Writer's note: This started out as a ficlet prompt and mysteriously turned into a 2000 word one-shot! I built upon the headcanon that Felix has a duck phobia. I kept getting these humorous images in my head, so hopefully I translated them well enough in this fic (because they highly amused me :D). Enjoy!
Prompt #19: "The paint's supposed to go where?"
He couldn't say no to Tammy, and that scared him almost as much as the game he and his lady were entering.
Tamora wanted to test his shooting skills on moving targets now that he had mastered the firing range. Cy-bugs were too dangerous for a rookie, but hunting ducks seemed harmless enough – at least to the seasoned soldier it was.
Ralph may have been the antagonist to Felix's protagonist, but ducks were his real enemy. The feathery pests programmed to knock Felix off the window ledges nested on the opposite end of the lake from the Niceland buildings. They weren't usually a problem during off hours, though Felix made it a point to stay away from that side of the lake just in case the quackers got any wild ideas.
When Tamora suggested game jumping into Duck Hunt for target practice, a wave of fear ran up Felix's spine. "I'm not sure that's the best game for me to-" he sputtered, fiddling nervously with the head of his hammer.
"Buck up, Fix-It," Tamora knelt down, resting a hand on his shoulder, "This is your chance to get back at the fowl; to face your fear."
Felix gave her a clenched-teeth smile. "Pardon me, ma'am, but I'd rather risk facing the cy-bugs."
Tamora narrowed her eyes. "Now you're sounding suicidal." She slapped his back encouragingly. "Trust me, Felix, it'll be fine. I'll never leave your side, okay?"
Felix nodded, unsurely. "Okay."
Pressing a reassuring kiss to his cheek, Tamora straightened back up and slapped the bill of his hat over his eyes.
"Tammy…" Felix protested, but a small smile played on his lips as he righted his hat.
"Let's get suited up."
Felix had assumed they would wear armor to go hunting, but was taken aback at the camouflage fatigues Tamora presented to him. Markowski was surprisingly a good sewer and had made Felix a smaller pair of fatigues at the sergeant's request. Markowski even made a camouflage hat to go along with the fatigues.
Felix couldn't believe how much thought Tamora had placed into this little hunting trip they were venturing out on. He starting thinking the trip was more for Tamora's recreation than his practice. Maybe it was a little of both, and for that reason, he didn't want to let his dynamite gal down.
As they received clearance to enter Duck Hunt, the clinching fear began to dance in the back of Felix's mind. It was ridiculous, he reminded himself. A grown man should not be scared out of his wits by a wobbly, quacking water fowl. He had to be brave for Tamora; to take the next step to prove to her that he could be as daring as the men under her command.
"Here, put this on," Tamora's voice broke him out of his thoughts. She held out a small, round container with some sort of dark green goo in it.
Felix stared at it, bewildered. "What is that?"
"Camouflage paint."
That explained the dark green color. "The paint's supposed to go where?"
"Watch." Tamora lightly dripped two fingers into the paint, and smeared it across each cheekbone then drew two angled lines down both her cheeks. Felix forgot about his fear for a moment, feeling his heart melt a little at how adorable Tamora looked in camo paint. "Your turn." She presented the container to him again.
His continued hesitation prompted Tamora to take action, dabbing more paint onto her fingers. Felix closed his eyes as she smeared a line across one round cheek and the other then down his face. He savored her light touch as it streaked along his skin, a welcomed distraction.
Tamora examined him, cracking a smile at her handy work. "Looking good, short stack," she commented, wiping her fingers on her pants before replacing the lid on the paint container and stowing it back in her satchel.
The tram pulled into the station, and Felix knew there was no turning back now. The station brought them directly into the tall grassy area that made up Duck Hunt. The scenery was crude with only a light blue atmosphere and pixalated grass as far as the eye could see. A lake stood in the distance with a few trees scattered throughout the area. The sound of quacking echoed from nearby.
"Let's get closer to the body of water," Tamora said, motioning for Felix to follow her. The statuque woman had no trouble trekking through the tall grass, but Felix had to work at it, feeling more like he was traveling through a jungle instead.
Felix was so busy trying to make it through the grass that he didn't notice Tamora had stopped, and bumped into her legs. She squatted down, throwing him an amused look. "Sorry 'bout that, ma'am," he said sheepishly.
"Targets up ahead," she informed him. Felix didn't hear any kind of quacking or rustling close by, but took Tamora's word for it and followed her lead. "On three we storm them," she said with a certain kind of excitement alight in her eyes.
Felix nodded, and took a deep breath preparing himself for his first encounter. With shotgun ready, Tamora counted down before advancing on the nesting fowl. The flutter of wings filled the air as several ducks shot into the sky, a ring of gunfire following after them. Felix was so flustered by the grass smacking him in the face as he tried to follow Tamora; he barely had time to raise his gun before the ducks were out of sight.
"Damn," Tamora cursed under her breath.
They both nearly jumped out of their pixels as laughter pierced the quiet around them. A tannish-colored dog popped up out of the grass, giggling away. Felix groaned. He'd forgotten about the teasing dog that laughed every time you missed the target.
Tamora raised her shotgun, pointing it at the dog. "Just because the gamers can't shoot you doesn't mean I can't!" she warned, and the dog retreated into the tall, green blades. Whether her threat held any weight with the dog, only the next missed shot would tell. "Let's move closer to the lake."
The lakeside vegetation was shorter, way easier for Felix to trek through, but it provided little cover. As they approached the lake, his stomach dropped to his knees. There had to be a hundred ducks milling about in and out the water. He drew closer to Tamora, trying his best to not latch onto her leg for dear life.
They were being as quiet as possible as they approached, the ducks oblivious to their coming. They readied their shotguns as they drew closer. A bark rang out from behind them, and the playful duck sounds suddenly stopped in one accord. Every duck's head turned toward the barking, the eerie sight of what seemed like every duck in the game staring straight at them.
Felix felt his insides tremble as if doomsday was approaching. A frenzy of wings flapping filled the air, and to Felix's horror the massive flock of ducks was headed their way! He yelped as a duck pelted him right in face, knocking him flat on his back. He screwed his eyes shut and shielded his face with his arms as the rush of air from the ducks' wings blew over him.
The deafening noise finally faded into the distance leaving only the sound of his heart beating viciously against his chest.
"Bastards!" Tamora's scream replaced the pounding in his ears. A hand touched his elbow and Felix felt safe enough to open his eyes. "Fix-It, are you okay?"
"I think so," he replied, shaken.
Tamora helped him up, replacing his hat that had flew off his head during the unexpected onslaught. "I think we're hunting the wrong target," she growled, "that giggling, maniacal pile of puppy chow needs to be taught a lesson."
"He is a mischievous one, I gotta say." Felix paused from brushing the dirt from his clothes. "You're not serious about hunting the dog, are you, Tammy?"
"Well-" To Felix's surprise, she appeared to ponder the question for a moment. "No. But we need a different approach to the situation."
Felix wanted nothing else to do with this game. It was bad enough with the ducks from his own game knocked him off a building. But he kept it all to himself, his need to not let Tamora down outweighing his desire to hightail it.
Quacking filtered in from nearby, indicting the ducks had landed. "We need to split up," Tamora suggested. She must have noticed all the color drain from Felix's face, and knelt down to look him directly in the eyes. "Stick with me here, Fix-It. I want you to hide in the grass, and wait for me to coax the ducks your way. You'll be safe and they'll never see you." She touched the back of his neck with her fingertips, rubbing his hair soothingly. "Trust me."
He did trust her. It was the ducks he didn't trust. They moved closer to the noise. Tamora gave him an encouraging shoulder squeeze before continuing toward their target. Felix crouched down, making himself as small as possible. He raised his shotgun, aiming it at the sky at an angle as Tamora had instructed.
Time seemed to slow to a crawl as he waited for the flock to take flight. He regulated his breathing, drawing long breaths in and out, focusing on his task.
A single shot rang out and a mass flutter erupted. Felix prepared his finger on the trigger. As soon as the first duck flew overhead, he squeezed the trigger, and the kick back knocked him on his bottom. He hurried to right his shotgun, firing again.
He couldn't believe it. His shot hit a duck and the feathered creature fell to the ground. Felix sprang to his feet, hopping out of the grass and sustaining in the air for a moment. His mouth fell agape, finding the duck lying close by.
"Tammy!" he yelled, excitedly. "I got it! I got it!"
Tamora walked up, bending down to slap him on the rear. "Good job, Fix-It. Knew you could do it."
Felix's cheeks stained red. "Thank, ma'am."
They stared at the duck for a moment, taking in the success of the first kill.
"I kinda feel sorry for the little guy," Felix said as they looked at the dead duck. It didn't seem so threatening now that he'd gotten a closer look without being paranoid of being attacked. Maybe ducks weren't that bad.
The duck's body twitched a little then suddenly it opened its eyes, regenerating. It rolled onto its webbed feet and stared unblinking at them.
With Felix's anxiety subsided, he tried talking to the bird. "Hey there, little gu-" he didn't get to finish. The duck shot up, smacking right into him and flew off to join its peers.
"Damn duck!" he heard Tamora yell from flat on his back. The giggling dog popped out the grass followed by several shots from Tamora's gun and a rushing set of feet. Her livid face appeared at the top of the grass, and once again, she helped him to his feet. "I'm beginning to think Hero's Duty is safer."
Felix clung to her hand, not wishing to let go. "I hope I don't have nightmares tonight."
Tamora squeezed his hand. "If you do, I'll be there to chase them away."
He smiled up at her. "Thanks, Tammy."
"Now, let's blow this place. A tall order of root beers is calling my name."
Felix chuckled, feeling more at ease now that he knew they were leaving. "I think I could use one right about now."