*** ENGLISH ISN'T MY LANGUAGE ***
Let's thank my technical drawing teacher who canceled his two hours class and I was able to write this fic, hehe.
I hope you like it, the inspiration was born clearly after the last episode.
Let me know what you think!
Our Own Traditions
TEDDY
It was a cold night, colder than last night according to the interns who were complaining and rubbing their hands while bringing their lab coats closer, but in truth I wasn't cold at all. The perks of being pregnant I think, a little higher body temperature.
The day had passed very peaceful, a few wounded had come to the ER, but nothing more. Minor burns and cuts with the knife made in the attempt to prepare the best Christmas dinner.
"Guys, go home. I'll take care". I order a group of interns who had been in the ER since that morning.
"Are you sure, Dr. Altman?" Intern Schmitt asks me.
"I'm sure... Go!"
Without needing to say anything else the interns run away making me laugh.
Giving a last look at the patients who were still in the ER and releasing a few others suddenly I start to feel extremely tired. Running a whole trauma unit at the same time I grow a tiny human is strenuous. The back pains are becoming a daily thing, without counting the occasional heartburn, my angry feet and my very active little one who loves to jump in my pelvis and kick my ribs at all times. Not that I'm complaining, so far I'm loving being pregnant, everything is going smoothly all in all. I'm content. No, I'm happy. Happy because of my baby.
With nothing else to do in the pit I go to look for a quiet, lonely and dark place to lie down for a moment, at least until the next emergency arrives. I get comfortable in a trauma room and close my eyes for a moment, thinking about how this is my last Christmas alone. Soon the kicks of my little one make me know that I'm not, from now on. This is the first Christmas in which I'm not alone.
I smile as I rub my bump up and down and keep thinking about what awaits me in the future. The next year at this time probably I'll be already asleep after a hectic day of opening presents with my little one, and who knows, maybe with Owen too. He said that we'd make our own traditions and I believe him. Although sometimes he doesn't show it as much as I'd like I know that he is excited and happy for the baby, I can see it in his eyes, in his smile.
I think about the next ultrasound, in the past we couldn't know the sex of the baby. He or she was too shy to let us see so now I'm looking forward for the next appointment. What will it be? Boy or girl? I still can't believe it. Me, Theodora Altman, always lonely and independent soon-to-be mom.
I don't want to seem ungrateful or demanding, but I hope it's a girl. Of course if it's a boy I'll love him just the same. It warms my heart to imagine Owen with our little one in his huge arms, maybe a redheaded girl, or a blond boy.
I keep thinking and imagining until I no longer remember what was the last thing I was thinking, but most likely my baby.
OWEN
When I arrive at the hospital the parking lot is practically empty, only the places of the staff on call are occupied and a few others, I head to the pit and it's the same, everything is very quiet and Teddy is nowhere to be seen.
"Nurse Ramos, where is Dr. Altman?" I ask one of the nurses who was falling asleep at the station.
"I-I-I... I don't know, Dr. Hunt. The last time I saw her she was releasing some patients and doing a round. I can page her if you want".
"No, it's okay, I'll go find her".
I turn around and go to walk the corridors in search of Teddy, everything is very quiet. I search the on call rooms and nothing, I check the OR board and nothing, I ask the nurses, nothing. I go back to the pit in case she is there but she isn't there either, I worry a little, but only a little. Maybe she decided to go back home given the quiet of the night.
Just as I'm about to leave something catches my attention, I look through the blinds into a trauma room. I can't help but smile widely. Teddy is sound asleep on a gurney.
I come in silently and stand next to her, her face is serene and she snores softly. I want to touch her baby bump so badly, I wanted to do it last night while we were watching the snow, I had to keep my hands inside the pockets of my jacket to stop myself from doing it, I don't know how she'd react if I do it without asking and I'm afraid that if I ask her she'll tell me no. We are still a little awkward around each other, Teddy keeps her distance out of respect for Amelia, but that distance is killing me, I want to be aware of everything that's happening with her and the baby, I don't want her to think that I don't care or that I'm indifferent, but I don't want to push her or make her feel uncomfortable either. This is a crap situation.
I'm about to brush her bump with the top of my fingers when she stirs a little, moaning and bringing her hand to her belly and muttering something I can't understand. I want to laugh, but I swallow my laugh. She's so... she's something else.
I decide to let her sleep and leave the room to then go to attend a few minor emergencies in the pit.
"Page Dr. Altman, there is an ambulance on the way".
I hear one of the nurses say and I immediately address them.
"Don't page Dr. Altman!" I want her to rest.
"I'm so sorry, Dr. Hunt, but we've already paged her." The nurse tells me, frowning in distress.
I huff and when I turn around a sleepy Teddy is already standing next to me rubbing her eyes and ready to work.
"Owen! What are you doing here?"
"I'll explain you later. Go back to sleep, I'll take care of this".
"What? No! I'm in charge".
"But I'm here and you're tired, go back to sleep."
I can't argue with her anymore or make her reason when she's already gowning herself and crossing the doors into the ambulance bay. I huff and follow her, when I go out the ambulance is already there.
"85 years old woman, shoulder and elbow fracture and slight hypothermia". The paramedic informs Teddy as they descend the gurney with an old lady who complains in pain and an old man descends behind her in obvious anguish.
"We were watching the snow and she suddenly tripped and then-then she started crying, please help her!"
"Calm down sir, we'll help her". Teddy tells the old man sweetly to calm him down. "Ok, take her to trauma 1, please". Teddy informs the paramedics following them behind to help the old lady.
I'm about to go help Teddy when the old man takes my arm.
"Please, help her".
"We'll do it, sir".
"She won't die, right?"
I chuckle. "No sir, she won't die. It's a simple arm fracture; x-rays, medication, a cast and in an hour or so she'll be ready to go home".
"I had to leave her lying in the snow to go find help". The old man says in a trembling voice.
"And you did well". I say giving him a squeeze on the shoulder.
"I don't know what I'd do if something happens to her, I don't know what I'd do without her... she... she's my best friend. Or as young people say nowadays, she is my person".
Suddenly I feel an avalanche of emotions, my eyes immediately look for Teddy, she is working on the old lady, she has managed to calm her down and they talk and laugh and the old lady rubs Teddy's belly with her good arm. A smile is drawn on my lips.
"She is your person". The old man whispers to me and I don't know if he is stating it or asking.
"What?"
"You look at her the same way I look at my Mary".
I smile sheepishly. "Well, yeah, you're right, she's my person".
"You are very lucky man, she is beautiful, that baby will be very beautiful".
TEDDY
After treating the old lady and then give the case to ortho, I go out looking for Owen, I don't know what he's doing here, he's supposed to be at a Christmas dinner with his family.
I go to the lobby that is completely lonely with the exception of the ridiculously huge Christmas tree next to the stairs. As if it were a magnet I walk towards the tree and I stand next to it, admiring the lights and the ornaments. Some children have placed letters to Santa Claus.
I sit on the stairs hypnotized by the lights until minutes later I feel someone sitting next to me.
Owen.
"Hey". He whispers. "I knew you'd be here". I smile because of course he'd know. "The next shift is already taking over, so I guess we're free to go, well, you're free to go".
I'm about to ask him what he's doing here when I notice the things he brings with him.
"What's that?" I ask, pointing to the bags he has in his hands, one of paper and one of gift, and the cardboard tray with two cups.
"Oh this, this is hot chocolate and brownies". He tells me giving me the paper bag and a cup. "And that's for you and the baby". He adds giving me the gift bag.
"What is it?!" I ask not being able to hide my excitement.
"Open it. It's simple, but I hope you like it".
I open the bag smiling and excited like a little girl. Inside there is a pajama top and a onesie. "She got it from me". Says the pajama top. "I got it from mommy". Says the onesie. In a matter of seconds my eyes fill with tears and I wipe them immediately, chuckling ashamed.
"Sorry, sorry. It's beautiful Owen, thank you".
"I'm glad you like it." He says giving me a tissue.
"But what are you doing here? I thought you'd be at the Christmas dinner with... with your... with your family". I clear my throat to disguise how my voice trembles a little when I say family, and I really hope he didn't notice.
"Oh, dinner ended early. Tomorrow Amelia has to be here at 6:00AM and she also had a long day with Betty, she wanted to call an early night".
"Oh, I get it. And you?"
"Me what?"
"Why didn't you call an early night?"
"I... I don't know, I wasn't tired and I thought you'd need help here".
I look at it questioningly but I don't say anything else, I go along with that.
We both remain silent looking at the Christmas tree while taking small sips of hot chocolate and eating the brownies.
"So, I was thinking". Owen says breaking the silence. "About what I told you yesterday about our own traditions... I don't know, but I was thinking, maybe one of our traditions could be set up the Christmas tree together, the three of us. Set aside a day to go find the tree, ornaments and set it up".
I can't help but smile widely. "Are you sure?"
"Yes! Why wouldn't I be? Teddy, this baby is my child too, I want to give it the same things I'm giving to Leo".
"Maybe you can bring Leo too, I mean, if they will be siblings… it would be a nice way to create a bond between them".
"You wouldn't care?"
"No, no, no. Not at all".
"Yes, that would be nice".
"Now that if you want us to have a tradition just for the three of us... that could be, I don't know, go to a very, very snowy place":
"To skiing".
"Yes!"
I can't help laughing
"What's so funny?"
"I don't know, it's weird, this is weird. All this. You and I planning the future, having hot chocolate and brownies as Christmas dinner. It's bit... weird, given how the last few months have been".
"Our child doesn't have to pay for what I did".
I smile sadly in agreement.
"I can't believe that the next Christmas she or he will be here with us, that I'll spend Christmas with my child".
"You will spend? Does that mean that I...?"
"Oh! You can come to my home if you want".
"And why can't my child spend Christmas at my home?"
I put the food aside, this is going to be an important and maybe hard conversation.
"Owen, you better than anyone know how much I love Christmas. Since my parents died I've spent all Christmas alone or as awkward guest in someone else's home, for the first time in years and for the rest of my life I'll have someone to spend Christmas with. You have this huge family with whom to spend Christmas, I don't, it will only be my child and me. So I'm sorry, but if you don't agree I'm willing to fight you on this because—"
"You don't have to". Owen interrupts me and I look at him perplexed, I didn't expect him to yield so easily. "You're right Teddy, so I'm willing to alternate one year with you and the other with... you know".
Again I can't help my eyes fill with tears and the baby starts to move vigorously.
OWEN
Although it hurts in my soul to be separated from one of my children at Christmas, Teddy is right, to take my child she'd be left alone, that same reason was what made me come here after my dinner with Leo and Amelia. The thought that she'd be here alone at work made my heart sink.
"You don't have to". I tell her without thinking more interrupting her rant. She looks surprised, she probably expected me to fight back the right to take my child for Christmas with me. "You're right Teddy, so I'm willing to alternate one year with you and the other with... you know". I can't bring myself to say "my family" because although they are, Teddy and our baby will also be my family.
"But it doesn't have to be definitely like that". She tells me with a trembling voice. "I mean, maybe there will be Christmases in which some of us will have to work and well... but you get my point, don't you?"
"Of course I get it".
"Maybe, she or he can go on New Year with me. The year that I spend Christmas with you it can go to my home for the New Year".
"Yeah, yeah, totally!"
Her eyes fill with tears and she bites her lip to not burst into tears and looks at the Christmas tree to not look at me. She brings her hand to her baby bump rubbing it gently. Again I try to restrain myself from putting my hand next to hers. I don't know if the baby is kicking, but I'm dying inside for feeling it. I stare at her hypnotized as her hand goes up and down her bump, giving smalls rubs in circles here and there and pressing with her fingers at the same spot on more than one occasion.
"Is it kicking?" I ask without thinking.
She turns to me smiling. "Yes, it is. It has been quite active all day".
"Maybe it will love Christmas too". I say making her laugh lightly.
"Do you want to feel?"
"YES!" I answer enthusiastically as a little child. She takes my hand and places it on her belly. I hesitate a bit about whether to move my hand or stay still waiting to feel the baby move, but my desire is stronger, I gently do the same as Teddy a few seconds ago and caress her bump almost reverentially, after a few seconds I can feel a kick and it makes me laugh.
Teddy takes my hand and directs it to another spot. "Do you feel it?"
I can feel the movements more at that spot, suddenly she moans softly. "Ouch! That was a hard one".
It was a really hard kick; I could even feel how her skin rippled.
"Owen?"
"Yeah?" I answer absentmindedly.
"Whenever you want to do this, do it. I won't oppose or get upset. Of course, if you want to".
"Yes! Yes, yes, yes! I want! Last night… I wanted to do it last night, but I was afraid you would be upset".
"I know; I could tell".
"I know".
"She has fallen asleep". I say after a few moments when I can no longer feel the baby move.
"She?" Teddy asks me with an amused look.
"I've a feeling". I answer shrugging and smiling.
"A feeling?"
"Yeah, a feeling".
She just chuckles and again the baby moves. "Oh, you see? She agrees with me". This time I make her laugh out loud. "Thanks, Teddy".
"Thanks? Why?"
"For this... for everything".
"We did it together, so thanks to you too".
We smile at each other and I take her in my arms hugging her tightly.
"Hey! This can count as our first Christmas together".
She smiles at me and a single tear runs down her cheek.