AN: Hello all. Just a quick note to let you know what to expect. This is based off of rumors as to what might have happened if Castle had been renewed for another season. There was one possibility that Beckett would have had to fake her death for an undercover assignment, and that's where this story starts. It will be a bit angsty, especially at the beginning, but I love Caskett and this is a fix-it so rest assured there will be a happy ending. Updates should be twice a week until its done. And of course, I don't own anything, just enjoy playing with the characters. Without further ado then, here is the first chapter of All Good Things. Thanks for reading!
The first sensation Richard Castle feels as he claws his way back to consciousness is pain. There's pain in his chest. Caleb Brown shot him, he remembers suddenly. And he shot Kate. The thought dances at the front of his mind. What's happened to his wife?
He wants to wake up. He's trying to wake up. But he also doesn't want to open his eyes. There's a pool of dread in his stomach that is telling him that when he does he'll wish he hadn't. Something's wrong. He knows it, and he has a terrible guess as to what it is.
"Dad? Can you hear me?" he hears Alexis ask softly, trying to rouse him. She sounds anxious, and that gives him enough determination to force himself awake. He will always do anything for his little girl.
The sight of her worried face doesn't soothe his own anxiety though. Normally he would try to calm her down first, but he has to know. "Kate?" he asks, but his voice is raspy and it comes out as a croak. He swallows and tries again. "Where's Kate? Is she okay?"
Alexis tries to shush him. "Easy, dad. Just rest. Everything will be fine." She pauses for a moment, then gives him a smile. It's sincere, but there is something else she's masking behind it. "It's so good to have you back with me," she says. "You've been out for 5 days. How are you feeling?"
He notices she avoided his question. "I'm okay, Alexis," he tries to reassure her, "but I need to know. How's Kate?"
She tries to hold a happy expression for a moment longer, but it drops quickly, and Rick can already see the answer to his question in her eyes. "I'm so sorry, Daddy," she says, her voice wavering with emotion, but she rushes on to get it all out. "She didn't make it. She died while she was still in surgery. They couldn't revive her. There was just too much blood loss."
Rick is stunned. He knew, somehow, when he woke up. But he'd hoped…
Alexis sniffs and wipes her tears away, and he can't hold it in any longer. He turns away from his daughter with tears starting to stream down his face, as well. He doesn't notice the pain in his chest anymore. The pain he feels now is so very different, and so much deeper.
4 days since he woke up in the hospital. He's already gotten stronger physically. Alexis has barely left his side, and his mother has been around plenty, as well, but he told them to sleep in this morning. Now, he has just finished his walk around the hospital floor. He's not as out of breath as he had been when he started this miserable physical therapy. The doctors are saying he can go home soon.
Little do they know – home is the last place he wants to go. He doesn't want to be anywhere near that place. Not where he lost her. His body is already healing, but his grief has only intensified over the past few days, and he knows it won't subside any time soon.
He is wallowing in that grief when he sees his latest visitor come in. "Mr. Castle, it's so good to see you moving around so well," Deputy Chief Victoria Gates says as she sits down, facing him.
"Hello, sir," Castle replied, a little weakly. He had just been trying to get comfortable in bed and the pain from his stitches pulling caught his breath. After a slight hesitation he mustered himself up enough to continue. "What brings you here to the land of the barely living?" he jokes, then tries to force a smile. It drops quickly however. It was just too much work.
"First," she replies pointedly, "I wanted to see how you are doing." Her expression softens. He's only seen it do that a few times. He must look pretty bad. Well, he felt pretty bad. "How are you feeling?" she asks.
He repressed the urge to sigh heavily. As tired and frustrated as he was becoming with everyone asking he, knew he had to be polite. Especially to Gates. Especially for Kate.
"I'm getting better," he said, trying to be somewhat positive. "At least that's what they tell me," again trying for humor.
"Good to hear," she tells him, giving him a small smile in return. But he knew she wasn't convinced. She paused for a few moments, and Rick had to admit his curiosity was peaked. Why had she come to see him? Was it about Kate's funeral arrangements? They wouldn't decide any of that without him, would they?
"Mr. Castle," she starts again, "Rick, I am so sorry about Kate. She was a good cop. But she was an even better person. And you two, you were amazing together. I count myself fortunate to have had the opportunity to come to know both of you."
"Thank you, sir," Castle says quietly.
"You can call me Vicki, you know," she tells him, "or at least Gates."
That wasn't going to happen, he thinks. Too strange. Outwardly, he just smiles softly and nods.
"Rick," she begins, then hesitates again. She seems to steel herself then continues, her voice lower and more controlled. "Rick, I need to tell you. I came here to discuss funeral arrangements with you, but when I spoke to the staff here on my way in…" She trails off for only a moment. "There was a mix-up with some of the paperwork here at the hospital. I am so, so sorry, but Kate, she was cremated."
Rick felt his heart plummet. She'd told him once, if anything had happened to her, that she wanted to be buried next to her mother. He'd shut down that conversation as quickly as he could manage, not wanting to think on that possibility.
But now the situation was very real, and all he wanted to do was honor her wishes. How could he do that now?
"I'm so sorry." Gates voice startled him out of his thoughts. "We still will take care of all the arrangements for you and want to assist you with anything you need."
Castle nodded, too distraught to reply any other way. He felt tears in his eyes, but they didn't fall yet.
Gates gently reached over, taking his hand. He watched as she laid his wife's wedding band in his palm and closed his fingers over the small piece of his heart.
"I'll be in touch," she whispered, then got up and silently left the room.
He shattered the moment she was gone, clutching tightly to the cold metal ring in his hand, his tears flowing freely. Kate was gone, and he hadn't even been able to say good-bye.
716 days since that fateful day in their kitchen. 716 days since the love of his life was taken from him. 711 days of Rick taking one breath at a time, forcing himself to live, even if he didn't want to. If only for his family. And for her. Always her.
565 days since he sold the loft. He never went back. He couldn't face the memory of what happened there. It's sad, really. So many happy times, but all that he sees when he thinks of his former home is those last moments, as they lay on the floor together, desperately trying to hold on to life, and to each other. Thankfully, between the movers, Alexis, and Hayley, he hadn't had to face the reality of that room. He went straight to the Hamptons after his release, and there he's stayed.
272 days since he walked Alexis down the aisle. He'd managed to come out of his fog long enough to ensure Chris was good for her (if not good enough, but would anyone ever be for his Alexis?), that he could give her away and know that the man who married her cherished her as much as he did. He tried to be happy that day, of course he did. And on some level, he was, because Alexis was stunning and sparkling. And he was her dad. But he couldn't be as happy as he wanted to be, as his daughter deserved him to be. Because his own love wasn't there, and she should have been.
He knows he fooled most of those there, but not Alexis, never Alexis. He stayed through the father-daughter dance, and he twirled around the floor and managed, just for a moment, to forget about anything but his little girl. But his emotions overpowered him soon after it was over, and he took his leave soon after. He knows that disappointed Alexis, even if she would never say anything. He hopes she forgives him for it.
After the wedding, he immediately went back to the Hamptons again, and he has stayed there ever since. He doesn't leave. He doesn't need to really. He has groceries delivered. He goes for his prescribed walks down the beach and along some of the quiet roads. He not sure how many days it's been since he drove his car. He doesn't care. He just wants her.
132 days since he legally changed his name back to Richard Rogers. He was still Richard Castle to his fans, but that would remain as only a pen name and nothing more. That life was over.
It's been 30 days since 'Nikki Heat – All Good Things' was released. He had to finish their story. For her. For Kate. He gave Jameson Rook and Nikki Heat the happy ending that Richard Castle and Katherine Beckett would never get. It's been well received by his fans, and he supposes that's something. Because Nikki was Kate, and she was so dear to so many hearts, and people got to know the extraordinary detective through his stories. She deserved that, deserved more than that, but it was what he could give her. So despite the heartache writing the book had brought, he was glad he'd finished it.
Paula had some of his fan mail delivered to him the other day. She sent the ones that seemed personal, genuine. He'd avoided it at first, but this morning, the view is gorgeous, and it reminds him of her. He takes the stack out on the deck and sits down to open a few.
The first few he went through were the usual, though perhaps with a few personal touches thrown in. But it was basically all the same. Thank you, you're the greatest, we love you…blah, blah, blah. Maybe he shouldn't have done this today.
But he keeps going, opening up the next one. And this one, this one is different. It begins normally but something sets him on the edge of his seat. And as he reads, an idea forms in his mind. The wording, the tone, the intent.
He tries to stop his mind from jumping around, to think rationally. He finishes the letter, then reads it again. And again. And for the first time in 711 days he feels a spark of hope. But he can't afford to hope. He can't turn his back on it either. The fourth time he reads it aloud.
Dear Mr. Castle,
Thank you so much for this final story of Nikki Heat. Giving Heat and Rook their happy ending is everything I have hoped for and wanted.
Please know that your books, all of them, have played such an important role in my life. They got me through the worst times, both when my mother died, and when my husband was taken from me much too soon. So thank you. Thank you for your way with words, for your kindness and for the love that you express through the pages of your writings. Your characters and their love have brought so much joy and light to my life.
Even though the story of Heat and Rook has come to its conclusion, please keep writing. Whatever adventure comes next, remember that you truly do make a difference. I wish you all the happiness in the world.
~Always~
He's frozen for only a moment after he finishes reading the last word, then he's scrambling to find the envelope. When he does, he turns it over in his hands. No name and no return address. Not surprising. The postmark says France. Paris maybe?
It doesn't matter, he thinks. Not at all. He'll find her. Because it is her. He knows it. With every fiber of his being, he knows it.
Kate Beckett is alive!