Not proud that you have, but thankful that you have,
Proud can I never be of what I hate
But thankful even for hate that is meant love.
-Juliet, Act 3 Scene 5, Romeo and Juliet
If there's one thing that can bring a school to its knees, it's scandal. And this is a scandal like no other, seeping its roots insidiously through the very foundations of the building, a most gentle decay, a secret never to be told- except that everyone knows about it. It's passed from ear to ear, mouth to mouth and each person thinks themselves exclusive in the knowledge. They'd never suspect that every other student and teacher knows what they know.
Everyone knows that Agatsuma Soubi sleeps with his teacher.
Walls have ears, or so they say and now the word is out, it spreads like a plague, contaminating all that it touches. And as much as the powers that be would dearly love to ignore it, they know that rumours like these are what leach away funding and deter those all-important sponsors. Nobody likes to think that a seventeen-year old boy could really have been warming the bed of a man twice his age for such a very long time unnoticed. Not only that, but the thought that Ritsu-sensei would stoop to such a thing is unnerving to say the least.
"Since he was twelve, they say..."
"...no wonder he was always Sensei's favourite..."
"...I just wonder why they didn't do something when they saw he'd lost his ears..."
The whispers are ever-present and the staff are soon made to understand that the problem must be dealt with as fast as possible. They can't afford to lose Minami Ritsu; teachers of his calibre are rarer than finding a pearl in a pickle jar and though Nagisa complains, the decision is soon made that he'll have to be let off the hook, unforgivable as stripping a child of its innocence might be.
It'll have to be Soubi's fault, that much is clear, and clearer still that he can't be allowed to stay at Seven Moons.
"I guess you can't blame Minami-sensei, I mean it's not like you wouldn't have hit that if it was offered to you on a plate..."
"...probably just another way to get some attention..."
"...always knew he was nothing but a cheap slut..."
Yes. He'll definitely have to leave. And it's to this end that Soubi's sitting on a chair in the school's reception room, trying to catch the eye of a man who seems to have made up his mind that whatever happened between them when the moon spoke so beguilingly of love and loneliness was nothing to do with him. Like it didn't take two to tango- however horizontally.
"It's for your own good, Soubi-kun."
Ritsu speaks and Soubi jerks his head up at the strangely pleading tone in the other man's voice. He's never heard his sensei talk like this before- like all he wants is just for Soubi to agree and spare them both the grief. It infuriates him.
"No it's not. It's for your own good. Did you get tired of me? Did screwing me behind closed doors lose its novelty once everyone found out about it? Have you just been waiting to throw me away this whole time?"
Soubi's voice rises in volume, his cheeks flush and he's filled with a strange kind of exhilaration because he's never dared to talk to Ritsu like this before. The quick, sharp backhand he receives to the face brings him back down to earth, the familiar sensation that ignorant people are so often stupid enough to mistake for pain.
No, that is not pain. No more so than the whip or the first few times Ritsu had come to his room at night, before he'd learnt the right way to position himself so that it didn't hurt too much and later when he'd segued into his teens so that he could derive some enjoyment from the act.
Pain is the fact that the only person who Soubi can say genuinely cares for him is giving him away like an unwanted birthday gift.
He avoids eye contact, turning his head towards the far window, where a butterfly flutters about aimlessly as though it doesn't matter at all that Ritsu doesn't seem to want Soubi any more. Stupid spineless creature. He'd gladly see them all with pins through their thoraxes.
There's a creaking of cane fibres as Ritsu rises from his chair and drops to one knee beside Soubi so they're the same height. One hand lays claim to the boy's waist, pulling him almost off the edge of his seat while the other traces along his cheekbone. They're almost close enough to kiss.
"I didn't think you could be so obtuse, Soubi-kun. Did you really think..." murmurs Ritsu, his breath moist against Soubi's cheek, "...that I wouldn't want you still? You belong to me."
"Then why are you sending me away?" The question is raw at the edges, each syllable hissing traitor, traitor.
"They've found you a Sacrifice from one of the original families- he asked for you especially. A boy named Aoyagi Seimei. His true name is Beloved. You are to become Beloved's Fighter."
So it's really coming then. The moment every Fighter waits for, the moment they meet their perfect other half and slot into place like two matching pieces of a jigsaw puzzle.
"Couldn't you-"
"No." Ritsu's voice is sharp, they've had this discussion before. "I cannot give you my name. You will go with the Aoyagi boy and he will write his name on you and you'll forget about me. Is that understood? You should be happy, Soubi-kun. You can be reborn."
Soubi's brain takes careful note of the order but the rest of him is slow to process it. It's too strange to think that he can be excised from Ritsu's life like some sort of cancerous growth. The only kindness he's ever received has been from his sensei, intermittent though it might have been.
"Thankful even for hate that is meant love..."
Ritsu's mouth quirks at the corner and he draws away, looking almost pleased.
"You read it then, I see?"
"I read all the ones you gave me. But this is the one I remember the most."
Good for improving vocabulary, Ritsu had said, when he'd handed Soubi the stack of Shakespeare plays a few months before- if you don't have a wide enough vocabulary, you won't be able to cast the more advanced wordspells. But secretly, Soubi wonders if the reason Romeo and Juliet was tucked in there along with all the histories of dead kings is because, when all is said and done, he finds it oddly comforting to read about a love that is more doomed than any he might harbour.
Soubi doesn't delude himself that they are anything like Romeo or Juliet. What they have is not about love. It is nothing to do with love or hate, fear or resentment and even pain plays a supporting role. There is simply no-one else.
It could best be described, he thinks, as a kind of blindness, cataracts that cloud his sight to anything that is not Ritsu. He walks blind and fights blind and has no desire to see. Because the light is terrifying to somebody who has only ever lived in the dark.
It takes them both by surprise when Seimei makes his presence known. Soubi's been told a thousand times that he is beautiful (did Juliet ever tire of Romeo exalting her beauty to the skies?) but this fourteen-year old boy is something entirely different. He moves with an effortless, catlike grace and, oh, that smile is breathtaking.
It's no wonder he is Beloved. Looking at Seimei, Soubi cannot believe that he could have ever been anything but adored.
"Come here, Soubi. It looks like I'll be needing you." Seimei smiles and extends a hand, a gesture of invitation that veils the command in the sentence. As Soubi draws closer, the offered hand sweeps across his collarbone and he flinches despite himself, because it's exceeding unfamiliar to be touched by somebody who isn't his teacher.
"Should I put the name here? It will be just like a necklace..."
Necklace. Neck lace. An appropriate name for something that will tie him to this boy at the deepest level possible. Fitting for a bond that he'll take to the grave, however soon that might be.
It's an undeniably cruel place to pick and Soubi tries not to think about the consequences, should the knife slip and plunge into an artery. He catches sight of Ritsu's clenched fists, nails biting into the palms. He evidently is thinking about them.
"Come on, Soubi. I want to leave now. Say goodbye." The smile drops and Seimei's eyes are a vortex that absorb any traces of resistance Soubi might have left.
"'Bye, Sensei." The words are soft and limp in his throat, searing like a chemical burn that keeps eating into the skin long after it's been scrubbed away.
"Goodbye, Soubi-kun. I hope you'll come and see me again." A brief, crushing hug and they separate. It is a false hope and they both know it. Soubi won't be coming back.
And just like that, he and Seimei walk out through the door. He receives the ultimate gift and gives anything he is or has in return. Seimei's right- he does like it better when it hurts.
Just like that, the blindness shifts its focus but does not disappear the way Soubi had thought it would. It is a different darkness, one in which Ritsu is obscured entirely and simultaneously, he longs for the old blackness and wonders if he will ever see.
The moon is lonely tonight as on all those other nights, but there is nobody there to ease the caustic solitude. How does one live so perpetually alone? As best you can, until you cannot remember what it felt like to be two, until you don't catch sight of the sunlight reflected from a head the same shade of pale as his and think it could be him, until that damned play doesn't remind you of him.
At least that is the technique they use.
I'll say yon grey is not the morning's eye,
'Tis but the pale reflex of Cynthia's brow;
Nor is that the lark whose notes do beat
The vaulty heavens so high above our heads.
I have more care to stay than will to go.
-Romeo, Act 3 Scene 5, Romeo and Juliet
A/N: Wow, that was much longer than I intended it to be XD I was just going for a little oneshot there but I couldn't stop writing... Aaaand now for the long explanation of the long fic I somehow came up with~
The whole thing was inspired by the first quote from Romeo and Juliet, where Juliet's telling her father that yes, she's grateful that he's taken the trouble to betroth her to Paris but she sure isn't happy about it. And that got me thinking about Ritsu and Soubi, which in turn spawned this little story :3
I did use some lines from the scene in the manga but they're predominantly my own- I didn't want to just be writing out the same thing everyone's already read- which is a little bit of a shame, there was an excellent Seimei line I wanted to put in but just couldn't fit anywhere DX
And the last quote (also from Act 3 Sc 5) is where Romeo and Juliet are parting and even though I don't see Ritsu and Soubi as a romantic pairing at all, it must be pretty hard to just walk away from the only person who actually cares for you- hence why I thought the passage with "I have more care to stay than will to go" would be good.
Long explanation and long fic are at an end. Now I'll get back to my Chapter Six of Symmetry... Pleeease don't forget to review if you liked this fic- I will be ever such a happy panda if I get any on it~
Oh, and to keep the lawyer brigade off my tail, Loveless belongs to Yun Kouga =)