"Hand that glorious good back to me!" cried Flavio as he wrenched the sacred banana from Vivian's ghostly grasp.
"What's all the commotion here?" roared Prof. Frankly as he slammed the door open and looked at life through his swirly glasses of elegant justice.
"Help, Frankly! Flavio is trying to cop my precious nanner!" wailed Vivian. She countered the lunatic's hold with a blast of fire.
"Goodness me," Frankly mumbled. "I am totes getting too old for these shenanigans…"
Mario burst through the wall whilst riding atop Koops's shell. Mario brought down his hammer upon Flavio's head. "That'll learn ya!" snapped the fat plumber of papery proportions.
Flavio fell to the ground and his spirit arose from his body. Flavio looked down at his dead self and raged. "How dare you, Mario! Do you not have any idea who I am!"
Vivian thanked Mario for the banana retrieval. She then took out a plasma ray and shot Mario, but she didn't shoot the deputy.
Deputy Bobbery…
He walked into the scene with his new robotic arms that he purchased off the Amazon (the river, you fool).
"What are you doing here, Admiral?" gasped Flavio's soul.
"I am here for righteous retribution!" growled Bobbery. He ripped his greying mustache off, revealing his sick, twisted six-pack bomb abs. He then stood up with forceful awesomeness.
Vivian gasped at the abdominal collection. She was strongly attracted to the hunkiness. "I wish to wed not yourself, but your splendid abs, Bobbery."
"Dartmouth…" Frankly exhaled deeply with brooding angst as he painted his Goomba toenails black like the dark depths of his heart.
That's when Cortez finally made it into the room, and boy howdy, he had a pizza with extra-thick crust.
"Cortez, what's this rubbish?" Koops said crankily as he exuded his inner food critic.
"Listen, amigo, this sacred meal is my life!" announced Cortez. He and the pizza then wed and it was so romantic. Even Grubba was seen weeping tears of pure joy in the audience.
"Cortez, do you love me?" asked the extra-thick pizza.
Cortez did the "mmm-hmm" gesture because he is a sassy skeleton like Ness from Earthbound.
But that is truly just a theory…
But let's get back to the real meat and potatoes in this here fanfic…
Vivian had lost her banana to Flavio and now that Flavio was dead. Since her precious nanner retrieval, courtesy of the Great Gonzales, Vivian was now free to do all of her deepest desires.
Thus she fed the banana to Whacka and got a free Whacka Bump in return. Life was now beautiful yet again.
"Hey, Vivian, do you ever feel like reality has a subsidiary?" asked the Whacka with great determination fueled by the wise philosophical teachings of Homer.
Vivian put on her new hat. It had a picture of Socrates on it.
The two people dudes then had a dramatic war over which philosophy had the best rear in all of history.
Cortez was annoyed by this squabble, so he used his swords to quell the nonsense. "You should all know the truth," he said with delicious bony accent.
"I'm listening?" asked Flavio because punctuation denotes mood and tone.
"I'm not actually a skeleton. I am made of Swedish meatballs," confessed Cortez. His pizza wife gasped and then called the police on him.
Cortez went to prison for eighty years due to his evil ways. He was never seen or heard from again because he had to go into solitary confinement with Mrs. Puff.
"How is your husband?" Vivian asked the pizza. She was hoping to learn relationship advice in proper ways.
The pizza did not respond.
Vivian wept.
And then they all realised that I was the best at Puyo-Puyo Tetris.
Whacka tried to beat my high score, but failed miserably. He was last seen on October 24. If you see him, please let the Rogueport authorities know. He has a wife and kids to protect with his life savings.
Vivian then got a spoon, she beat the pizza to death with it and ate the sauce and cheeses. She slurped the pepperoni and the peppers like a milkshake of sadness.
Cortez learned of the murder and then used Thunderbolt on the cell bars.
But I was still the best Puyo-Puyo Tetris player in all of Camelot. Try me.
"I shan't try you…" Flavio said to me. His chiseled jawline glinted in the faint moonlight. I had never seen anything so beautiful in all of my life. I went over to him, bowed my head and he took me in as his lowly disciple.
I have never felt such honour.
Flavio is the father I never knew I needed. I finally feel whole.
THE END