'Twas the Night Before Christmas (HP Style)
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'Twas the night before Christmas and all through the castle
Everything was scrubbed clean, each tapestry and tassel
Pointy hats were charmed to each broomstick with care
So they wouldn't collapse from the goodies soon to be crammed there
Many a seventh year had stayed for the season
To hop into each others beds I think was the reason
Minerva in her teddy and I in just my cap
Had just budged over an exhausted Pompfrey for a well deserved nap
When out from my office I heard a great crash
I feared a thief was after my lemon drop stash
I threw open the door, fearing the worst
But I laughed so hard that another blood vessel burst
For what to my aged eyes should appear
But a pint sized Santa with eight grumpy reindeer
He was odd and short, like a rather young yoda
I knew at that moment I needed some bicarbonate of soda
"Don'ts be alarmed Mr. Dumbledore, sir!
Its just me Doby with stapled on fur!
(In that last battle many a good wizard were fell
And replacements were hard, we were short personnel)
The final battle had taken place in the States
They put it on pay-per-view and gave us great rates
But when all the Death Eaters were spelled to warm moosh
Like the proverbial meatball under the children's verse bush
Could we finish You-Know-Who like we wanted? Oh, no no
The cable lawyers had us by the you-know-whats don't you know
The final decision was theirs was the certain sad fact
(Paragraph 4, subarticle 3, in the aforementioned contract)
"Community Service!" they called and "Probation!"
The cry for an eighth book drew a standing ovation.
But looking into the lead reindeer's glowing red eyes
I was warmed that the punishment was still a horrible surprise
And a quick glace below showed why they were seething
It looked as if Moody had stopped them from breeding
Then santa tossed me pills from that Muggle company Pfizer
The burden of keeping Minerva happy was suddenly much lighter
To Minerva he gave something from Victoria's Scandal
Pomprey something rubber only her great experience could handle
Then like a bunny he hopped back into his sled
Gave me a cheeky wink as I headed back to bed
I saw the whip crack so hard it drew blood
And noticed on its tip was tied a bespectacled bug
"On Voldy! now Draco! and Lucius and Avery!
On Crabbe! on Goyle! and two more unsavory!
To the top of the castle then down to the lake!
A cherry cephalopod we certainly must make!"
I smiled a happy smile as to my bed I went back
For I knew that venison was the squid's favorite snack
And I couldn't help shout as I turned off the light
"Merry Christmas to All, and to the squid a Large Appetite!"
-------------------------------------------------------
'Twas the night before Christmas and all through the castle
Everything was scrubbed clean, each tapestry and tassel
Pointy hats were charmed to each broomstick with care
So they wouldn't collapse from the goodies soon to be crammed there
Many a seventh year had stayed for the season
To hop into each others beds I think was the reason
Minerva in her teddy and I in just my cap
Had just budged over an exhausted Pompfrey for a well deserved nap
When out from my office I heard a great crash
I feared a thief was after my lemon drop stash
I threw open the door, fearing the worst
But I laughed so hard that another blood vessel burst
For what to my aged eyes should appear
But a pint sized Santa with eight grumpy reindeer
He was odd and short, like a rather young yoda
I knew at that moment I needed some bicarbonate of soda
"Don'ts be alarmed Mr. Dumbledore, sir!
Its just me Doby with stapled on fur!
(In that last battle many a good wizard were fell
And replacements were hard, we were short personnel)
The final battle had taken place in the States
They put it on pay-per-view and gave us great rates
But when all the Death Eaters were spelled to warm moosh
Like the proverbial meatball under the children's verse bush
Could we finish You-Know-Who like we wanted? Oh, no no
The cable lawyers had us by the you-know-whats don't you know
The final decision was theirs was the certain sad fact
(Paragraph 4, subarticle 3, in the aforementioned contract)
"Community Service!" they called and "Probation!"
The cry for an eighth book drew a standing ovation.
But looking into the lead reindeer's glowing red eyes
I was warmed that the punishment was still a horrible surprise
And a quick glace below showed why they were seething
It looked as if Moody had stopped them from breeding
Then santa tossed me pills from that Muggle company Pfizer
The burden of keeping Minerva happy was suddenly much lighter
To Minerva he gave something from Victoria's Scandal
Pomprey something rubber only her great experience could handle
Then like a bunny he hopped back into his sled
Gave me a cheeky wink as I headed back to bed
I saw the whip crack so hard it drew blood
And noticed on its tip was tied a bespectacled bug
"On Voldy! now Draco! and Lucius and Avery!
On Crabbe! on Goyle! and two more unsavory!
To the top of the castle then down to the lake!
A cherry cephalopod we certainly must make!"
I smiled a happy smile as to my bed I went back
For I knew that venison was the squid's favorite snack
And I couldn't help shout as I turned off the light
"Merry Christmas to All, and to the squid a Large Appetite!"