A Lifetime of Waiting
Airian Reesu

Summary: He took the life he'd thought he wanted. The one they all expected of him. But he comes to realize that he wants much more. Family. Inu-Papa story. Features Sess-Mama and baby!Sess.

Everyone had told him that she was the most beautiful creature in the world. And she was, in a way. Just as the sky is beautiful as the sun first awakens and kisses it with gold. There but untouchable. Resplendent and unearthly.

He hadn't seen it right away, of course. He'd been captivated, just like every other male. The only difference between he and her other suitors was simply that he'd been of the rank to mate her. He'd been nearly pushed into her lap by society, the old lords close to blubbering over the perfect couple they made.

And he hadn't been able to see beyond that beauty. To how she appeared so delicate yet she could not smile. He'd never seen anything but a smirk on the porcelain face. A fierce spirit draped in layers of pristine skin. Dark eyes like empty caves. That was what she was. Honed to be the very best, emotionless and fierce yet quiet and coy when the need called for it.

She could trap anyone.

So he had mated her--captured in illusions of a glorious union. She hadn't come easily, most youkai women didn't. He had to admit he'd never had an activity as invigorating and arousing as trying to rut with her. He'd carried the scars of her claws for a full moon-span afterward.

It had all gone as planned. Now he had a female and soon a pup, if what she said was true. Mothers could always tell first. She was under his protection now; she was his responsibility. Even when she wanted to run free, he had to follow--that's how these things went.

She wasn't a truly disagreeable youkai to be around--she could tell a joke once in while. Although he often had to look deep under her patented smirk and thick sarcasm to see what was so funny. Sometimes he just couldn't find it, but it amused her.

She could also sit for hours during the day, during the night, just watching the world around her. For one so fierce, he found this strange. Oftentimes it made him restless, but he would not leave her alone. Not in her state. He had been told as a child to take his responsibility as mate seriously. It was ingrained.

He was just beginning to become accustomed to his mate and her aloof tendencies when his son was born. She'd whelped him without so much as a sound. Although he was near to her, was attentive and protective, he didn't even notice it. He'd been scouting nearby, and it had only been the new scent that had attracted him back.

And there'd she been, a hulking silver beast curled around a tiny, fuzzy pup that fit snug under her jaw. He'd stood at the end of the clearing, feeling a certain hollowness as he'd looked on the scene. She'd lifted her head, clear gold eyes watching him sleepily, before tucking herself down around her new little one again.

She hadn't even said a thing to him. He'd known her time was due, but he hadn't known when. And she hadn't said a thing. Hadn't hinted at all.

Yet, despite that, he did feel as if he was of some worth. If not important enough to share her son with, at least she trusted him enough for protection. Why else would she sleep so soundly?

He'd allowed himself free of his human guise that night and sat at her side, listening to the fleeing wildlife, listened to their beating hearts. What he had become hadn't sunk in until the next morning, when the little one had awoken. Stirred within his fur confines to raise his head and yawn, showing moon-white baby teeth. And gold eyes that looked more like his than hers.

He'd been strangely relieved to see that.

The pup had looked up at him, sniffed the air a few times, and then made a soft, mewling sound. As if he knew already who he was.

That had been when it had truly hit him. He had even more responsibility now.

It hadn't been too long after that that she'd gotten their son up on his feet. In fact, she'd been the one who'd taught him to take the other guise, and she was soon carrying him around with his small arms roped around her neck.

His mate had been the one to name their son. Sesshoumaru. She hadn't even asked him for his opinion. She'd simply called the pup that and that was how it was. He would have argued her on that point, but it seemed rather futile. Not that he hadn't had a few choice words with her on the subject.

To which she replied that it was her pup. She could name him as she saw fit.

She seemed to forget that it took two to create such a thing.

Yet, that was how it seemed to her. That the boy was hers alone. He was just the male who followed behind and kept the nights clear of youkai-scum.

But at least she was kind enough to refer to him as Chichiue.

It had been during this time that he began to see what she really was. A selfish, self-absorbed female. A beautiful swan that snapped at anyone who came too close. The wanted bitch that desired no one. She had her rank and her heir--she really had no use for a male any longer. At least not in the traditional sense.

She didn't ignore him completely. It wasn't as if he was really cut off. They all traveled together. She barely left his side. And with her came the little one.

His son. The pup didn't share his mother's ideas, on the whole. He remembered fondly the times when he would walk down the tree-shadowed lane with little fingers in his hair and his son's slight weight on his shoulders.

That boy was more curious than anyone he'd ever met in his long life. Constantly asking him questions about this and that with his quiet voice. Sesshoumaru had never been very loud, being of a more reserved nature. Yet, it didn't stop him from chatting up his Chichiue.

It had seemed that sometimes he had more conversations with his pup than his own mate. The boy could hold his attention almost endlessly.

Which made it so he didn't mind his self-inflicted prison as much. There was at least one who appreciated all that he did--even if he didn't know what he was doing. Sesshoumaru didn't know the freedom he'd given up. The right he'd had to roam before taking on this traditional obligation.

Not that he would ever tell him, either. He didn't want him to think that he regretted it. He didn't, not really. For it taught him an important lesson.

That he wasn't made for a youkai lifestyle. Not exactly. He wasn't interested in only the finest bitch. He actually wanted someone with him. Someone who actually wanted to interact with him.

It was a nagging want inside him. One that would not go away.

And he almost decided to just leave.

But something stopped him.

Thin arms wrapped around his neck, familiar feet digging into the furs on his back. "Chichiue?"

He laughed. "What do you want now? Climbing me like some sort of tree."

"The view's better up here, Chichiue. Can you take me up even higher?"

"If you wish it, I'd be more than glad to do so."

"Take me up so I can see the mountains again, Chichiue? Hahaue always likes the mountains."

"Hahaue likes many big things, Sesshoumaru." He caught the boy by the back of his neck, hauling him over his shoulder to sit on his arm. So he could see him.

Sesshoumaru wrinkled his nose in consternation. "Chichiue, I can't see anything now."

"You're being impatient, boy. Sometimes you have to wait for things."

"Is everything worth waiting for, Chichiue?"

He really had no answer for that. It stuck something deep within him. And he could be nothing but honest. "I don't know."

"But Chichiue knows everything." The pup titled his head to the side, studying him with his placid, yet striking gaze. The one he could never forget. "Don't you?"

Something inside him stirred, but he could not lie. "No, not everything. No one is perfect."

Sesshoumaru's forehead furrowed slightly as he thought about this, nipping at his newly grown claws unconsciously. He reached up and pulled the boy's hand down. The pup stared at him, wordless for a moment.

"But what if I think you are? Is that all right, Chichiue?"

What could he say to that? What could he say to something that made that hole in his soul feel just a little bit smaller?

If only the pup knew how much he meant to him--how he was able to save this miserable life of his.

"Come on, let's go up!"

Later, once night had fallen, he stood back and watched his mate and pup as they sat gazing at the moon. She was straightening his ivory hair as she whispered a story in his ear. And his pup stared up into the cold sky with such wonder.

And he remembered what Sesshoumaru had asked him. If everything was worth waiting for. And he now had an answer.

Yes. He could wait. He could hold off the ache within him, he could enjoy these moments. He could be happy enough with his life as it was now.

And he could also wait for the day when he could truly live. For the day he dreamed of, when he could find the woman he needed. When he could live content with her. And his son.

He could never forget his son.

"Chichiue? Do you know this story?"

He would not let her push him away. And so he sat beside them. In the spot he'd earned and would keep with patience. If she liked it or not. "No. Tell me. I want to hear it from you."

The taiyoukai of the west wouldn't let what he wanted go that easily. He'd get it, even if it took one step at a time.

He would have a family.

A/N:

Now if only it worked out that way…

Poor Inu-Papa. Wanting what he can't get.

This is just a little one-shot that came to mind today. It's a bit jumbled, but then again, Inu-Papa is a little confused himself.

I hope that I didn't confuse you too much by not using any names (but Sesshoumaru's). There are just so many possible names for Inu-Papa, I thought it would work better with me not choosing any at all. And of course Sess-Mama doesn't have a name either… …

And, yes, baby!Sess is cute! I couldn't help myself…