A/N: You probably don't want to read this. I didn't even want to write it, really; it was for therapeutic purposes. Many thanks to all the writers/writters who inspired me (Sorry I can't possibly list you all by name). Of course I don't own these characters. OMG R&R plz!11!
Rating: M
Alex walked through the squad room doors, striding purposefully to Olivia's desk.
"Alex…I…uh…you're back," Olivia stammered.
"Surprise!" Alex said. "Velez died yesterday. I've missed you, let's have sex."
"Um, Lexi, I don't think…"
"What, you think we have sex too much? We're not normal? But I just…it's been three years. It doesn't seem that excessive."
"It's not that. I just don't know if things are going to work out between us," Olivia said quietly, getting up and walking toward the coffee maker.
"But Livvy," Alex cried, "I want to have your baaaaby!"
"Lexi, I just can't have a baby right now."
"But you love kids, Livvy."
"Yeah, and eventually I'd like to have a child. But I'm waiting for the right one."
"What the hell are you talking about?" Alex questioned, in an impression of the kick-ass ADA she had once been.
Olivia's eyes grew glassy as the tears began to flow. Her voice wavered as she said, "I'm the product of rape you know. Do you know what it's like to have to clean up your mother's alcohol-induced vomit from the time you're three years old? What it feels like to want to kill your mother when she's threatening you with a broken bottle? What it's like to have to do all the cooking, cleaning, paying bills, grading papers when your mother's too drunk to do it? Do you, Alex?"
"That's not fair," Alex replied, crossing her arms over her chest. "Can't we talk about this?"
Olivia was momentarily confused. She'd just said more about her childhood in three minutes than she'd told Alex in the three years they'd previously been together. And Alex was not being sympathetic. When she'd told Casey the same story, the then-red-headed ADA had been suitably affected. Witness Protection had obviously changed Alex for the worse.
"Besides, Alex, there's something I should tell you," Olivia continued, changing her tack. There were so many things to be said. "While you were gone, a lot of things changed."
"I changed, too, Olivia!" Alex was quick to point out. "I love babies now! And I want to have one…with you."
"No, you don't understand Alex," Olivia continued. "Look at my hair. How does it look to you?"
"Like you would fly away if a strong breeze came up," Alex replied wryly.
Olivia nodded. "And my skin?"
"There was a ten-for-the-price-of-one sale on sunless tanner?"
Olivia nodded again. "And what am I wearing?"
"A pink sparkly shirt?"
Olivia nodded a third time. "Exactly. Do you know what this means Alex?"
Alex shook her head. What did this have to do with her baby?
"I'm not a lesbian anymore, Alex."
"How did this happen?" Alex demanded. Granted, when she was in Witness Protection, she couldn't be a lesbian either, but she didn't understand what Olivia's excuse was.
"I'm really not sure," Olivia confessed. "It was a gradual change, I hardly noticed it myself. It started with my hair. I went a little overboard with the blond highlights. Then I got the crazy idea that my skin should match my hair color. You know, color coordinated and all. Then there were the pink shirts, the tickets to Spamelot, an eBay bid on the 'I am not a lesbian' dish set."
Alex sighed. "Well, I'm having a baby, whether you like it or not. I'm going to go get inseminated now."
"But Lexi, you just got back to New York two hours ago."
"But my biological clock is ticking, Livvy. And it's the right time chronologically."
"Hey, Olivia," Elliot said, catching up with his partner as she walked out of the station house.
"Hi Elliot," she replied cautiously. She and Elliot had not been on very good terms lately, what with him being on the rebound and all. As if that wasn't bad enough, he was going to counseling with one of her old girlfriends, a sorry reminder of her days as a dyke. She couldn't understand why he was doing this to her.
"Let me drive you home," he offered.
"You don't have to," Olivia said, always thinking of others first. "You probably want to get home."
"To that empty four bedroom house that I live in all by myself while my wife and four kids camp out on the floor of my mother-in-law's living room? No, I can spare some time to take you home."
"Elliot, do you want to talk about it?" Olivia asked, placing her hand on his arm.
"Well, I'm just…lonely," Elliot confided, in a rare moment of personal revelation.
"You shouldn't have shut Kathy out," Olivia replied immediately. "You've lost the best thing you ever had!"
Elliot nodded glumly.
They got in the car and a few minutes later Elliot pulled up to Olivia's apartment building.
"Do you want to come up for a minute?" she asked, giving him a sad yet beautiful smile. He nodded, and Olivia let out a breath she didn't know she'd been holding.
Once inside, Olivia got a beer for Elliot and some mineral water for herself. Elliot threw her a questioning glance.
"I've given up drinking," Olivia explained. "At least beer. It's not very feminine, and besides, I need to be ready when the right kid comes along."
Elliot nodded. He'd given up trying to understand women years ago. Maybe that was part of the problem with Kathy, he mused. Then he punched the couch. Olivia jumped back, looking alarmed.
"Don't worry," Elliot said. "I'd never hit you, Olivia. Unless, maybe if you slept with my daughter."
"Elliot, I'm not a lesbian anymore," Olivia said, somewhat offended. And Maureen was so not her type when she was, either.
"Good, 'cause that's wrong by God," he replied. "And in that case…" He leaned in and kissed her. Olivia was surprised but she relaxed into the kiss and they examined each other's mouths with their tongues, more thoroughly than even the best dental hygienist. They moved to the bedroom, shedding their clothes, yet never breaking the kiss. It was quite a feat, but Olivia had lots of practice with this sort of thing. Elliot pushed her gently onto the bed. He ran his fingers through her hair, course with hair spray, planting little kisses along her neck and collarbone. He massaged her breasts, causing her nipples to pebble, and moved down her body, continuing his ministrations. When he reached her liquid center, he dipped two fingers into her moist folds. Olivia felt him grow hard against her thigh.
"Elliot, please," she gasped.
Looking deep into her chocolate orbs, Elliot thrust his throbbing manhood into her. Several simultaneous orgasms later, they collapsed in an exhausted heap. "I love you, Elliot," Olivia whispered.
"I love you, too, Olivia. I always have. That's why I never talk about my feelings with you. I was always so afraid I would accidentally tell you I love you. It seems to happen all the time."
"It's okay, Elliot. Everyone loves me," Olivia said before drifting off to sleep.
Olivia woke up several hours later. She ran her hand over her bare stomach and drew a sharp breath. Elliot stirred beside her. "What's wrong," he mumbled, his voice thick with sleep.
"Elliot," Olivia said, "I've fallen pregnant."
"And you can't get up?" Elliot quipped.
Olivia's eyes filled with tears, and Elliot had the sudden desire to punch some lockers.
"Am I the father?" he asked instead.
"Elliot, what do you think, I just have a never-ending string of bonk buddies?" Olivia demanded in a self-righteous tone.
Elliot didn't say anything. He suspected anything he said at that point would lead to another episode of unpretty crying. What had talking ever done for him, anyway? When he had tried to talk to Kathy, she always changed the subject to their kids; when he had talked to shrinks, he had almost lost his job; when he talked to Olivia, she berated him. Or cried. Or both. So instead he rolled over and went to sleep.
"Unbelievable!" Olivia exclaimed, borrowing a line from Maureen, whom she hung out with all the time, since she was such a good influence on Elliot's kids. "Why are men so insensitive? If Alex were here--we used to talk incessantly about our feelings, you know. Every time before we had sex, every time after we had sex, every time we fought about sex," Olivia said indignantly. She sighed and looked at the clock. Three a.m. "Well, I'd better get up", she thought. It would take her several hours to wash and style her hair, and she needed to be at the precinct early to save lots of babies, especially since she was now in the family way.
"Alex, what brings you down here?" Cragen asked.
"What? Oh, something about some rape. Anyway, it's really not important," Alex said. "Livvy, I need to talk to you."
As soon as they were in a secluded area, by the coffee maker, Alex started in on her.
"How could you do this to me, Livvy, after all I've been through?" Alex accused.
"Lexi, what are you talking about?" Olivia asked, her eyes filling with tears.
"Everyone knows you slept with Elliot and came down with a baby!" Alex exclaimed.
"Alex, we need a warrant for the Baker house," Cragen interrupted.
"Can't you see I'm busy?" Alex shouted. "And I don't work for you! Who are all these people, anyway, Livvy? It's just supposed to be you and me in our own little world with no jobs or people to bother us. Just you, me, and baby makes three," she concluded, whipping out her knitting needles to complete another set of baby booties.
"Lexi," Olivia said, "You know Elliot has given me what you never could. You could never give me a baby. I'm sorry."
"Livvy, I've been through three rounds of artificial insemination to try to give you a baby. Do you think there's something wrong with me?"
"Yes," Olivia wanted to scream. Why are you so obsessed with babies? But her own growing bulge had served to exacerbate her own chemical imbalance and she, too, was thinking constantly of babies. She had already hung half a dozen mobiles from the squad room ceiling. "Babies need cognitive stimulation," she had explained to Cragen, who had only shrugged and gone into his office, chewing the proverbial Twizzler.
"Lexi, don't worry," Olivia reassured Alex. "I'm sure I'm carrying triplets. One will miscarry, but that still leaves two, so I'll give you one."
"Really!" Alex exclaimed. "When are you due?"
"Well, not for four months, but there will undoubtedly be lots of dramatic complications, so you should anticipate an arrival date of two or three months."
"Great, I'll mark my calendar," Alex replied.
Olivia and Elliot were outside an apartment on the Upper East Side, preparing to arrest a perp. Elliot knocked on the door. "NYPD, open up!" He called.
When nobody opened the door, Olivia kicked it in. Elliot leaned in to kiss her. "It's so sexy when you kick in doors," he husked in her hear. "God, you're wet," he continued, as the perp conveniently sat still and waited for them to finish. "Shit! Elliot, my water just broke," Olivia exclaimed.
"Huh," Elliot said. "It's okay, I have four kids, I know what to do. You're not a parent, so you can't understand," he added. "Oh, wait…."
Elliot handcuffed the perp, then called Munch and Fin to come get him, because they always did the hard work, while the exciting stuff was taking place elsewhere. "That's just cold," Fin muttered as he hung up with Elliot. He could hear Olivia in the background shrieking, "Someone call a bus!"
…...
At the hospital, the doctor looked grave. "We're going to have to do an emergency C-section," he said. "You really shouldn't be kicking down doors when you're eight months pregnant."
"But what about the children?" Olivia wailed. "Who else but me could possibly help them? Do you know what it's like to be the product of rape? To have to clean up your mother's vomit every time she drinks herself into oblivion? To do all the…" Olivia trailed off as the doctor anesthetized her, and Elliot gave a silent sigh of relief.
An hour later, two healthy babies lay side by side in an incubator beside Olivia's bed. Olivia, Alex, and Elliot gazed upon them tenderly. The little boy looked just like Elliot, with bright blue eyes and brown hair. The little girl also had blue eyes, because all babies do, but they would undoubtedly turn brown so that she could look exactly like her mother. "Hello, little Hannah Annabelle Serena Stabler," Olivia crooned to the little girl. Alex picked up the little boy. "I'm going to call you Oliver Elliot Fin Trevor Cabot," Alex declared, feeling a twinge of regret that she wouldn't be able to breastfeed him.
Suddenly Olivia felt a little panicked. What if Hannah Annabelle Serena wasn't the right baby, but Oliver Elliot Fin Trevor was? She jumped out of bed, despite the fact that she had given birth only hours ago. She had amazing healing powers, like Fin.
"Give me that baby," she said menacingly to Alex, and took a step forward.
"But Livvy, you promised!" wailed Alex. "I want a baby. Don't I deserve a baby?"
Olivia ignored the outburst. "Give me that baby," she said again. Elliot looked on, bemused. All of a sudden, Casey came crashing through the door. "Alex, hand the baby to Detective Benson right now," she said, trying to sound authoritative.
"This is none of your business, Casey," Alex replied, her voice pure venom. "You're lucky I don't knock your teeth down your throat."
"It is too my business," Casey argued. "Olivia and I are BFFs now. She was the only one who came to see me in the hospital when I got the crap beat out of me, so I owe her. Now give her that baby."
Elliot ventured to speak up. "Maybe we should let her keep the baby. Isn't one enough? After all, I've already got four kids."
Olivia huffed. Typical Elliot. Making it all about him. He was always treating her like shit. But she, on the other hand, was virtuous, kind, and forgiving. Unpretty tears welled in her eyes. "Fine, Alex. You keep the baby. Just…take good care of him. Like I would. Even though no one could take better care of a baby than me. I'm a momma-bear. And Elliot's papa. We make people feel safe. Except when Elliot's violating people's rights."
"Hey, when they're being violated by me, they'll know it," Elliot said.
Just then Trevor walked into the room. He saw the tears in Alex's eyes, and rushed to give her a hug. "Come on, sis, I'll take you home," he said soothingly. Alex left, her tears subsiding as she cooed to her little bundle of over-named joy.
"So," Olivia said, cradling Hannah Annabelle Serena, now six weeks old. "It's about time we started thinking about having her baptized, don't you think?"
"Um, uh," Elliot sputtered. "I didn't realize you were…religious."
"I'll have you know I'm Catholic. I know I never mentioned it all these years we've been working together, but that's because we never talk about our personal lives. Casey will be the godmother, of course," Olivia gushed. "Since we're best friends. Oh, you should see the clothes she bought us for Hannah Annabelle Serena. They're so cute; I can't wait for Halloween, so she can wear them."
"What about the godfather?" Elliot asked.
"Hmm, well, maybe we should ask Cragen, since he's like a father to me. It won't matter that neither of them is Catholic, will it? Priests don't care about that sort of thing anymore."
Elliot didn't answer. He was busy thinking about eating his gun. Or killing perps. Not suspects, mind you, but perps. He considered calling Dr. Hendricks, but thought better of it. Talking to shrinks always got him into heaps of trouble. An image of Kathy floated through his mind. Granted, they had no chemistry whatsoever, but still, twenty years and four children was nothing to sneeze at. "How do you walk away after twenty years," he accidentally said aloud.
"Elliot!" Olivia exclaimed. "You're not still thinking about Kathy? She left you, get over it. How can you do this to me?" She started to cry again, which set little Hannah Annabelle Serena awailing. Olivia tried to rock her, but she was shuttering from her sobs.
"Give her to me," Elliot commanded. "I've raised four kids."
………...
Meanwhile, Alex, looking for some time away, had returned to Cabot Manor with little Oliver Elliot Fin Trevor, enjoying every minute of the spit-up, sleepless nights, and difficulty latching on. She was a natural with babies, which anyone who had ever seen her with a child before would have known. And because she so loved her little baby, and didn't care that much about her job, she decided to become a stay-at-manor mom and watch Gilmore Girls with little Oliver. And teach him how to defend himself from the kids who wanted to beat him up on the playground. She never returned to the city.
………...
Olivia and Elliot returned to work from their parental leave, placing their little baby in the capable hands of Uncles Munchy and Finny. "That's just cold," Fin commented, but nobody heard him, because Olivia and Elliot were duking it out for who could take! it! personally! more. Olivia was winning hands down, which made Elliot really angry. Shortly thereafter, Fin got shot, but no one cared, except there was now nobody to watch the child. But no matter, because by that time little HAS was helping her mommy and daddy solve cases.
Several years later, Olivia single-handedly saved the city, the country, and the world from a deadly outbreak of the avian flu, although the entire Ledger staff had to go to prison to protect her. The Pope, whom Elliot had called directly after digging out his business card, had her canonized immediately. As the bells in St. Peter's Basilica chimed, little Hannah Annabelle Serena piped up, "Listen, Daddy. Teacher says every time a bell rings an angel gets her halo."
"That's right darling," Elliot said, "And today that angel is your mommy." And just at that moment, a strong wind came up, catching under Olivia's hair wings. She floated away into the sky, toward heaven, where she would take her rightful place between Jesus, Mother Theresa, and Jackson the reporter.
THE END