The scene opens on the Midnight Society's campfire clearing. It is a warm summer night. Fireflies swim lazily through the air and between the trunks of trees, and the moon is bright and full. Suddenly laughing voices can be heard, and then the Midnight Society comes trotting down the path. GARY is in the lead, followed by TUCKER, ERIC, DAVID, BETTY ANN, KIKI, SAMANTHA, FRANK, and KRISTEN. The kids are all dolled up in their best Canadian denim jeans and jackets—except for Frank who is still dressed in his striped prison uniform, complete with hat. As the kids move to their places around the fire, which GARY proceeds to light, a wolf's howl can be heard rising in the distance.
TUCKER: Whose turn is it tonight?
BETTY ANN (standing and going to the storyteller's chair with a proud smile): Mine.
FRANK: Oh great, another dork story about a vampire!
BETTY ANN (annoyed): Shut your butt, FRANK. Does your probation officer know you're here?
FRANK looks away, frowning. He stares darkly into the flames and says nothing.
SAMANTHA: Is it going to be a story about vampires?
BETTY ANN: No way. I already told the vampire tale to perfection, remember? "The Tale of the Night Shift"?
The kids all shudder, and FRANK leaps involuntarily to his feet. BETTY ANN's "The Tale of the Night Shift" had touched FRANK very deeply. So deeply, in fact, that it had been responsible for a number bedwetting incidents and even a missed court date (he had been too afraid to leave the house, fearing that he would be injured, end up in a hospital, and then be eaten by the vampire from BETTY ANN's absurdly good and horrifying tale).
GARY (taking his glasses off to swab the lenses with his shirt): Aside from the one about the red acid skeleton that drowns people in the school's swimming pool, that was probably the best and spookiest story anyone here has ever told, BETTY ANN.
The kids all nod in agreement.
BETTY ANN: Damn straight. That's why I decided to tell a new kind of story tonight. Have you guys ever heard the phrase "be careful what you wish for"?
FRANK: Nope.
KRISTEN: Hmm, I don't think so.
TUCKER: I haven't even learned to read yet, so…
GARY: Not ringing a bell.
DAVID: Yeah, I'm drawing a blank, too.
ERIC: I already forgot what you asked.
SAM: Never heard it.
KIKI attempts to say she doesn't know the phrase either, but she has just lit a joint and is wracked by a huge coughing fit that leaves tears rolling down her cheeks and a silver thread of saliva swinging from her chin like a pendulum.
FRANK: Dude, put that away! If I inhale your secondhand weed smoke and test dirty, they'll put me back in solitary confinement!
KIKI laughs and blows smoke in FRANK's face. FRANK screams.
BETTY ANN: Well, it's an old saying that all of you would know if you'd ever picked up a damn book before, or paid attention to any of the stories we previously told around this campfire. Regardless, that's what my story's about; a kid whose neighbors are such dicks that he'd do just about anything to get back at them…
BETTY ANN looks ominously at each of her friends' faces, one after another.
BETTY ANN: …even make evil wishes.
FRANK gasps in fright.
ERIC (loudly): I'm scared of evil wishes!
BETTY ANN: I call this story… The Tale…
BETTY ANN throws a handful of the magic mystery dust from the brown sack onto the fire, which causes it to bloom momentarily with a hundred fantastic colors.
BETTY ANN: …of the Regulator.
The title of the episode swirls in with a crazy '90s trill and hella reverb, just like always. The kids all look at each other with expressions of equal parts anticipation and dread as the scene fades to black.