Title: Through the fire
Author: lilyme
Summary:She had never thought she would ever have to live through that feeling of despair and helplessness again. Until last night had happened.
Characters:Callie, Arizona
Rating: PG
Disclaimer:I do not own the characters in this story, nor do I own any rights to the television show "Grey's Anatomy". They were created by Shonda Rhimes and belong to her and the ABC network. No copyright infringement intended!
A/N: Not my best. And I know it's a vain hope that something like this will happen in tonight's episode, but, hey. Happy new season!
How fitting it was for this day to end in a rainstorm, she pondered as she drove home in the nasty weather.
What a crazy night.
And what a stupid morning.
Who would have thought that after all the catastrophes in this damn hospital, a rapist on the loose, an explosion and subsequent severe fire would put them through the wringer once more.
And who would have thought that after everything was over... her budding romance would be over too.
Her lover fired.
Fired.
How ironic a word at this point.
She had tried to talk to Eliza this morning. But the woman had barely responded to her questions about why she had lost her job.
The brunette was packed and gone from the hospital by noon, only mere hours after giving notice to Arizona that the relationship they might have been headed for would end here as well.
Cutting all ties to Grey Sloan Memorial.
Simple as that.
The weird thing about this was... Arizona wasn't even sad.
Yes, she would miss her. After all, they had shared some very intimate moments. And not just in her bedroom.
But if she was being honest with herself... whenever she awoke in the morning and felt someone lying next to her, she still subconsciously expected to... hoped to see... her.
After all this time.
Over all the distance.
She was the one she really missed.
Was it crazy to feel like this after everything they've been through?
After everything that had happened?
Maybe.
But maybe it just showed that this thing between them was nothing ordinary.
That it was a once in a lifetime love that would stick with you forever.
That would never leave you entirely.
Sometimes she wondered if they could still have a chance one day. Other times she felt pathetic for even thinking like this.
Callie had a new life in New York with Sofia. And seemed happy, despite not everything going as desired, as Arizona knew. But she was muddling through and looking ahead. With no apparent desire to return to her old home in Seattle in the future. Or to her, for all she was concerned.
And while the persistent longing for the brunette and, needless to say, for their daughter was there every day... today she could see the good in this situation. Knowing that Callie and Sofia were safe and nowhere even near the newest Seattle chaos gave her peace.
She pulled into the driveway and parked her car, not bothering to search for an umbrella as she excited the vehicle. She had no plans on going out tonight. Just take a bath and warm up with a book and a glass of wine.
Or beer.
Tonight might as well be a beer night.
But as she neared her porch, she felt that her plans might take a different turn.
Was her mind playing tricks on her or why was a soaking wet brunette sitting on the front steps of her house?
It was not the one that had walked out on her just a few hours before.
It was the one that should be safe and sound in New York.
She wondered why she hadn't seen her upon puling into her driveway. But of course she hadn't expected to find anyone there.
She neared the woman, who had her eyes covered with her hands, obviously in distress. She cautiously called out, as not to scare her. "Callie?"
The woman looked up. Her eyes bloodshed. Her face a mix of surprise and shock.
And Arizona's heart plummeted at the sight.
She had no idea why Callie was here, but from the look of it alone, it had to be bad.
Had something happened? With Carlos? Oh, God, with Sofia?! Her baby girl was not with Callie!
Before Arizona had the chance to voice her fears, she felt herself engulfed in a tight hug. Tight to the point of hurting.
"Oh," she heard Callie weep against her neck as the moisture from the brunette's drenched clothes transferred onto her and mixed with the downpour of the merciless sky. For Arizona, it felt like ages caught between pure bliss at the so longed for contact and alarm because she didn't know what was going on.
The blonde disentangled herself from the upset woman with all gentleness despite her own panicked state. "Hey, hey, shh," she soothed her hand over a quivering back. "Tell me what's wrong," she inquired. "What's happened? Where is Sofia?!"
Her voice came off shrill and harsh, visibly startling Callie out of her own lingering stupor. Her question was not unwarranted, as the brown-haired woman knew as well.
Callie and Penny were broken up. Had been for a couple of months now, as Callie had reluctantly admitted to her a mere three weeks ago. And she knew the brunette wouldn't leave their daughter alone in New York.
The ortho surgeon was quick to quench those fears. "She's in New York with my dad. He happened to be there and..."
She looked into Arizona's questioning eyes, in the face of the woman that seemed so luckily unharmed.
And it came blurting out. "I saw it on the news. That there was an explosion and a fire at the hospital. And that there had been a casualty. Unidentified," she explained as Arizona's eyes widened in realization. "I tried... I tried reaching your phone to check if you were okay. But it always went straight to voice mail," she teared up.
Arizona held the shaking woman with one hand and reached into her pocket with the other to retrieve her phone. And saw immediately that the battery was dead. She hadn't noticed until now.
"I couldn't reach Bailey either. And so... I took the first plane I could. I needed to know if you're okay," she nodded, only remembering in a haze how she had run from one airline counter to the next at JFK in order to get on a plane to Seattle as soon as possible. "And when I arrived at the hospital, the firefighters wouldn't let me in. I couldn't get in. And I didn't know where you were and if you were alive. I was so scared".
Scared that she wouldn't ever get to see Arizona again.
That she would be gone forever.
She remembered this feeling too well. Had lived through this panic before. Two days of not knowing where the blonde was. If she was safe. If she was dead. She had never thought she would ever have to live through that feeling of despair and helplessness again.
Until last night had happened.
And that had been her wake-up call.
Arizona lifted her hand to brush the tears off Callie's face where they had long mingled with the falling raindrops. She was astounded that all this commotion had been about her.
But of course she could see the reason for the brunette's anxiety. They had a child together that they both loved dearly and were raising together, even with thousands of miles apart. And even thinking about a scenario in which their girl lost yet another parent at her young age... it made her stomach churn.
So Callie's concern for Sofia's other mother was more than understandable.
But that was all it was, Arizona wagered. There couldn't possible be more.
Her ex-wife was not as hopeless a fool as she was.
"I'm okay," she smiled faintly, and the other woman visibly calmed at her reassurance. "It's all good".
Callie heaved in relieve as she let the words sink in. Her eyes had already tried to convey the unharmed state of the blonde to her, but the verbal affirmation was what really counted for her in this moment.
"I'm so glad," she returned. "And I'm... I'm so, so sorry. For what I've done to you in the last year. The custody battle and running off to New York," her lip quivered, her mouth barely managing to bring forth what she wanted to say.
For almost a day Callie had feared she would not be able to say all this anymore. That it would be too late. Seeing now that there had been no reason to worry suddenly confronted her with a new type of fear.
A fear of rejection. Of incomprehension.
But she had been given this new chance. And no matter what would come after her confession, there was no stepping back now.
And so she took Arizona's hand in hers in support and went on. "I … I love you". Watched Arizona's endless blue eyes widen. In realization? In horror? But she wouldn't be deterred. She needed to do this. "And I don't know if you feel the same or not. But I've realized that I can't live without you".
God knows she had tried.
Penny winning the grand and getting an offer to work in New York had not been the only reason for her to leave as well. In retrospect, it had just been a welcome excuse. To get away from the woman she would never really be over.
In the end it hadn't worked. And she now knew that it hadn't been supposed to work. Her life... her love was not in New York.
"I'm planning on moving us back to Seattle," she continued as Arizona's face still remained unreadable. "So, even if you don't feel the same about me, you will be able to spend all the time in the world with Sofia. She misses you so much," she smiled sadly. "And maybe we could be friends. Or colleagues again, at least," Callie concluded with the least desirable option.
She was not dumb. She knew that they had a lot of work to do before they could consider entering a relationship again. If Arizona even wanted to.
But if there was a tiny chance, she would patiently wait for the right time.
"Callie...," was all Arizona could utter, most of the brunette's explanation not even registering with her. She was stuck on the fact that Callie... still loved her? That her feelings for the other woman were still returned?
She had hoped for it, but now seeing that there was a chance, it did scare her a little. No. Not a little. A lot.
She knew what was at stake, should they fail once more. Not just for the two of them, but also for Sofia. It could all end in a debacle yet again. More fighting. More pain. Even another divorce, if they would dare to take a step towards marriage again.
But she also knew how eternally happy they could be together. As the family they were meant to be. The years with Callie and later on with her and Sofia had undoubtedly been the best time of her life. Despite the ups and down.
And with that thought in mind, there was no way she could reject Callie.
She looked at the woman and saw she was shaking. From the coldness of her soggy clothes. And in unbearable fear of her reply.
She lifted her hand, combed the wet hair from Callie's face and finally returned, "Let's get inside and change into something warm and dry. And then... we can talk, alright?" she smiled encouragingly and was happy to see it returned with hopeful eyes.
End