I'd like to dedicate this story to anyone who has ever lost a child, no one should ever have to go through such heartbreak. Losing someone dear to you is tough but for a parent to lose a child it is like their whole world just breaks apart. I hope one day no one ever has to go through something like this.
She woke up with a start, her back was aching. She tried to roll onto her side, being mindful of the small protruding bump which stuck out in front of her. Beside her lay her husband, deep in a peaceful slumber. All she wanted was a quick back rub to try and help her aching back but she didn't have the heart to wake him, after all he had spent most of her first trimester awake at night helping her with the morning sickness which seemed to take over her entire being.
She slid out of the bed and waddled towards the bathroom. She fumbled for the light switch squinting her eyes as the lights blinded her. She stumbled towards the sink looking at her gaunt reflection in the mirror. She looked a mess, her hair was tangled and matted, her face as white as a sheet. She felt as terrible as she looked. She waddled back to the bed and tried to climb back in unaided without waking her husband. Once she was laid back down she felt an arm snake around her abdomen, and lightly stroking her bump. It comforted her, making her feel safe. The pain in her back seemed to fade momentarily before coming back worse. 'Ow!' She cried as it caught her by surprise.
Ethan reached over to the bedside table and flicked the light on. 'Leah? Are you alright love?' He asked, his face awash with concern. She grimaced slightly trying to make herself comfortable. 'Leah, what's wrong?' He asked waiting for her response. His mind began wandering over all of the possibilities based on her symptoms, making him worry more as her only symptom was severe back pain and cramps.
'M-my back hurts, think I pulled a muscle' she whimpered as the pain eased slightly.
'Would you like me to try and massage the muscle back into place, I have some sports tape here which I can use if you want' he suggested.
Leah nodded her head. Ethan helped her get comfortable on her side before rushing to fetch some of the lavender massage oil he had bought for her for christmas so he could rub her back and feet for her when she needed it during her pregnancy. He lifted her top and gently began rubbing her lower back. Leah relaxed, moaning every once in a while as she felt some relief from the massage. Ethan helped her roll over before rubbing her stomach, something he would do to help feel connected to his unborn child. As he was gently rubbing her bump he felt it tense becoming rigid and hard, Leah grimacing as this happened. Every ounce of happiness dropped from his face. He rushed over to the wardrobe and began getting dressed. He began mindlessly filling a small travel bag with items they might need before grabbing his keys.
'Sweetheart do you think you might be able to walk?' He asked. Leah looked confused as she nodded her head.
'What's going on, what's happening?' She asked her eyes filling with tears.
'It's probably nothing but I think you might be having contractions, we need to get you to the hospital so we can get you checked over, you might be right, it could just be a pulled muscles but your stomach is getting tense and that's a sign of early labour' he explained trying to keep his wife calm. He took her hand and led her to the car. She looked like she was going to burst into tears. 'Listen, don't worry, Cal is on shift so I'll ring ahead and ask him to meet us outside' Ethan assured her as they pulled out of their driveway. Ethan rang his brother before they arrived.
'Hey Nibbles, I was going to call you, I thought maybe you would like to meet me for breakfast in like 2 hours?' Cal exclaimed as he answered the call.
'Yeah, could you meet me at the ED, I need a favour' Ethan spoke trying not to panic his brother.
'What kind of favour?' Cal asked curiously.
'It's just Leah, she's a bit upset and I think you are just the person to help out, I'll be there in 5 minutes' Ethan explained.
'No worries see you in a bit then' Cal chimed before hanging up. Ethan reached his hand out to Leah who was wincing in pain again.
'It's alright love, Cal is going to meet us. Just try and stay calm for me' he whispered as they neared the hospital. A few minutes later they pulled up in one of the parking spaces close to the entrance. Ethan helped her out of the car and carefully led her towards the entrance as they came into view Leah doubled over, crying out in pain. Cal heard this and looked up from his phone, putting it back into his pocket and dashing over.
'What's going on?' He asked his brother as he helped lead Leah inside.
'Right, this is Leah Hardy, aged 32, 6 months pregnant and is suffering from what appears to be early labour' Ethan explained to his brother trying to remain professional. Cal took them to the High Dependency Cubicle and helped lie Leah on the bed.
'Okay I need some entonox, some fluids and a basic set of bloods as quick as you can and can someone please ask staff nurse Freeman to come in here please' Cal ordered one of the nurses. He turned his attention back onto his sister in law who was writhing in obvious discomfort. 'Okay Leah, just take it easy, can you tell me how long this has been going on for?' He asked.
'A couple of hours, but it got worse about a hour ago' she explained.
'Can you tell me where the pain is?' He asked.
'In my lower back and lower abdomen, it really hurts Cal, please just make it stop' she cried as more pain engulfed her.
'I know sweetheart, I'm going to look after you, don't you worry about that' he assured her. Ethan sat on the bed beside her holding her in his arms, clutching her hand tightly.
'Okay Doctor Knight, can you tell me what is going on?' Rita asked as she entered the cubicle.
'Okay, so this is Leah Hardy, she has presented with symptoms that are pointing towards early labour, we have administered some entonox, and we will get her on some fluids to keep her hydrated' Cal explained before fetching some equipment. Cal wandered back to the cubicle deep in thought before being interrupted by deafening scream. Cal ran into the cubicle one hand holding his stethoscope around his neck. Ethan was sat beside his wife, tears rolling down his cheeks as Leah cried her heart out. Rita was changing some of the sheets on the bed when Cal hurried in. He put the equipment down on the counter. 'Whats going on?' He asked the blonde nurse.
'Her waters have broken, she's gone into full labour' she explained trying to clean up.
'Oh god, I'm so sorry' he whispered his voice cracking. He lifted a sobbing Leah off of the bed and helped her sit comfortably on Ethan's lap whilst they changed the sheets and made sure she was okay. Ethan cradled his wife in his arms, trying desperately to make her feel better but to no avail. He too was upset but in his usual kind hearted manner he was more worried about his wife and making sure that she was okay. Cal came over crouching in front of the couple. He took one of Leah's hands in his.
'Look at me, I'm here, so is Ethan and so is Rita, and we are all going to look after you. Unfortunately the midwives are all tied up upstairs so we'll have to deal with this ourselves. I need you to try and stay calm for me, and don't worry, we'll get this sorted' Cal assured her. Leah looked at him trying to hold back her tears. Cal handed her a tissue and lifted her back onto the clean bed. Ethan wiped his eyes in his sleeve before standing faithfully beside his wife. He took his stethoscope from around his neck and placed it in his ears before rolling up her top. He stayed silent for a moment, listening to her chest before he spoke.
'Okay, you need to calm down because you are starting to have a panic attack and that is the last thing you need' he whispered.
Rita stepped forward, 'we need to get you changed out of your wet clothes and into something more comfortable' she told her.
Ethan grabbed the bag he had brought with him. 'I brought your nightie with me so you can be more comfy' he whispered kissing her cheek gently. He helped her out of bed and took her to get changed. When he came back Cal was busying himself preparing all of the necessary equipment they might need.
'Leah, we are going to do an ultrasound to check the baby's position so we can see if we need to intervene or whether everything is good, then Rita or I can examine you, which ever you prefer' he explained.
'No offence but can you please do it, it just that I trust you' Leah whimpered, pain radiating through her body. Her breathing was becoming more strained so Cal set up some oxygen for her before starting the ultrasound. He squeezed some gel onto her taut abdomen, after warning her that it might be cold. She moaned in pain, gripping his hand tightly to stop him putting the probe on her stomach.
'It's alright, we can wait, don't worry' he soothed. The contraction passed quickly so Cal was able to continue. He turned the screen away from the couple before starting. He found the baby in a good condition, in the right position, its tiny heart steadily beating and flickering on the screen. It broke his heart to see such a tiny life in such a vulnerable position but unfortunately there was nothing he could do.
'W-would you like to know the gender?' He asked his brother. Ethan looked down at Leah who nodded.
'Please' Ethan replied, blinking back his tears. Cal turned the screen around.
'Looks like you are having a little boy' he declared his eyes filling with yet more tears that he hurriedly wiped away hoping no one saw.
Ethan put a hand on his shoulder, 'can we talk outside quickly?' He asked nervously.
Cal nodded, 'of course' he replied leading his brother from the cubicle.
'How bad is it?' Ethan asked not holding back.
'It's still got a heart beat but as you know it is very premature, there is no certainty about the outcome but it is going to be quite traumatic for both Leah and the baby, you need to prepare yourselves for what could happen' Cal explained his face flooded with tears.
Ethan pulled him into a hug. 'We're extremely grateful that you are here, helping us, it makes Leah feel a lot more comfortable being treated by someone she trusts, it makes me feel more comfortable too' Ethan whispered as he consoled his brother.
'I just wish there was more I could do to help, and I should be the one comforting you after all its your child' Cal whimpered. They walked back into the cubicle a moment later to find Leah, half asleep, curled up tightly, whimpering occasionally in pain. Ethan sat beside her gently brushing her hair from her face.
'E-Ethan?' Leah asked tiredly.
'Yes its me darling, you just get some sleep, I'm not going anywhere' he whispered.
'I'm scared' she whimpered.
'I know but you're in safe hands and I'm right here' he whispered soothingly. Cal sat with his brother and sister in law, making sure that both were okay and ensuring that nothing went unnoticed. Leah slept for nearly an hour and a half before stirring, then waking up in complete agony. Cal handed her the entonox and instructed her to use it.
'Just keep breathing this in and try and stay calm' Cal told her. Ethan sat dutifully by her side, holding her hand tightly and breathing with her to help her calm her breathing down. Cal grabbed a pair of gloves and pulled then on before draping a blanket over her lap.
'I'm just going to examine you quickly to see how far along you are, it might be a bit uncomfortable but hold Ethan's hand, he has magic healing powers and will make you feel a lot better, I promise' Cal whispered. Leah fidgeted on the bed in discomfort for a second before grabbing her husband's hand tightly, she seemed to relax, her breathing slowing.
'Alright then Leah, it looks like you are about 4 centimetres at the moment, I'm going to get you some more fluids to try and stop you from feeling dehydrated, then I'd like to get you on some oxygen because your breathing is a bit shallow and the baby's heart rate is climbing a bit too high' Cal explained.
He grabbed an oxygen mask from the side and hooked it up placing it on her face before fetching another bag of saline. Ethan offered to give her a back rub to try and help with the pain. As he pressed his thumbs into her lower back she moaned with pleasure, the pain leaving slowly, making her feel more normal. He gently shifted and caressed her bump, softly running his fingers over her stomach.
She placed her hands on her bump, covering his. 'I'm sorry' she whispered.
'It's not your fault sweetheart, no matter what happens, I love you so much' he whispered kissing her neck gently. Cal returned to find his brother cuddled up with his wife, talking gently to her trying to make her feel calm.
'No matter what happens I am staying with you, we are in this together and I'm afraid you are going to be stuck with me' Ethan whispered with a small smile. Leah looked up at him a look of hope washing over her.
'Really?' She asked.
'Really' Ethan insisted.
'I wouldn't have it any other way' she replied with a smile. Cal smiled at the pair. He felt reassured by the fact that they were together and looking after one another. He admired their resilience as a couple and it warmed his heart to see how much they cared. Leah sat forward, her hand rubbing her bump, screwing her face up and clutching Ethan's hand tightly.
'Just breathe for me, nice and slowly' Ethan murmured breathing with his wife.
After a short while she sat back carefully on the pillows 'that was a bad one, it really hurt' she whimpered.
'I know but you are doing really well, and I'm proud of you' Ethan assured her. Rita came into the cubicle to check up on them.
'How are we feeling?' She asked the group.
'It hurts a lot more than I expected' Leah admitted.
'But she's doing really well' Ethan told the blonde nurse. Leah lurched forward gripping the bed rails. Cal reached over, peeling her hand off of the rails and holding it tightly.
'Breathe sweetheart, just breathe through it' he soothed. Ethan brushed her hair from her forehead and grabbed a cool cloth and held it there. Leah sank back onto the cushions in floods of tears.
'What's wrong Leah?' Cal asked.
'What if our baby doesn't make it, it's so small, I can't do this, I can't lose our baby' she sobbed. Ethan pulled her into a hug, she buried her head into his chest, her body shaking with every sob.
'I know sweetheart but what will be will be, our baby is in safe hands at the moment, you just focus on taking each contraction as it comes and let Cal worry about the baby' Ethan whispered.
'Lets get you checked over and then see what we can do to make you more comfortable' Cal said stepping towards the foot of the bed. He knelt down, pulling on a new pair of gloves.
'Okay, remember what I said, hold Ethan's hand tightly for me, and try to keep nice and still' he whispered. He resurfaced a moment later.
'You are at 7 centimetres now so it won't be much longer, I'm going to fetch the necessary equipment and set up resus. We will deliver the baby there because there is more space and better equipment. Ethan, you stay with Leah and try to keep her calm, Rita can you get a birth pack and a porter to fetch the equipment I ordered from maternity. I also need a porter to take Leah to resus in about five minutes' Cal ordered. He rushed into resus and began organising the equipment that they might need.
A moment later Ethan rushed into the room wheeling his wife's bed in front of him. She was writhing on the bed, hysterical. 'She's been complaining that the pain is getting worse and I think the baby might be coming sooner than we expected' Ethan explained as he positioned the bed.
A few seconds later Rita appeared with all of the equipment Cal had ordered. 'Sorry, there were no free porters' she explained as she helped Cal set up.
'Ethan please, I'm really really scared now, please help me' Leah cried. She lurched forward moaning in agony, her face contorted, her hands gripping the sheets tightly, before reaching out for Ethan's hand.
'Please I think something is wrong' Leah whimpered. Ethan nodded before ducking down beneath the sheet. He lifted his head, all of the colour drained from his face.
'Cal, she's crowning' Ethan told him his voice shaking with fear.
'Oh my, right, let me have a look, you look after Leah' Cal told him, suddenly beginning to feel panicked. They all knew this would happen but not as soon as it did. Leah groaned in pain.
'Alright darling, listen, your baby is on its way so I need you to calm down and listen to me, you need to push, gently, for ten seconds on the next contraction. Ethan is going to hold your hand and Rita is going to help too' Cal told her as he pulled on a gown, some gloves and a mask. Seeing him donning his protective clothing made it seem all too real. Leah broke down into floods of tears.
'Ssshhh, listen its alright sweetheart, you are going to be just fine, don't cry, we're all here for you' he whispered reassuringly. Leah whimpered slightly gripping Ethan's arm tightly. 'Alright darling you need to push, remember just gently and pant' he instructed. Leah did as she was told, still gripping Ethan's hand tightly.
'Okay sweetheart, you rest for a moment and then I want a big push, I think after one more your baby is going to be here' Cal explained. Leah looked up at her husband, tears in her eyes. Ethan nodded his head, taking her hand and kissing her knuckles gently.
'You can do this' he whispered. The whole room fell silent as the next contraction came. A tiny whimper echoed around the room followed by silence as Cal rushed over to the incubator with a small bundle wrapped in blanket in his arms. Leah flopped back into Ethan's arms exhausted and crying. Ethan too was crying as he rocked his wife in his arms.
On the other side of the room Cal was giving the baby some oxygen and starting chest compressions.
A few minutes later Cal turned around carrying the baby. 'I'm so sorry, I'm so so sorry' he sobbed as he handed the baby over. The tiny infant was blue, its lifeless body pale and limp in its mother's arms.
'It's a beautiful little boy' Cal declared his eyes filling with tears. Leah looked down at the baby in her arms. She couldn't hold back her sobs, her little baby which had been growing inside her for the past six months was gone, cruelly snatched from life. Ethan reached down and tickled beneath his son's chin.
A small weak smile formed on his face. 'He looks like his mum, he's gorgeous' he spoke, his voice shaking before he broke down. 'I'm sorry' he sobbed as he tried to compose himself. A nurse came down from the maternity unit to check Leah over and then to take the baby to the morgue. Everyone had taken the chance to hold the baby and to say goodbye. Ethan and Leah had named their baby Daniel Caleb Hardy, a name that they had agreed on when they had found out that they were going to have a child.
The nurse wheeled the baby out of the room and as soon as they were out of sight Leah and Ethan broke down. They were holding each other, sobbing. Cal too was upset but he didn't want to cry in front of his brother so he fled the room.
He stormed into the staff room, slamming his fists repeatedly into the lockers and the wall as hard as he could until he had no more energy. He collapsed onto a heap on the floor, his emotions pouring out of every inch of him. He was sad about the loss of his nephew but he was also angry, angry with himself that he couldn't have done more. The staff room door opened, Rita crouched beside him.
'I'm sorry Cal, no one deserves to be in that position but you handled it really well and both Ethan and Leah are grateful' she whispered hugging the young registrar. 'Ethan and Leah want to speak to you' she added. Cal nodded, wiping his eyes on his sleeve before jumping to his feet. He wandered slowly towards resus, pausing to compose himself before entering.
'Um you asked for me' he spoke as he walked in. Ethan stood up and ran over drawing his brother into a tight hug. He walked towards where Leah was, an oxygen mask on her face.
'She's been having some panic attacks which is expected but we both wanted to make sure you were alright, don't beat yourself up over this, it wasn't your fault and you did everything you could' Ethan assured him.
'C-Cal' Leah spoke her voice weak and quiet as she removed the oxygen mask from her face.
'Yes sweetheart' he replied leaning closer so he could hear.
'T-thank you, f-for every-everything, I-I app-appreicate it' she stammered. Cal smiled.
Suddenly a monitor went off and Leah was writhing on the bed in agony. 'Get the oxygen on her quickly Ethan, that's it now let's get her on her side and can you keep talking to her and encourage her to breathe' Cal instructed. Ethan crouched beside his wife.
'Leah, listen to me, I need you to breathe, really slowly and try and calm down. You are safe, you will always be safe, I'm here and I won't ever leave you darling, please just calm down and breathe' he soothed. Her took her left hand in his bringing it to his face, 'you and me forever, that's all that matters, what ever happens in our lives we will get through it, that is what you always said to me, and this is no different, although Daniel is gone, he will always be in our hearts, he's our baby and we will always love him but he is in a better place, I know our mum will be looking after him so don't worry. He is being looked after and so are you' he whispered.
Her face calmed, her breathing slowly evening out. Ethan looked relieved when the monitors stopped beeping and she was calm. He pulled the blankets over her, kissing her forehead. 'You have been through a lot today so you get some sleep, tomorrow we can start to come to terms with this' he told her. He tucked her in before dimming the lights and leaving her to get some rest. Cal popped in later to move her to the High Dependency Cubicle which was quieter so she could get some proper rest.
The brothers stayed by her side all night tending to her every need and ensuring that she was okay. The next morning they would begin preparing for the funeral, where they would say goodbye to their tiny son, who despite only being alive for a minute, touched all of their hearts, leaving a tiny footprint in the sand that is their hearts.