When Claus was nine years old, he had his first legitimate nightmare.

It wasn't something surreal, either- not really. There were a few not-quite-realistic things, but they felt much too real- too alive- to not exist somewhere.

That night- the night before his and Lucas's tenth birthday- he closed his eyes, happily curled up against his smaller twin, and saw pigs. Rather, he saw people dressed up as pigs, holding guns that almost but not quite resembled his dad's flintlock pistol, except...sleeker, somehow more futuristic. But why would anyone carry a gun while dressed up in such a silly costume?

These people who dressed like pigs called him "Commander", even though he didn't think he looked anything like them. He wasn't dressed up like a pig, at least.

He saw darkness, and the glint of something akin to a giant needle. He heard the crackling of lightning, and even though it wasn't enough to pierce the darkness, it was still much too close for comfort.

Finally, he saw angels, pure and white- immortality at its finest, and all noticeably ambiguous.

In this way- free from worry and fear, unrelated to even earthly genders, and eternally patient- they were utterly beautiful, possessing a mature innocence not even Claus thought he could find anywhere else.

And then he saw Lucas.

In his nightmare dream, the blond boy was crying, and he was attacking (hurting burning causing pain oh god why), and it felt almost as if he'd been the one getting hurt instead.

And suddenly, everything stopped (or did it?). Hexagonal shapes sprouted from his hands in small bursts of blue light, energy crackling at his fingertips-

"Pk Thunder Love!"

There was a glint as the energy was reflected back at him, but he couldn't see what was causing it.

There was silence, save for the pounding of a beating heart.

"You'll forgive your hasty brother, won't you, Lucas?"

"Of...Of...Of course I will, dad..."

When he woke up, he was safe at home, curled up beside his safe and unharmed brother.

He used the sleeve of his shirt to wipe away his tears (Commanders of armies shouldn't have emotions) and climbed out of bed, careful not to wake Lucas.

He looked into the mirror after getting dressed (Where was his helmet he needed his helmet) and combed his hair, ignoring the tuft that stood up. That's just how it was, and he rather liked it.

About an hour later, Lucas came downstairs to find Claus in the kitchen, preparing breakfast for the two of them (wrong it's not supposed to be like this unusual since a: Lucas always slept in late enough to miss breakfast altogether, and b: Claus almost never cooked- and somehow inherited their dead dead dead mother's knack for it anyway).

Lucas yawned and took a seat at the table, glancing at the fourth chair that he swore disappeared after mom's _).

"Ohayo, nii-chan."

Something in his younger twin's voice sounded strange, somehow. Sad, almost.

(No no Lucas don't cry please I'm right here it'll be okay mom's gonna come back you'll see)

"Ohayo, Ryuka," Claus grunted as he flipped and folded a freshly cooked omelet onto a plate.

Somewhere upstairs, dad was either drinking or doing paperwork though he should've been tending to the sheep.

"...I dreamt about mom," Lucas said.

Of mom and Dragos and screams and the sound of teeth tearing into flesh and-

"What about her?"

"I dreamt that she was here, making omelets and teasing dad."

But she's not coming back, Claus. You were wrong.

"Hm."

"And...and she wasn't sick- she was healthy, and her heart was okay!"

Claus set the plate in front of Lucas, who mindlessly poured some ketchup onto it, then returned to the stove to make another for himself.

"...I miss her."

The redhead paused for a moment.

"...I know."

There was silence, save for the gentle sizzle of the eggs cooking in the pan.

"...I wonder if she's happy in Heaven..."

"...Of course she is. She's with God, so she must be."

"But Claus, what if...What if there...isn't a God?"

What god would allow us to suffer like this? What god would allow Pokey and the Commander and the Masked Man and the Pigmasks and the Chimera Project such a kind person to be taken away so quickly, by a mere heart disease?

"Now, don't say that, Lucas. If there really wasn't a god, you'd have died."

He fought back a wince as the (possible) truth lie struck him.

In his mind's eye, he saw a dragon.

Breakfast was finished and eaten in silence.

Claus went to take care of the sheep while Lucas went off to help Caroline in her bakery.

It was a productive day- a busy day- and Claus was sure that he'd have a dreamless sleep that night.

He had the same nightmare as the night before.