A/N:Hey stranger.
This is definitely the heaviest thing I've ever posted anywhere and I'm nervous about this. I just want to say to everyone struggling with these issues, that I'm so sorry. I try my best to depict things but I don't want this getting too deep because then I'd never get the story moving. This might seem super simplified to some people as this is a heavy subject.
Everyone deals with these things differently but this is only a fan fiction, so don't take this too seriously.
This is different from my other stories because this is more story-telling whereas my other fics are mostly dialogue-heavy describing only "necessary things".

I'm not a native speaker, so sorry for the mistakes! I tried to play with my English a little even though I know it's risky. Hopefully it's not too bad and it's at least understandable.

Thank you so much for reading this! I don't know if this is something people want to read but I wanted to post it anyway.

This fiction handles Isak dealing with Even having a terminal illness! So Major character death is coming up.

Why is it that people are so intrigued by whatever is going on in inside other peoples' minds? And how is it that even though we use up so much energy chasing that knowledge, we still understand each other so very little.

People are easy to predict when they go about their lives in a "controlled environment". They have a job, a family, friends, hobbies. They have schedules that tell them what to do weeks ahead. A simple calendar could almost be thought of as a portal to the future - if you know you have a meeting next Thursday you also know you'll most likely be there. But in this, almost is the key word:
The unexpected comes to play.

It is only when something unexpected happens that we realize how little we know each other. It is always a crude reminder of how delved we are on the future when we should be invested with now. How we use our own experiences in order to read someone without realizing that it's exactly what they are doing too. It's funny how we might think of ourselves as observers who can take in any information, not including our own lives, objectively – we think of our feelings as something separate from our sense as if we could restrain parts of ourselves by will. This of course is just in our heads. It's not true at all: we are a whole and everything in our brain influences everything.

The unexpected is what truly begins to show us how complicated we are – how intricate the whole world is and how foolish we are for planning ahead without even knowing if the world will come to an end before tomorrow.

Still this can be considered as a privilege as some people don't get to plan ahead or do that knowing it is in vain.

Isak didn't hear or see anything. It was all just buzz and blur. Twisted faces and barking sounds that didn't sound like talking at all. Still he was pretty sure it was talking.
It was as if his senses just refused to take in anything. So, it was all blank and distant – floating, not cold or warm. He was just simply existing. Being someplace in the spacetime as if the coordinates didn't matter. How he might as well have been floating next to Pluto.

How to deal with a terminal illness

"Isak? Do you hear me?" someone called out to him and the voice was weird and twisted like it was floating through a wormhole or something. It made Isak want to giggle but he didn't. He realized he didn't have a single breath in him and he had forgotten how to inhale so next it wasn't blur and buzz but black and soothing.

"Are you okay?" the voice sounded alarmed. Isak's head was spinning painfully and he felt dizzy. He was squeezing his eyes shut so tightly he could see stars.

As he opened his eyes he saw a face. A bright light shining from behind it made the outlines of the head melt. He blinked a couple of times taking a few deep breaths and the face became clear. Even looked concerned.

"It's going to be fine," he said soothingly and Isak felt fingers stroking his forehead gently. He knew it had to have something to do with the barking and now that he realized it hadn't been a dream he also felt concerned.

"What is?" he managed to ask with a raspy voice as Even helped him to sit on the floor.

"Everything," Even smiled but Isak didn't buy it. From the way, Even had said it Isak was pretty sure everything was not going to be fine. In fact, he was sure nothing was going to be fine – something was obviously terribly wrong and he hated how he was expected to know but he didn't. He didn't have the slightest idea other than it was not good.

"I'm sorry I didn't tell you sooner," Isak heard Even say while he was busy looking around to figure out where he was – home. He was home. Then he turned to face Even who was crouched on the floor next to him.

"I don't understand," Isak said massaging his aching temple with his hand, "what didn't you tell me."

Even looked away clearly not wanting to repeat himself and the fact that he refused to meet Isak's gaze all together made Isak worry even more.

"Sorry, I don't know what happened. I just lost it," Isak said still trying to read his boyfriend.

"I have lung cancer, Isak. That's why I've been sick and it's spread," Even blurted out and Isak didn't know what to think. He had no idea if this was some cruel joke and he really hoped it was.

"I don't want this to chance anything, okay? I just want to enjoy my life. Do you hear me? I'm not having you crying over me," Even said with piercing eyes and Isak nodded even though he wasn't sure if he understood. He didn't cry or ask anything so Even took his hand sighing deeply and Isak could tell he was holding in a cough.

"I know it's a lot to take in but I don't think I can handle this if you freak out."

"That's unfair," Isak said bluntly but didn't know what else to do. It took him the rest of the day and half of the next one before it hit him. He burst out in tears in the middle of an exam and he had only one thing in his mind:

Things were never going to be all right