Title: Cultural Faux Pas
Author: MysticDragon
Rating: PG
Genre: Humor
Disclaimer: all the characters of Andromeda belong to Tribune
A/N: this is a challenge response to Zion's Starfish's challenge to write a
story with:
Harper eating a grapefruit
The phrase, "Puppies! So many puppies!" [pic]
A cameo featuring yourself with one speaking line The color blue
A tattoo
Swing music
Duct tape **thanks for the challenge ZS
Tyr entered the dining area at the Hynek military camp. He was getting really tired of this place and was actually looking forward to returning to the Andromeda the next morning.
'Not that I will ever admit that of course.' He thought with a small grin as he took his place at the end of the line of people waiting to get their breakfast trays.
He looked down at the petite woman standing in line in front of him. He recognized her from one of the self-defense classes he had been teaching but could not remember her name. He did remember she had a very colorful tattoo of a dragon on her hip. She had long copper-red hair that reached her waist and an attractive face with just the right amount of freckles. Before he could speak to her, someone came up behind him and clapped him on the shoulder. Reacting instinctively, Tyr thrust his elbow backwards, catching the person right across their face. Turning to face his opponent, he saw only empty air. Hearing a moan, he looked down. Harper lay on his back at Tyr's feet. His eyes were unfocused and blood dribbled out of his left nostril. Shaking his head in frustration, Tyr knelt down beside his crewmate.
"Boy, can you hear me?" he asked gruffly while secretly concerned that he had truly injured the little engineer this time. "Answer me, Harper!" he demanded, pulling Harper up into a sitting position.
"OOH, Look!" Harper said with a goofy grin on his face. He was pointing to Tyr's left into empty space. "Puppies! So many puppies! Aren't they cute, Mommy? Can I keep one please?" Harper would never know what answer he received from 'mommy' because his eyes crossed once more and he passed out, falling in a heap against Tyr's chest.
Groaning at the unfairness of it all, Tyr picked up Harper and turned to leave the mess hall. The last thing he saw before leaving was the lady with the dragon tattoo looking at him and laughing.
****
Two hours later, Tyr entered the hospital wing and walked down the hallway until he came to Harper's room. He had been relieved to hear from the head doctor that Harper had suffered no serious injuries and had only been momentarily dazed.
'Dylan and Beka would have my hide if I let anything happen to the little twerp.' He thought moodily as he walked. 'I am never going to take another assignment that includes babysitting their precious little engineer, no matter what kind of fringe benefits it includes.'
And this assignment had included several of those benefits. It had been an easy job of Tyr teaching a few self-defense courses and Harper teaching a few engineering courses. They had been treated very well while they stayed at the military base and in return, the planet of Hynek agreed to join the Commonwealth as well as provide Andromeda with some much needed supplies and raw materials for making weapons. It was much easier than what the others were doing, dealing with yet another civil war on Midriff.
Tyr finally reached Harper's room. He entered to see Harper eating breakfast. He pulled a chair over to the bed and sat down.
"Hey, Tyr!" Harper yelled. "How ya doing?"
"I am well. Why are you screaming?" He asked with a grimace.
"Oh, am I? Sorry, but the doctor said it was from the blow to my head. I don't realize I am screaming 'cause my hearing is a little fuzzy right now!" Harper said in an even louder tone of voice.
Tyr just sighed.
"Aside from that, how are you?" he asked as politely as he could.
"I'm fine!" Harper continued to yell. "Don't worry, you won't get in trouble with Dylan or Beka 'cause of what ya did! I know it was an accident."
"I was unconcerned with any trouble from." Tyr was interrupted by a spray of grapefruit juice hitting him square in the eye, as Harper tried to dig the meat out of the fruit on his plate.
"Dammit, that stings!" Tyr cried out.
"Oops! Sorry 'bout that! Tricky little buggers, these grapefruits." Harper said. His eyes however, held a vengeful mirth that belied how sorry he really was.
"So have you heard about the dance tonight?" he asked Tyr.
"What dance?" Tyr asked as he wiped the juice from his face.
"It's going to be a graduation dance for all the cadets you and I have helped train for the past month. There is going to be lots of girls, food, girls, music, girls, dancing and, oh yeah, girls." He said with a lascivious grin.
"I am sure you will have a wonderful time then." Tyr said getting up to leave.
"You mean WE will. The attendance of all instructors is mandatory." Harper grinned viciously. "As is formal attire."
Tyr groaned again and turned to leave.
"See you tonight, big guy!" Harper called after him.
****
Tyr entered the dance hall with trepidation. The people of Hynek had a fascination with old Earth culture and music and had decorated accordingly.
Harper was standing nearby, talking to the same girl Tyr had seen in the mess hall earlier. When he saw Tyr enter, Harper quickly excused himself and walked over to Tyr. Tyr could not help but grimace at the powder blue suit Harper was wearing.
"Hey big guy. I was beginning to think you weren't going to make it."
"I had hoped to avoid this entirely but Colonel Nozinair insisted I come." Tyr said, still watching the woman Harper had been talking to earlier.
Harper noticed where Tyr was looking.
"Nice, huh?" he asked with a grin.
"She is pleasant to look at." Tyr begrudgingly agreed. "I can not seem to recall her name though."
"Oh, that is Mystic. You know the Colonel's daughter?" He grinned. "Why don't you go on over and ask her to dance?"
"Perhaps later. I just arrived and should let the Colonel know I am here." Tyr said reluctantly.
"Oh, come on, Tyr. One dance won't kill you." He said, dragging Tyr over to where Mystic stood. Just as they reached her, loud swing music began to play.
"Hey, Myst. My friend here would love to dance with you." Harper said.
"I am sure he would." was all she said.
Before Tyr could say or do anything other than stand there in shock, Mystic grabbed his hand and pulled him out on the dance floor.
Several dances later, Tyr was still dancing with Mystic and enjoying himself immensely. His only complaint was that the volume of the music had not allowed them a chance to talk. Suddenly, two of the Colonel's military police grabbed Tyr by the arms and clapped him in irons before he could do anything. He saw Harper arguing helplessly with the Colonel and knew that whatever was going on was the little man's fault. He allowed himself to be dragged off with a resigned sigh.
***
Tyr entered the docking bay of the Andromeda Ascendant. Dylan and Beka were both waiting for him when he debarked the Maru.
"So Tyr, how did things go?" Dylan asked.
Tyr just growled.
"Uhmm, Tyr? Where is Harper?" Beka asked with trepidation.
Tyr jerked his thumb over his shoulder in the direction of the Maru. Without waiting for them to ask any further questions, he stalked out of the docking bay.
Dylan and Beka exchanged a glance and then both broke into a run toward the Maru. They entered quickly and found Harper in the crew quarters on one of the bunks.
He was bound hand and foot with a vast amount of duct tape. A single piece covered his mouth. Beka reached down and jerked the tape from Harper's face.
"Ouch! Easy there Beka, these lips are quite valuable and in strong demand by the female population of several worlds."
"Cut the crap Harper." Dylan ordered with a frown. "What did you do this time?"
"Nothing! Honest!" Harper whimpered. "It was a simple cultural misunderstanding."
"What-did-you-do?" Beka asked, speaking to him as if he were a small child being scolded. Indeed, Harper looked just as if he were.
"The Colonel asked me where Tyr was. I simply told him, Tyr was out on the dance floor with his daughter, trying to get her to let him teach her how to frug."
Dylan buried his face in his hands and groaned. Beka started laughing so hard she could barely stand.
"I suppose the Colonel did not know what a 'frug' was?" Dylan asked unnecessarily.
"No. And Tyr didn't appreciate having to explain it to him while in chains." Harper said sadly. "Look what he did to me!" he complained gesturing toward his captive body with his chin.
Dylan just shook his head and turned to leave. Beka patted Harper on the leg and turned to follow Dylan.
"Hey, wait a minute! You guys can't just leave me here!" Harper called after them. "Dylan, Beka! This isn't funny guys! Come back!"
A/N: for those that don't know a frug is: frug (frug), n., v., frugged, frug|ging. -n.
a rock'n'roll dance performed with little or no movement of the feet but with rhythmic motions of the hips, arms, head, and shoulders: One of the most popular discotheque dances in Europe was the frug, which... derived from the older twist
(The World Book Dictionary)
A cameo featuring yourself with one speaking line The color blue
A tattoo
Swing music
Duct tape **thanks for the challenge ZS
Tyr entered the dining area at the Hynek military camp. He was getting really tired of this place and was actually looking forward to returning to the Andromeda the next morning.
'Not that I will ever admit that of course.' He thought with a small grin as he took his place at the end of the line of people waiting to get their breakfast trays.
He looked down at the petite woman standing in line in front of him. He recognized her from one of the self-defense classes he had been teaching but could not remember her name. He did remember she had a very colorful tattoo of a dragon on her hip. She had long copper-red hair that reached her waist and an attractive face with just the right amount of freckles. Before he could speak to her, someone came up behind him and clapped him on the shoulder. Reacting instinctively, Tyr thrust his elbow backwards, catching the person right across their face. Turning to face his opponent, he saw only empty air. Hearing a moan, he looked down. Harper lay on his back at Tyr's feet. His eyes were unfocused and blood dribbled out of his left nostril. Shaking his head in frustration, Tyr knelt down beside his crewmate.
"Boy, can you hear me?" he asked gruffly while secretly concerned that he had truly injured the little engineer this time. "Answer me, Harper!" he demanded, pulling Harper up into a sitting position.
"OOH, Look!" Harper said with a goofy grin on his face. He was pointing to Tyr's left into empty space. "Puppies! So many puppies! Aren't they cute, Mommy? Can I keep one please?" Harper would never know what answer he received from 'mommy' because his eyes crossed once more and he passed out, falling in a heap against Tyr's chest.
Groaning at the unfairness of it all, Tyr picked up Harper and turned to leave the mess hall. The last thing he saw before leaving was the lady with the dragon tattoo looking at him and laughing.
****
Two hours later, Tyr entered the hospital wing and walked down the hallway until he came to Harper's room. He had been relieved to hear from the head doctor that Harper had suffered no serious injuries and had only been momentarily dazed.
'Dylan and Beka would have my hide if I let anything happen to the little twerp.' He thought moodily as he walked. 'I am never going to take another assignment that includes babysitting their precious little engineer, no matter what kind of fringe benefits it includes.'
And this assignment had included several of those benefits. It had been an easy job of Tyr teaching a few self-defense courses and Harper teaching a few engineering courses. They had been treated very well while they stayed at the military base and in return, the planet of Hynek agreed to join the Commonwealth as well as provide Andromeda with some much needed supplies and raw materials for making weapons. It was much easier than what the others were doing, dealing with yet another civil war on Midriff.
Tyr finally reached Harper's room. He entered to see Harper eating breakfast. He pulled a chair over to the bed and sat down.
"Hey, Tyr!" Harper yelled. "How ya doing?"
"I am well. Why are you screaming?" He asked with a grimace.
"Oh, am I? Sorry, but the doctor said it was from the blow to my head. I don't realize I am screaming 'cause my hearing is a little fuzzy right now!" Harper said in an even louder tone of voice.
Tyr just sighed.
"Aside from that, how are you?" he asked as politely as he could.
"I'm fine!" Harper continued to yell. "Don't worry, you won't get in trouble with Dylan or Beka 'cause of what ya did! I know it was an accident."
"I was unconcerned with any trouble from." Tyr was interrupted by a spray of grapefruit juice hitting him square in the eye, as Harper tried to dig the meat out of the fruit on his plate.
"Dammit, that stings!" Tyr cried out.
"Oops! Sorry 'bout that! Tricky little buggers, these grapefruits." Harper said. His eyes however, held a vengeful mirth that belied how sorry he really was.
"So have you heard about the dance tonight?" he asked Tyr.
"What dance?" Tyr asked as he wiped the juice from his face.
"It's going to be a graduation dance for all the cadets you and I have helped train for the past month. There is going to be lots of girls, food, girls, music, girls, dancing and, oh yeah, girls." He said with a lascivious grin.
"I am sure you will have a wonderful time then." Tyr said getting up to leave.
"You mean WE will. The attendance of all instructors is mandatory." Harper grinned viciously. "As is formal attire."
Tyr groaned again and turned to leave.
"See you tonight, big guy!" Harper called after him.
****
Tyr entered the dance hall with trepidation. The people of Hynek had a fascination with old Earth culture and music and had decorated accordingly.
Harper was standing nearby, talking to the same girl Tyr had seen in the mess hall earlier. When he saw Tyr enter, Harper quickly excused himself and walked over to Tyr. Tyr could not help but grimace at the powder blue suit Harper was wearing.
"Hey big guy. I was beginning to think you weren't going to make it."
"I had hoped to avoid this entirely but Colonel Nozinair insisted I come." Tyr said, still watching the woman Harper had been talking to earlier.
Harper noticed where Tyr was looking.
"Nice, huh?" he asked with a grin.
"She is pleasant to look at." Tyr begrudgingly agreed. "I can not seem to recall her name though."
"Oh, that is Mystic. You know the Colonel's daughter?" He grinned. "Why don't you go on over and ask her to dance?"
"Perhaps later. I just arrived and should let the Colonel know I am here." Tyr said reluctantly.
"Oh, come on, Tyr. One dance won't kill you." He said, dragging Tyr over to where Mystic stood. Just as they reached her, loud swing music began to play.
"Hey, Myst. My friend here would love to dance with you." Harper said.
"I am sure he would." was all she said.
Before Tyr could say or do anything other than stand there in shock, Mystic grabbed his hand and pulled him out on the dance floor.
Several dances later, Tyr was still dancing with Mystic and enjoying himself immensely. His only complaint was that the volume of the music had not allowed them a chance to talk. Suddenly, two of the Colonel's military police grabbed Tyr by the arms and clapped him in irons before he could do anything. He saw Harper arguing helplessly with the Colonel and knew that whatever was going on was the little man's fault. He allowed himself to be dragged off with a resigned sigh.
***
Tyr entered the docking bay of the Andromeda Ascendant. Dylan and Beka were both waiting for him when he debarked the Maru.
"So Tyr, how did things go?" Dylan asked.
Tyr just growled.
"Uhmm, Tyr? Where is Harper?" Beka asked with trepidation.
Tyr jerked his thumb over his shoulder in the direction of the Maru. Without waiting for them to ask any further questions, he stalked out of the docking bay.
Dylan and Beka exchanged a glance and then both broke into a run toward the Maru. They entered quickly and found Harper in the crew quarters on one of the bunks.
He was bound hand and foot with a vast amount of duct tape. A single piece covered his mouth. Beka reached down and jerked the tape from Harper's face.
"Ouch! Easy there Beka, these lips are quite valuable and in strong demand by the female population of several worlds."
"Cut the crap Harper." Dylan ordered with a frown. "What did you do this time?"
"Nothing! Honest!" Harper whimpered. "It was a simple cultural misunderstanding."
"What-did-you-do?" Beka asked, speaking to him as if he were a small child being scolded. Indeed, Harper looked just as if he were.
"The Colonel asked me where Tyr was. I simply told him, Tyr was out on the dance floor with his daughter, trying to get her to let him teach her how to frug."
Dylan buried his face in his hands and groaned. Beka started laughing so hard she could barely stand.
"I suppose the Colonel did not know what a 'frug' was?" Dylan asked unnecessarily.
"No. And Tyr didn't appreciate having to explain it to him while in chains." Harper said sadly. "Look what he did to me!" he complained gesturing toward his captive body with his chin.
Dylan just shook his head and turned to leave. Beka patted Harper on the leg and turned to follow Dylan.
"Hey, wait a minute! You guys can't just leave me here!" Harper called after them. "Dylan, Beka! This isn't funny guys! Come back!"
A/N: for those that don't know a frug is: frug (frug), n., v., frugged, frug|ging. -n.
a rock'n'roll dance performed with little or no movement of the feet but with rhythmic motions of the hips, arms, head, and shoulders: One of the most popular discotheque dances in Europe was the frug, which... derived from the older twist
(The World Book Dictionary)