Dear Diary,

Hey, it's me again: Eric. You probably remember me from the last hundred or so entries. You probably also remember that most of those entries consist of me saying "I love Kyle!" and "I wish Kyle would love me..." and shit like that. Some of them can't even count as entries since they're just embarrassing moments where I've given into the temptation to draw a love heart and write Kyle Cartman or Eric Broflovski in it. If anybody finds out about those then I'll have to commit suicide to save myself the humiliation, I swear.

Anyway, the point I'm bringing all this up is because I'm tired. I am so goddamn fucking tired of just sitting here sobbing about and jacking off to Kyle. It's all very lonely and pathetic, and I'm going to put a stop to it. That's right: I've finally decided to woo Kyle. Instead of just being stuck with these unrequited feelings, I'm going to get him to fall in love with me. It's gonna take a lot of work, what with him hating me and all, but it's worth a shot. If all fails, then I'll just return to a cycle of sobbing and jacking off, simultaneously. But if all goes well, then I could be looking at Kyle jacking me off for me, and that'd be kickass, so I'm all for giving it a go.

I'll initiate Operation: Woo Kyle first thing tomorrow morning. I don't know what I'm going to do yet, but Butters says I should just be nice. He's a gay pussy faggot, but a bunch of people actually like him, so I guess his advice should be taken. Still, I don't really know what "nice" actually is. Other than Kyle's ass. That's nice. But anyway, I'll figure out how to be nice, and then I'll be nice to Kyle, and then hopefully pretty soon you'll be looking at the boyfriend of Kyle Broflovski...maybe...

Yours truly, Eric Cartman

P.S. Kyle's ass is so totally nice though. I could write poetry about that shit...Perhaps I should do that. Would that be considered nice?

Author's Note:

Blergh, I dunno what the heck this is, I just thought it'd be cute and I hope you do too. If not, then blergh again! Whatever, if you like this then...I dunno. Why? What's wrong with you? Pfft, I'm just kidding, please love me.
Stick around for more, because there will be more, because I have no life and nothing else to do but write the diary of a cute gaywad with a crush.
Thanks for reading this, and I hope you liked doing so as much as I liked writing it.

Disclaimer: South Park does not belong to me, but to its creators, Trey Parker and Matt Stone.