She can't remember a time without him in her life. Well, she can but she doesn't like to. Her old roomate once asked her if he was 'the one'. "If by 'the one' you mean the one who I can't stand to be around; the one that I can't stand to be without; the one who can make me so angry; the one who makes me cry; the one I hate; the one I love; the one who I know nothing and everything about; the one who will drive me crazy; then yeah, he's the one." She replied.
Looking back at me I see that I never really got it right
I never stopped to think of you
I'm always wrapped up in things I cannot win.
He left on a perfect autumn day. She remembers this because autumn was her favorite season. After that day she liked spring better. She remembers leaning on the hood of his car as he put the rest of his clothes in the car. There was no long goodbye speech. Dean was never good with words anyway. There was only a long slow kiss. That was ok for her. Everything that he wanted to say was in that kiss. There were no tears, no bitter feelings, no passion. There was only a boy and a girl. He wasn't one for drama. She waited until he slid into to drivers seat and turned on the car. Then she walked to the house. She didn't want to stay and watch him drive off. When he got to the highway, he pushed the gas petal to the floor and stared straight ahead.
You are the antidote that gets me by
Something strong like a drug that gets me high
He couldn't be with her. He didn't deserve something so pure. He had seen too much in this world. He knows what goes bump in the night. He had to protect her from the creatures of the night. It's not fair for him to be with her. Not like this. He wishes with all of his heart that things were different but they weren't. Like his dad would say; no use crying over spilled milk, toughen up kid. That was Dean's mantra now-a-days. Toughen up kid. And he had. He had let his heart freeze over. The truth was, by nature he was a sweet kid. When he was younger he wore his heart on his sleave. He didn't do that anymore. His dad had taught him that that was a weakness. He had built up walls to guard himself to make his dad happy. The walls were strong. But not strong enough to keep her out. He hated himself for that.
What I really meant to say
Is I'm sorry for the way I am
I never meant to be so cold
The truth was that she knew he was broken. She could tell the day she met him. She has this beautiful broken vase that she bought at a yard sale for 10 cents. He always made fun of her for getting it. It was so broken that she couldn't put any flowers in it. Still she loved that vase and it still sits on her fireplace. She knew that he didn't understand who she loved that vase. She never told him that it reminded her of him. So beautiful and so broken. She could try to patch the vase back together but it wouldn't be the same. The vase will always be broken. He will always be broken. And she's accepted that.
Cold to you, I'm sorry about all the lies
Maybe in a different light
You can see me stand on my own again
He went back once. To their old house. But she was gone. She had moved to God knows where. He could have found her if he really wanted to but he figured that she didn't want to be found. He understood.
I never really wanted you to see
The screwed up side of me that I keep
Loked inside of me so deep it always seems to get to me
She recognized the sound of the car before anything else. It was him. He had found her. There came a soft knock at the door. Instinctively, she quickly smoothed out her wavy hair before she opened the door. They stare at each other for what seems like forever. She can tell that somethings wrong. He looks worn down and sadder than she remembers. He come in and she makes some coffee. Neither one says a word for a long time. She glances over at him. His once clear green eyes have changed. They look like a stormy sky now. She wonders what he wants as they sit in silence and drink thier coffee.
I never really wanted you to go
So many things you should have known
He watched a bunch of kids get murdered in front of him. He tried to help them but he couldn't. There was no excuse. A failure. Those kids died and he couldn't stop it. After that he couldn't sleep or eat. His body went into autopilot. He's not really sure how or why he ended up here, in her kitchen, drinking coffee. He's kidding himself. He knows why he's here. He needs to feel love again. He needs to have someone want him. He needs to be with her if only for tonight. He's knows it's not fair. But god, he just wants this so bad. He's never ask though. He always needs the things that he can't ask for.
I quess for me there's just no hope
I never meant to be so cold
She can sence his thoughts. She walks over to the sink and he follows her. She tries to concentrate on the dishes that she needs to wash instead of him. She tries to ignore how good he smells, or the fact that he's standing so close to her, or the fact that she knows whats under that shirt, or the fact that she wants him again. His hand grazes against her hip bone. She has to move away from him. She slowly dries her hands. Suddenly his thumb is making little circles on the base of her neck and she gives up on fighting this inward battle with herself. She lets her body relax and leans back into his touch. He can read her signals expertly. He spins her around to face him. They kiss for the first time since he left. His jacket is dropped to the floor. His shirt soon follows. Her shirt is next. He leads her to the bed and to his suprize, she pushed him down first and then lays on top of him. She kisses him all over. His eyes go shut and his breathing gets heavier. He lets her do what she wants. He's forgetting about the little kids, he's forgetting about his dad and the horrible things that he's seen. She always had that affect on him. He'll remeber everything tomorrow but for now, he can forget.
What I really meant to say
Is I'm sorry for the way I am
The next morning he's gone before she gets up. Like a hurricane. In and out quickly with lasting effects. She goes into the kitchen and sees something on the table. The beautiful cracked vase has a white rose in it. She knows that the rose will soon die. But her beautiful broken boy will be back again. Once his job get to be too much again, he'll be back. And with him he'll bring his stormy eyes, the smell of masculinity, and another white rose.
I never meant to be so cold
Never meant to be so cold...