Title: Undertones
Author: Roguester
Rating: PG
Category: Angel - Fred/Gunn
Author's Notes: Big thanks to shrrshrr for her patience and for beta-reading this fic.
"Wanna grab some breakfast?"
It all started that way. Work had been pretty slow since Lilah messed with Cordy's visions to get
Billy out of a hell dimension. Cordelia rested. Angel brooded. And Wesley? In his office lookin'
all professional in case a client comes. Which I doubted would happen.
I'd been sitting on the couch with Fred for an hour, just messin' with my gameboy. It was pretty
cool that she came out of her room. She felt very useful last night when Angel told her to watch
over Cordy. She's part of the crew now... even though everyone still thinks she's weird. Hell, I
think she's weird. In a cute way. It was pretty cool the other night, though: the moonlight, a stroll
back to the Hyperion, pretty chick walking right next to me, babbling about how sorry she was
that I hadda' be stuck with her. It's all good. Don't mind hanging out with a weird, smart chick.
Weird and smart. She's kinda' perfect for Wesley.
The dude needs a girl.
Hell, I need a girl. But anyway... so I was sitting in the couch with Fred, messin' with my
gameboy. She was quiet though, which wasn't normal so I asked her what's wrong.
"I'm hungry," she said.
"Wanna grab some breakfast?"
"At 3 in the afternoon?"
"Yep. The diner serves breakfast all day."
"All day?"
"All day."
Ok. I dunno what just happened but her eyes lit up like it's Christmas. Kinda scared the hell
outta me. Ya know, in a cute way. She grabbed my arm and we sped outta there. Nobody even
noticed. I think I ran a red light that afternoon. All for a weird, smart chick who couldn't wait to
have breakfast at 3pm.
*******************************
"So... how 'bout some breakfast?"
Charles looked at me and forced a smile.
"I... I mean... I know it's not 3 pm yet and it's kinda' early, but isn't breakfast supposed to be
eaten early anyway? I mean, yeah it's early, but not morning-early. So even if we eat breakfast a
little early today, it'd still be afternoon..."
"You talkin' to me?" Charles asked.
"Well, yeah."
"Shouldn't you be with the 'Let's ignore Gunn' club after last night?"
"Charles..."
I really didn't know how to finish that off, but I noticed that he twitches a bit everytime I call
him by his first name. I mean, people rarely call him "Charles" unless they're mad at him or they
feel sorry for him or something.
Anyway... I felt so bad for Charles that day. Everyone was avoiding him... except for Lorne who
can't seem to stop making snide remarks. I guess they just don't know how to deal with him yet.
But I knew it wasn't really Charles' intention to put us all in danger. He was just torn - between
his life then and his life now. I guess a person can't really belong in two gangs at the same time,
huh? I can relate, though. Sometimes I still feel like an outsider. Like they're all looking at me
saying "Oh, there goes Fred. The weird girl." Don't get me wrong, Charles thinks I'm weird too,
but at least he says it to my face and he actually thinks it's pretty cool to be weird.
"Look, I'm sorry about what happened. I know I messed up. You didn't even get to finish singing
your song."
My song.
Which was appropriately titled "Crazy."
I didn't even know that Charles was watching me. I sounded so horrible! With my shaky voice
and my shaky knees... The same shaky voice and shaky knees that I'm getting right now...
I dunno... but there's something about Charles' eyes. They look so... genuine. Makes me all
shaky sometimes. He has the same effect on vampires, ya know? They shake when he stares at
them.
"You ok, Fred?" Um, yeah. I guess. If I can just stop feeling shaky...
"I feel bad. I knew you were scared. Can I make it up to you?"
"Well... how 'bout some breakfast?"
****************************
"You want more pancakes?"
That's probably the third time I asked her that and she still hasn't answered me yet. I don't see
what's so interesting that she had to be looking outside the window for the past half hour. I
mean... I don't see it. I don't see what she finds in Angel. Sure, he's tall and mysterious and,
with the soul and all, he's actually pretty nice. But that's not what girls look for, right?
Right?
I don't even know why I'm trippin'. It's cool that Fred has this "crush", but what about me and
Wes, huh? Sometimes we can't help but feel a lil' jealous. Angel gets all the girls and all the
girls want Angel. Darla, Kate, Fred, Buffy...
"What a weird name."
Ah, bingo! Fred's still not over the whole Buffy thing.
"Right, 'cause Fred's such a normal name for a girl."
"I mean, she probably has long, blonde hair and a nice body and a cute face..."
"Hey. Come on Fred. You have a cute face too."
"I doubt it - I'm too skinny for Angel to notice me."
"Hey, maybe other guys will."
"Like who?"
"Like Wes, for example. I mean, he's smart like you."
Fred let out a deep breath and looked down at her empty plate. She looked... disappointed. Was
it something I said?
"I know everyone thinks I'm smart, Charles. But that's not all that I am, you know?"
No, actually I didn't know. But I think I'm starting to. After much complaining about "the Buffy
girl" being alive again, I ordered her up another plate of pancakes.
I love breakfast.
***************************************
"It's the most important meal of the day."
My mom used to always say that. That's why I love eating breakfast.
Well... I love eating in general, but anyway...
I was so glad that my parents finally found me, but at the same time I got so scared when I saw
them at the lobby of the Hyperion. Five years is a long time. Actually, I didn't know whether to
laugh or cry so I ran away instead. I didn't exactly know where I was going, but I remember
being really hungry so I went to the first taco stand that I saw. I didn't buy anything, though. I
just stood there right in front.
"I knew it! I knew you were at some taco stand, but did anybody believe me? Hell nah!"
I gotta hand it to Charles. Out of everybody in Angel Investigations, he's the one who knows the
most about me. I guess he's the only one who paid attention to the details. Everyone else only
knew the general information. Besides, nobody else eats breakfast with me other than him.
"So. After that, where'd you go?"
"Here."
"Breakfast at night?"
"No. I left right away."
"Why?"
"The place looked... different."
I must admit, I'm glad that I didn't go back home with my parents. It would just be too weird for
me. 'Sides, I just came to Los Angeles and I'm actually starting to like it here. If I left, I'd miss...
some people... a lot.
"Look, Fred. I'm glad that you stayed and all, but why didn't you go back with your parents?"
"Mom and Dad aren't really big on eating out."
"Why not go to a diner by yourself, then?"
"The place would look... different."
Especially when you don't have anybody to split the bill with.
***********************************
We didn't split the bill that afternoon.
I just paid for the whole thing.
After the incident with Billy... with us being infected by his blood... nobody really talked to
anybody for a couple of days. Fred didn't even talk to me much and that's a first. She was just so
concerned about Wes...
She didn't even sit on her usual seat right in front of me. She sat next to me instead - barely
touching her food and barely speaking.
So I just paid for the whole thing. And held her hand for an hour.
********************************
It felt so natural.
Ya know, him holding my hand.
He was teaching me how to juggle so he took my right hand and placed an orange on it. He did
the same thing with my left hand. Then he told me to juggle.
"How?"
"There's no 'how'. Just throw those oranges up in the air and just do it."
Well, the oranges never left my hands, but that was the best juggling lesson that I've ever had.
Not like I've taken juggling lessons before, nor have I tried juggling... but I don't think I need to
do actual juggling to enjoy a juggling lesson...
I don't think I've ever laughed as hard as I did that day. It was one of those moments when you
laugh and you drink water at the same time so water comes out of your nose and it hurts... not to
mention embarrassing. I wasn't embarrassed, though. Like Charles said, "Hey. It's all good." I
never have to worry about what he thinks of me. When we're around each other, it just feels...
comfortable.
"Here, Fred. Take this, it's yours."
Charles reached for one of the three white daisies from the small glass vase on the diner table
and handed it to me.
"They're plastic."
I thanked him and he winked at me. I love plastic flowers.
They last forever.
******************************
Man, it's been forever.
Since this whole dilemma with Darla, me and Fred haven't had the chance to eat out. I mean, we
woulda' gone out to eat, but I don't think it's respectful to the edgy pregnant woman. It's a
shame that she had to die to save her baby.
Angel's baby.
I know. It's kinda freaky to think that Angel has a kid. But what's done is done. Everything that
happened just shook us all up. We still can't believe it. But hey, there's a crying baby boy named
Connor upstairs... this is as real as it can get.
We all came to work early that day. We don't know why. We just wanted to be there for Angel, I
guess. Just in case any other satanic cults out there are after Connor. I was standing at the hotel
lobby, with my back leaning against the counter when I saw Fred coming towards me holding
two...
"Breakfast burritos? I mean, I was kinda hopin' that they've invented breakfast tacos already, but
I'm out of luck. I hope these are ok."
Man, that's pretty decent of her. I took one of the burritos and I hadn't even opened the wrapper
on mine yet when she started munching on hers. God, I love...
Watching her eat. Yeah.
"Hey, ain't it kinda' early for us to be eating breakfast?"
I looked at my watch and read 8:30 am on-the-dot. We were too early for our usual afternoon
breakfast. About 6 hours early, actually. I looked back up at Fred and I hadda' laugh. Well... I
giggled, really. And I never giggle. Fred was so into her burrito that she didn't notice the melted
cheese on the corner of her mouth.
"Um, Fred. You got a little thing on your..."
I didn't even finish the sentence. I just reached up and wiped the cheese off her mouth with my
thumb unconsciously. And then... we just kinda...looked at each other for a while.
But I mean, it's not like I like her like THAT.
***********************
And it's not like I like him like THAT.
But it seems like everything has changed - including the time we usually eat breakfast, which
was moved from 3pm to 8 in the morning.
Like, I know that he's called me "babygirl" a few times before... but today, I overheard him
talking to Wesley about Halle Berry and he called her "babygirl" too and I just got jealous.
Why? I don't know. If I liked him like that, I'd know. But I don't like him like that. So I don't
know.
I heard a soft knock on my door and I turned around to see Gunn already standing inside my
room. He was wearing a blue denim jacket that matched the color his slightly baggy denim
pants. He had on a red shirt that said "Brooklyn" right across the chest. And I thought I could
smell Hugo Boss...
Now, how did I notice all that stuff? I don't know. If I liked him like that, I'd know. But see, I
don't.
Well, actually... I notice that kind of stuff about him all the time. I've just never freaked out
about noticing before because I just recently realized how much I actually notice. Like right
now, for example... I notice that I'm just standing here smiling at him with my head tilted to the
side.
I hear Charles giggle. And it's weird because Charles never giggles - until the other night when
we went to Cordy's place and were welcomed by Phantom Dennis. He told me I was cool and he
giggled. I mean, he tells me that I'm cool all the time, but he never really giggled while saying it.
"So... you ready to go get your grub on?"
"Yes, yes I am."
Of course, I'm ready. I look forward to breakfast everyday. Because I like breakfast very very
very very much. I just hope breakfast likes me too...
My God, breakfast looks pretty.
*******************************
God damn, she looks pretty.
For the past several days, I've found myself staring at Fred numerous times. I mean, I've always
looked at her - even way back in Pylea - just to see what's behind the tangles of long, wavy,
brown hair. And now that she's fixed herself up a bit, and finally brushed the tangles away from
her face, I realized that I like what I see.
The only thing is that, I wanna see it over and over and over again.
And I don't really care anymore. Before, I used to make sure that Fred didn't catch me staring at
her, but now I actually wanna be caught. You know, when you look at somebody for a long time,
hoping that they'd look at you too, and when they finally do, you try to hold their gaze for as
long as you can. I could never hold Fred's gaze, though. Everytime she catches me staring, she
smiles and looks at the floor. Like she's panicking or something.
I knew it. She probably likes Wesley. Or maybe...
"Hey, you still got a thing for Angel?"
Fred looked up from her plate of pancakes, mid-chew. She smiled at me and I tried to hold her
gaze.
I'm holding her gaze...
And still holding it...
And.... damn.
She looks back down at her plate. I think she's panicking now.
"Um, no. I don't have a 'thing' for Angel anymore. Besides, him and Cordelia... they have this
thing called 'kyerumption'. It's when..."
"Two warriors come together, yadda, yadda. I know. Angel kept mumbling about it."
We smile at each other. There's a beat.
"Hey, Fred. You think we have kyerumption?"
We're still smiling.
"Sure."
YES!!!
"I mean, no. We don't."
And the smile fades.
"Why not?"
"Because we don't... you know... we're not..."
"What? Warriors?"
"Yeah, warriors. I mean, You're definitely a warrior, but me... I... I'm not..."
"Of course you are."
"A warrior?"
"Yeah. You're a warrior in your own way."
We smile at each other again.
"So now that we're both warriors..." *wink* "do you think we have kyerumption?"
"I hope so, Charles."
"Yeah, me too."
Another beat. Still smiling.
"Hey, Fred. Ever heard of Mata Hari?"
************************************
Charles was so excited about seeing Mata Hari.
He asked me if two warriors can go "chill together" with the rest of the other warriors and I said
"Sure, why not?" So he asked Angel if he can get some Mata Hari tickets for the whole gang.
I've seen so many sides of Charles, and a couple of weeks ago, I saw his giggly side. But today, I
see a different one... Today, he's bouncy-Charles. God, I know I'm jumpy, but he just needs to
calm down.
"Charles?"
"Yes, Fred?"
He wiped the goofy grin off his face and replaced it with a sweet, genuine smile. The kind that
he reserved only for me.
"Tell me something I don't know..."
He was quiet for a while, thinking about what else he hadn't told me yet. I was actually getting
worried. What if he tells me that he thinks I'm annoying or that he doesn't like eating breakfast
with me anymore?
"I really like being with you. More than you'll ever know."
And there it was. He said it. It was that simple. I was kinda glad that it happened because now
it's easier for me to admit that I like being with him too. I was about to say something when he
gave me this "look." A look that said that I shouldn't feel obligated to say anything to him
because he's not expecting anything in return. Wow...
"What about you, babygurl? Tell me something I don't know."
"Oooh... when I was younger, my family used to go see the Nutcracker every year and I had my
first sexual dream about the Mouse King!"
"Uh... I think that would be the sort of stuff you should tell Cordelia about"
*wink*
I had one more order of scrambled eggs and Charles watched in amazement at how fast I
finished it. We talked about Alonna and he told me how much I remind him of her. I felt bad for
bringing his sister up, but he told me that it's ok. He loves talking about her... especially with
me. He joked some more about my big appetite and we laughed all the way back to the
Hyperion.
"You are a remarkable woman. Particularly the way you can shovel a mountain range of food in
your mouth. That's some Olympian feat, that much eating --"
"Oh, was I a pig?"
We made our way through the hotel doors and I think we were late for work because Wesley,
Cordelia, and Angel were already gathered in the lobby - Angel holding 5 pairs of tickets. I
couldn't wait to "go chill" with Charles... just being there with him, enjoying the performance of
Mata Hari at the...
Ballet?
********************************
The ballet?
Man, I can't believe Angel messed me up like that. The ballet over my Mata Hari tickets? I don't
think so. But seeing Fred like that... I woulda' given up anything. I have a stab wound on my
back to prove that I would.
And I know that I said it was just a scratch, but it's hella' painful. And I felt so bad 'cuz I hurt
Fred. For the first time since we've met each other, I hurt her. I didn't really mean to, you know.
I actually thought I was making everything better. Me and Fred... we joke around a lot. And
when we show affection towards each other like that, we just play it off. Just flirtation - nothing
serious. Only this time, it was serious.
I've fought monsters before, but Fred was never THAT worried. It's just that... last night at the
ballet, it was supposed to be magical. Me and the gang... we're always ready to fight, but I guess
I just didn't see danger coming. It came from behind and stabbed me in the back - fear washing
over me as I heard the horror in Fred's voice, calling out my name.
But ya know... the hell with fear. I just shook myself loose and told myself to lighten up. It was
just a scratch.
"Scared I'm gonna die on you?"
Apparently her answer was "yes" because I could see it. I could see that she was scared, but I still
kept at it... reciting some pseudo-Shakesperean line that clearly upset her.
"And all I ask is one last kiss as the light is dimming..."
I shouldn't have joked about that. Hearing her voice tremble and seeing the tears in her eyes just
tore at my chest. I just wanted to hold her close... but then I realized that I didn't even know how
to.
She looked so fragile... I was afraid that if I touched her, I'd hurt her even more...
God, if she cared that much...
****************************************
"The wound is definitely deep."
That's all I wanted to hear. I didn't want him to pretend that he wasn't hurt and I didn't want
him to joke about being stabbed. I just wanted him to admit that it happened, and that it was real.
That he's here safe...with me. Kissing me like nothing else mattered.
I remember the first and last time I kissed a boy. I was nine then. He was my neighbor and he
was chasing me and chasing me and when he finally caught me, he kissed me on the mouth. I
pushed him away and called him "big head." But this was different, though. I'd never push
Charles away... nor does he have a big head...
This was real. This thing with me and Charles. I don't remember ever wanting to pull back. I just
wanted to kiss him... very, very slowly so I could hold on to every second while it happened.
"You ok, Fred? You wanna stop?"
I shook my head and leaned over, pressing my forehead against his. I let my lips linger near his
mouth for a few seconds before kissing him again. That was the only time we kissed that night.
Next thing I knew, Angel, Cordelia, and Wesley were back and we were all fighting the dark-
figured, masked, demon-y things. Back at the Hyperion, Wesley tended to Charles' "scratch" and
we just kinda' stared at each other. He said that he didn't feel pain and I knew he was telling the
truth this time.
After he got cleaned up, I walked him to the door. We really didn't know what to say to each
other... and if we did, we couldn't because Wes and Cordy were in the lobby with the
Groosalugg, and we didn't want them to know yet. I opened the door and Charles stepped
outside to face me.
"So..."
"So."
"Well, this changes everything."
"Yeah, it does."
"So what next, Charles? What happens tomorrow?"
"Tomorrow?"
"Yeah."
He brought up his index finger and lightly touched my nose.
"Tomorrow, we go get breakfast."
And what a way to start the day.
Author: Roguester
Rating: PG
Category: Angel - Fred/Gunn
Author's Notes: Big thanks to shrrshrr for her patience and for beta-reading this fic.
"Wanna grab some breakfast?"
It all started that way. Work had been pretty slow since Lilah messed with Cordy's visions to get
Billy out of a hell dimension. Cordelia rested. Angel brooded. And Wesley? In his office lookin'
all professional in case a client comes. Which I doubted would happen.
I'd been sitting on the couch with Fred for an hour, just messin' with my gameboy. It was pretty
cool that she came out of her room. She felt very useful last night when Angel told her to watch
over Cordy. She's part of the crew now... even though everyone still thinks she's weird. Hell, I
think she's weird. In a cute way. It was pretty cool the other night, though: the moonlight, a stroll
back to the Hyperion, pretty chick walking right next to me, babbling about how sorry she was
that I hadda' be stuck with her. It's all good. Don't mind hanging out with a weird, smart chick.
Weird and smart. She's kinda' perfect for Wesley.
The dude needs a girl.
Hell, I need a girl. But anyway... so I was sitting in the couch with Fred, messin' with my
gameboy. She was quiet though, which wasn't normal so I asked her what's wrong.
"I'm hungry," she said.
"Wanna grab some breakfast?"
"At 3 in the afternoon?"
"Yep. The diner serves breakfast all day."
"All day?"
"All day."
Ok. I dunno what just happened but her eyes lit up like it's Christmas. Kinda scared the hell
outta me. Ya know, in a cute way. She grabbed my arm and we sped outta there. Nobody even
noticed. I think I ran a red light that afternoon. All for a weird, smart chick who couldn't wait to
have breakfast at 3pm.
*******************************
"So... how 'bout some breakfast?"
Charles looked at me and forced a smile.
"I... I mean... I know it's not 3 pm yet and it's kinda' early, but isn't breakfast supposed to be
eaten early anyway? I mean, yeah it's early, but not morning-early. So even if we eat breakfast a
little early today, it'd still be afternoon..."
"You talkin' to me?" Charles asked.
"Well, yeah."
"Shouldn't you be with the 'Let's ignore Gunn' club after last night?"
"Charles..."
I really didn't know how to finish that off, but I noticed that he twitches a bit everytime I call
him by his first name. I mean, people rarely call him "Charles" unless they're mad at him or they
feel sorry for him or something.
Anyway... I felt so bad for Charles that day. Everyone was avoiding him... except for Lorne who
can't seem to stop making snide remarks. I guess they just don't know how to deal with him yet.
But I knew it wasn't really Charles' intention to put us all in danger. He was just torn - between
his life then and his life now. I guess a person can't really belong in two gangs at the same time,
huh? I can relate, though. Sometimes I still feel like an outsider. Like they're all looking at me
saying "Oh, there goes Fred. The weird girl." Don't get me wrong, Charles thinks I'm weird too,
but at least he says it to my face and he actually thinks it's pretty cool to be weird.
"Look, I'm sorry about what happened. I know I messed up. You didn't even get to finish singing
your song."
My song.
Which was appropriately titled "Crazy."
I didn't even know that Charles was watching me. I sounded so horrible! With my shaky voice
and my shaky knees... The same shaky voice and shaky knees that I'm getting right now...
I dunno... but there's something about Charles' eyes. They look so... genuine. Makes me all
shaky sometimes. He has the same effect on vampires, ya know? They shake when he stares at
them.
"You ok, Fred?" Um, yeah. I guess. If I can just stop feeling shaky...
"I feel bad. I knew you were scared. Can I make it up to you?"
"Well... how 'bout some breakfast?"
****************************
"You want more pancakes?"
That's probably the third time I asked her that and she still hasn't answered me yet. I don't see
what's so interesting that she had to be looking outside the window for the past half hour. I
mean... I don't see it. I don't see what she finds in Angel. Sure, he's tall and mysterious and,
with the soul and all, he's actually pretty nice. But that's not what girls look for, right?
Right?
I don't even know why I'm trippin'. It's cool that Fred has this "crush", but what about me and
Wes, huh? Sometimes we can't help but feel a lil' jealous. Angel gets all the girls and all the
girls want Angel. Darla, Kate, Fred, Buffy...
"What a weird name."
Ah, bingo! Fred's still not over the whole Buffy thing.
"Right, 'cause Fred's such a normal name for a girl."
"I mean, she probably has long, blonde hair and a nice body and a cute face..."
"Hey. Come on Fred. You have a cute face too."
"I doubt it - I'm too skinny for Angel to notice me."
"Hey, maybe other guys will."
"Like who?"
"Like Wes, for example. I mean, he's smart like you."
Fred let out a deep breath and looked down at her empty plate. She looked... disappointed. Was
it something I said?
"I know everyone thinks I'm smart, Charles. But that's not all that I am, you know?"
No, actually I didn't know. But I think I'm starting to. After much complaining about "the Buffy
girl" being alive again, I ordered her up another plate of pancakes.
I love breakfast.
***************************************
"It's the most important meal of the day."
My mom used to always say that. That's why I love eating breakfast.
Well... I love eating in general, but anyway...
I was so glad that my parents finally found me, but at the same time I got so scared when I saw
them at the lobby of the Hyperion. Five years is a long time. Actually, I didn't know whether to
laugh or cry so I ran away instead. I didn't exactly know where I was going, but I remember
being really hungry so I went to the first taco stand that I saw. I didn't buy anything, though. I
just stood there right in front.
"I knew it! I knew you were at some taco stand, but did anybody believe me? Hell nah!"
I gotta hand it to Charles. Out of everybody in Angel Investigations, he's the one who knows the
most about me. I guess he's the only one who paid attention to the details. Everyone else only
knew the general information. Besides, nobody else eats breakfast with me other than him.
"So. After that, where'd you go?"
"Here."
"Breakfast at night?"
"No. I left right away."
"Why?"
"The place looked... different."
I must admit, I'm glad that I didn't go back home with my parents. It would just be too weird for
me. 'Sides, I just came to Los Angeles and I'm actually starting to like it here. If I left, I'd miss...
some people... a lot.
"Look, Fred. I'm glad that you stayed and all, but why didn't you go back with your parents?"
"Mom and Dad aren't really big on eating out."
"Why not go to a diner by yourself, then?"
"The place would look... different."
Especially when you don't have anybody to split the bill with.
***********************************
We didn't split the bill that afternoon.
I just paid for the whole thing.
After the incident with Billy... with us being infected by his blood... nobody really talked to
anybody for a couple of days. Fred didn't even talk to me much and that's a first. She was just so
concerned about Wes...
She didn't even sit on her usual seat right in front of me. She sat next to me instead - barely
touching her food and barely speaking.
So I just paid for the whole thing. And held her hand for an hour.
********************************
It felt so natural.
Ya know, him holding my hand.
He was teaching me how to juggle so he took my right hand and placed an orange on it. He did
the same thing with my left hand. Then he told me to juggle.
"How?"
"There's no 'how'. Just throw those oranges up in the air and just do it."
Well, the oranges never left my hands, but that was the best juggling lesson that I've ever had.
Not like I've taken juggling lessons before, nor have I tried juggling... but I don't think I need to
do actual juggling to enjoy a juggling lesson...
I don't think I've ever laughed as hard as I did that day. It was one of those moments when you
laugh and you drink water at the same time so water comes out of your nose and it hurts... not to
mention embarrassing. I wasn't embarrassed, though. Like Charles said, "Hey. It's all good." I
never have to worry about what he thinks of me. When we're around each other, it just feels...
comfortable.
"Here, Fred. Take this, it's yours."
Charles reached for one of the three white daisies from the small glass vase on the diner table
and handed it to me.
"They're plastic."
I thanked him and he winked at me. I love plastic flowers.
They last forever.
******************************
Man, it's been forever.
Since this whole dilemma with Darla, me and Fred haven't had the chance to eat out. I mean, we
woulda' gone out to eat, but I don't think it's respectful to the edgy pregnant woman. It's a
shame that she had to die to save her baby.
Angel's baby.
I know. It's kinda freaky to think that Angel has a kid. But what's done is done. Everything that
happened just shook us all up. We still can't believe it. But hey, there's a crying baby boy named
Connor upstairs... this is as real as it can get.
We all came to work early that day. We don't know why. We just wanted to be there for Angel, I
guess. Just in case any other satanic cults out there are after Connor. I was standing at the hotel
lobby, with my back leaning against the counter when I saw Fred coming towards me holding
two...
"Breakfast burritos? I mean, I was kinda hopin' that they've invented breakfast tacos already, but
I'm out of luck. I hope these are ok."
Man, that's pretty decent of her. I took one of the burritos and I hadn't even opened the wrapper
on mine yet when she started munching on hers. God, I love...
Watching her eat. Yeah.
"Hey, ain't it kinda' early for us to be eating breakfast?"
I looked at my watch and read 8:30 am on-the-dot. We were too early for our usual afternoon
breakfast. About 6 hours early, actually. I looked back up at Fred and I hadda' laugh. Well... I
giggled, really. And I never giggle. Fred was so into her burrito that she didn't notice the melted
cheese on the corner of her mouth.
"Um, Fred. You got a little thing on your..."
I didn't even finish the sentence. I just reached up and wiped the cheese off her mouth with my
thumb unconsciously. And then... we just kinda...looked at each other for a while.
But I mean, it's not like I like her like THAT.
***********************
And it's not like I like him like THAT.
But it seems like everything has changed - including the time we usually eat breakfast, which
was moved from 3pm to 8 in the morning.
Like, I know that he's called me "babygirl" a few times before... but today, I overheard him
talking to Wesley about Halle Berry and he called her "babygirl" too and I just got jealous.
Why? I don't know. If I liked him like that, I'd know. But I don't like him like that. So I don't
know.
I heard a soft knock on my door and I turned around to see Gunn already standing inside my
room. He was wearing a blue denim jacket that matched the color his slightly baggy denim
pants. He had on a red shirt that said "Brooklyn" right across the chest. And I thought I could
smell Hugo Boss...
Now, how did I notice all that stuff? I don't know. If I liked him like that, I'd know. But see, I
don't.
Well, actually... I notice that kind of stuff about him all the time. I've just never freaked out
about noticing before because I just recently realized how much I actually notice. Like right
now, for example... I notice that I'm just standing here smiling at him with my head tilted to the
side.
I hear Charles giggle. And it's weird because Charles never giggles - until the other night when
we went to Cordy's place and were welcomed by Phantom Dennis. He told me I was cool and he
giggled. I mean, he tells me that I'm cool all the time, but he never really giggled while saying it.
"So... you ready to go get your grub on?"
"Yes, yes I am."
Of course, I'm ready. I look forward to breakfast everyday. Because I like breakfast very very
very very much. I just hope breakfast likes me too...
My God, breakfast looks pretty.
*******************************
God damn, she looks pretty.
For the past several days, I've found myself staring at Fred numerous times. I mean, I've always
looked at her - even way back in Pylea - just to see what's behind the tangles of long, wavy,
brown hair. And now that she's fixed herself up a bit, and finally brushed the tangles away from
her face, I realized that I like what I see.
The only thing is that, I wanna see it over and over and over again.
And I don't really care anymore. Before, I used to make sure that Fred didn't catch me staring at
her, but now I actually wanna be caught. You know, when you look at somebody for a long time,
hoping that they'd look at you too, and when they finally do, you try to hold their gaze for as
long as you can. I could never hold Fred's gaze, though. Everytime she catches me staring, she
smiles and looks at the floor. Like she's panicking or something.
I knew it. She probably likes Wesley. Or maybe...
"Hey, you still got a thing for Angel?"
Fred looked up from her plate of pancakes, mid-chew. She smiled at me and I tried to hold her
gaze.
I'm holding her gaze...
And still holding it...
And.... damn.
She looks back down at her plate. I think she's panicking now.
"Um, no. I don't have a 'thing' for Angel anymore. Besides, him and Cordelia... they have this
thing called 'kyerumption'. It's when..."
"Two warriors come together, yadda, yadda. I know. Angel kept mumbling about it."
We smile at each other. There's a beat.
"Hey, Fred. You think we have kyerumption?"
We're still smiling.
"Sure."
YES!!!
"I mean, no. We don't."
And the smile fades.
"Why not?"
"Because we don't... you know... we're not..."
"What? Warriors?"
"Yeah, warriors. I mean, You're definitely a warrior, but me... I... I'm not..."
"Of course you are."
"A warrior?"
"Yeah. You're a warrior in your own way."
We smile at each other again.
"So now that we're both warriors..." *wink* "do you think we have kyerumption?"
"I hope so, Charles."
"Yeah, me too."
Another beat. Still smiling.
"Hey, Fred. Ever heard of Mata Hari?"
************************************
Charles was so excited about seeing Mata Hari.
He asked me if two warriors can go "chill together" with the rest of the other warriors and I said
"Sure, why not?" So he asked Angel if he can get some Mata Hari tickets for the whole gang.
I've seen so many sides of Charles, and a couple of weeks ago, I saw his giggly side. But today, I
see a different one... Today, he's bouncy-Charles. God, I know I'm jumpy, but he just needs to
calm down.
"Charles?"
"Yes, Fred?"
He wiped the goofy grin off his face and replaced it with a sweet, genuine smile. The kind that
he reserved only for me.
"Tell me something I don't know..."
He was quiet for a while, thinking about what else he hadn't told me yet. I was actually getting
worried. What if he tells me that he thinks I'm annoying or that he doesn't like eating breakfast
with me anymore?
"I really like being with you. More than you'll ever know."
And there it was. He said it. It was that simple. I was kinda glad that it happened because now
it's easier for me to admit that I like being with him too. I was about to say something when he
gave me this "look." A look that said that I shouldn't feel obligated to say anything to him
because he's not expecting anything in return. Wow...
"What about you, babygurl? Tell me something I don't know."
"Oooh... when I was younger, my family used to go see the Nutcracker every year and I had my
first sexual dream about the Mouse King!"
"Uh... I think that would be the sort of stuff you should tell Cordelia about"
*wink*
I had one more order of scrambled eggs and Charles watched in amazement at how fast I
finished it. We talked about Alonna and he told me how much I remind him of her. I felt bad for
bringing his sister up, but he told me that it's ok. He loves talking about her... especially with
me. He joked some more about my big appetite and we laughed all the way back to the
Hyperion.
"You are a remarkable woman. Particularly the way you can shovel a mountain range of food in
your mouth. That's some Olympian feat, that much eating --"
"Oh, was I a pig?"
We made our way through the hotel doors and I think we were late for work because Wesley,
Cordelia, and Angel were already gathered in the lobby - Angel holding 5 pairs of tickets. I
couldn't wait to "go chill" with Charles... just being there with him, enjoying the performance of
Mata Hari at the...
Ballet?
********************************
The ballet?
Man, I can't believe Angel messed me up like that. The ballet over my Mata Hari tickets? I don't
think so. But seeing Fred like that... I woulda' given up anything. I have a stab wound on my
back to prove that I would.
And I know that I said it was just a scratch, but it's hella' painful. And I felt so bad 'cuz I hurt
Fred. For the first time since we've met each other, I hurt her. I didn't really mean to, you know.
I actually thought I was making everything better. Me and Fred... we joke around a lot. And
when we show affection towards each other like that, we just play it off. Just flirtation - nothing
serious. Only this time, it was serious.
I've fought monsters before, but Fred was never THAT worried. It's just that... last night at the
ballet, it was supposed to be magical. Me and the gang... we're always ready to fight, but I guess
I just didn't see danger coming. It came from behind and stabbed me in the back - fear washing
over me as I heard the horror in Fred's voice, calling out my name.
But ya know... the hell with fear. I just shook myself loose and told myself to lighten up. It was
just a scratch.
"Scared I'm gonna die on you?"
Apparently her answer was "yes" because I could see it. I could see that she was scared, but I still
kept at it... reciting some pseudo-Shakesperean line that clearly upset her.
"And all I ask is one last kiss as the light is dimming..."
I shouldn't have joked about that. Hearing her voice tremble and seeing the tears in her eyes just
tore at my chest. I just wanted to hold her close... but then I realized that I didn't even know how
to.
She looked so fragile... I was afraid that if I touched her, I'd hurt her even more...
God, if she cared that much...
****************************************
"The wound is definitely deep."
That's all I wanted to hear. I didn't want him to pretend that he wasn't hurt and I didn't want
him to joke about being stabbed. I just wanted him to admit that it happened, and that it was real.
That he's here safe...with me. Kissing me like nothing else mattered.
I remember the first and last time I kissed a boy. I was nine then. He was my neighbor and he
was chasing me and chasing me and when he finally caught me, he kissed me on the mouth. I
pushed him away and called him "big head." But this was different, though. I'd never push
Charles away... nor does he have a big head...
This was real. This thing with me and Charles. I don't remember ever wanting to pull back. I just
wanted to kiss him... very, very slowly so I could hold on to every second while it happened.
"You ok, Fred? You wanna stop?"
I shook my head and leaned over, pressing my forehead against his. I let my lips linger near his
mouth for a few seconds before kissing him again. That was the only time we kissed that night.
Next thing I knew, Angel, Cordelia, and Wesley were back and we were all fighting the dark-
figured, masked, demon-y things. Back at the Hyperion, Wesley tended to Charles' "scratch" and
we just kinda' stared at each other. He said that he didn't feel pain and I knew he was telling the
truth this time.
After he got cleaned up, I walked him to the door. We really didn't know what to say to each
other... and if we did, we couldn't because Wes and Cordy were in the lobby with the
Groosalugg, and we didn't want them to know yet. I opened the door and Charles stepped
outside to face me.
"So..."
"So."
"Well, this changes everything."
"Yeah, it does."
"So what next, Charles? What happens tomorrow?"
"Tomorrow?"
"Yeah."
He brought up his index finger and lightly touched my nose.
"Tomorrow, we go get breakfast."
And what a way to start the day.