Hi everyone! I'm back as you can see. To all those of you joining in on the ride, if you'd like to, you can check out my previous story called Lights. Anyways, welcome, to the journey of madness. These are some drabbles I've written during this month after finishing Lights. 'Cause I'm so predictable, the work title is again from a song... this time from Tarja's 'Lost Northern Star'. This first chapter continues from 3x10 and is mostly about Felicity's feelings and thoughts. It's 2:00 a.m. here and I have no idea were this came from so I'm sorry for any mistakes if there are any.

Some other songs I listened while writing this chapter: Antti Tuisku - Tyhjä huone; Tunturibiisi, Jenni Vartiainen - Missä muruseni on; Suru on kunniavieras, PMMP - Joutsenet; Lautturi, Tarja - Boy and the Ghost; Calling Grace

Disclaimer for this whole collection of drabbles: Disclaimed

"Oliver Queen is dead."

Malcolm Merlin's words echo through Felicity Smoak's mind. They were on a constant loop that wouldn't stop no matter how hard she tried to not think those words.

She had wished… no, hoped for Oliver to win and come back home. Because she was so sure that he would come back no matter how beaten down, bruised and scraped. No, that wouldn't have mattered. What would have mattered was him coming back.

But he didn't. And now she's sitting in her bed, under the blankets, staring at nothing. She gulps down the rest of the wine she had generously poured into her glass before getting into bed.

After shutting the lights and leaving the Arrow Cave she had ignored every call and text message. When she had arrived home and tossed her purse on the counter carelessly, she had put her cell phone on silent.

There really was no crusade without him. He had been their Northern Star, guiding them all even during times when he himself had been lost.

Laurel had said that he could be alive but really, what seriously were the chances of him being alive after fighting the most dangerous man walking on Earth?

And then there was Ray, denying her the right to be concerned for him. Saying that she didn't know what Anna would want. Well then, good luck figuring out how to make his magical life-saving suit function because she wasn't going to help him kill himself when he had no idea at all what he was actually getting into. The world wasn't just Glades. It was so much bigger than that.

The world was teenage girls getting manipulated by their biological fathers to kill other women they knew and mothers raising their daughters after said daughters' fathers left them. It was lethal assassins threatening loved ones and friends-turned-maybe-something-mores.

The world they lived in was not Glades.

It was worse than Glades.

It kept getting ruined every day or so it seemed and it felt like there was nothing Felicity could do to make it even a little bit better. She could just put one foot after another, keep on going until she wouldn't have to see the empty rooms where Oliver had once walked in and then left this chaotic world. To see him on the other side, smiling that tiny smile she had always liked to think was a smile meant just for her.

But until then, she had to come up with a plan to make it through this all.

To honour him in any way she could and to maybe learn to live without turning around and always expecting him to be there.

Not beta'd, so all the mistakes are mine. Comment, give kudos, you know what to do if you've liked the story so far. If you have a prompt, drop it in my askbox on tumblr or in a review here or on ao3. I'm taivasmeri on all those sites.