What We Want The Most

Bobby had left after the first day, claiming he had a hunt to go on but Dean was convinced it was because he couldn't listen to Sam scream anymore. Sam had gotten through his withdrawal this time, without any interference from angels and God, but was currently upstairs in Bobby's guest room curled up on his side staring at the wall. Dean had tried to talk to him, but Sam didn't seem to have to energy to move, or maybe he did, but Dean hadn't exactly attempted to push. The older Winchester was lost, and didn't know quite how to handle the situation that had taken place under Famine's control. Dean head jerked up when he heard the door open, and shrank back against the chair when Caleb Reaves strolled in, dropping his bag on the kitchen floor with a thump.

"What are you doing here Reaves?" Dean said quietly, taking another drink out of the glass of whiskey on the table.

"Bobby called, told me what happened." Caleb said, sitting down and pouring his own drink. "Told me to come make sure you were both still alive." Dean sighed and ran his hand over the three days worth of stubble currently on his face.

"Yeah… still alive. Sam's upstairs laying down…" Caleb quirked an eyebrow at Dean and took another drink.

"So he is all cleaned up and ready to jump back into the chaos?" Dean scoffed, pushed back the chair and began pacing around the kitchen.

"Clean? Yep, he sweated out a nasty cure for thirty six hours, hallucinations, screaming, being strapped down the whole nine fucking yards. But he isn't jumping back into anything… he may be demon blood free but his head is all kinds of messed up…he won't even talk to me…"

"Well he did do the one thing that makes you think he is a monster Deuce." Dean glared at his friend.

"This wasn't his fucking fault Damien! He fought it as much as he could, I mean he even told me he was hungry for it, and we both know Winchester's aren't exactly known for asking for help. He asked me to lock him down and he would have been fine if famine hadn't of sent those demons after him." Caleb smirked knowingly at Dean.

"And yet here you are, standing downstairs getting drunk instead of telling your little brother exactly what you just told me." Tension leaked out of Dean but he continued to glare at Caleb.

"You suck you know that?" Dean said. Caleb laughed.

"You are just annoyed cause I am right Deuce, Sam's biggest fear is disappointing you."

"Guess I better go talk to Sammy…" Dean went to turn away but Caleb caught him by the arm.

"Hang on a sec kid."

"What now Damien?"

"Well, you may be brooding about Sam but there is something else bothering you, want to tell me what that is?" Dean frowned and yanked his arm out of his friend's hand.

"Stay out of my head Caleb…"

"I'm not in your head, I just know you too well Deuce. But if you don't tell me what is going on, I will go cruising through your brain, and we both know what a horror show it is up there." Dean sighed and sat back down across from Caleb.

"Nothing happened to me…I wasn't hungry for anything…"

"Okay… and that's a bad thing?" Dean laughed and looked up.

"Isn't it? Everyone is hungry for something right? I wasn't affected by it at all, and then Famine told me that it was because I was…" Caleb watched his friend in concern.

"That you were what Deuce?"

"He told me I wasn't affected because I was already dead inside." Caleb snorted.

"That's such bullshit."

"How do you know that Caleb?"

"Because I know you, you stupid son of a bitch… I remember a kid who pulled his baby brother out of a fire, and a teenager who would do anything for his family. I remember my best friend selling his soul for his brother, and going to hell to give that kid a second chance. And then I remember you against all odds coming back from hell, and still fighting to save Sam's life, even when he didn't want your help. You are not dead on the inside." Caleb's voice was shaking with anger and Dean swallowed hard.

"Then what's wrong with me? Why wasn't I affected by it?" Caleb sighed and waited for Dean to look at him.

"I remember Pastor Jim telling me once that your weakest and strongest quality was your heart. You put everyone else's feelings ahead of your own and you were always the one who ended up hurt. The only thing that is wrong with you, is that you let everyone hurt you, and you carry guilt and pain with you everywhere you went." Dean frowned in confusion.

"What does that have to do with famine?"

"Well… I think what you want the most, what you crave the most, is to feel nothing for a little while… maybe that's what you are hungry for. But that does not make you dead inside Deuce… it just means you have dealt with enough." Caleb and Dean sat in silence for a few minutes before Dean spoke again.

"Thanks Damien… now I have to go talk to Sammy… figure out how to convince him this isn't his fault."

"And if you can't?" Dean smirked and stood up.

"I can always put Sammy out of the fire… it what I do, I'm never gonna let him crash and burn." Dean headed up the stairs, and Caleb took another sip of whiskey.

"I know you won't kiddo…" Caleb smirked. "Dead inside my ass."