."

"Yeah I know." He had brought the survey to Jades attention. When he had he never expected her to actually download the data and generate an entire project on how poor the survey is. He knew why, she was trying to give something back to him for all the help he provided.

"When do we leave?" She asked wondering about when they were catching the bus to the airport.

"5 am tomorrow."

"Ouch. Well Ouch if I actually planned on sleeping." She laughed.

"Try to get some sleep. I don't want to drag you around." He said feeling that fatherly instinct he had never expected to have. Something about the girl just made him want to hug her and treat her like the long lost daughter he never had. He blamed it on her being his kindred spirit and the fact she was a lot like..not going there either.

"Shit." She slowed her paced and moved behind him.

He looked around to see what she was hiding from, he finally saw the culprit. "Hello Mike." Grissom said using his colleagues first name.

"Hello Gilbert and Jade" Voldermort said looking at Jade walking behind Grissom, "I have been looking for you Jade. I had some questions."

Grissom frowned. He truly despised Mike, he reminded him too much of Eckile, but professionals do not tell graduate students they too hate the same person the student hates. "My fault. I have been working with Jade all day today. She has a presentation in a few days and I wanted to make sure she was ready. She also has been helping me with some statistics."

"Really?" Mike said clearly not believing the last part. Grissom rarely needed help with the statistics, it was often not a major part of his research.

"Yeah. We decided to move forward on that grant proposal to do a survey of the major crime labs in the US."

"Good to hear. I guess I'll just have to talk to you when you get back Jade."

"Yeah sorry." Jade said trying not to smile.

As soon as Mike/Voldermort was out of earshot Jade asked, "Can we go home and work now?"

"Sure. I bet you still have to pack."

"you know me too well Doc."

"Meet me at the car park in 20?"

"Sure." Jade said breaking off to walk down to her side of the hallway as she called it.

Jade had moved into the apartment over Grissom garage the past summer. He noticed that she had been noticeably absent from the department during the Spring semester, and her work had slipped some. Even Jades' worst work was better than most of the graduate students work, but she was not working to her full potential and that had worried him. It took him tracking her down and cornering her to get her to tell him why she suddenly stopped coming into the office and was behind on everything. It was than that he learned a lot about the crazy graduate student who had been his TA for the past 2 years. She explained to him that she was working two additional jobs to help her mother out. Her mother was an addict, and her older brother was not much better. She would have left them both to their own fate if it had not been for her nephew. He did not deserve to grow up like she did. So she was working to help take care of her nephew. Because of her mother and brother it required more money then she made as a TA. She was one month away from losing her apartment, and she was likely going to quit university to take the position she was offered as a Target Team Leader. Grissom did not want that to happen, he offered to help her, but she refused his money. She did not take hand out she spat at him, her anger showing at how unfair it was she was giving up her life to take care of those who cared less.

After a night of wondering how he could help the stubborn graduate student he found the answer. The next morning he emailed her asking for a meeting in his office. He spoke with the chair of the department to make sure everything he had decided to do would be possible. He told her he needed help taking care of his dog while he was on sabbatical or traveling to give presentations. He wanted to know if she was willing to move into the apartment over his garage? He had used it as an office he never actually worked in. Of course he would have to charge her, like 100 dollars month? Also, he had gotten permission from the Chair of the department to hire her as his research assistant as well as his TA. What that meant was she would do research, the department would pay her out of his grant money and proceeds from the textbook he wrote. She also would help him when he took over as an editor of a journal. She would be his graduate assistant and get paid for that as well. He was sure it was more than she was making now working the multiple jobs. He could not forget the tears he saw in her hazel eyes. The tears she refused to let fall. She had refused at first. But he explained to her this was not a handout. He really needed the help and she was the most qualified. The Chair had agreed. The Chair had almost lost it when he found out the student who had previously won all of the awards the department had to offer wanted to leave. It would look bad if they lost her. She was one of the shining stars in the program, she would end somewhere good.

The rest was history. She accepted the positions and took to Hank. Hank spent more time with jade then he did Grissom it seemed.

Grissom smiled as he watched her enter her office. So much for the tin man he thought as he walked back to his own office to pack.

A little while later in Las Vegas…

Wish there was something I could say or do

I can resist anything but the temptation from you

But I'd rather walk alone

Than chase you around

I'd rather fall myself then let you drag me own down

It wouldn't have worked out anyway

And now it's just another lonely day

Sara turned down her iPod as she walked into the dark office. She had been an adjunct at the University for a couple of years now. They jumped at the chance to hire her to teach a couple of the undergraduate courses on Forensic Science. Every since the stupid TV show came on TV everyone wanted to be a CSI. It paid, and Sara got to deal with a few bright students each semester who would likely be good CSI's. It was her way of giving back, and it was a nice break from the daily crime scene. Tonight she was picking up the exams she would be giving the following morning. The mailbox room was of course dark, few were at the office at 1 am. Lunch break for Sara.

She was depressed, today of all days was not a good day. It was their anniversary. It was this day years ago that he had finally listened to his heart and agreed to date her. Sometimes she wondered if it would have been better he had not. It hurt, he was gone. She could not completely blame him, both parties were at fault, but today of all days it hurt.

On top of the exams was a tan flyer. The department tried to keep her involved, they wanted her to be a full time lecturer. She could not be a professor because she never got her PhD, and her work experience made up for her lack of masters degree. The picture on the flyer took her breath away. Not today of all days. He was coming to town, she checked the date, in two days, to give a talk. Had he called anyone at the lab? Probably not, someone would have told her, warned her, right?

He was bringing someone else with him, a small little snip on Jade Smith. Whoever that was, would also be giving a guest lecture on global crime trends. She groaned out loud, when she remembered she had promised the chair she would attend the next lecture. She had not really been listening to her when she was rambling about the lecture coming. She had not mentioned the name, but said it was another forensics person, and Sara would be great to have there to ask informed questions. They wanted to recruit him to come work at UNLV as they were building their Forensic program. Sara should have known better. Damn it.

While she did dread having to see him again, she was also curious. She wondered if he looked better? Last time she saw him, when he came to collect his stuff, he looked warn out. Haggard. Who was this Jade person coming with him? A colleague? A lover? She laughed at the idea, Gil with a lover, probably not especially if she was a colleague.

She turned her iPod up again as she walked out of the office. A dark cloud was coming over her. Today of all days she had to think about him. She swore she would not. He choose to protect himself, to push her away complete to protect himself. It hurt, still hurt too much. No she wouldn't think about it. Maybe she would call that neighbor who asked her out. How bad could it be.

Yesterday seems like a life ago

Cause the one I loved today I hardly know

You I held so close my heart wounded

Go further from me with every falling tear

It wouldn't have worked out anyway

So now it's just another lonely day