Secret Santa:
A/N: During the Stevelle break up, after Carter split, Carla and Michelle lived together in Carla's flat in Victoria Court. Watch the episode from Christmas Day 2014 (RachieAliette has the Carla scenes on her Tumblr so ask her nicely if she can link you) and pick up on the little Carchelle moments, you'll see where I got this idea from.
25th December 2014:
I've been restless all night, not only because I was stressing about my most hated day of the year, but also because of how it would effect everyone. Rob would be spending his first Christmas back in prison, Tracy would be lost without him, as would Roy, being without Hayley on the day she loved so much.
But most importantly, I was worried about the fact that my best friend had cried herself to sleep. Christmas was tough for her, as it was for me, as it was for everybody else who I was close to. It reminded her of her brothers, it reminded her of Dean, it reminded her of Steve, who she was still completely confused by given the circumstances. Therefore, I had been reluctant to move in the slightest throughout the night, despite my need for tossing and turning, as I hadn't wanted to wake her when I finally got her off.
Sex had been what did it. She wanted to be loved and I craved intimacy, so our pact that we drew up since the end of September was one we were very inclined to stick to. I wasn't denying the fact I had feelings for her, I always had, probably always will. She was the only person who stuck by me all my life. Dad left, mam died, Rob's back in his cell, every man I have ever loved has betrayed me. But not her, she had stuck by me, since the very start.
"Morning." I whisper as I feel her move next to me, opening her eyes gently to fixate on mine.
"Is it?" She murmurs as I run a hand through her straight brown hair. "Was hoping I'd slept through."
"Well we can stay here if you want." I smile and she hums contently, her eyes still tinted red from crying last night.
"As much as I'd love to, I've got to see Amy." She sighs. "I promised her."
"Mm, I've got Roy's present to give him." I remind myself. "Should pop round."
"Well ok, here's a deal." She bites her lip subtly which immediately sets me on edge, pulling herself over me so she can peck me lightly on the lips. "We stay in bed for an hour whilst you open your stocking, then we go do our duties."
"Stocking?" I raise my eyebrows at her.
"Oh come on." She groans slightly, her eyes tracing my face excitedly. "You remember when I used to bring you a stocking round to your side of the estate."
"Yeah I do." I nod. "You always brightened up the dullest day of my life with that... A satsuma, a can of spray paint, a lighter, an energy drink, chocolate coins, a cigarette and a coin to spend in the arcade machines."
"Wasn't much." She shrugs, unaware of how much it meant to me at the time.
"It's all I needed to survive on the estate." I grin. "Except the satsuma, but I threw that at Kimberly Doyle when she wasn't looking."
"See it did have its uses." She pokes me lightly in the cheek before kissing me quickly and jumping out of bed. "Just going to the loo, I'll be back."
I can already hear the faint sound of carols from inside Roy's Rolls whilst I was stood on the doorstep. The place was quiet, deserted, as I had expected it to be. I pull myself together as best as possible before entering, virtually convinced within myself that I would see Hayley stood behind the counter with a Christmas hat on.
"Merry Christmas." I greet with a smile and Roy raises his head from the kitchen, wearing his apron despite the fact he didn't appear to be cooking anything. He looks rather solemn, which I expected, promptly turning the festive music off before plodding round to my side of the counter. "Ey, I was enjoying that!"
"I find it easier to concentrate without the noise." He insists.
"Roy Cropper." I cut him off sharply and he turns to look at me properly. "You may want to bah humbug your way through Christmas and you've got just cause... But come on, what would Hayley say if she saw you being so grumpy?"
"Oh..." He murmurs and a lump forms in my throat at the thought. "Well..."
"She'd say shut your trap and open your present." I push any sorrow away and edge it towards him eagerly, his eyes full of surprise at my gesture.
"...I didn't get you anything." He stammers, looking at it warily.
"Well I don't care." I pass it to him and he takes it hesitantly. "As long as you feel dead guilty about it."
"I do." He nods as I place my hands back in my pockets and he stands awkwardly with the gift in front of himself.
"Good." I respond and he looks up at me again, a sense of recognition in his eyes.
"...Thank you." He says after a short pause and I give a quick nod, eyeing him up and down.
"Give us something to smile about then yeah?" I slowly recite.
"I'll try." He agrees.
"That's all I can ask." I force a smile, his eyes meeting mine. We stand there for a few seconds in silence before I turn promptly to switch the radio back on as 'The First Noel' begins to play out again. I swiftly move towards him, placing a light friendly but affectionate kiss on his lips. "Merry Christmas."
"Thank you." I hear him say again as I pass him, full of emotion as I head outside. As soon as I step out onto the street the morning air hits me, my heels sharp against the rough of the cobbles. I push a lock of hair back in the wind and my eyes fall on Michelle, leaning against the railings of the medical centre. Her green sequin dress clung to her figure beautifully as her straight hair encased her shoulders.
"Hey." I yell as I approach her and she looks up suddenly from her phone. "Not been in there have you?"
"No, I was waiting for you." She replies. "Been on the phone to mum and dad."
"Oh right and what did good old Barry have to say for himself?" I ask, narrowly avoiding the mention of Helen, who evidently loathed me since the day they moved in next door on the estate.
"He sounded tipsy already." She shrugs as I link my arm with hers and we stroll down the street. "Seriously, I'm regretting that bottle of whiskey I bought him."
"How did you ship that over to Ireland?" I narrow my eyes.
"Gave Tom the money and he bought it for him." She replies.
"Ah, sneaky." I try to conceal the kiss I place on the side of her head, making it as discreet as possible.
"Merry Christmas!" Amy calls excitedly as soon as we open the door to the Rovers.
"Ahh, merry Christmas." Michelle wraps her in a hug and I place my hand on the top of the booth protectively. I notice Tracy giving us an evil eye, envious of Michelle's bond with Amy.
"Is it snowing yet?" Amy questions as Michelle steps backwards, my arm conveniently ending up virtually round her shoulders.
"No darling sorry." She looks at me briefly, but I keep my eyes fixated on her face, taking in all the details of the woman who had always stood by me no matter what.
"I don't think the weather forecast said there'd be snow today." I eventually tear my eyes away from Michelle to look at the little girl in front of us.
"Oh there'll be snow." She assures us. "My dad promised."
"Oh did he?" Michelle asks in a shocked tone and I pull a knowing expression.
"Ahh, look who's here." Steve appears behind her and my heart immediately sinks slightly, I had no clue how Michelle would be feeling. "But what is wrong with this picture?" He points at us and I freeze for a second, considering retracting my arm from around Michelle.
"No hats." Amy confirms, immediately searching her sack. I force a smile as Michelle manages a slight laugh, her face falling slightly when he begins to walk away.
"Exactly." He finishes, going over to the table of food, naturally.
"Here you go." Amy hands Michelle a tiara, which looked pretty hot when she placed it on her head. I wait patiently before she produces another hat, which has less of the effect. She passes me a hair band topped with large elf ears and a green and red joker hat.
"Haha... You're joking." I take it from her hastily, pulling a face at the garment. "You do know who I am right?"
"It's all we've really got left." She shrugs. "Unless you want the donkey mask?"
"No that's ok." I stop her, looking sulkily at Michelle before putting it on to my head, hoping none of the workers would be making an appearance this afternoon. I wait until Amy has skipped off before retracting the item from my hair.
"Uh, no you don't." Michelle grins at me, snatching it and gently placing it back, her eyes moving down to mine for a few moments, which are spent in comfortable silence. "See, you look sexy."
"Shut up." I slap her lightly. "You wanna swap?"
"Ha, no." She laughs. "I'm a princess."
"You don't need a crown for that." The words slip out of my mouth before I can stop myself and she blushes slightly, bowing her head which I find adorable.
"Keep cool yeah?" She looks up, a large smile on her face before placing a subtle kiss on my cheek.
I had spent about ten minutes sat here, fiddling with the base of my wine glass as I sit alone in one of the booths. I felt like an idiot, not only because the boss was spending Christmas Day with herself and a glass of red, but also because I looked like some over-aged Santa's helper.
I look up when I hear heels clacking towards me, noticing that Michelle had finished doing whatever she had been engrossed in with Steve before walking swiftly past me.
"Ey, where you going?" I demand and she turns to face me, her eyes distant.
"I'm not sure." She shrugs.
"Michelle." I persist, annoyed at her sudden lack of interest in me now that Steve had shown up.
"Just wait there, I'll be back." She argues, sticking her hand out impatiently before walking off to the back room. I narrow my eyes as she goes, hating myself for seeming so desperate. We were supposed to be spending Christmas together, our first as... Well whatever we were. But she had shown such a lack of interest in me so far, which was making me appear clingy and needy now.
In the process of trying to look nonchalant as I peer around the pub, I notice Eileen looking at me over her glass of vodka and tonic. The surprised expression on her face didn't shock me, I wasn't used to drinking alone, only when I was planning on getting wasted and even then I had men... Or women chatting me up.
Refusing to look like an invalid for much longer, I get up, heading over to the bar and making my way through, without asking permission from Sean who was stood waving a tea towel around. It had been a while since I had been back here, in fact, I had been round in Christmas 2008, when I was with Tony. I think maybe that was the last time I had made my way up these stairs.
I can hear Michelle's laugh from one of the bedrooms; Steve's bedroom. None of this was adding up. How come one minute, he was dumping her and the next they were going all Santa baby in the bedroom?
I contemplate interrupting them, but instead I just place an ear to the surface of the door, only establishing short mumbles in an exchange of conversation. I hesitantly move my eye to the crack in the door, focusing in on the couple stood by the window, throwing handfuls of what looks like fake snow out of the window. Once they've stopped, Michelle looks at him affectionately and I can't help but feel the slightest bit jealous. She was so forgiving, why did she always let him back no matter what? First he pretended to propose to her to cover up a joke him and Lloyd had made, then he cheated on her with Becky and now he had broken up with her, after treating her like shit for months.
I'm so encased in my thoughts that I barely realise Michelle leaning in for a kiss, but to my surprise, Steve looks shocked at this and retracts instantly. Ok, this wasn't going to end well.
I move away from the door, and Michelle appears almost instantly, tears brimming in her eyes.
"What's the matter?" I ask as if I didn't know, wrapping her in a warm hug. She shakes her head and pulls away, grabbing my hand and leading me down the stairs, out of the back door and into the ginnel before finally giving in to my gestures. "Hey, what's happened?"
"I always get it wrong." She suddenly bursts into tears and I sigh before hugging her again, rocking her gently in the darkness of the night.
"I'm such an idiot." Michelle drones once we were seated at a table in the Bistro. It had taken some persuading to get her to come here, but it was freezing outside and even I wasn't putting up with that.
"We're all idiots." I retaliate, in an attempt at a pep talk, but I wasn't focused on that, I was thinking about how somehow, Steve McDonald had something that seduced her every single time she was near him. I didn't know what, especially as he was a balding, fattening, middle-aged man, but he had some charm over her and it was something I would never have.
"How could I get it so wrong?" She asks, exasperatedly, looking up at the ceiling.
"Because you still love him." It hurts to say, but I knew it was the truth. I run a hand through her hair in an attempt to keep me in her mind as we discussed her ex boyfriend, wanting to cry myself as I did so.
"No I don't." She lies, sighing before turning her head to look at me. She studies my face, her big brown eyes beautiful and warm against my own. "Yes I do..." She admits, reluctantly, knowing it would hurt the both of us to say it. "You know don't you? You can't just stop loving someone."
I did know. I knew very well. Because the one person I never had stopped loving was sat right in front of me. It was just the extent of that love that I didn't understand.
"Put it in a box and bury it deep." I tell her, reciting the words we used to say to each other when we were kids. When guys would screw us over or memories of the past would be dragged up. We had this emotional box that we stored our thoughts in, we always had, we always will. I wrap my arm around her shoulders, sinking beneath her to look up into her eyes and she meets my gaze momentarily before swallowing more tears.
"Yeah but it's not just Steve..." She trails off and I remove my arm, placing my hand on hers under the table. We both knew what that meant, but instead she recites a list to override our feelings. "It's the pub, it's Amy... Even Liz... I miss it all."
"I know you do." I virtually whisper and she looks back at me, sadness in her eyes, glistening with tears she so desperately wanted to release but wouldn't. "I know you do..."
"But... I'll get through that." She finally confirms, not moving her eyes from mine, raising her palm to softly touch my cheek, her fingers freezing as I shiver at her touch. "If you'll help me."
"Chelle of course I will." I murmur and she doesn't check the surroundings before moving in to kiss me. The contrast between her hands and lips was immense, they were warm and passionate and soft from the tears she had cried in my arms. I didn't know why; whether it was because she needed to feel appreciated by someone after her rejection, or maybe because she had genuinely meant the words she was implying. Neither of us knew and to be honest, it was likely to always stay that way.