The Price of Love

Lucas sat with his back against the wall of his grandfather's empty log cabin—it was exactly as he remembered it, one of the many familiar places that had been reborn on the day the Dragon woke up. He could have hidden inside for warmth, but he much preferred the clean, cool air outside, and the awning was all he needed to keep him out of the ceaseless drizzle. The rain hadn't let up once in the three days since he had pulled the last Needle. It was a good thing, too: after the Dark Dragon awoke it left everyone and everything pitch black and covered in soot. The rain had washed all that away now.

Boney laid his head in Lucas's lap, looking up at the boy with pleading eyes until he got the soft scratching behind the ears that he'd been craving. Lucas was more than happy to oblige, but Boney could sense that the boy's heart wasn't in it.

"So that's where you've been," said a familiar voice.

Lucas snapped to attention; he would have jumped up had Boney not pinned him to the ground. He turned to see Kumatora emerge from around the corner of the cabin, a red umbrella shielding her from the rain.

"S-sorry," he mumbled. "I didn't think anyone would miss me."

"Yeah, well, your old man was practically climbing the walls," Kumatora scoffed.

"Oh." Lucas slumped forward.

"I told him not to worry, but there's no talking sense into some people."

"You can let him know I'm fine. I just need to be alone." He hoped that she would take the hint.

"I know the feeling." Kumatora closed her umbrella and brushed the raindrops from her hair before plopping down next to Lucas. "Everything has been nuts lately. I'd kill for a few days to clear my head right about now."

Lucas kept his eyes down, seemingly off in his own little world. "Uh-huh."

"And not even just since you pulled the last Needle," Kumatora went on. "It's been non-stop ever since Club Titiboo, now that I think about it. We've never even had the chance to really talk, have we?"

"It's okay. You don't have to say anything."

Kumatora cracked her knuckles. "Take it easy, I'm not going to say anything embarrassing."

"Oh. Um, okay, I guess."

"Your dad did tell you where babies come from, right?" Kumatora asked with a cheeky grin.

"H-hey!" Lucas yelped, his cheeks flushing in an instant.

Kumatora cackled to herself. "I'm just messing with you, kid."

Lucas looked away in a huff. It didn't help that Kumatora's little joke had made Boney's tail start wagging.

"So what's been getting under your skin?" Kumatora asked bluntly.

Lucas pretended not to hear her for the time being. He knew it wouldn't work, but it was worth a shot.

"You don't have to say if you don't want to," she told him. "But it might help."

"It's, um, not really, uh . . ." Lucas stammered. "It's not important."

"Three days is a long time to spend thinking about something that's not important," Kumatora pointed out.

"No, really," Lucas insisted, turning to look at his friend once again. "It's only daydreams. You don't have to worry."

Kumatora gave Lucas an exasperated sigh. "You can tell me. I think we're past being polite by now."

Lucas sunk in defeat, once again finding himself unable to meet Kumatora's persistent gaze. "It's just that – and I know you're going to think I'm crazy for saying this – I kind of wish that I hadn't pulled the last Needle."

"It was pretty scary, I have to admit, but you know it had to be done, right?"

"I know that. It needed to be pulled, but . . . but I wanted Claus to be the one to do it."

Kumatora was gobsmacked. "You're right. I do think you're crazy."

"I don't mean the masked man," Lucas quickly clarified. "I mean . . . Claus. The real Claus." He let the words sink in for a moment before continuing. "I wish that he'd been the one to pass his heart on to the Dragon, because Claus had the best heart of anyone."

"I don't know that I would trust that job to anybody but you, Lucas."

"It's not like we ever had much choice," Lucas noted. He absentmindedly fiddled with Boney's bandana for a few seconds before going on. "I was so scared when the Dragon woke up. I really thought it was the end for us all because . . . well, because of what was in my heart. I was angry and sad and-and-and HURT." Lucas took a second to breathe. "But if it was Claus? Claus would have given the Dragon so much love that it would've exploded like an overstuffed love piñata."

Kumatora snickered at the thought. "You seem awfully sure of that."

Lucas nodded. "You would be too, if you knew him."

"So tell me about him."

"You would have liked him," Lucas assured her. "Everyone did. Mostly."

"Mostly?"

Lucas smiled to himself. "He was like an excitable puppy—even more so than Boney ever was." The dog gave Lucas a cockeyed glance on hearing that, but didn't interrupt. "He loved people. Any time we were in town he'd wave and say hi to everyone we passed. I don't think I'd have ever gotten to know everyone from Tazmily so well if not for Claus. The only problem was that he never really had any . . . tact."

Kumatora grinned. "Yeah?"

"The first time he met Nana he asked her all sorts of questions." The memory still felt fresh in Lucas's mind, even though it was so many years ago. "She was more than happy to answer, of course. And she kept on answering. And then she answered questions that he'd never asked. And she asked him questions without ever giving him a chance to answer her. He, um, finally did manage to get in just enough words to let her know she talked too much. I don't think she appreciated it."

"Is that all?"

Lucas frowned. "Hardly. He asked Butch why he looked so much like his pigs. And he told Elmore that she should take a nap so she wouldn't be so cranky all the time. And he even bugged Leder so much that Leder stopped ringing his bell long enough to turn Claus around and nudge him back towards home. Like I said, Claus loved people—but not everyone loved him back."

Kumatora chuckled at that. "Y'know, I think I would have liked him."

"Don't get me wrong, he wasn't mean or anything," Lucas was quick to point out. "He didn't have a mean bone in his whole body. But it would have been nice if he'd thought things through before opening his mouth."

Kumatora shook her head. "It sounds like your brother had the right idea. I wish more people spoke their minds."

". . . He could be impatient, too," Lucas admitted.

"That's not surprising."

Lucas stared off into the middle distance, lost in his memories of better days. "You should have heard him whine and throw a fit whenever he had to wait for somebody else. He acted like the world would end if he stood still for too long. And no matter how many times mom would scold him he'd still run off ahead. She used to say that he was always in a rush ever since the day we were born."

"So he was the older one then."

"Yeah, and he never let me forget it."

"He rubbed your nose in it?"

Lucas shook his head at Kumatora's suggestion. "No, no. That's not what I meant. It was more like . . . like he was living life a little bit ahead of me. He was always up at the crack of dawn while I liked to sleep in. Not that Claus would let me stay in bed for too long." A wistful smile crossed Lucas's face. "He'd get bored without me, insisting I come with him on all of his 'adventures'. Usually that meant going to Thomas's or walking Boney." Lucas gave his dog a gentle squeeze. "In the summer we'd swim at the beach. He would get the worst sunburns. Mom did her best to keep him in the shade but he never did learn his lesson. And in the evening, after the sun went down, we'd chase fireflies out in the yard. On clear nights I'd stare up at the stars for what felt like forever, but Claus was always so tired by then that he'd fall asleep right there on the grass."

As he thought more about those distant summer days, Lucas seemed to grow calmer; his speech slowed and his whole body felt a few degrees warmer. "In the rain he'd splash from one puddle to the next all through town. When it snowed he'd rush outside without even changing out of his pajamas. And he'd cry his little eyes out whenever one of his misadventures got him scraped up. Somehow I was the one that got called a crybaby, but I was mostly crying for Claus to wait for me. To his credit, he did wait every time. Sure, he threatened to leave me behind if I didn't hurry, but of course he never would – not that I knew any better. He was pushing me forward, in his own way, but it felt like I was holding him back."

"There's nothing wrong with that," Kumatora reminded Lucas. "Think of all the scraped knees and sunburns you must have saved him from without even knowing it."

Kumatora's words brought a smile to Lucas's face. "I guess having Claus there made me feel brave enough to follow him anywhere. He always brought out the best in me. If it wasn't for Claus I would've missed out on so much: swimming at the beach; playing with the dragos. I still remember the first time mom made us omelets. I didn't even want to try it, but he dug right in. I finally had to eat mine just so he wouldn't take it."

"You're a better kid than you seem to think," Kumatora insisted. "I might not have known you and Claus back then, but I do know you now. Right from when you showed up with that drago to deal with Fassad and his stupid tank, I could tell you were something special. Every last thing you've done since then has only convinced me that I was right about that. You don't need Claus to be your best, Lucas. You already are."

Lucas tried to hide his blushing cheeks. "Um, th-thanks. I only did what I had to though. And besides, even if Claus wasn't around, I still felt like I was chasing after him. I kept trying to catch up, even if I never would. But now he's . . ." Lucas closed his eyes and hung his head. ". . . Gone. He's gone, and the best part of me went with him. There's this emptiness where my heart used to be, Kumatora. I'm lost in the dark and Claus isn't there to point the way home anymore. I'm . . . alone."

Boney whined. "(I'm still here for you, Lucas.)"

"I know," Lucas said, stroking Boney's head and floppy ears. "Thanks for staying with me."

"Boney's right," Kumatora reassured him. "Even if it seem like you're alone, you're not."

"Claus saved my life, you know. The night when mom . . ." Lucas paused for a moment and cleared his throat. "I was so scared. I couldn't make my legs move, but he grabbed me and ran. I was holding him back but he still ran faster than I'd ever seen. When we fell in the river he kept my head above the water, even though he was almost drowning."

"He sounds very brave."

"He was." Lucas slumped forward. "He was there when I needed him. But where was I when he was the one who needed help?"

"You did everything you could."

Lucas shook his head. "Back then, all I did was cry. I could have stopped him. I could have told someone what he was going to do. I could have gone with him." For years Lucas had relived that day in his mind, imagining all those scenarios and more. "If I had done something – ANYTHING – he might still be here."

"That was three years ago," Kumatora reminded him. "You were just a little kid."

"What about three days ago?" Lucas snapped, his anger rising to the surface. "I could've stopped him then, too. I should've known he'd do something so . . . so stupid and impulsive! That's how he always was! He never thought things through and it wound up hurting everybody!"

"Lucas . . ."

"So stupid." Lucas curled himself into a ball as much as his dog would allow. "If he would only think about someone besides himself, things would be different. If he'd think about dad, or Boney, or me . . ."

Boney licked Lucas's face and leaned his full weight against the boy. Lucas hugged his dog tight, the barest hint of a whimper escaping his throat. "I lost everyone. Mom and Claus were gone. Dad might as well have been. Boney was the only one I had left. And then for a second – for one single second – I saw Claus again. I looked him in the eye and he knew who I was. For that one second I thought I could have my brother back. I thought the missing part of me would be made whole again. And then he—" Lucas choked on his words, fighting back a tidal wave of tears. "How could he, Kumatora? How could he do that to me? He was his old self again, but he hurt me more than the masked man ever could."

Kumatora hugged her legs to her chest. "It's not fair, is it?" she asked sullenly.

Lucas shook his head back and forth, unable to even form words by that point.

"I never had a normal family, y'know. Ionia and the other Magypsies were the only 'parents' I ever had. I knew as soon as the first Needle was pulled that I was going to lose them all. I had every chance in the world to say goodbye, but that didn't make it any easier. And it sure as hell didn't make it fair. The Magypsies were always there for me." Kumatora rested her chin on her knees. "Right up until they weren't."

Lucas stroked Boney's head with one hand and wiped his eyes with the other, waiting for Kumatora to go on. The Princess let out a heavy sigh. "I didn't want to say anything, but . . . I hated it every time one of those Needles was pulled. Every one meant losing someone I loved. I hated both you and your brother for pulling them. I hated the Magypsies for making us go through with it. Most of all, I hated myself for being helpless to save them. A small part of me gets where that fat pig Porky was coming from. Losing my family one after another made the world seem so terrible – so dark and empty and cruel. Given a choice between feeling awful and feeling nothing, between a world without the things that make life worth living and no world at all . . . Let's just say I'm glad I wasn't the one pulling the Needles."

"How do you deal with it?" Lucas croaked.

Kumatora snorted at the question. "I was sorta hoping you could tell me."

"I wish I knew." People seemed to think that losing his mother must have given Lucas some sort of special insight into grief. It didn't.

A long moment of hesitation preceded Kumatora's next words. "There has been one thing that's helped me," she said in a hushed tone. "I'll tell you, but you have to promise to keep it to yourself."

Lucas nodded.

"I mean it," Kumatora insisted. "Don't you dare breathe a word of this to anybody."

She sounded serious about this, leading Lucas to pause briefly before agreeing. "I promise."

Averting her gaze from the boy, Kumatora divulged her secret. "When I'm feeling that way, I go someplace where I can be all alone and I have a good cry."

It sounded absurdly simple, but Lucas would never have expected it from Kumatora. "R-really?"

"Really," she confirmed. "I let it all out, and when I'm done I go to bed and pray that tomorrow will be better. Sure enough, the sun rises again, and most of the time things aren't so bad after a good night's rest. I'm not going to pretend that it's easy, or that it'll ever stop hurting, but when I take a little time to breathe and I surround myself with good people I'm reminded that the world isn't as bad as I sometimes think it is."

"I wish it was as easy as you make it sound," Lucas said.

She shook her head. "It's not going to be easy, but things worth doing never are. We're all getting used to hard work these days, though. You'd think everyone would be upset over what they've lost, but they're not. Don't you think everyone seems more fulfilled now than when they would sit inside and stare at their Happy Boxes all day? We've really started to come together. People have been taking care of one another, feeding one another, giving each other warm beds and roofs overhead, and no one has asked for a single DP because we all need one another to get by. Do you know what Duster told me today? He said that the old geezer has been damn near nice to him this whole time. Can you believe that? There is so much love out there that I think I'm going to be sick, and we all have you to thank for it."

"All I did was pull a stupid Needle," Lucas said humbly.

Kumatora scoffed at that. "You did plenty. And even if every last person you saved doesn't get down on their hands and knees to thank you—which they damn well should, if you ask me—that doesn't change the fact that what you did was important. Not only did you stop the world from ending, but you gave it a whole new beginning. You passed on your heart to the Dragon, and your heart had so much love in it that the Dragon couldn't help but share it with the entire world."

"If there's so much love out there then why can't I feel any of it?" Lucas asked with a trembling voice. "I feel . . . hollow, like my guts have been ripped out. It hurts so bad, Kumatora, and a part of me blames Claus. And the more I blame him, the more I think I'm starting to hate him. If there's so much love in the world then how could I hate my own brother?"

Kumatora sighed. "I don't know what to say. It's easy to think that love should only be a good thing, but it's not. Life's not that simple. When something terrible happens love can be twisted into hate, just like the Pigmasks twisted animals into chimeras. In a way, hate's not the opposite of love; it's the price we sometimes have to pay for it."

Lucas stifled a sob. "I—" He sniffed loudly, then coughed. "I just—" Tears welled up in his eyes and spilled down his cheeks and off his quivering chin. He made a last ditch effort to keep his composure, but it was all in vain. "I miss Claus!" he wailed.

Boney howled pitifully. "(Me too!)"

Lucas buried his face in his dog's thick fur, shaking and bawling inconsolably. Kumatora placed a hand on his shoulder, but said nothing more.

Three days earlier, Lucas's father had asked him a question. "You'll forgive your hasty brother, won't you?" He hadn't answered at the time. Sitting there in the rain, weeping beside Boney and Kumatora, Lucas felt like he was the one who should be begging for forgiveness. But for what it was worth, he could at least answer the question: Lucas forgave his brother. He forgave Claus for being so hasty, for being tactless, for being impatient. He forgave Claus for running ahead and leaving him behind. As much as those things might have hurt, they were the very things that made Lucas love his hasty brother with all his heart.