Silent Vows
"So where do you want to go, Heichou?" Petra asked. She took her captain's hand in her own smaller one. "Do you want to get something to eat?"
He couldn't understand how she could be so happy. Just two weeks ago, they had taken part in yet another unsuccessful expedition. Another group of soldiers who probably didn't even die with any purpose other than to become Titan food. Despite that, Erwin had decided to let Levi as well as all the other soldiers take a day off and visit their families. Much to his annoyance, as Levi didn't exactly have anyone to visit within the walls. The closest thing he had to a family was his squad, who had their own families to take care of. Eld was going to visit his fiancée, Gunther his parents, and Oluo his siblings.
Petra had offered to spend some time with Levi around the Trost marketplace. She mentioned something about her father being out of town for business and being unable to see her as of now.
In fact, he was amazed at how she could be so cheerful in general. Petra had seen the same terrible things Levi had. Her eyes have witnessed civilians getting eaten alive, then getting thrown up. She'd seen her fellow soldiers break down to the point where they would kill themselves to avoid getting devoured by Titans. She had experienced the scorn of the ungrateful people in the inner walls who just saw her as a waste of tax money. The horrors of war were no stranger to Petra Ral. And yet her eyes contained an innocent mirth that Levi had never seen before. And yet here they were, walking along the streets of the marketplace like a young coupl—
He stopped at that thought. Just what exactly were he and Petra? Were they really just commander and subordinate? Would a commander and subordinate be seen together hand in hand in the marketplace? He thought about how she asked him if he wanted to spend their day off together and how nervous she looked when asking him. And the look of relief she appeared to have when he said yes. And how they were holding hands... Was this a date?
"Hm? Heichou? Are you okay?" Bright blue eyes looked at him inquisitively, the same eyes that have seen the cruelties of this world they lived in. She gently squeezed her captain's hand.
"Fine," he gruffly replied, maybe a little too quickly as he averted his gaze away from her. Petra's expression faltered slightly, a small frown now on her face. He felt the need to apologize, but couldn't bring himself to say it. It was not long, however, until she quickly reverted to her former cheerful demeanor and led him along the bustling streets.
It was the first time that he had seen her in civilian clothing. She wasn't dressed in a way that was particularly special, but the fact that she was wearing attire meant for a woman and not that of a soldier (not that she didn't look good in her uniform) was just something the captain could not overlook. She wore a plain white blouse paired with a long olive green skirt that swayed back and forth as she walked. A red scarf was draped around her neck to protect her from the cool autumn day (she had insisted that Levi wear one as well to keep warm). Her blonde hair was starting to grow past her shoulders and was held back with a thin black headband adorned with a small white bow, only adding to her more feminine appearance. Not that he noticed or anything.
"Heichou, look!" she said, with a look of awe in her eyes. The woman tugged at her captain's arm and pointed at one of the display windows. Levi looked up to see what was making her so amazed and his own eyes almost widened at the sight.
In front of them was a mannequin displaying what appeared to Levi to be a white wedding dress. An intricate weave of lace flowers was embroidered into the skirt of the dress and tiny beads dotted its hem like dewdrops. On top of the mannequin laid a tulle veil adorned with pearls. Petra stood in marvel, unable to keep her eyes off the dress. "It's so pretty," she murmured, a twinge of longing in her voice.
She then looked at her much plainer clothes and sighed. Levi couldn't help but look at her with some sympathy (which looked more like his usual annoyed expression than a look of sympathy). Noticing her commander's odd look at her, Petra laughed abashedly.
"Sorry, Heichou," she apologized. "You probably aren't interested in this kind of stuff, huh?"
"I didn't know you were," he replied.
"Well, it just seems like it would be nice, you know?" she said. "To devote yourself to someone who's just as much devoted to you. To love someone that much..." She smiled sheepishly. "I know that's not how it always works, but I used to imagine it happening to me."
"And what about now? Do you still want to get married?" he asked.
"What? That's a strange question..."
"So do you?"
"Even if I did I'm a soldier so that kind of stuff won't end up well for me..."
"Eld's married," he argued. He stopped and furrowed his eyes. Why was it so important to him to know if she wanted to get married or not? Her response wasn't unusual or offensive. But still, there was something about her avoidance of the question that made him annoyed.
"I suppose it would be nice to get married though..." Petra admitted. She was fiddling with a lock of her hair and her face turned a rosy shade of pink. "You know, before I die and all."
Levi let go of his subordinate's hand.
"H-Heichou? What is it?" she asked. "Are you okay?" He pulled off his white scarf and awkwardly tucked it into Petra's headband. Her eyes widened in shock. There was a moment of silence between the captain and his subordinate.
"It's a veil..." he mumbled, still not making eye contact with her. "You don't have to if you want. But I wouldn't have a problem with it if you do..." He didn't say anything else, but she didn't have to hear anything else.
"Heichou, you idiot," she whispered. She wrapped her arms around her captain's neck and embraced him. Tears stained Levi's shirt, but he wasn't bothered about it at all.
He wrapped his own arms around her, a silent promise of devotion. There were no words that needed to be exchanged. They stayed like that for a while, wishing that this cruel reality could be frozen only to be replaced with this moment of happiness.
He set down the bouquet of blue forget-me-nots on the ground and knelt down, ignoring the mud that splotched his pants. Rain poured down on his back relentlessly, but he refused to budge.
He found his choice in flowers ironic, because as much as he tried to remember everything about her, he found himself forgetting the smallest things about her, like what her favorite color was, or how her coffee tasted. And sometimes it would take a while to remember what she sounded like when she laughed. And it killed him every time he found himself unable to remember something about her.
"Hey, it's been a while," he murmured. No answer, just the splash of rain and the howling wind.
"The Yeager brat's been getting harder to take care of now. Complains that there's better ways to discipline someone than breaking their bones. I think you spoiled him too much." She didn't protest or defend herself like she usually did.
"You should really see what shit they serve for food now in the dining hall. Coffee tastes like crap. Wouldn't be surprised if it was made of it."
Levi felt something wet fall down his face, and something told him that it wasn't just the rain.
He dug through his pocket, and took out a plain gold ring. "I was planning to give this to you to make up for my crappy excuse of a proposal back then. Didn't expect you to..." He tried to finish the sentence, but his words came out too choked up to understand.
"I'm sorry..." he finally whispered. Levi felt a pair of arms around him, a somehow familiar feeling.
"Heichou," a voice whispered. "Thank you for everything." He recognized that voice. It was the voice that ran through his dreams every night.
"Pe-Petra..." He held one of the arms that was embracing him. No... it can't be...
Levi turned around to see if it really was her and cried even more at the sight before him. She was there. It was her, the woman who saw everything he was and loved him anyway. The woman who had pledged to devote herself to him. In front of him was Petra Ral, his first and only love of his life. She looked every bit as perfect as she always was. There were two wings on her back, one white, one black. The Wings of Freedom...
"Thank you," she repeated, smiling. Petra wrapped her arms around Levi, a warm sensation filling his body to protect him from the cold and icy rain. He held her even tighter, as if she were to disappear if he didn't hold on to her.
"Heichou, don't keep all of your emotions locked up so much. It's okay to cry sometimes." He still couldn't believe she was here. She laughed, the same laugh that he tried so desperately to keep in his memory. "You're so stubborn, though. But I'll still love you no matter what." She kissed his forehead lovingly. "I've always had, Levi."
And with those words, Petra started to fade into nothing, leaving Levi alone in the desolate cemetery.
He stood up and frantically grabbed at the air around him in hopes of somehow being able to preserve her. "Come back..." he begged, looking everywhere. Realizing how foolish he looked, he collapsed on his knees, facing her tombstone. There was so much that he wanted to say to her. Did she see the ring that he was going to give her? Why did she decide to talk to him now of all times? Where did she go?
"Come back..." he repeated over and over again. "Come back..." There was no answer, but he kept on saying those two words for as long as he could. He sobbed, for the first time in years.
He didn't even get to tell her that he loved her.
Whelp. I needed to let out the feels from watching episode 22. By the way this is in the manga story, so that's why her body was able to be buried and all. I know Levi is pretty OOC in this, but I like to think that he lets out his emotions when other people don't see him. He's seems to be one of those people who looks emotionless but is actually deep person inside, doesn't he?
Whether or not Petra was just a hallucination or a real spirit is up to you.
Anyway, I was wondering if I should make this a oneshot series, but I'm still not sure, so please tell me what you think~ Also, if you do want this to be a oneshot series, I'd appreciate it if you give me some prompts ^.^
Oh, and I do not own SnK and all that disclaimer stuff. Because if I did, Petra would still be alive
Thanks for reading! Comment what you think about it! I'd love to hear from you~
~Autumn