Ahsoka- The Struggle
Author: Hey everyone! Sooo this is my first Fanfic so please go easy on me. I know I'm probably not that good but I hope that in the future my story's and my writing will get better. I've bin working on this story for a little while because I decided that I should make my first story as good as I can. I've read so many of other people's fanfic's for Ahsoka on this website and I have to say that there are some really amazing writers! I find it hard to believe I could ever be as good as them. I'll give it my all on this story because I really believe that since its my first, I should try really hard on it. So here you go to whoever actually reads this :) I've finally have come out of my little shell that I've been in for the last year since I made this account so I hope you enjoy and Please Please Please feel free to Review! Like I said go easy on me and please no mean comments. If you have any pointers for me then feel free to tell me. This is rated T just for safety but if you think it needs to be lower (or higher but I doubt that) then PM me.
Oh and one more thing. Sorry if the 3 year old Ahsoka doesn't sound like an actual child. I'm really bad at writing P.O.V.'s for small children. Lets just say that Ahsoka was cute and very smart ;)
Chapter 1.
"Wash, wash, wash my clothes. Wash, wash, wash my clothes." I'm singing the song I made up only seconds ago, sitting near the river on a smooth flat rock I found, helping my mommy wash clothes along with other mommy's and their daughters. Most of their daughters are older than me, around the age of 14 to 17. I'm only 3 but I wanted to come with my mommy and help her wash the clothes even though most 3 year olds in our tribe would be playing and laughing with the other kids right about now, but I do that every day.
As we all take a break from washing clothes, the women and their older daughters crowd a little more around me, saying how cute and adorable I was. They Ooo and Ahhh over me saying how much I've grown sins I was born, asking my mommy how old I was now and not believing her when she says 3. Then they talk about how the years had gone by so fast, mommy putting her hand over her heart nodding her head agreeing fully.
All this and we see most of these women every day!
You could say our tribe is small, but it's not too small. Were all family, everybody knows everybody in our tribe, there's no question about it. Our tribe is very privet so we don't like most outsiders' except Jedi. But with Jedi we are still very cautious and weary. They are still outsiders so we don't rely on them or the republic too much. We only welcome them if needed. But I know my mommy doesn't like the Jedi at all.
Well anyways, after we were done washing clothes we went back home to hang them up on our clothes line. I wanted to help with that too but I was too short. So my mommy got me an old wooden chair to stand on, and surprisingly enough it was really steady. I'd give her the clips to hang up the clothes and then when she has no more room on the line I would move the line over for her.
Our clothes are different than most outsider's clothes. Our clothes are mostly made out of animal skins and fur. Sometimes wool but that's really rare. We also cherish our jewelry, which is made out of beads and shiny things that I have no idea what they're called.
I've heard that many outsiders think of us a weird for many reasons. I know one of those reasons may be our clothes. But I love my clothes, even though it's not the most expensive clothes around.
Mother Lauda ( A 70 year old women named Lauda (La-Da). She is very wise so everybody comes to her for advice, and she is very caring for people and acts very motherly towards everyone. She calls everyone "My Child" or "My Children". Hence why everyone calls her Mother Lauda (La-Da).) Told me to never be jealous of what the outsiders have. She says that expensive and fancy things won't make us happy and that all we need is the love and family of our tribe.
"I hope that everything Mother Lauda says is true." I told my mommy at dinner time while she was putting food on my plate. She smiled and said "Of course baby girl, everything Mother Lauda says is true." I smiled back, knowing my mommy is always right. And that she'd tell me anything.
This reminded me, there was a question that has all ways bin bugging me. Maybe now is the time to ask her, "Mommy?"
She looked over at me, "Yes dear."
I ask eagerly and somewhat sadly "Why did daddy leave us? And where is he?" Yes, those were the questions I've been dying to ask, but never did. Well until now.
Mommy sighed, and then she looked straight at me in the eyes, so I started paying close attention. I knew what she was going to say was serious.
"Oh Baby girl, Daddy didn't want to leave us. But he had to, he had no choice. It was for our protection."
"Protection? Why did we need protection? And how did he protect us if he left, and when is he coming back home?" I ask eagerly again, this time with more of a whining sound. All I wanted was for my daddy to come back home.
"Hold on, let me explain." She took a deep breath and started again.
"Have I ever told you of what your daddy was when I first met him?" I shook my head no. She never did tell me.
"Your daddy was a Jedi Padawan sweetie. He grew up in the Jedi temple and trained as a youngling, and then when he was 11 he started training as a Padawan."
Wait a moment... What?! Did I hear that right? A Jedi! How come mommy never told me that? And I thought mommy hated Jedi. And seriously, HOW COME SHE NEVER TOLD ME?
My little mind was exploding right about now. All these thoughts rushing through my mind, how come she never told me...?
"How come you never told me?" Mommy looked at me "I'm sorry I never told you sweetie, but I was waiting for the right time. You know I Don't like Jedi right?" I nodded.
"Well your daddy was different than most Jedi. He was loyal, thoughtful and sweet. He never lied to me or tricked me like most Jedi do. Jedi are not allowed to feel most emotions. They always rely on the force, never their hearts. But your daddy, he believed in the force but mostly relied on his heart. And he also thought with his mind, unlike most Jedi. He was also very brave and very strong. Just like you." I smiled.
Mommy always says I'm just like daddy, and even though I didn't know him for that long she always says that I'm "Daddy's Little Girl."
"Really? Just like me?" She laughed a little and said "Just like you…"
The she started getting serious again and said "You know how I said that Jedi are not allowed to feel most emotions? One of those emotions is love. But you know that daddy will always love us right?" I nodded "Right." She smiled for a second. But then her smiled turned in to a sad frown "Now sweetie, listen to me and pay close attention." I sat up straight and looked at her. She sighed and said, "Since Jedi aren't supposed to love, they aren't not allowed to have a family either."
I looked at her wide eyed. Wait, if daddy wasn't allowed to have a family then... Then...he broke the code... right? Or am I just not that important for him to call me his daughter?
Mommy looked at me and knew how I was feeling. We have a certain bond like that. She knows how I feel.
"Now Sweetie, look at me. Daddy loves us, so that's why he broke the Jedi code. He broke is for us baby girl. Don't think we're just not that important for him to call us his family. He loves us, but he had to go. He had to keep us a secret, because if the Jedi Council ever found out about us, they would exile daddy to the Agri corps and he wouldn't be a Jedi anymore. And he would never get to see us. But if daddy is still a Jedi and keeps us a secret then I know one day we will see him again. Also, as a Jedi, Daddy has a lot of enemies. And if they found out about us, they would come after us. So to protect us daddy had to leave. Do you understand sweetie?"
I nodded, now it all made more sense. Now I understand why daddy had to go. But still, I miss him. All I have left of him is this necklace he left me as a baby. It's a very expensive necklace that cost a fortune. But that's not why I love it. I could be worth millions of credits or nothing at all but it was from my dad, that's why I wear it every day and hold it close to me all the time.
Because it's the last thing I have of him...
"No no no! Where is it?!" I yelled. It wasn't in the box like I thought it was! I was freaking out! What might I be looking for you ask? That's easy... a necklace. But not just any necklace, my necklace! The one my Father gave me when I was just a baby. I thought I hid it under my bed in my little locked box like I do whenever I take it off, but I couldn't find it. I don't even remember taking it off so it could have fallen off anywhere. I was in mine and my master's shared quarters looking everywhere.
I can't stand the thought of it being lost or out of my reach and in someone else's hand for one second. That necklace means more to me than anything else. It's the only thing I have left of my father. I don't remember my father much though. All I remember was a quick little memory of him coming home, and then I remember he would pick me up and hug me then kiss my forehead.
My mother told me about him when I was little. How he loved me more than anything, how he wanted the best for me and how he wished he didn't have to leave me and my mother when I was a baby. But he had to... for my protection.
I was only 3 when Master Plo Koon took me away to the Jedi temple, not knowing I would never see my mother again. So all I know of my father is the little things my mother had told me about him. Like the fact that he wasn't a Tagruta but actually a Human, an outsider. He had Blond hair and Blue eyes. My mother says he was strong and brave. She says He was a fighter. Like me.
No my people didn't like him very much, but my mother loved him and if she loved him then I loved him. So even though I don't remember him much, I love him with all my heart. And one day I hope to see him again. I wish I could see my mother again, But that would be impossible. Considering I saw her 2 weeks ago for the first time in 12 years... lying dead on the floor inside our old hut. Our old home...
2 weeks ago we got a mission. We received a transmission from Shili saying they needed help. They assigned me and my master on the mission. When we got to the coordinates I couldn't believe which tribe the Separatist attacked. There are lots of tribes all over Shili, but out of all of them they picked my tribe! (Which I was not going to tell my master) And sadly enough it looked like we didn't get there in time. We saw dead Tagrutas everywhere. Men, women and children.
But I was desperate to search for my mother, so I told my master that I would go along with the clones to search for survivors. He agreed. So when I went with the clones, they were going to search one half of our tribe first, but my old hut was on the opposite side of where they were searching which was perfect. I needed to search for her, alone. I told the clones to keep searching and went to find my old hut, the clones not questioning my order or were I was going.
As I kept running up the damp dirt road because it had rain a little bit before we got here, things became more and more familiar. I saw many huts that use to belong to my old friends, but I tried not to look, as there were still body's everywhere. No doubt, belonging to those old friends.
I turned on the dirt road remembering my hut was just on the corner. And as I got there I ran inside, hoping to find my mother alive. But instead… found a limp and lifeless body lying on the floor. It was my Mother.
My legs suddenly became weak and I dropped to the floor kneeling by my mother. I reached for her hand and held it tight to me and started stroking her arm. I started to sing a lullaby in Tagruti that my Mother always uses to sing to me to calm me down. My breaths were shaky and I could barely choke out the words, until I couldn't take it anymore and started to cry. I cried and cried and cried for what seemed like hours. It was the first time I cried in 12 years, because Jedi were not supposed to cry. But I cried, letting out all those tears I've been holding in for so long.
After I finally left the hut, I heard the clones coming over to this side of the tribe. But I didn't want to help them anymore. I've seen enough dead bodies that I once knew already. But as I was walking back to the base point I couldn't help but wonder, "Where is Ana?"
I was almost tempted to go to her hut and see if she was there, but decided I was sad enough, I didn't want to see her dead body too. So I kept on walking back to the base where the twilight was. And as I was walking I saw my master standing at the end of the ramp with a questioning look on his face. No doubt, wanting to know why I returned so early. But I wasn't in the mood to talk. And before he could say anything I passed him and boarded to ship.
Not what a padawan is supposed to do to their master, I know... but surprisingly my master just stayed where he was and didn't try to go after me and lecture me.
But right now I had too many things on my mind to worry about if there was a lecture coming sooner or later. All I was thinking about was my mother.
I miss her dearly... more than I use to. Now that I know she's dead.
But if the Jedi council, or any other Jedi for that matter, found out about my attachment and love for my parents and hope of seeing my dad again. Then I would be in big trouble. Because as Jedi, we are not allowed to form attachments, which means we are not allowed to love. We are peace keepers and only that. "(Sigh...)"
"Something wrong snips?" My Master Anakin Skywalker asks, bringing me out of my depressing thoughts, and back to reality. For some reason he's actually bin more concerned than usual lately. But I still haven't told him about what happened.
Hmmm... It seemed he walked in without me knowing. That's unlike me. Usually I'm always alert and focused no one can ever sneak up on me. I didn't even feel his force signature when he walked in.
I was still kneeling on the floor next to my empty little box that only I knew how to open. Anakin knew about this box, but never asked me what was in it. He was a master who thought it was okay for his padawan to keep a little tiny secret from him. That everybody (including his padawan) had their secrets. But still, I never told him about the necklace because... well I don't know. I don't tell anyone about my father so let's just leave it at that. But I could tell he was starting to get a little curious about this "Box" of mine. Even though most of the time its empty, and I usually have the necklace around my neck, but of course hidden by my Jedi clothes agents my chest. Jedi are not allowed to have things like these, especially jewelry. And especially this exact piece of jewelry. My necklace is very expensive. Even for a certain rich Senator that my best friend, and that's like a second mother to me. Senator Padme Amidala, yes she would definably say that this necklace is very expensive, maybe even a little too expensive for her.
I don't know how my dad got this but Still, I love it. Too bad I always have to hide it. One side of me is thinking "A gift like this deserves some credit out in the open." And on the other side of me I'm thinking "But I am DEFINATLY not the type to be even wearing any jewelry what so ever!" I wear it because my dad gave it to and it's the last thing I have of him, it means a lot to me. I don't wear it because it's expensive or it looks cute. I'm not the type to really worry about my looks.
I remembered Anakin was still looking at me as I was staring down in to my emty box.
"Oh umm... nothing's wrong master. Just looking for something is all."
Anakin looked down at my empty box and asked, "By any chance... did you lose whatever you happen keep in there?"
I sighed again "Yes, but I'll find it. It has to be in here somewhere."
Anakin gave me a smile "Maybe if you tell me what it is... I could help you look for it."
I gave him my "I don't think so" look. "No thanks Skyguy." I said as I started to look for my beloved Item. Anakin frowned "What's so important that you won't tell me what it is?"
You know how I said he never asked me about the box, and that he thought it was ok for me to keep a little tiny secret form him? That first part might have been a lie, and that second part well… let's just say... he can be a bit nosy at times. Like now.
"I told you, it's my little secret." I said with a smirk. Or at least a little smirk, these past 2 weeks I've found it harder and harder to smile or even give a taunting smirk like I use to. My face automatically turned sullen and sad. I didn't mean for it to be like that, but I just couldn't help the sadness of remembering my mother and the person who gave the necklace to me.
Anakin saw my expression as I was still looking. "Ahsoka, are you alright?" He asked in a concern tone.
I sighed and replied, "Yes Master, everything's fine. I'm just a little tired from all the missions we've been going on and obviously a little annoyed that I lost something. So please, just drop it."
Anakin nodded, "Ok then. But if there's anything you want to talk about, just tell me ok?"
I also nodded. Not saying anything back. Anakin headed threw the door, but before he left he stuck his body half way back in again and said, "Oh and, if you ever decide to tell me about you little "secret", I'll be in the mess." He looked at me with a smirk on his face and then left.
I rolled my eyes. With small smile that, again, left as soon as it came.
But then, out of the corner of my eye I saw something. It was shiny. There was a small crack in the floor with the sun from the window shining brightly on it, and in between the crack… was my necklace.
I sighed in relief, I finally found it! I reached down and grabbed it, happy that it was finally safe once again around my neck where it belonged…