Give Me Love
She watched from the side as the party to celebrate her arrival began to die down in the late hours of the night—or maybe it was early morning. It was hard to tell around here sometimes. The new guild hall was a marvel and she knew it was going to take some time to get used to it, especially after pretending to be someone else for so long. She'd almost forgotten how different everyone was from their Edolas counterparts. All except her family and Natsu, They were who she'd held on to in her times of despair, crying silently in the night all the while pretending all was well, seeing as they thought she was someone else.
Her attention was pulled from her thoughts by the beginnings of a commotion. Here we go again, she thought, always the same old guild hall. She smiled, glad that despite their ages and all the change that had gone on in the last few years some things never changed. She paid full attention, curious to see how this would work out, yet knowing full well what was likely to happen.
The fight escalated from Natsu and Grey flinging insults at each other quickly when a pretty drunk Natsu threw a punch at a likewise pretty drunk Grey.
"Watch it, flame brain!" Grey slurred before throwing a punch backed by ice.
"Hey, no fair! I didn't use magic!"
"Well I'm not fighting to be fair, I'm fighting to kick your butt!" That was when an all-out brawl started between the two; luckily many had gone home for the night or were too tired to get involved in it.
"Will you two cut it out? You're going to ruin the place again." A shrill voice called out. That had been the biggest change. Natsu hadn't taken many jobs where he had to work with anyone besides Happy or herself when she disappeared and he definitely wouldn't have ever gone on one with Grey. But she came along and somehow got the two to work together, and adding Erza to the mix, formed one of the strongest teams in Fairy Tail.
"Lucy's right, you two better stop now." A much scarier female's voice called out; Erza. Lisanna had missed her despite being terrified of her. She'd been devastated to find out that Erza was her enemy in Edolas and she had missed the redhead terribly. Her eyes began to well with tears as an overflow of conflicting emotions began to overtake her. She supposed it was going to be like this for some time while she readjusted to yet another new home.
Erza broke up the fight and everyone began to head out, coming by her to say their goodbyes and express their joy at her return once more. Even Lucy came by to talk to her.
"I know we didn't know each other before this, but I am really glad you're home. Everyone's so happy and somehow it feels more complete around here than it used to."
"Thank you. That means a lot to hear. It'll take a while to get re-adjusted to everyone's personalities." We exchanged a smile and with that everyone was gone and I was heading up to my room, gulping down the last of my drink and setting the cup aside. Mira had disappeared a while ago, putting everything away for the night.
So many emotions finally hit me at once. I had seemed to take everything in stride; getting to return to my real home and real family. But so much had changed with them that it was almost painful to be back. For me, everything had remained the same; all I'd had of them the past years was a series of memories. Their Edolas versions were so different, especially for the new members such as Lucy and Wendy. I felt it then, everything sinking in at once. The shock, the pain, the overwhelming happiness; all a blur of feelings. It was so hard that as soon as it sunk in I started crying, thinking about what I had come to know disappearing for the second time. The first was obviously when I took my trip to Edolas, but the second was returning. I had lost a lot of time and with it my guild mates and siblings had done so much growing up and while I was happy to have them back, I hadn't done that growing with them. They had moved on without me, and I couldn't figure out where that left me, where I would fit in.
Where do I fit in with Natsu? The thought flitted through my head before I had any time to stop it. That thought, in my mildly drunken state, tipped me over the edge and I started sobbing. It was unreasonable, really. We'd grown up so close, and as a child I always thought of me and him growing into a family, but seeing him interact with Lucy I couldn't help think that our relationship was destined to be one similar to what I had with my siblings.
Give me love like her,
'Cause lately I've been waking up alone,
Paint splattered teardrops on my shirt,
Told you I'd let them go,
And that I'll fight my corner,
Maybe tonight I'll call ya,
After my blood turns into alcohol,
No, I just wanna hold ya.
I couldn't help but let the pain flow out through my eyes. It wouldn't stop coming and all I wanted was to disappear again. I saw how he looked at her; he was oblivious but what killed me on the inside was how oblivious she was to it.
Give a little time to me or burn this out,
We'll play hide and seek to turn this around,
All I want is the taste that your lips allow,
I wanted to turn back the clock, go back to that moment when I disappeared and find a way to avoid it. Maybe then I would have grown with them. Maybe then I would fit in better. Maybe then I would know what it feels like to be looked at with all that love.
Give me love like never before,
'Cause lately I've been craving more,
And it's been a while but I still feel the same,
Maybe I should let you go,
You know I'll fight my corner,
And that tonight I'll call ya,
After my blood is drowning in alcohol,
No I just wanna hold ya.
No matter how much time had passed in Edolas, I never felt any different about my Natsu. His Edolas counterpart was nice and all, and he seemed to care a lot for me, but it wasn't the same. He wasn't the same. I could feel my sadness starting to ebb. Maybe, just maybe, I should let it go and find someone who can return my feelings.
You know I'll fight my corner,
And that tonight I'll call ya,
After my blood is drowning in alcohol,
No I just wanna hold ya.
No. I couldn't just give up. I learned a long time ago that sacrificing my happiness for someone else, or even a whole group of people, wasn't fair to myself. I would fight for my place. I wasn't going to hate Lucy; she was nice and a good friend, and I was grateful to her for watching over Natsu for a time. I knew I could be friends with this girl, because in the end it wasn't up to me or to her for Natsu to decide who he wanted; that was his choice. After all, he could always end up with someone else altogether. I finally felt a huge weight fall from me. I'd resolved to keep fighting for my place, but above all else I know I belong with this guild. I know where my place within my family is; where it always has been. I would continue going on missions with them when I could and I would build up my magic strength. I finally felt good enough to lay down and fall asleep.
Give a little time to me or burn this out,
We'll play hide and seek to turn this around,
All I want is the taste that your lips allow,
My, my, my, my, oh give me love,
My, my, my, my, oh give me love..
And I would always remember the look Natsu and Happy gave me in Edolas; how ecstatic they were to have me alive. They knew it might not be really me and yet they still cared a lot and couldn't hold themselves together. Even if we do stay just friends, I know it will forever be a true one full of care and trust. Being there for Natsu, seeing him happy, that means more than anything to me. I won't give up until he makes a decision and then, as long as he's happy, I can be too.