Title: Sweet Revenge with the Cultus Spell
Summary: Malfoy has wronged the Golden Trio (well, Ron, but one for all and all that…) and so they decide that the slimy Slytherin ought to be properly punished. And humiliated.
A/N: This was written within four hours of reading a conversation in a forum thread where people were making up their own spells. This was just too good to pass up… There's also a picture that further motivated me but ff doesn't approve of links unfortunately. I'll tell you how to find it in a second note at the end.
"Malfoy will pay for this!"
Harry nodded in agreement and winced sympathetically as Ron fished out what had been a complicated potions homework due for the next day. Right now it was soaked in ink and useless, much like everything else in Ron's bag.
"I wonder how he managed to blow up your inkbottle while it was in your bag."
"Who cares how he did it – it took me two days to write this essay, two days Harry!"
"Oh, don't wail Ron. I'm sure you can rewrite it in a few hours if you use my and Harry's notes."
"Easy for you to say…"
"Look, I'll coach you through it and it'll be done in no time-"
Harry decided to look anywhere but at his friends at that and discreetly scooted away. He knew Hermione was trying to find opportunities to discreetly "get close" to Ron in a slightly-more-than-friendly manner. Harry was tired of their dancing around and fully supported the idea in theory, but he doubted that Ron would ever find tutoring romantic. Not that Harry was going to be the one pointing it out to her though; they would have to sort that out themselves.
"Bollox with the homework, help me get back at the prat instead!"
"Ron, revenge is not going to save your grades."
"Hermione, it's potions. It's not like I would've gotten a fair grade anyway."
Hermione huffed, but when it was clear that Ron would give up on the assignment she went in full force on planning retribution with her hopefully-soon-maybe-boyfriend. Unsurprisingly, she was the one who figured out the perfect spell to use.
"A cloth-altering spell?"
"Well, yes. It is a modified transfiguration spell that can dramatically alter a whole outfit. It's called Cultus, from the Latin term for make-up."
"How dramatic?"
Hermione paused and looked uncertain for a moment.
"How dramatic would you like it?"
Harry met Ron's eyes for a moment and they both grinned.
"How about some flashy lights?"
"Pink lights-"
"And sparkles!"
"And some kind of sound - the more people who come and see him the better!"
Hermione nodded. "I think I could work that into the spell. But more importantly, what should the new outfit look like? It would be best if it is something easy to picture so don't make it too outlandish."
That one was harder, and the trio ran through several suggestions that were either too odd or not odd enough. Harry suggested women's clothing, but there was a problem with that suggestion. Hermione was the only one of them advanced enough to cast the spell, but she wasn't familiar with the masculine and feminine norms in wizarding garbs and a pureblood like Malfoy would at best only be vaguely aware of the difference between masculine and feminine in muggle clothing. And, she admitted, Hermione wasn't very familiar with fancy dresses.
Harry tried to think of outfits that were so embarrassing that they surely would cross the cultural barrier.
"How about some superhero costume? Colourful spandex and all that. Like… Superman?"
"Or the Flash, then we'd have him in Gryffindor red and adorned with lightning bolts."
"I have no idea what you two are talking about but red and lightning sounds brilliant. Shame on the girl clothes though, I liked the idea of getting some frills on the git."
Hermione made a sudden "oh" sound that seemed to signal instant inspiration.
"That's it; I know just what to put him in! It would be the perfect combination of a girl outfit and a superhero outfit-"
"Wonderwoman?"
"That's a bathing suit, which isn't a bad idea mind you but this one is better since it does have a frilly skirt. Oh, how to describe it – give me that parchment and I'll try to draw it up."
As the outfit took shape on the parchment, the merriment rose between Harry and Ron until the latter was howling with laughter and Harry decided to ascertain that Collin Creevey and his camera would be nearby during their moment of revenge.
"This will be brilliant."
"Literally."
/%/%/%/
It was uniformly decided that the plan would be put into motion before potions class. Not only would that give Ron something to cheer him up before Snape failed his ruined homework, but Collin had potions just before they had and would be in the vicinity of the action. Ron was practically bouncing on his heels at the set time, despite having spent the better part of the night helping Hermione fine-tuning the spell (mostly by being subjected to it, but he and Harry had agreed that as long as they didn't have witnesses, it was worth it).
"I can't wait to see Malfoy in that outfit! Isn't he here yet? Figures he'll be late the one day we-"
"Hush Ron! Don't worry, as long as you don't alert anyone it should go as- yes, there he is!" Hermione pushed Ron aside and took aim. "Bellus Militus Cultus!"
Hermione swished her wand in a vaguely crescent-like motion and then flicked, hurling the spell towards Malfoy who cried out before he lit up in bright pink and green lights. Harry admired the effect with slightly more pride then was warranted for someone whose only contribution was suggestions and standing around for Hermione to practice on.
Malfoy literally glowed pink, floating a foot above the ground. Perky chimes made out a slightly out of sync but cheerful tune while white petals swirled around the Slytherin. His robes seemed to disintegrate into green light which reshaped itself into a tight white bodice with a large black bow and a green scarf-like collar-thing… Harry had no idea what it was but Hermione insisted that it was part of the uniform. Next followed white gloves that reached Malfoys elbows, green, high-heeled, knee-length boots and a very short, white skirt edged in green with an even bigger black bow placed right over his butt. As the very last detail a silver tiara formed on his forehead, completing his transformation into-
"SAILING SNIVELLING, LADIES AND GENTS!"
"I thought we agreed on 'Sailor Slytherin' Ron."
"My version sound better, right Harry?"
Harry hummed non-committally as he was far too busy ogling Malfoy's legs to pay much mind to whatever they were arguing about. Damn but he had nice thighs for a bloke…
Several flashes went of in rapid succession as Collin Creevey took numerous photos of Malfoy in his sailor-galore. Malfoy, who up until that moment had seemed completely dumbfounded (and probably partially blinded by the bright flashing lights) suddenly snapped out of his stupor and roared.
"POTTER!"
"RUN!"
As one the trio turned and took off, their merriment nearly drowning out the clatter of Malfoys heels against the stones and his enraged profanities. The Slytherin was so mad he didn't even bother to aim his wand and hex them, which probably was a good thing since he was easier to outrun now that he wore high-heeled boots.
"I'll snap your wands in half for this you-"
"Sod off Malfoy!"
"We thought you liked green!"
"You filthy Gryffindors!"
"Nice panties Malfoy!"
"RAAAAARGH!"
/%/%/%/
The next day Harry walked up to Collin and discreetly bought as many Sailor Malfoy photos as the younger boy was willing to part with. No matter how painful the retribution or how many house points they lost, donning Malfoy in a short skirt was definitely worth it. Harry vowed to learn the Cultus spell before they graduated.
THE END?
A/N: KissyRee on gaiaonline was the one who inspired me to write this with her "Bella Militus" spell, including the wand movement. I added the Cultus because I used to be a Sailor fangirl in my youth and couldn't imagine a transformation without "Make- UP!" being shouted. KissyRee in turn was inspired by a picture on deviantArt by plankye, you'll find it by searching for "Super Sailor Slytherin".