OK, call me crazy, but I have some things that make my blood boil about fanfic. So I wrote this as some amusing venting.

Hiccup gaped at the scrolls. "WHOA. This is all about…us?"

The record-keeper nodded. "We've been receiving numerous scrolls each day since the battle of the Green Death. It's called…fanfiction."

"Excuse me?" Astrid asked. Toothless cocked his head.

"The concept is that you take someone and write a story about them, except they aren't someone you made up."

"Like an epic."

"Yes, just much more inane and poorly written."

'Well, I want to read it now," Hiccup mumbled.

"Some of it is quite good," The record-keeper amended. "But the grammar is mostly atrocious."

"Goody."

"Well, dig in," The record-keeper gestured. Hiccup raised his eyebrows at Astrid, Snoutlout, Fishlegs and the twins. "Well, dig in," he repeated.

"Read?"

"While we're still alive?"

'Yes," Hiccup rolled his eyes.

The twins looked at each other. "Okay, I guess…" They all plopped down and begin to decipher the scrolls.

It didn't take long for the reactions.

Hiccup was first. "OH ODIN ABOVE!" Toothless cocked his head. "You don't want to know, bud. Really," he groaned.

"Well, I do," Astrid said matter-of-factly. "Oh gods! That's…messed up. On so many levels."

"Now, I want to know," Snoutlout complained. "This is your fault, Hiccup. You're making me want to learn."

Hiccup moaned. Toothless looked genuinely concerned, nudging Hiccup's shoulder. Tuffnut peered at the scroll and started to laugh. Ruffnut, reading, glared and punched him. "That's not okay! I mean, what you do even call this? Dragon-rider-cest?" Toothless looked horrified. "Yep, bud," Hiccup said grimly. "This person wrote us…UGH!" he tore it out of Snoutlout's grip, crumpling it and throwing with uncharacteristic savagery. "Next."

Astrid was next. "OH NO SHE DIDN'T—" Hiccup, fearful, read the paper and sputtered, "I break up with you? That would never happen! Like, ever…"

Tuffnut screeched in a surprisingly feminine way. "OHMYGODSOHMYGODS!" Ruffnut gagged. "Ew! Tuffnut is paired with Hiccup! Ew!"

"Like that would happen. If Tuffnut was a fruitcake, he'd pick me," Snoutlout boasted.

"I didn't know you, um, thought of me in that…manner…"

"NO!" Snoutlout panicked. "I meant, um, I don't, swing that way!"

"Let's just start reading again," Astrid said hastily.

Hiccup blinked at the next. "What's an AU?"

"No idea."

"What's a computer?"

"You don't know. You really think we will?" Ruffnut pointed out.

"Well, that's useless then."

"Hey, here's one about me!" Fishlegs spoke up. He blushed heavily.

"What happens?" Ruffnut asked.

"Nothing." She wrestled it form him and turned scarlet. Tuffnut smirked as he read it out loud, "Ruffnut entangled her tongue with Fishlegs'—"

"SHUT UP!" they wailed.

"Hey, this one's actually good."

Ruffnut snorted, "Because it's about you and Hiccup. Now, this one's what I call good. It's about me and Tuff when we were little."

"Aw," Hiccup said, then blushed. He fiddled with another scroll. "Hey, Toothless, it's about you." Toothless' ears perked. Hiccup shrugged. "No idea how close this is; I wish I could hear Toothless' thoughts. And I don't know a thing about his past." He pushed the scroll to the dragon, who nosed it.

"I become a dragon?"

They sorted through more of the like until they heard…a dagger-sharp gasp. Toothless bounded through them to Hiccup; Astrid, looking at his face, had a flash of memory from the day his mother died. "Nothing," he muttered. "This one was sad." He set it aside gingerly, like he was afraid of it. Ruffnut took the scroll and her eyes widened; she passed it to the others. They saw what it was; in it, Toothless had died. Astrid imagined Hiccup without Toothless and thought grimly he'd throw himself off a cliff.

It was relief to all of them when they stumbled into the pile of humorous ones.

They spent the day trashing the worst of it; but as they read through all the scrolls, many were set aside for an archive in the library.

When the last scroll was shelved, they stood with stiff legs and weary eyes. The record-keeper stumbled back in, weighted with another bag.

"Oh, gods…"