1.
(A game show stage. The audience is in the back, and an organist is on the right side.)
Announcer (off screen)-And now, it's time for another episode of Do This Stunt! And here's your host, Milton Armstrong!
(The audience claps and the organ plays the main theme, as he comes onstage.)
Milton-Hello, and welcome to Do This Stunt, the show that dares people to Do This Stunt! And here are our first contestants. They bottlers at Milwaukee's own Schotz Beer. Please welcome Laverne DeFazio and Shirley Feeney!
(Applause and organ music, as the girls come onstage.)
Welcome to the show, ladies.
Girls (together)-Hi!
Milton,-Now, I understand you work at Schotz Beer.
Laverne-Yes, Sir.
Milton-Fine beer!
Shirley-We watch your show all the time.
Laverne-It's on in the break room, during our lunch.
Shirley-We're on vacation, this week, and we thought we'd appear on your show.
Milton-Well, that's nice to hear! OK, ladies, are you ready to Do This Stunt?
Girls-Ready!
Milton-Excellent!
(Applause and organ.)
Now, today, we're going to have the two of you do some fishing. Ever fished before?
Laverne-Sure. But I hate handling those worms!
Shirley-Yuck!
(Laughter)
Milton-Don't worry, girls, there won't be any nasty worms! Today, you'll be fishing for coins.
(A large plastic pool is wheeled onstage on a platform. It is filled with water, and coins can be seen on the bottom. )
Now, as you can see, there are coins in this pool. You two will get in the water and-
Girls-GET IN THE WATER?!
Milton (smiling)-That's right! Now, you see why we told you to wear your old clothes? Anyway, you will get in the water and collect as many coins as you can. There are pennies, nickels, and dimes in the pool. For each penny, we will give you $1. Each nickel gives you $5.
Laverne-And dimes are $10, right?
Milton-Wrong! For each dime, we DEDUCT $10, so they should be avoided.
Shirley-Excuse me, would you mind if we take our shoes off, first?
Milton-Sure, that's a good idea.
(The girls quickly take their shoes and socks off. Attendants give them cloth bags to put the coins in.)
OK, get in the water.
(They get in. It's about 1' deep. They kneel down, soaking their pants.)
Laverne-It's cold!
Milton (smiling)-Sorry, we couldn't afford hot water!
(Laughter and organ "rim shot.")
Oh, there's one little detail I almost forgot: You two will be blindfolded.
Girls-Blindfolded?
Milton-We can't make it TOO easy, can we?
(Attendants tie bands around their eyes.)
Now, when the bell rings, you will have one minute. Good luck, ladies!
(The bell rings and the organ plays a tune. The girls scurry around, putting coins in their pouches. Being blindfolded, they often bump into each other. At one point, Laverne accidentally rubs Shirley's left foot.)
Shirley-Hey!
Laverne-Sorry, Shirl!
(They continue. A minute later, the bell rings again. The audience applauds.)
Milton-OK, stop now.
(They stop and take their blindfolds off. Attendants collect their pouches.)
We will count the coins, now. While we're doing this, we will pause for a commercial break.
2.
(After the break. The girls are out of the pool. Towels are around their shoulders. They are still barefooted.)
Milton-We're back with Do This Stunt! These two wet ladies have just fished for coins. How many did Laverne get?
1st Attendant-25 pennies, 5 nickels, and 2 dimes-a total of $30.
Milton-And how many did Shirley get?
2nd Attendant-27 pennies, 5 nickels, and 2 dimes-a total of $27.
Shirley-That was worth getting wet!
Laverne-Yeah!
(Laughter)
Milton-OK, ladies. You can go home with your winning now, or you can stay and play-SUDDEN DEATH!
(The girls cuddle.)
Laverne-Oh, please don't kill us!
Milton (smiling)-We don't do that-any more!
(Laughter and organ "rim shot.")
During the break, we place a 50 cent piece in the pool. If either of you finds it, we will give each of you $50 extra-
Girls-We'll do it!
Milton-Not so fast! If, however, neither of you finds it, you will both FORFEIT your winnings, and we will give you $10 each as a consolation prize. Talk it over, ladies.
Laverne-Whatdoya think, Shirl?
Shirley-I think we should go for it. $20 will at least buy us groceries. Besides, we're already wet!
Laverne-I agree. We'll go for it!
Milton-Excellent!
(The audience claps. Attendants take the towels, and the girls get back into the pool.)
Now, for this round, you will only have 30 seconds; however, you will NOT be blindfolded. Ready, ladies?
Girls-Ready!
(The bell rings, and the organ plays a tune. The girls quickly search through the coins. With just five seconds left, Shirley picks up the half dollar.)
Shirley-I've got it!
(The audience cheers wildly, and the organ plays a "congratulations!" fill. The girls are so happy that they hug and fall in the water together, getting completely soaked! They settle down, after a few seconds, and attendants help them out.)
Milton-Congratulations, ladies! You've won over $150 in total! You were great sports, and I'd like to thank you for being on Do This Stunt! We'll be right back after this important word.
Girls-Buy Schotz Beer!