After the Kiss

I'm running.

I'm running away from the museum, adrenaline pumping through my veins as my mind tries to process the immensity of what I've just discovered.

It's a crocodile. A bridge. A crocodile bridge that was right under our noses the entire time!

I'm sprinting.

My legs are aching and my tongue is burning where I nervously broke its skin, but I push forward, urging my body to move me faster, faster, faster. I'm so enthralled and so unbelievably exhilarated that I nearly break open the doors of the school, skidding across the marble floors towards the pulse-pumping music of the dance.

I'm moving forward at such a high speed that I nearly run into a blur of light pink and blonde, causing me to slide my heels to a screeching halt against the hard floors. When I manage to catch my breath, I realize that the pastel colored blur is actually Amber, and a smile breaks out upon my face.

Before I can purge out the enormity of my discovery to her, she interrupts me immediately, her blue eyes glistening with urgency. "Nina, there you are! Fabian –"

"Never mind about that!" I blurt out, not giving myself enough time to feel guilty for interrupting my best friend on the spot. "I figured it out! About the bridge for the tunnel – it's not in the house!" My words stumble out in a rush, and I can see the annoyance growing in Amber's eyes. "Where's Fabian?" I ask impatiently. Even though I know I should still be angry with him, I find myself giving in to the burning need to share this with not only Amber, but him as well. The realization is eating its way at me, and I feel as if I have to act on this bridge innovation right now, not later, and Amber doesn't seem too enthusiastic about my hasty confession.

She points a reluctant, well-polished finger towards the room behind her, and the look on her face says, I was just about to tell you that before you interrupted me. But my mind is still a frenzy of high emotions, so I push past her without a backward glance, already making my way through the crowd.

I'm searching.

I'm shoving and propelling against a heated clump of people, the music suddenly too heavy and demanding for my ears, and I can feel my face beginning to heat up in frustration. Where is he? I wonder frantically. Unrecognizable masked faces turn towards me and away as I push through the multitude of dancers, none of them bearing any resemblance to the one person I want to see at the moment. My hope is nearly crushed completely when I make my way towards a velvet curtain and push it back with impatient irritation, but with that single movement, I at last find him. Except, I realize with a sickening sinking to my stomach, I had also just revealed a scene on the other side of the curtain that shocks me completely, numbing my brain and breaking my heart.

I'm frozen.

I'm frozen as I see a familiar head of dark hair pressed against a girl, one of her hands delicately holding her mask against her face, the other resting easily against her bright, multi-colored striped dress. The same bright, multi-colored striped dress that I'm wearing. The same girl with her unmistakable cluster of shady curls that I had shot disapproving glares at every chance I could manage for the past few weeks. The same girl that has waited months, probably years, to find herself in the position she is now.

Joy.

The thought of her name is like poison to my mind, and it shocks me out of my immobile state, thrusting me back into the reality I am already unconsciously trying to escape. As if on cue, I see him pull apart from her lips, his piercing brown eyes locking with mine instantaneously. His lips part, his eyebrows furrowing in confusion and disbelief, as if he cannot comprehend that it's me, Nina, standing right here in front of him, still stupidly holding the blood-red curtain in one hand with my face visibly pained for him to see. I shake my head once, twice, breaking our gaze and glancing at the ground instead. No, no, no, is all I can think. And why, why, why?

I see his eyes searching as he peels the mask from her face, his mouth becoming more agape as he reveals the face that is so obviously Joy's. I read his lips as he asks, "What are you doing?"

Joy murmurs something that I can't make out from here, and that I don't really care to hear anyways. By now I can feel the water building up in my eyes, threatening to spill over, and I manage to shake my head in agony once more before I retreat back behind the curtain. I can hear Fabian's voice cracking behind me as he calls my name, but I can't bring myself to look back. I can't trust myself to keep my emotions in tact for much longer.

Again I'm in the hallways with my heels clicking on the tiled floor when I hear Amber's concerned voice behind me. "Hey, rainy face, what's wrong?" she asks, and I turn around to see her eyes searching me with worry, quickly seeming to comprehend my damaged state.

It must have been her knowing look that wrenched the words from my mouth. "He – they – and then they – "

"Bullet points," she orders, her hands fluttering in front of her in what I think is supposed to be a calming gesture.

By now my voice is raw and choked with sobs, and it's a wonder she can still comprehend my words. "Fabian kissed Joy," I manage, the tears springing from my eyes at last.

Amber's mouth is agape, and her worried stare has intensified to one of sympathy. She looks as if she is about to say something, but I interrupt her before she can continue, not wanting to hear her try to comfort me when I'm like this.

"I need you to do something important for me," I choke. "Just – don't let Fabian come find me. I need to be alone. Will you do that?"

Amber is taken aback by my abrupt request, but I see her nod hesitantly, as if in shock from the enormity of the situation. I close my eyes and more tears spill over, a sob escaping from my lips, and I'm glad that it's Amber who found me in the hallway, because I don't think I could bear for anyone besides her to see me in this state. With that, I turn away from my best friend's sympathetic gaze, urging myself forward and around the corner to get as far away from this dance as possible.

And again, I'm running.

But this time it's not with the exhilaration and overwhelming feeling of accomplishment like earlier. No, this time it's with a heart-wrenching disbelief as I flee from the school, down the sidewalk and back towards the house, desperately needing to escape the dance and Fabian, frantically needing to run from the build-up of unfamiliar emotion that is consuming me. What is it? – Jealousy? No, I've felt that before – many times – when I'd seen Joy glancing at Fabian, or pulling at his hand, or claiming him to spend time alone with her in her room to study. But that was different. This was much, much worse. It was an agonizing feeling that I could physically feel tearing apart at my chest, clawing its way into the very core of what is Nina Martin. This had to be what it felt like to have your heart broken, broken into a million pieces. And I didn't think I could bear it much longer.

I scurry into the kitchen, not even bothering to turn on the light, and at last allow myself to crumble completely. Awful, awful sounds stream from my lips, and I can feel the tears sliding down my cheeks at a rapid pace. I heave in once, twice, desperately wanting this plague of a feeling to leave, not thinking that I can bear to keep it inside me. Frantic for distraction, I tear open the first thing I can find, which happens to be a loaf of bread, and shove two slices into the toaster. Popping down the switch, I allow myself to breath out slowly, hoping that putting some food into my system will calm me down. In retrospect, I can't even seem to remember the last time I ate, which was a dangerous thought, considering all that I had been doing today.

I stand there for awhile, hearing nothing but the ragged sound of my breathing and soft ticking of the toaster, but soon the silence prods the feelings back inside me, and I can see that horrid scene replaying in my mind. His hair, his face, his lips, all of him that I had known so well, consumed with her, his body pressed against hers in the heat of the dance floor. Suddenly I feel sick to my stomach, and I barely make it to the sink before I retch into it, confused about how I had to energy to throw up when there couldn't possibly be any food in my stomach. Disgusted with myself, I begin to pace about the kitchen, only stopping to press my hands against the counter or run my fingers through my hair.

Why have I let myself become so consumed with a boy? I think. Why did I allow myself to fall in love?

Was that what I felt for Fabian? Love? If so, this feeling was nothing like I had dreamed it being through all these years. No, this "love" feeling really, really sucked. And I wish I had never experienced it; I wanted to go back and erase this night, this week, this year from my mind completely. I wanted to erase the house, the spirit, and Fabian – mostly though, I just wanted to erase myself.

Pop.

The sound of the toast causes me to jolt and nearly knock over a pile of silverware, the sound piercing and loud in the darkness. I whip my head in its direction, feeling silly for being unnerved by something so simple, so stupid. Stupid, stupid, Nina. What you really should be afraid of is the spirit, and how little time you probably have left by now, I chide myself, clenching my fists in frustration.

The spirit. The thought of Senkhara sends an uneasy chill down my spine, and my gaze immediately slides to the cellar door beneath the counter, nearly hidden in the gloom of the kitchen. On impulse, my heart begins to pound faster against my chest, my pulse quickening with excitement. Why shouldn't I go check it out? After all, I did manage to figure out where the bridge was located…and wasn't I nearly dying with the need to do something about this earlier?

The dream. Don't be reckless, pleads the saner version of my mind, reminding me of the terrifying vision from earlier, which involved me partaking in this exact act of stupidity by going into the cellar alone. But for some reason, despite the memory of that dream, despite my better judgment, the thought of danger doesn't rattle me. In fact, it excites me even more. And, more alarmingly, arises the thought – What more do I have to lose?

"I guess a broken heart is a quality of the reckless," I say out loud, kneeling down to the door and holding my amulet against it, my lips carving into a foolish and sad smile as the red light illuminates the darkness, the door creaking open and revealing the darkness below.

Underground, I step quietly and cautiously, slowly going through the usual motions and eventually reaching the chamber with the large chasm. When I'm a few feet away, I pause as the adrenaline consumes me once again, and I close my eyes in attempt to concentrate. Bridge, bridge, bridge. Where on Earth would I find this crocodile bridge? For one fleeting moment, I wonder what Fabian would do if he were here, and the sound of his name in my head is sharp, painful. I flinch away, that feeling threatening to resurface, and I swallow it down by stepping forward, closer to the bottomless rift.

At that same moment, a voice whispers scathingly into my ear, its words harsh and low: Watch the time piece.

Startled, I whirl around towards to sound, expecting to see Senkhara standing there with her black eyes and wicked grin, but my eyes meet nothing but the empty chamber. My sudden turn catches me off balance, and I silently curse my choice in heels as I stumble slightly, though my heart begins to quicken in terror as I realize that I won't be able to regain my balance in time to save myself from falling. And then, as if I'm caught within a slow-motioned movie, it dawns on me that now I'm falling too quickly and my feet are slipping beyond my control. I can feel myself tumbling towards the chasm, and my stomach clenches and a scream pierces my throat as I prepare myself for the plummet –

And then a hand is grasped tightly on my arm, yanking me away from the gaping hole and my death. I gasp in surprise, my mind clouded with the still present terror, and it takes me a moment to register that someone's arms are now encircling me, and I'm being held against a firm body that is leaning over my shaking one.

Still shocked, I blink rapidly, as if to clear my vision, and realize that it's Fabian – of course it's Fabian – holding me securely against him, tilting me backwards slightly as if he is dipping me mid-dance. Shakily, I lift my watery eyes to meet his dark ones, and I can see the relief painting itself clearly across his face, reaching his lips and curving them into a familiar lopsided grin.

"That's one part of the dream I'm not letting come true," he breathes, sounding as if he just ran a marathon, and I realize that I'm breathing heavily too. We're both desperately gasping for air, and I can feel his heart ricocheting against my chest, his body pressed unbelievably close to mine. I notice my face beginning to warm, but I'm so overcome with emotion that it takes all my strength not to collapse right there in his arms, so I ignore how self-conscious his closeness is making me and instead cling tighter to his suit. I move a hand to his hair, running my fingers through it in disbelief, because it seems impossible that he's here with me during this moment, impossible that we're both somehow alive.

I feel him shutter against my touch, obviously taken aback by the unfamiliar feeling of my hands in his hair, but he gently lifts me upward, arms still clasped around my waist as he steadies me on my feet. He slowly lifts a hand a brushes a strand of hair from my face, his smile melting into a small frown of concern. "Nina," he whispers, carefully, gently, as if he is afraid to startle me out of this position. "Are you all right?"

I swallow, moving my hands to my sides and nodding softly. "Fabian," I whimper, the realness of my near death dawning on my all too quickly now. "Oh my God, Fabian."

His frown deepens now as he gathers me back into his arms and shushes me quietly. "Nina, Nina, it's okay. Nothing can hurt you now."

Sobs are shuddering through my body, and I try to stifle my cries by leaning into his chest, burying my wet tears in the softness of his jacket. My thoughts are racing in a flurry of confusion, as if my emotions are a dial that can't pinpoint where exactly it wishes to stop spinning. What am I supposed to feel? Anger, sadness, relief? Shouldn't I still be furious about what happened with Joy? But shouldn't saving my life be payment enough for that mistake? With that thought, I'm overwhelmed yet again by how close I was to mapping out my fate to match directly with the dream. If Fabian hadn't come to save me – if he didn't still care about me, I'd be –

"Thank you," I choke out, though it sounds like nothing more than a horribly muffled sob in my ears. He must have understood, however, for I feel his head nod against mine, and I tilt my forehead upwards to press against his own. Closing my eyes, I breathe in the familiar scent that is Fabian, and I realize that the only feeling my dial of emotions will ever be able to point at this boy is love.

"I love you."

At first I thought the words had somehow escaped from my thoughts and tumbled out of my mouth, but after a second it became blatantly obvious that Fabian had spoken those words, his voice low and without the hint of a stutter.

A pause. A terrible, lengthy pause that I couldn't seem to fill.

"N-Nina," he whispers, his familiar and adorable stammer reemerging. I feel him gently cup my face and lift it so my gaze is focused with his, his eyes steady and searching. "Nina, you know that, right? It's only you. It's only ever been you. Wha-what happened with Joy – I thought – she looked – the mask, the dress – I thought she was you," he breaths, his words coming out rapidly now. "I would only ever kiss you. I swear. God, I'm so stupid. Please believe me, Nina." His last words are fractured with raw emotion, and my heart skips as his voice cracks over my name, Nina. I love the way it sounds on his lips.

"Of course," I say, this time without hesitation. "Of course I believe you, Fabian." How couldn't I? I manage a smile, the relief slowly flooding its way through my body, cleansing me of my doubt and anger from the inside out. He thought it was me, I think gleefully. He thought he was kissing me.

Fabian smiles weakly, his features brightening slightly. He still looks sick with worry, I realize with a pang of emotion, and my face falls. How can this brilliant boy care for me so much, after all I've put him through? God, how can I care for him so much, after all I've felt tonight? It's a wonder that my heart seemed to heal so quickly, and all it took was his hand pulling me back from the chasm.

His dark eyes are serious once again, and I can feel his body moving closer as he leans in and presses his lips firmly against mine. I press back, my heart fluttering and stomach churning with the pleasant feeling that comes with kissing Fabian; a feeling that I have not felt since last year, I recall abruptly. And suddenly it becomes urgent that I kiss him more, that I make up for the time we lost and the time we may never be able to have again. I move against him, our bodies now unexpectantly close, and somehow my hand is in his hair for the second time this night, my fingers grazing through its softness as my other hand's palm presses against his chest.

Fabian lets out a soft cry of surprise, as if my sudden intensity has caught him off guard, and he opens his eyes to pause, his gaze searching. I stare back steadily, and a smile creeps onto his face as we both seem to say without words, This is how it should have been weeks ago. This time, it's again him who moves in first, his mouth heated and gentle against my own, his kiss delicate and sweet with emotion. I move my mouth against his, our kisses gradually becoming more rushed and intimate, and somehow my back ends up against the wall, and Fabian's hand is steadying us as he presses it against a fissure beside my head. I can feel his heart thrashing against my own, and his tongue is moving rapidly against mine now, no longer soft and unsure like it was at the beginning.

"N-Nina, I think we –" I hear him murmur in the darkness, his words low with emotion. I cut him off with a kiss, though, hoping against hope that he doesn't want us to stop, reaching out for his heart rather than the buried logic that he seems to be resurfacing. Of course we should probably be back at the dance, or at least looking for the bridge, or something rational right now, but I can't bear for this moment to end. So I kiss him deeply, passionately, and he moves closer as I tug at his tie and grin against his soft lips that fit mine perfectly.

"Yeah?" I tease between kisses, opening my eyes slightly to catch his gaze. His eyes seem darker, even more beautiful than usual, and practically shining in the blackness that surrounds us. For some reason his tie seems to have come undone, and I realize that that must have been my doing –

"You're really persuasive," he says, his words bringing me back to the time last year when Amber and Mick threw a party at the house. He had said the same thing to me then, with the same crooked grin, when I'd convinced him to ditch the party with me to investigate the attic. I stifle a laugh as I realize that here we are, over a year later, missing out on yet another party to hang out somewhere dim-lit and mysterious. And full-out kissing now!

I feel intoxicated by his presence, and the words slide off my tongue, "Did I ever tell you how much I love your accent?"

He breathes out a shaky laugh, his boyish, trademark smile reappearing, and kisses me again, catching me by surprise and causing me to gasp against his lips. I think he must have noticed, because his hand finds its way into my hair and he presses me harder against the wall, his kiss becoming deeper and more urgent at my response.

Despite my wonderful, heart-throbbing thoughts that are consumed with everything Fabian, one wicked, glorious thought does manage to creep into my mind during our constant snogging – Joy doesn't have anything on this.

I grin to myself, feeling Fabian smiling back against my lips, and wrap my arms around his neck to breathe him in. I never, never wanted this to end, to stop feeling his tongue against mine or his lips upon my neck or his heart quickening with emotion whenever I say his name in the darkness. I really, really do love this boy, I think to myself suddenly, and I would do anything to keep him with me forever.

"I really do love you," I say, my words catching even myself off guard and causing my pulse to quicken. I feel Fabian's weight shift slightly against mine, and he pulls back to look me in the eye.

"I love you, too, though you already know that bit," he says, his words adorably sincere and eyes sparkling with emotion. It was him, with his tousled hair and sorely red lips and unmistakably British voice that rose and fell with emotion in the blackness that swelled my heart. All of this made me pull him closer yet again, holding his body close and sighing with pleasure when he pulls me back just as hard.

I'm not sure how long we stayed like that, my body pressed against the wall and his pressed against mine, but eventually, inexplicably, I mutter out, "Where did Amber get off to?"

"Oh," he replies, pulling back slightly, moving his hand to intertwine his fingers with mine. "She couldn't keep up – you girls and your blasted heels, yeah?"

I laugh softly, glancing down at my own accursed heels that had nearly caused my sudden death. "Got that right," I say, "though I do think she would have caught up by now."

I notice as Fabian's face turns a slight pink, and wonder if he's going to begin stuttering again. For some unfathomable reason I hope that he does.

"Maybe she found us but decided to leave us alone," he says, laughing nervously. I can feel his thumb stroking my hand that is clasped in his, and the movement causes me to smile.

"Well, that's just fine by me," I reply, meeting his eyes and watching him return my small grin.

He tugs at my hand gently, leading me back upstairs and away from the chasm, and I don't resist; being so close to that gaping hole was beginning to make me nervous.

Plus, I would much rather kiss Fabian upstairs in his room than in the dank cellar.

The End