Disclaimer: We blew out the candles, we wished real hard, but STILL we do not own Fruits Basket

WARNING: This story is supposed to be extreme. We wrote this in order to poke-fun at fanfics that put their characters through so much pain, yet, somehow, they still can survive. This story is an over-exaggeration, so therefore do NOT take it too seriously.

-Thank You

A Mocking Tale

o

It was supposed to be an easy mission. Get in, get the goods, and get out. I was part of a secret organization called SO; secret organization, and I was their top man. Who would have guessed that I, Yuki, would become an expendable pawn in their sick game of chess. Thinking back, I know it was a mistake to accept the mission, but then again I don't believe I had much choice in the matter. Anyway, it probably all started three weeks ago when I was first assigned this little extravaganza.

Chief of the SO was the man no one would expect and that's what made him perfect for the job. Beneath his silly smiles and quirky personality was a man who had total control of what was happening around him. He was sitting quite comfortably on his fine leather chair he had purchased for himself four months ago after hours of keen search for the 'perfect piece of reclining furniture'. His elbows were resting on his large and intimidating oak desk that made even him, who was at least 6 foot, seem tiny. Twirling his mechanical pencil skillfully between his fingers, a habit he had developed in grade school, he waited impatiently for his next visitor. Suddenly there was a knock at the door, sitting up straighter, he set down his pencil.

"Come in."

The door swung open soundlessly. Yuki stood there, hands dug deeply in his pockets, looking agitated.

"Ah Yuki, glad you could make it. Please sit down," smiled the Chief as he gestured to the less comfortable chair in the room.

Yuki didn't respond, wordlessly he plopped down into the chair, glaring at nothing in particular.

The Chief tilted his head slightly, tugging at a lock of his raven black hair. "You don't look too happy. Something the matter?" he asked, though he probably already knew that answer.

Yuki shot his glare straight at the Chief. "Yeah, I have a problem…"

"What would that be?"

"My last mission!" Yuki burst out, "I risked my skin for nothing!"

"Well I highly doubt saving Mr. Ayame's life was nothing--"

"Oh yes it was! Do you have any idea how annoying that man can be? Well do you!"

The Chief was barely containing his laughter, though Yuki didn't seem to notice being, as he was, caught up in anger. "Mr. Ayame is a professional dress maker and--"

"Mr. Ayame is a pain. A thorn! Now he won't leave me alone! He keeps following me around demanding he be given the chance to repay me for saving his life. It's enough to drive anyone mad--"

"Yuki! Yuki!"

Yuki turned slowly, full of dread, around to face the closed door. It was shaking slightly and he could hear his name being shouted through its barrier. Yuki sprang up from his seat. "Ah! He must have followed me here!" he said in a harsh whisper, hoping he could hide. "Shigure, help!" he cried to the Chief, who merrily shook his head.

"Now Yuki what have I told you about calling me by my first name."

"Shigure," Yuki repeated darkly.

"Okay, okay," he said finally giving in, "over here."

Before Yuki had a chance to protest he was shoved into the Chief's closet. He took in a heavy breath and almost passed out from the deadly fumes that were emitting inside the back end of the closet. Immediately he brought his hand up to cover his nose. It was too dark for Yuki to see anything and in a small way he was thankful. Who knows what terrors were lurking in the darker corners of Shigure's closet.

On the other side of the closet door he could hear the front door finally break down followed by muffled voices. "Shigure! Good to see you!"

"Ayame, it's Chief, please reserve my true name for later hours." (ugh I can't believe I just wrote that. Lol )

"My apologies, Chief. Please forgive me."

Yuki looked disgusted. 'Idiots.'

"So, why have you come bursting into my office?" Yuki heard Shigure ask.

"Well I thought I saw Yuki come in here. In fact I was almost positive."

There was a sound of someone ruffling papers.

"Is that so…"

"Yes!" said Ayame, his voice raising.

"Well…" Shigure lowered his voice. Yuki desperately pressed his ear against the closet door in order to pick up the conversation. He couldn't hear anything so he pushed his ear up against the wall harder.

"HE IS RIGHT HERE!" The closet door flung open and Yuki fell out, face first onto the floor.

Ayame and Shigure, er I mean Chief, burst out laughing. Ayame scooped Yuki up off the floor, who was burning with anger. "Yuki! I finally found you! Why were you in Chief's closet? You sly dog."

Yuki's face was beat red, he looked like he was about to attack, but thought the better of it. Grumbling to himself he brushed off his pants and pushed Ayame off of him. "Nevermind."

Chief finally straightened himself up. "Mr. Ayame," he said, "now Yuki and I have important matters to discuss. If you could leave us--"

Ayame huffed, "Oh I see…"

Chief sparkled. "I will see you later."

Ayame returned the smile, his mood suddenly brightening. He winked back at the Chief and waltzed out of the broken down door. "Take care!"

The Chief turned back around mumbling to himself about how he needs to fix his door, then he sat down into his leather chair. Yuki followed his lead, sitting back down in the seat across from the Chief, thinking about how grateful he was for Shigure's intervening.

"So," the Chief began after a momentarily pause, "I have a new mission for you."

Yuki stifled a groan. 'This better be more important than that last one…'

"I need you to steal the precious Arabian Diamond from Mr. Akito."

Yuki nearly fell out of his chair. "You must be joking, stealing is a crime. I can't do that!"

The Chief raised up his hands in defense, "No, no Yuki we are only stealing it back. You see Akito stole the diamond from us first."

Yuki gave him a not to convinced look.

"I am serious." said the Chief looking stern. "Anyways I am not giving you any choice in the matter. This is your mission and I expect you complete it properly."

After a few more minutes of discussing the details of the mission, the Chief bid Yuki goodbye rather abruptly.

Yuki was standing just outside the SO secret base, looking still slightly befuddled. At last he shrugged, knowing he would have to go through the mission whether he liked it or not.

Jumping on the nearest motorcycle (without a helmet. tsk. tsk.) Yuki sped off. As he passed through a main road, his mind wandered.

"Knowing the value of the Arabian Diamond, Mr. Akito will most likely have it under tight security," added the Chief.

"Understandable."

"Yes. From our own research we believe that there will be at least five guards on the night shift and….."

Yuki was immediately jerked out of his daze. Beside him was another man on a similar motorcycle. He was wearing dark round sunglasses and for a moment he and Yuki locked gazes, then, without warning, the man knocked into Yuki's cycle once again causing it to swerve slightly. 'Thugs,' Yuki thought to himself, 'they must have found out about the mission.'

He accelerated leaving the man in his dust. Two other men dressed similar in tuxes joined in on the chase as they turned sharply behind Yuki coming dangerously close to his back wheel. Yuki's eyes narrowed, the traffic was getting thicker. He sped past three cars then jerked his bike into oncoming traffic. Daringly, the other three men followed. One side-swiped a car and went crashing onto the concrete surface. Yuki glanced back momentarily checking the positions of the other two tuxedo men. He had a good twenty feet distance between the closest man, but he had to figure out a way to lose them. Focusing once again on the road, he dodged four other cars.

Then in an unexpected turn of events. A semi truck turned in front of Yuki. Before he had a chance to react he smashed directly into the front end of the semi. His bike was crushed beneath the monster trucks tires while his body was flung ten feet in the other direction onto the sidewalk like a rag doll. He landed with a thump, and for a moment he lied there, motionless.

The two men on the motorcycles approached Yuki's limp body. Chuckling, they dismounted their bikes, thinking they had won. One pulled out a walkie-talkie and spoke some code words quickly into the mechanical device. As he slid the walkie-talkie back into his pocket he grinned and walked over to help his partner pick up Yuki's body. Of course, both men weren't expecting any retaliation after such a fall, but for Yuki, well, he took them by surprise.

Yuki leaped up before either of the two men could lay a hand on him. With quick movements he planted his left foot into one of the thugs faces, breaking his glasses with a resounding crush, and knocking him down to the ground. The other man wrenched back a few feet and readied himself for an attack. Yuki held his stance and beckoned the tuxedo clad man onward. The man lunged at Yuki bringing his right fist towards the center of Yuki's face. Yuki blocked the strike with one hand and strongly elbowed the man in the stomach with the other. Before the man could recover from the blow Yuki brought his foot crashing down upon the man's skull. He hit the ground soundly, knocked unconscious. Yuki lowered his leg completely, and gingerly brought a hand to his head.

He just began to feel the slight stinging of pain from being hit by a semi and flung ten feet through the air. On the top part of his forehead he could feel a steady stream of blood trickling down. Judging by the sharp pain in his ribs, he could tell he must have broken at least two, maybe three. He shrugged, the pain was, after all, not a huge problem.

Yuki was about to leave the scene when eleven other tuxedo men turned the corner. Yuki's face fell. "You've got to be kidding me."

All eleven men ran at Yuki at once. Forgetting completely about his :cough: minor injuries, Yuki sprang up and landed on one man's head, pushing him down with his weight. Using the man's head as a springboard Yuki pushed himself up in the air and flipped over the pack of men, landing a couple feet away from them, facing their backs.

"HYAAA!" cried out the men simultaneously as they turned around and came running at Yuki. Yuki lodged his fist into someone's gut, while ducking a punch coming from another. Bringing his right elbow up he knocked it into a approaching man's nose, blood splattered everywhere as the man's broken nose leaked like a faucet. Two others jumped at Yuki in sequence. Yuki dodged the first, and did a backwards handspring to avoid the other. Turning his defensive into offensive, he hooked his left leg into the back of the man he had just avoided. More came at him, Yuki blocked each of their attacks, then with unfathomable speed he landed a punch or a kick on each attacker. With a final strike, Yuki bashed down the last man standing with a horizontal punch on his cheek, which was most likely going to leave quite the nasty bruise in the morning.

Heaving a labored breath, Yuki finally relaxed his muscles and absorbed the surroundings around him. Beaten down men scattered the large square where he had fought. He wiped spotted blood off his face, only succeeding in smearing it. 'Strange,' he thought, 'that so many were here to attack me. They must know something, but how?'

Yuki's breathing quieted. Over the noise of the busy road to his right he could hear the footsteps of a man behind him. He squatted down, acting as if he were tired; but when he felt the man was with in range. He planted his right wrist upon the ground and quickly foot swept the man behind him using his left leg; thus allowing Yuki the chance to get up and face his opponent with an advantage.

The man in the tux didn't budge from his spot on the ground. He just smirked, "I knew a man like you wouldn't be able to leave without finishing off his opponent." With that the tux man drew out a gun. He, however, never predicted Yuki's speed. Yuki kicked the gun out of the other mans hand; causing it to land on the road, and be squished by a Hummer. Then Yuki redirected the course of his foot to hit the tux man in the face, knocking him out. Yuki looked down to notice that although he had avoided a fatal blow his leg had a bullet lodged into it.

'Enough time has been wasted upon these fools,' and with that Yuki started to run towards his destination, leaving behind the two motorcycles that had been left by his first two opponents.

Chapter END!

A/N: Chapter uno complete, what a feeling. Stayed to for some more action packed over dramatized action!